Over the top parents

The parents that I know that were D1 college players or pro-players (baseball) are NOT the ones exhibiting the behavior you describe. After watching 15 years of youth baseball I will say that while parents that have have their own success may be very focused - they do not seem to be the maniacs in the crowd.

quote:

Originally posted by d8:
rodeo

Cool!!

Tell us more.

Concur with both of you.

I have seen it go both ways.

Some 'over-the-top' parents drive their kids away from the game (eventually) while some seem to have helped to create a swagger in their son that ultimately pays off.

One thing I DO SEE that is common amongst parents of very successful baseball players (as well as the players themselves). Talking about college/pro players. The common thread I see is that as they look back they advise nearly everyone following them to make sure and enjoy every moment, stop and smell the roses and keep it fun as long as you can. I know I sure feel that way as does my older son...and I think it has helped make our younger son's journey a bit more enjoyable for him and us.

I'M NOT OVER THE TOP, YOU'RE OVER THE TOP!!!

YesReally, is right. Most player of parent who act this way will not make it in baseball or any sport. They burn the kid out early on. Most player who make it past HS, have parents who know their place and can handle the ups and downs of the game.

Luckily for my son, against all odds, he is one who made it to the next level even though his Dad was an AZZZZZ at times

Highly agreed YesReally but there are always exceptions to the rule.

The parents I enjoy studying are the ones watching their second child play after the older one is playing D1 or pro-ball. Now they are getting a second bite of the apple after having a child succeed the first time. My experience is that those parents are VERY quiet but for appropriate cheering. I'd love to hear from some of them What are you doing the same way - what are you doing differently?

Abi
My five year old has started riding this year. Here she is cheezing with her first buckle from this week end.

Ha, that's great, dB. Looks like a natural.

quote:

Originally posted by YesReally:
The parents I enjoy studying are the ones watching their second child play after the older one is playing D1 or pro-ball. Now they are getting a second bite of the apple after having a child succeed the first time. My experience is that those parents are VERY quiet but for appropriate cheering. I'd love to hear from some of them What are you doing the same way - what are you doing differently?

Great thought and justBB could offer a good perspective with his 2 sons. I would wonder if there is more pressure on the parents of the second son wondering the their "direction". I can imagine there are many nights you sit in bed and wonder about the new path and what might change.

rz1 - I would say we felt less pressure. Considerably less anxiety. Not totally sure why...just a realization that the 'fun' part of it is the most important I guess?

quote:

Originally posted by justbaseball:
rz1 - I would say we felt less pressure. Considerably less anxiety. Not totally sure why...just a realization that the 'fun' part of it is the most important I guess?

Maybe it's because my kids participated in different sports but I felt more pressure with the girls because I always felt they looked at their older brother and his success and hoped they could achieve the same level of "excitement" in their lives. That is where I thought as a parent it was my responsibility to provide enough opportunity and similar level of "parental push" . Even though my twin daughters have water skied at international levels, I've found out over the years that the most important aspect for them besides not sinking, was to make sure the dressers are full of swimsuits and that they look good in them .

Moral of the story.......every kid is different.

I have seen the kids of bad parents do well.

The performance of the parents behind the fence, has nothing to do with the performance of the kid on the field.

quote:

Originally posted by SultanofSwat:
I have seen the kids of bad parents do well.

The performance of the parents behind the fence, has nothing to do with the performance of the kid on the field.

I'm sure there are many many situations where that holds true. However, I think most times there is a direct relationship to obnoxious parents and kids who do not live up to everyone's expectations.

I have known jbb for quite sometime, back to the days our sons (both same HS grad year) were being recruited and IMO this time around I never heard a word except when son committed. He was a cool cucumber for sure.

I would imagine that second time around, one basically knows and has a better understanding of where the second one fits in (especially after watching the first go through it).

I get a kick out of the fact that both boys ended up in same conference.

You all can learn a lot by reading and taking advice from jbb.

sportsfan5,

At least you admit it, most won't.

I think in some way we have all been "over the top" in our own way. I think it's also a matter of respecting your player, most kids don't really like the show their parents put on at games.

quote:

The performance of the parents behind the fence, has nothing to do with the performance of the kid on the field.

I agree in theory. But in practice there are definitely exceptions. An over the top parent's behavior can certainly affect a player's performance during a given game. And in the long run, can affect the player's desire to continue.

Several of those posting in this thread, I happen to know.

Having seen their sons at a younger age and also seeing the results... I would say there is no book to learn from. All these kids must have had the right parent! Yet, none of the parents is the same as another.

It just dawned on me. I might actually know more parents on here than anyone. I consider myself a good scout when it comes to evaluating parents. Now if only I were better at evaluating their kids.

I think everyone knows by now, that this is a very good group of parents who contribute here. Though, I do wish some of the old timers would return.

BTW, I think the second one is easier. The first one being the lesson.

Sportsfan,

I truly believe you are a big reason for your son's success. Sometimes even the mistakes turn out for the good. Your son has some traits that could only be molded at home. Now it is all up to him!

quote:

Originally posted by PGStaff:
It just dawned on me. I might actually know more parents on here than anyone. I consider myself a good scout when it comes to evaluating parents. Now if only I were better at evaluating their kids.

PG, I'll bet that if you have not already you are very close to being able to say you've evaluated generations of families. That my friend IMO is when you know you have made an impact on your profession.

I don't think you can there is an certain "criteria" in which a parent would go overboard. We have some high profile players where the parents were overbearing when their son's were younger but not nearly as bad when they got into HS. They actually leave us alone but maybe the HS coach is not so lucky.

There was a dad who on my daughter's softball team who made me sick. His daughter was our best player. He would tell her such horrible things as "You are terrible", You are embarrassing me" and the worst was "I don't even know why we had you and you *** is going to walk home if you don't do better" Needless to say, I couldn't control myself and ask he not talk that way to her in front of her teammates. That didn't go over very well. He told me he is trying to get his daughter to the "next level". He then asked me what do I know about coaching. I bit my tongue. I must state this is for 8 under girls rec softball!

Now, we are coaching against him and the girls on his team are not happy campers. We are 1-5 and our parents are excited about our girls improving so much. They parents have expressed to us that their daughters love coming to practice and games....and we are 1-5.

As parent myself, I follow my own rules I have the parents in my program. I am very careful of how I "coach" my daughter. BTW...she made her pitching debut this past Saturday.

Over the years it's become apparent to me that it doesn't matter if parents are former college/professional athletes or mom's and dad's that have never played a sport, they're still just as high strung as the rest. They all have the same thing in common, they want their children to succeed, and can sometimes go over the top. However, I do recognize that those that have gone through it with prior children tend to be much more calm and realize the importance of having fun...JMO.

quote:

but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Indeed there are:

Roger ejected from LL game

quote:

Originally posted by PGStaff:
Sportsfan,

I truly believe you are a big reason for your son's success. Sometimes even the mistakes turn out for the good. Your son has some traits that could only be molded at home. Now it is all up to him!

Thanks Jerry, I'm just glad he and I can now laugh about some of the **** I said and did when he was younger. It's a good thing we all mellow as we get older.

It's funny how differently you look at things as you go through them the 2nd or 3rd time. I am now going through HS softball with my daughter and it's a lot easier to sit back and just take notes of the things that need to still be worked on the next day at practice rather than throwing a fit during a game as they happen. The first time through, everything seems so important. Everything has to be perfect. Having gone through it a couple times now, I've learned it simply doesn't always work out perfect and it's not always that important. Just relax, work hard, encourage more than you criticise, help when you can, stay out of the way when you should and what ever is meant to happen, usually does.

My son has played on teams with several kids of former successful NBA and NFL athletes. Of those parents, I have seen about the same ratio of over-the-top parent to calm/reasonable parent.

Rob,

I agree!

I could tell some amazing stories that involve some well known names. I just don't have the guts to do it.

quote:

Roger ejected from LL game

'ROID Rage.... and now we know the rest of the story.

You are absolutely right, sometimes youth sports can bring out the worst in parents. Lord knows I've seen my share of the curb. In restrospect, I was rarely right.

GED10DaD

GED,

You stole my thunder. Thankfully, Barry Bonds didn't spit seeds at the umpire or it would be used as an example of roid rage at his trial.

It's good to know our legal system has their priorities in place.

I don't buy for one minute that just because parents played sports, they're not gonna be over-the-top. Parents are parents regardless.

It's easy as a parent to give advise or sit back when it's somebody else who's kid is getting screwed, the short end of the stick or whatever. When it's your oewn kid, it's a whole different ball game.

The Roidger Clemens situation a good example of that.

We have a 27yo and a 17yo, both have played baseball. I know I am MUCH quieter, and much friendlier to the Umpires this time around. So many of the good Umpires recognize me from 8 years earlier and I'm surprised that they would remember me. Makes me wonder what I did that left such an impression! That's scary! But they seem very friendly, kid around with the little guy, and inquire about the older son. I almost feel like they treat the younger son better because they knew the older one, it seems like he gets more calls when he's pitching or hitting. Maybe it's just my imagination...
I've had different people accuse me of being serene at the younger son's games. I'm pretty sure I wasn't accused of THAT at the older one's games, especially not before his JR year in High School!
Contrary to what the second group of parents I'm with think, the umps today do a great job! I'm surprised at how much better they are than the ones we had 10 years ago!
I agree with the others that have said it's much more relaxed the 2nd time around, you know a little more of what to expect. You now have a reference point to draw from and it does make it quite a bit easier.

It took me 5 kids to get relaxed.

quote:

Originally posted by SultanofSwat:
It took me 5 kids to get relaxed.

You must be blessed with a great supply of Testosterone!

.

Clemen's wasn't ejected for spitting seeds on the ump. It was the type of seed that got the Rocket in trouble. He spit BBQ when the ump prefers Cool Ranch.




.

This has been fun to read! I know that my husband and I have been a little (ahem) over the top at times. I have a 20 yr old and a 17 yr old and I also think we're a little better this time around.

I also know a dad and son from another school...the son is a very good ball player, a catcher, who has verbally committed to an SEC school. Word on the street is that the dad does not want him catching for the high school team so the coach is only going to play him at shortstop. I was just kind of surprised by this.

I got quite a laugh reading another thread about how many parents congratulate themselves on moving away from THOSE parents; I recall that parents were told to move to left or right field because they couldn't behave. I remember mostly because they would come and keep me company .

Seriously, part of it, I am sure, is simply that you want your kid to do the best (s)he can do (you want him or her to be the player that you see with a parent's eyes).

I think seeing a couple of moms mix it up at a 13U tourney about which little ballplayer was destined for greatness gave me pause (incidentally, has anyone else noticed that the coach's son often ends up a second baseman on sub 14u teams?). Right there in the parking lot of the hotel the team was staying at; before or since, I haven't seen anything quite like it. The funniest (saddest) part was one of the dads actually had a stats program on his PDA (remember those?) and he was extrapolating career stats. Sheeesh.

Anyway, as time went on, I became one of the old guard in our area. I don't presume to tell anyone how they can or can't cheer, but I recognize (yes, both ways) good plays and cheer them, don't cheer when a team makes an error and basically, if I can't say something nice, I keep a lid on it. Until recently (youngest just finished this year), I would even BS with the umps between innings (that is, if they were amenable).

I consider myself fortunate that my oldest son still loves the game as much as he does; he tells me he still gets a kick out of putting the uniform on every day. As a junior in college; he has been playing just about every spring, summer and fall for 15 years. More recently, he has gotten some attention that may carry him over to doing this as a job, but the hard fact is that a lot has to go right for him to move on. Still he wants to take his shot. And he loves it; which makes me glad he could look past my sometimes ill considered behavior and see, instead, the beauty of the game. Like I said, I consider myself very fortunate.

So PG, since you know many of us what's the deal, are we over the top?

Takes one to know one!

I have a D1 baseball player and a daughter playing softball in high school. What do I notice different about my behavior? I am a lot less tolerant of obnoxious parents...and a lot braver!

With my son I walked away and sat on the hill. With my daughter, I've spoken up a few times. Just a light comment here or there to say "take it easy on her...she's doing ok" or "That's ok, we'll get a call on our side when it matters". Most know we have a college athlete and sometimes I feel other parents are watching us to gauge proper fan etiquette, especially Freshman parents. I also notice that I am alot less anxious when my kid is up to bat or about to be involved in a play. I think now that if they blunder, it will only help them become a better player with a mental toughness that you can't get from being perfect first and every time out. It's the struggles that my son went through as a Sophomore that made him be able to handle being put on the mound to get us out of a bases loaded no outs jam as a Senior. My heart no longer aches for my child when she makes an error or strikes out.

Another big difference is what we are willing to do to help our daughter succeed in softball. Our son only played travel ball for one season and not until he was 15 and we realized he needed some extra experience to make the high school team. We foolishly thought his being a star on the rec team would be enough. Once our daughter showed interest and some skill, we started her on a travel team by the time she was 12. We still limit travel to a local team and set a very low budget so don't invest as much as most but it's better than the nothing we did for our son. Funny thing is, even though we are prepared to do travel and someday showcase (we missed the boat on that one with or son too) she doesn't seem to be interested! She's a Freshman and has made Varsity but for right now is content with just playing high school ball. So we've dropped travel ball and she's setting her sights on majoring in "Electrophoresis" Science in college(she explained it to me but I still don't understand). We are ready though if she starts showing interest.

I sent my oldest son off to war in 2005 & 2008, the baseball with 2012 son is a piece of cake compared to that

Seriously, it is very relative...Many people would think that a typical summer and fall travel ball schedule is "over the top".

It takes a strong desire and drive to find success at each subsequent level of this game, and to thrive it takes what some would (may) consider an "over the top effort".

I am not excusing being obnoxious or rude or loud, that is never called for ( ), but the commitment and much of the money we spent would be considered by many to be "over the top".

quote:

Originally posted by GWTW62:
I sent my oldest son off to war in 2005 & 2008, the baseball with 2012 son is a piece of cake compared to that

Well stated! hen i hear about pressure on the mound, I think of kids the same age facing true pressure like your son! Thank you for his service!