When the cadaver actually throws a Knuckleball.
The Knuckle comes with it.
EH
.
Dan,
I'm serious.... you need more sleep.
PB
.
Dan,
I'm serious.... you need more sleep.
PB
.
Actually I've been on vacation all week.
To much time on my hands.
I go back to work tonight.
I'm sure I'll be DEAD tired tommorrow.
EH
To much time on my hands.
I go back to work tonight.
I'm sure I'll be DEAD tired tommorrow.
EH
quote:Originally posted by CPLZ:
A cadavers best pitch...
A sinker that falls off the table
I think a conscientious cadaver always needs to be mindful of what they throw lest they find themselves buried on the bench.
It is difficult to find a cadaver pitcher with much life on his fastball. The pitch tends to die as it reaches the plate...
The split finger works well but the time spent between pitches stitching their hand back together tends to slow the game.
The split finger works well but the time spent between pitches stitching their hand back together tends to slow the game.
Keep them coming, I have not laughed this hard in a long time !!!
A dead ball is a cadavers best pitch. 
Has that been covered already?
Has that been covered already?
Surprisingly, this topic has taken on a life of its own...
Kadaver Karma...................
Cadavers are COOL!
PG Cadaver Ratings stress the importance of the cadaver pitcher's ability to remain cool and together in tough situations. Composure is a plus while decomposure will lower their rankings...
Must be tough to concentrate on pitching when all those medical students are pokin around in your stuff.
.
Yes, pitching is an act of violence!
.
.
Yes, pitching is an act of violence!
.
.
What's a cadaver favorite play?
Suicide squeeze.
Cadavers favorite players?
Murderers Row.
Suicide squeeze.
Cadavers favorite players?
Murderers Row.
Maybe the some of cadavers can lend a hand to the needy MiLBers.
Lending Minor Leaguers A Helping Hand
Lending Minor Leaguers A Helping Hand
While it is desirable for a pitcher to get a lot of ground outs, a cadaver pitcher tends to produce a lot of flies.
A manager must be very careful in handling his cadaver staff. If he leaves a cadaver pitcher out there too long, he might fall apart.
A manager must be very careful in handling his cadaver staff. If he leaves a cadaver pitcher out there too long, he might fall apart.
PGstaff, you really had me bent over! We definitely found a topic that brings out the jokester in you.
I would rate your jokes at 8.5 on the PG scale.
I would rate your jokes at 8.5 on the PG scale.
Put me in the ground coach,
I'm ready to be slayed today.
Look thru me you can see
Centerfield.
EH
I'm ready to be slayed today.
Look thru me you can see
Centerfield.
EH
quote:Originally posted by FormerObserver:
Kadaver Karma...................
This thread is beginning to remind me of the "ghosts" of karmas past...
I am going to start a drive to have gotwood4sale, JT, and observer44's memberships discontinued for not participating actively in this thread. They have been "dead" silent and I cannot for the "life" of me understand why?
PS - Nice song EH btw
"Holy Cadaver, Batman"
Are cadaver pitchers "cool" under pressure. I've heard they have a cold heart and nothing fazes them.
On a hot summer day that cadaver throws a mean stinker, I mean sinker
Wow...after reading this (and I apologize being late to the wake)...I had to go pour myself a good stiff drink!
Let me guess JT...
Rigor Mortis
1.5 oz. Vodka
0.75 oz. Amaretto
1 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Orange Juice
Shake with ice and strain into an Old Fashioned glass
Rigor Mortis
1.5 oz. Vodka
0.75 oz. Amaretto
1 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Orange Juice
Shake with ice and strain into an Old Fashioned glass
Nope...
...more like a "Grim Reaper"
1 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 dash grenadine syrup
Mix kahlua and 151 proof rum in an old-fashioned glass. Quickly add ice and pour grenadine over the top to give an ice red tint.
...more like a "Grim Reaper"
1 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 dash grenadine syrup
Mix kahlua and 151 proof rum in an old-fashioned glass. Quickly add ice and pour grenadine over the top to give an ice red tint.
Cadavers do save on the food bill! But you still will need a very large refrigerator!
Hey lets not forget about hitters. Or is that another thread?
No hijack intended.
sizzlepop- Is that pic from the Body Works exposition?
FWIW- If it comes to your town. A must GO. It is a great exhibit if you are in to how the body works.
sizzlepop- Is that pic from the Body Works exposition?
FWIW- If it comes to your town. A must GO. It is a great exhibit if you are in to how the body works.
Yes it is, and I agree Body Worlds is truly awesome!
it's... to die for.
it's... to die for.
You know what was discovered in the cadaver's shower area in the locker room...
...Head and Shoulders!
...Head and Shoulders!
.
.
Yes, CD, I have been watching and I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the thread concerning the Cadaver who pitches. Many of my best friends are cadavers and only a few of them are pitchers. Yours faithfully, The 44th Karma Lama (retired)
PS... Despite rumors to the contrary, none of my cadaver friends ever pitched from 1900-1919 (The "Dead Ball" era).
PS: Sorry for the below but someone had to do this......
--
The Cadaver Sketch
--
George Steinbrenner carrying a cadaver in a Yankee Uniform, bursts into Scott Boras office, muscle past the receptionist and drops the cadaver onto Boras desk….
Steinbrenner: I wish to register a complaint.
Boras: I’m just leavin' for lunch.
Steinbrenner: Never mind that. I wish to complain about this Dominican pitcher that signed for 100 million not half an hour ago from your agency.
Boras: Oh yes, the, uh, the Dominican?...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
Steinbrenner: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, Scott. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him!
Boras: No, no, He’s uh,...he's resting.
Steinbrenner: Look, man, I know a dead pitcher when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Boras: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable pitcher, the Dominican isn’t he? Got ‘The Look!” Great athletic body, eh?
Steinbrenner : The body don't enter into it. He’s stone dead. A Cadaver
Boras: Nononono, no, no! He's resting!
Steinbrenner : All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!(shouting at the pitcher) Hello, Mister Pitcher! I've got a lovely new two hundred million dollar contract for you if you wake up...(Steinbrenner Kicks the desk )
Boras: There, he moved!
Steinbrenner : No, he didn't, that was you hitting the table!
Boras: I never!!
Steinbrenner : Yes, you did!
Boras: I never, never did anything...
Steinbrenner : (yelling and kicking the desk repeatedly) HELLO PITCHER!!!!!Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your call to the bullpen. (Lifts the pitchers head drops it on desk. Pushes the pitcher off the desk watches the cadaver plummet to the floor.)
Steinbrenner : Now that's what I call a dead pitcher.
Boras: No, no.....No, he's stunned!
Steinbrenner : STUNNED?!?
Boras: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Domincans stun easily.
Steinbrenner : Um...now look...now look, jerk, I've definitely had enough of this. That pitcher is definitely deceased, and when I signed him not half an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to his being tired following a prolonged road trip.
Boras: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the palms.
Steinbrenner : PININ' for the PALMSS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him to Yankee stadium?
Boras: The DOMINICANS prefer resting! Remarkable athlete, isn’t he? Great athletic body! Got “the Look!”
Steinbrenner: Look, I took the liberty of examining this Pitcher when I got him to the park, and I discovered the only reason that he had an arm in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Boras: Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that arm down, he would have ripped his body apart with his velocity, and VOOM!
Steinbrenner: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this pitcher wouldn't "voom" if you threw four HUNDRED million dollars at him! He’s bleeding demised!
Boras: No no! He’s pining!
Steinbrenner: He's not pining'! He’s passed on! This pitcher is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, He rests in peace!! His metabolic processes are now History! He’s off the twig!
He’'s kicked the bucket, He’s shuffled off his mortal coil, he’s run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PITCHER!!
(pause)
Boras: Well, I'd better replace him, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
Boras: Sorry George, I've had a look around the back of the agency and uh, we're right out of pitchers
Steinbrenner : I see. I see, I get the picture.
Boras: I got a slug.
(pause)
Steinbrenner: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it throw 99?
Boras: Nnnnot really.
Steinbrenner: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Boras: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, GEORGE, YOU KNOW!!!
Steinbrenner: I beg your pardon...?
Boras: I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
Steinbrenner: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Boras: All right ... I confess it’s a cadaver ... I hate being an agent... I have this terrible uncontrollable fear whenever I think about negotiations. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of sales. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become an agent. So I spent five ghastly years dealing with morons like you. Can you imagine what it's like selling cadavers? I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . . (he is gradually straightening up with a visionary gleam in his eyes) The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. (he tears off his barber's jacket, to reveal tartan shirt and lumberjack trousers underneath; as he speaks the lights dim behind him and a choir of Mounties is heard, faintly in the distance) The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! (moves to stand infront of back-drop of Canadian mountains and forests) With my best girlie by my side ... (a frail adoring blonde, the heroine of many a mountains film, or perhaps the rebel maid, rushes to his side and looks adoringly into his eyes) We'd sing ... sing ... sing....
Steinbrenner: Wait! Wait! Hold on a minute! I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly! The good people of the HSBBW are FAR too smart to fall for the Lumberjack song again.
Boras: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
44
.
quote:Originally posted by ClevelandDad:quote:Originally posted by FormerObserver:
Kadaver Karma...................
This thread is beginning to remind me of the "ghosts" of karmas past...
I am going to start a drive to have gotwood4sale, JT, and observer44's memberships discontinued for not participating actively in this thread. They have been "dead" silent and I cannot for the "life" of me understand why?
.
Yes, CD, I have been watching and I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the thread concerning the Cadaver who pitches. Many of my best friends are cadavers and only a few of them are pitchers. Yours faithfully, The 44th Karma Lama (retired)
PS... Despite rumors to the contrary, none of my cadaver friends ever pitched from 1900-1919 (The "Dead Ball" era).
PS: Sorry for the below but someone had to do this......
--
The Cadaver Sketch
--
George Steinbrenner carrying a cadaver in a Yankee Uniform, bursts into Scott Boras office, muscle past the receptionist and drops the cadaver onto Boras desk….
Steinbrenner: I wish to register a complaint.
Boras: I’m just leavin' for lunch.
Steinbrenner: Never mind that. I wish to complain about this Dominican pitcher that signed for 100 million not half an hour ago from your agency.
Boras: Oh yes, the, uh, the Dominican?...What's,uh...What's wrong with him?
Steinbrenner: I'll tell you what's wrong with him, Scott. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him!
Boras: No, no, He’s uh,...he's resting.
Steinbrenner: Look, man, I know a dead pitcher when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Boras: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable pitcher, the Dominican isn’t he? Got ‘The Look!” Great athletic body, eh?
Steinbrenner : The body don't enter into it. He’s stone dead. A Cadaver
Boras: Nononono, no, no! He's resting!
Steinbrenner : All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!(shouting at the pitcher) Hello, Mister Pitcher! I've got a lovely new two hundred million dollar contract for you if you wake up...(Steinbrenner Kicks the desk )
Boras: There, he moved!
Steinbrenner : No, he didn't, that was you hitting the table!
Boras: I never!!
Steinbrenner : Yes, you did!
Boras: I never, never did anything...
Steinbrenner : (yelling and kicking the desk repeatedly) HELLO PITCHER!!!!!Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your call to the bullpen. (Lifts the pitchers head drops it on desk. Pushes the pitcher off the desk watches the cadaver plummet to the floor.)
Steinbrenner : Now that's what I call a dead pitcher.
Boras: No, no.....No, he's stunned!
Steinbrenner : STUNNED?!?
Boras: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Domincans stun easily.
Steinbrenner : Um...now look...now look, jerk, I've definitely had enough of this. That pitcher is definitely deceased, and when I signed him not half an hour ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to his being tired following a prolonged road trip.
Boras: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the palms.
Steinbrenner : PININ' for the PALMSS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him to Yankee stadium?
Boras: The DOMINICANS prefer resting! Remarkable athlete, isn’t he? Great athletic body! Got “the Look!”
Steinbrenner: Look, I took the liberty of examining this Pitcher when I got him to the park, and I discovered the only reason that he had an arm in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Boras: Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that arm down, he would have ripped his body apart with his velocity, and VOOM!
Steinbrenner: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this pitcher wouldn't "voom" if you threw four HUNDRED million dollars at him! He’s bleeding demised!
Boras: No no! He’s pining!
Steinbrenner: He's not pining'! He’s passed on! This pitcher is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, He rests in peace!! His metabolic processes are now History! He’s off the twig!
He’'s kicked the bucket, He’s shuffled off his mortal coil, he’s run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PITCHER!!
(pause)
Boras: Well, I'd better replace him, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
Boras: Sorry George, I've had a look around the back of the agency and uh, we're right out of pitchers
Steinbrenner : I see. I see, I get the picture.
Boras: I got a slug.
(pause)
Steinbrenner: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it throw 99?
Boras: Nnnnot really.
Steinbrenner: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Boras: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, GEORGE, YOU KNOW!!!
Steinbrenner: I beg your pardon...?
Boras: I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
Steinbrenner: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Boras: All right ... I confess it’s a cadaver ... I hate being an agent... I have this terrible uncontrollable fear whenever I think about negotiations. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of sales. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become an agent. So I spent five ghastly years dealing with morons like you. Can you imagine what it's like selling cadavers? I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . . (he is gradually straightening up with a visionary gleam in his eyes) The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. (he tears off his barber's jacket, to reveal tartan shirt and lumberjack trousers underneath; as he speaks the lights dim behind him and a choir of Mounties is heard, faintly in the distance) The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! (moves to stand infront of back-drop of Canadian mountains and forests) With my best girlie by my side ... (a frail adoring blonde, the heroine of many a mountains film, or perhaps the rebel maid, rushes to his side and looks adoringly into his eyes) We'd sing ... sing ... sing....
Steinbrenner: Wait! Wait! Hold on a minute! I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly! The good people of the HSBBW are FAR too smart to fall for the Lumberjack song again.
Boras: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
44.
quote:Great athletic body, eh?
Thank You?
I'm glad some Body noticed.
I have been working out.
EH
I'd like to see this cadaver in a tough spot to see if he has any guts.
O44, 
Ah, that Boras...he'll always come back to taunt us again.....
Ah, that Boras...he'll always come back to taunt us again.....
.
O...
Thanks, The sketch had to have Steinbrenner...though I serioulsy considered a Zito angle...but being a Giants/A's fan, well, hit WAY too close to home...
44
.
O...
Thanks, The sketch had to have Steinbrenner...though I serioulsy considered a Zito angle...but being a Giants/A's fan, well, hit WAY too close to home...
44.