Player Speaking To Coach

+1

First if this is one game I have no idea why it would be time for anyone to speak to the coach.  Second maybe the answer wouldn't e nonsensical if you got it first hand.  And finally folks this is just a choice there is no right or wrong.  Once again I feel like this is a case of taking the 'high road' and doing it the 'right way'  and somehow if a parent wants to directly talk to a.coach they are some shadey loathsome character.  If we are so bent on saying this is the 'right way' to handle things how about someone start producing some hard evidence?  And regaling us with stories is not evidence.  Until then it is just an opinion.  Here is the beauty of parenting.   You get to choose how you do it!  With apologies to the OP, this frustration is not directed specifically at you.  Just kind of a straw that breaks the camel's back.  So tired of the attitude that making your son 'man up' and 'handle his own affairs' (especially when he is probably not at an age to do it - in my OPINION) makes for such great parenting.

Respectfully, jolietboy I have to disagree.  I think there is a right and a wrong way to handle things when it comes to a coach sitting a kid and it should be them that talk to the coach and not the parent.  Unless this is a health and safety issue it is the kids team, the kids coach, and the kid that feels they are being treated unfairly and so it is the KID's responsibility to figure out why this has happened. I can offer advice on how to phrase it so it is a question and not a complaint but I will not talk to my son's coach about sitting/batting order...etc.

 

While I don't have any reports on hand we have all heard that kids in sports are more likely to become productive members of society and it is my belief because they learn at a young age that there is a chain of command, and if you aren't happy about something go figure out a way to fix it.  Having mommy or daddy talk to the coach about why their child sat or is in whatever position in the batting order only enables the child to b*tch and moan and not actually do anything about their own problem. 

 

 ** But I will agree one game is not a pattern to be addressed**

Also respectfully I still disagree.  That is right for YOU!  and thats great I whole heartedly support your right to parent your child according to your OPINIONS.  I am just a firm believer in freedom of choice.  And let me make it clear for the folks who will think I am 'that dad' (whatever that is supposed to mean).  I am more likely to say nothing and just walk away.  And when it comes to my kid and baseball I have no grounds for complaint anyway.  My son is the number 1 or 2 pitcher depending on the day and hits cleanup.  Same as he did last year.  So I have no reason to complain about playing time.  I am much more taking up the cause for those who would like to approach a coach.  Its not that big of a deal for gods sake!  Again someone show me hard evidence and I will gladly change my mind!  But again no more stories please!  For every story of a kid who 'handled it themself' and grew into a fine young man there is a story of a kid who's parents talked to coaches who grew I p to be a fine young man.  Let's drop the stereotypes please.

At our school's preseason Parent Meeting for Football & Baseball, the HC's make it very clear that they will not discuss playing time, so approaching them about it won't do any good.  (That includes the player & the parent.)  They expect the player to approach them and ask what they can improve on, and how they can get better.

Thanks for all your feedback. I'll try not to regale anymore. 

Regale away!  I had fun

I am with you jb.To me the sports coach should'nt be looked at no different than the speech teacher thats in charge of the debate club or the math teacher that is running the math team.Our kids aren't the only ones representing the school.With that there should be a certain amount of professionizm accepted.In most cases I feel that the student athlete to coach is best approach.But i have also realized over the years that when everyone is communicating things go better.Also talking to a coach can be "Coach you really have things going well" instead of letting them know "you  don't have a clue".

Hope this thread stays on "teachable moment" for a player talking to his coach, as soulslam relayed a good story on his son.

 

I have a recent similar story...MS private school baseball, team is very good, 6/7 good travel players.  Went 14-1-1.  (..to be fair, private school baseball is all over the map for skill level)  Coach isn't a baseball guy, but we probably wouldn't have a team without him.  Kids know more than the coach on running practices, game strategy, etc.  Kids don't respect the coach. Coach lets kids run the team, make lineups, chose their positions, eventually he loses control.  But no big deal, just kids playing ball.  Good, but kids now lazy (they snap back to disciplined when they get to their travel team).

 

And here's the teachable moment for my son.  Two outs, runner on second and third.  Coach calls a bunt three teams, kid fouls off all three and inning over.  My 7th grade son stops the coach at the third base line and asks, not yelling, but rather loudly in front of the parents, "why did you bunt, didn't you know there are two outs?  Anyways, Billy can hit, you should have let him hit."  Coach says oh well, get your glove and go to first base.

 

So son gets a talk from me after the game on respect, and not questioning a coach like that.  Son gets dropped at school early to find the coach and apologize.  And then life goes on.  Hopefully, he learned something from it.

 

So...if a kid is failing English do you let the kid go and talk to the teacher about how maybe he's studying the wrong thing, or how to do better on the tests...you know get some pointers, or do you the parent set up a meeting with the teacher to discuss the grade parent to teacher and leave the child out of it?

I would put the "inmates running the asilym" Right on the shoulders of the parents.You have way more patience than I with waiting to see if your son would seperate himself from the crowd.

       
       
iWell....   I would say thats your choice right?  But lets get real here dont you think the english teacher is just a tad less likely to bully and intimidate your child?l

Well you obviously didn't have Sister Mary Kathrine for English!....lol...no seriously, I just worry about this generation of kids waiting around for other people to solve their problems.  Some people think it's great to micromanage their kids and be SOOOO involved in their lives and well, I just hope they keep the basement couch clear for a LONG time, it will be occupied.

 I have done both. Again each situation is my choice.Not making the grade is more times than not the students fault.I have never waited for the failing grade to just show up.Up to this point a chain of events takes place when stagnation with the    c's  happens.That includes one of mine going to the teacher.Have 1 that i don't worry about.Have another that at times can be a struggle to say the least.Has there been times where I have talked to a teacher in between parent/teacher conferences yes.Do my kids know I accpect them like it or not to get with teacher and figure something out? yes.When it comes to grades, behavior, dances, games, field trips whatever.The only reason those kids are there is to show up do thier job.Everything after is extra at my discretion.Any kid that I have ever known has never been studying the wrong thing.There just not studying.

It is really a question of deference -- How much deference should we give?  IMO you have a responsibility to check the adults (teachers, coaches, etc.) in your kid's life to make sure they are doing their job.  My kid has a math teacher who just isn't doing his job.  He is lazy.  Doesn't grade homework.  Doesn't review homework.  Doesn't really teach the kids.  Is intimidating when kids ask questions.  In preparation for a test, I spend a weekend review all of the homework with my kid.  Come to find out that the answers the teachers are posting online are wrong.  I contact the teacher about it and find out that these "answer" keys have been used for a number of years -- with the wrong stinking answers.  Nobody had called them out on it.  The deck is stacked against the kids.  So in that case, I am not willing to give any deference to this guy.  Instead, we got the kid a tutor who actually teaches him the stuff.  She can't believe what is going on in that class as she has several of his students. 

And in that case it falls under the health and safety aspect I referred to earlier.  I'm not saying let's all let the kids go blindly into the world when they are 14 with no back up, I'm saying let them fight the first round of their own problems, because they are THEIR problems.  Just like it's not MY team, it's HIS team....playing time is HIS problem, not MY problem.  That's all I'm saying. 

Trying to figure out, was this the first game with this coach and has he sat before? You had him go speak to the coach  because he was embarrassed?

If that the case, you just taught your son a poor lesson about life.  Why do we have to feel we or our sons need to speak to a coach everytime our kids feel they got a raw deal?

 

 

So what if he played a sixth grader!

 

Maybe I missing something?

You are missing something. If you think I taught my son a poor lesson, that's your opinion. If I agreed we'd both be wrong though. 

 

 

So please explain exactly the point you were trying to get across.

Your son missed one game and instead of you going to speak to the coach you advised your son to speak with him because a 6th grader got a chace to play and he was embarrassed.

When do we begin to teach our kids humility. What about, thats ok he got a chance to play and you sat, you will have many more chances.  

Or is this more about you thinking the coach made a poor decision in his choice to sit your son?

 

 

I think you judging me and my telling my son anything doesn't need an explanation. 

 

Here's my e-mail - 55coachbc@gmail.com. You can send me an e-mail with your # and we can discuss all you like. 

 

I asked a question....was this the first game?
You also mentioned he may not know much so why is it not ok to post questions?
I have no reason to email you. You can use the dialog feature if you cant answer my questions here.

That's what I thought. 

 

1. Not first game. 

2. Answer made no sense. 

3. I guess he could wait until 2 games, 3 games, I'm sure you have an opinion on that too. 

Why do people get all bent out of shape when they post and then someone asks questions or gives an opinion.
I get tbat you wanted your son to approach tbe coach on his own. Again I get that.
But why do we have to question every move or decision the coach makes?  Why do people continually give us the impression that coaches in general have no clue. Not just tbis post but in every single one.
I am sure you are aware that there will be many times going forward that your son or you will feel slighted because he had to sit.  The last time I checked  baseball is a team sport and in youth baseball everyone should have a chance to play, even if that means the better player has to sit out every once in awhile.
JMO

Excuse the spelling...phones sometimes just have a mind of their own.

Because in life, there are a lot that don't have a clue.  Using the old 80/20 rule, probably only 20% are really top notch.

 

And that is true for bosses too.    So it is a life lesson. 

Probably for the same reason you feel the need to comment multiple times on every topic.  

The OP didn't get bent out of shape when others 'asked questions,' TPM. And I'd bet he didn't get bent because you 'asked a question.'

 

He got pissed (as would anyone) because you asked a question, then didn't just shut up. You followed it up with: "If that the case, you just taught your son a poor lesson about life."

 

What you know about communicating to influence could be put in a thimble.  

You should read back the last sentence jp.  LOL

I asked a question and it wasnt answered, so I asked again.  

Again, people have a real hard time when someone doesnt see it the way they do. 

If you cant take the criticism or answer the questions, why post?  

Not everyone is going to agree with you, I know that more than anyone.

 

So, I guess this post means that everytime our players don't get the time they feel we or they deserve in the game they need to go talk to the coach, they need to question his authority?  No wonder so many kids feel entitled these days. No wonder coaches have such hard times getting kids to realize there is no I in team.  

 

Why not just tell them "that you are sorry they didn't get to play, they get to play most games, and Johnny Smith doesn't really get to play that often, nothing to be embarrassed over, it was great that you were such a good sport about it".  

That doesn't happen much these days, especially when we think that we know much more than coach does.

 

I thought that you posted that you put me on ignore, isn't that what you can do if you don't want to see that persons response?

 

Huh?

As others have said in response to similar situatiins, work on his hitting.  If he can hit he can play.

I'm not bent out of shape at all. You amuse me. Greatly. 

And these type of posts amuse me greatly.

 

 

 

Good comeback. 

Please can you can offer some sage advice to one sad momma above?

 

I would you but you already know everything. 

Don't sweat it too much. My son came into his frosh year behind a lot of talk and rumors that he would be moved up to JV team. Never happened. He started off slow at the plate and began losing playing time. Fortunately he is a solid pitcher and got PT that way. Even as his bat came around he found himself in one game, out the next. We had a hard time understanding it. Thought it was just Frosh baseball and well you know, the freshman coaching. Played HS summer ball on JV. Led every category. In the feedback session after last game, Was told he moved up considerably on the Varsity "depth chart" and was the most "Varsity ready hitter" of the incoming Sophs. Worked his tail off all winter and is on a high profile travel team with good off season conditioning and instruction.  Start of this season's workouts same talk was happening. Several Sophs probably gonna move up To Varsity. Never happened. Hes on the soph team as the Captain. One guy was moved up for catching. He's having a good year and having fun but after being at the Varsity game today I think he feels slighted. You just never know what the coaches are thinking. It's such a short window in time (At least it is in our state) for them to form an opinion or "see something". Just have him keep working hard and showing he wants to be there. It's one season and a lot can happen over the months.