Will, to make a "too long" story even longer....
I thought he principal was going to support me, but after the parents haranguing him repeatedly over the next few days by email and in phone calls, I was told:
1. Change your policy so that going on a school sponsored trip is considered an EXCUSED absence.
2. Change your policy that "if you miss one, you sit two", and make it a "if you miss one, you sit one"
I resisted and had another long meeting with the AD and principal where I told them that I felt that making a school sponsored trip an EXCUSED absence would open a Pandora's box of problems. The Principal said I was still free to bench the kid after he got back, but that I still had to consider the trip an EXCUSED absence. I asked how a parent or player would take it when they were told their absence was EXCUSED, but I could still bench the player. Didn't make a bit of sense to me.
As I told the principal, I may not like his rule and I may strongly disagree with it, but he is the boss and he tells me what to do. I either do what he says, or I face the consequences (ironically, not unlike MY rules). I told him I would have to decide whether I could accept this rule change, or whether I could not, and then he would have to take the appropriate action.
We left it at that. Then, two days later, kid still not coming to our Open Gyms, my principal is harangued more by the parents, he sends word through the AD that not only must the kid be allowed to try out, but that I MUST keep him. Direct orders. And that if I do not, I will be fired.
I'll admit it. After several days of, literally, not sleeping; discussions with my wife and with well-respected coaches from the area; and with friends of mine who are school administrators, and much soul searching.......
.....I caved. I wanted to keep the job and felt that, since this had been a pretty good kid in the past, if I kept him he wouldn't be a problem. The school was going to change my rule anyway, whether I was the coach or not, so I wanted to decide just how much I wanted to stay (and keep making $900 per season!)
I made the cuts, spoke to each and every kid individually to tell them where I saw them fitting in, as I do every year. Told that particular kid that his playing time would be limited because there were several players that he was "behind" talent-wise, and that with him missing 5 games and several practices in the second week of the season, other kids would play more than him in the FIRST week of the season. And that when he returned he would have some catching up to do. That if he wasn't playing, he needed to be a good teammate, stay "up" on the bench, and bide his time.
The next day, his mom emailed the school to tell them that that I was perhaps the worst and most evil coach that had ever walked on to a baseball field, and that her son quit because they knew that I was going to treat her son completely unfairly.
Probably the worst couple of weeks of my baseball life dealing with this. And the worst part? I think the KID was fine wtih choosing to go to Spain and not play baseball this year. He would have liked to do both, but he's known my rule since he was a Freshmen and I think he would have dealt with the situation. Mom and Dad could absolutely NOT let it go becauase baseball was their son's "first love" and his "passion"....however, when he was cleared to come out, he spent 3 days thinking about it because he wasn't sure if he wanted to play anymore.
An ugly and hard situation that makes me feel even worse for this young man than ever before. The fact is, I think just about everyone in this situation lost, from me to my players, to the kid, to our Principal to our AD......
My feelings, and just mine ----for the "immense loss" of $ 900 I would have told them flat out that these are "my rules and they do not change" fire me if you wish but I am not caving in nor am I quitting---FIRE ME !!!!!
TCB
Just so you understand where I come from: When my last guy graduated from HS I was offered the HS baseball position by the AD---I told him we are friends and lets keep it that way--if you give me the job it is my way or no way at all and you will be inundated with parents calls and parents at your office door---I turned the offer down and to this day we are still great friends
I am not, nor was I ever that rich that added money would not help to pay bills but the HS coaching pay is not enough for me to put up with the nonsense regarding parents--not for me at least
TCB
Just so you understand where I come from: When my last guy graduated from HS I was offered the HS baseball position by the AD---I told him we are friends and lets keep it that way--if you give me the job it is my way or no way at all and you will be inundated with parents calls and parents at your office door---I turned the offer down and to this day we are still great friends
I am not, nor was I ever that rich that added money would not help to pay bills but the HS coaching pay is not enough for me to put up with the nonsense regarding parents--not for me at least
You weren't forced to play by the bosses rules. You were forced to play by the rules the boss changed to appease parents. Before I read the part about the mother complaining after her son made the team, I paused to think it would happen. If you let parents have a foot in the door on running the program they will walk all over you. You've compromised your principles. Now you must play by the parents rules. They know they own the AD. The AD is your boss. The parents are now your boss.
Knowing what the end result would be before it happened (it's always this way with parents) I would have done it my way and faced the consequences of being fired. If I got fired I would have stated I was standing up for what I believe is right .... that the kids who are committed to the program are the ones who should play. The other option would have been to resign rather than follow the changed rules for not believing in them.
How do you like the job now? In the future what do you think is going to happen every time a parent disagrees with your decision making? Are you in charge of the program? Or is the program led by the parents in charge of you? I feel for you.
Our high school had a similar situation three years ago. The coach said he would let the AD fire him before he gave in to the parents. He's still there. And now the cancerous parents are gone (kids graduated or cut). The coach, by standing up for his convictions and molding a new attitude, has the respect of parents and players.
Knowing what the end result would be before it happened (it's always this way with parents) I would have done it my way and faced the consequences of being fired. If I got fired I would have stated I was standing up for what I believe is right .... that the kids who are committed to the program are the ones who should play. The other option would have been to resign rather than follow the changed rules for not believing in them.
How do you like the job now? In the future what do you think is going to happen every time a parent disagrees with your decision making? Are you in charge of the program? Or is the program led by the parents in charge of you? I feel for you.
Our high school had a similar situation three years ago. The coach said he would let the AD fire him before he gave in to the parents. He's still there. And now the cancerous parents are gone (kids graduated or cut). The coach, by standing up for his convictions and molding a new attitude, has the respect of parents and players.
Reading this thread reminds me why I coach summer baseball instead of high school baseball. Though I don't necessarily agree with many of the comments posted here (I'm more flexible than some of you) I do run things my way, or they don't need to play on my teams. It is a benevolent dictatorship.
I've told more than one parent who didn't like the way I do things "If you don't like the way I do it, then do what I did - start your own team." That usually ends any disucssion right then and there. If we don't see eye to eye after that, then we part company, and they have nobody to go above my head to complain to. I don't think I'd ever be a HS coach, too much BS to put up with.
I've told more than one parent who didn't like the way I do things "If you don't like the way I do it, then do what I did - start your own team." That usually ends any disucssion right then and there. If we don't see eye to eye after that, then we part company, and they have nobody to go above my head to complain to. I don't think I'd ever be a HS coach, too much BS to put up with.
TCB1: good luck the rest of the way. Hopefully, after a few games it will all be behind you and you can get onto doing what you want to do... coach kids playing baseball! good luck;
Are we talking about how to teach the game here? No
What we are reading is the reason why people do not want to coach.
TCB 1 you thought the principal was going to support you? In a perfect world yes but the parents do what they do today they wear the person down till they get what they want. I am sure if they did not get what they wante from the principal they would have moved on up the chain of command.
there is an unofficial rule with administrators. appease the parents. If they do it makes their job easier.
What we are reading is the reason why people do not want to coach.
TCB 1 you thought the principal was going to support you? In a perfect world yes but the parents do what they do today they wear the person down till they get what they want. I am sure if they did not get what they wante from the principal they would have moved on up the chain of command.
there is an unofficial rule with administrators. appease the parents. If they do it makes their job easier.
Wow - I am honestly speechless and at the same time I'm not surprised this outcome happened. Whenever a teacher decides to go into administration they have to turn in their spine and common sense.
Everyone above is right - this situation just became impossible for you and I feel for you. If you decide to resign I don't think anyone who has common sense would say anything negative about it. Whether you decide to resign or not is completely your decision and you need to determine what you are willing to live with and accept. But you now know how the administration is going to (not) back you on parent matters.
I wish you the best of luck and just advise you to make the decision you can live with. I hope your team goes out and does amazing this year.
As for what I would have done - they can take that job and shove it. It ain't worth it. You can always get a new job.
Everyone above is right - this situation just became impossible for you and I feel for you. If you decide to resign I don't think anyone who has common sense would say anything negative about it. Whether you decide to resign or not is completely your decision and you need to determine what you are willing to live with and accept. But you now know how the administration is going to (not) back you on parent matters.
I wish you the best of luck and just advise you to make the decision you can live with. I hope your team goes out and does amazing this year.
As for what I would have done - they can take that job and shove it. It ain't worth it. You can always get a new job.
Thanks Coach...
Oh, I made it very clear that I would not resign. I told the principal as I thought about it that I would either agree to the modified rules, or I would not and I would cut the player and he would have to do with me as he saw fit.
The thing that bothers me the most is not that they made me put this particular kid on the team; that is simply a one-season problem. It is that the principal, who is well within his rights, made the choice to change the rule that the trip to Spain is a school function, and therefore is an EXCUSED absence. OK, I might not like that, but again, the school is well within it's rights to tell me that. I know of schools that have a rule that their sports teams don't play AT ALL during spring break, and I know of schools that have a "No cuts" policy....I consider myself lucky that I'm not at one of those schools.
No, I beleive the administration has the right to tell all their coaches that certain things are or are not excused. My problem lies in two areas: (1) that the principal told me the rule needed to change THIS YEAR. Now, how fair is it that they gave in to this parent and changed a rule that kind of left other players out in the cold. That is, there were other players who would have probably gone to Spain too, but they abided by my rules and never signed up to go to Spain because they agreed with my rule. Now they see a teammate who would be allowed to go this year, while they were screwed out of it. Or how about the seniors who might not even have come out for baseball because they chose to go to Spain? Now they think "Wow, I could have done both!" The school should have said, "we need to change these rules for next year" if they were going to make a rule change.
And (2)that the school calls this an EXCUSED absence, but then tells me it is OK for me to make the players sit out for missing games. Look, I feel it is necessary for a player to suffer the consequences of going away and missing games. But if you are going to call it an EXCUSED absence, doesn't it create quite a lot of confusion to then tell the coach he is free to punish the player for missing?
I go back to the fact that my black and white rule: If you're going away, you probably shouldn't bother trying out because I'm not going to keep you, is a much clearer rule and everyone knows where they stand. My administration has made things confusing and ambiguous. And since I kept this position with the school telling all of us coaches how we now have to deal with things, I expect to deal with more ambiguity in the future.
Oh, I made it very clear that I would not resign. I told the principal as I thought about it that I would either agree to the modified rules, or I would not and I would cut the player and he would have to do with me as he saw fit.
The thing that bothers me the most is not that they made me put this particular kid on the team; that is simply a one-season problem. It is that the principal, who is well within his rights, made the choice to change the rule that the trip to Spain is a school function, and therefore is an EXCUSED absence. OK, I might not like that, but again, the school is well within it's rights to tell me that. I know of schools that have a rule that their sports teams don't play AT ALL during spring break, and I know of schools that have a "No cuts" policy....I consider myself lucky that I'm not at one of those schools.
No, I beleive the administration has the right to tell all their coaches that certain things are or are not excused. My problem lies in two areas: (1) that the principal told me the rule needed to change THIS YEAR. Now, how fair is it that they gave in to this parent and changed a rule that kind of left other players out in the cold. That is, there were other players who would have probably gone to Spain too, but they abided by my rules and never signed up to go to Spain because they agreed with my rule. Now they see a teammate who would be allowed to go this year, while they were screwed out of it. Or how about the seniors who might not even have come out for baseball because they chose to go to Spain? Now they think "Wow, I could have done both!" The school should have said, "we need to change these rules for next year" if they were going to make a rule change.
And (2)that the school calls this an EXCUSED absence, but then tells me it is OK for me to make the players sit out for missing games. Look, I feel it is necessary for a player to suffer the consequences of going away and missing games. But if you are going to call it an EXCUSED absence, doesn't it create quite a lot of confusion to then tell the coach he is free to punish the player for missing?
I go back to the fact that my black and white rule: If you're going away, you probably shouldn't bother trying out because I'm not going to keep you, is a much clearer rule and everyone knows where they stand. My administration has made things confusing and ambiguous. And since I kept this position with the school telling all of us coaches how we now have to deal with things, I expect to deal with more ambiguity in the future.
What about a player who went to his high school HC and told him he had to take his college enterance exams and it was scheduled on a day the team had a game? This player talked to the head coach about two weeks before the scheduled game and he said he's gonna try and schedule the exam for an off day. He did that, he went to the HC 5 days before the game and told him he will miss one practice so he can get the college entrance exams out of the way.
Fast forward to game day, the player finds himself on the bench. The assistant coach during the game apparently talked to the player on the bench during the game and asked him why he missed practice. This player explained how he told the HC about the college exams and gave him an update a week later about rescheduling the exams for an off day and the assistant told the player he remembered the conversation. All of a sudden, in the 5th inning, the player was back in the game.
Fast forward to game day, the player finds himself on the bench. The assistant coach during the game apparently talked to the player on the bench during the game and asked him why he missed practice. This player explained how he told the HC about the college exams and gave him an update a week later about rescheduling the exams for an off day and the assistant told the player he remembered the conversation. All of a sudden, in the 5th inning, the player was back in the game.
quote:Wow - I am honestly speechless and at the same time I'm not surprised this outcome happened.
today it happens more than ever. Not to bore anybody but it was less prevelant years ago. Now some parents make coaching less enjoyable. Just reading some of the posts on this site reinforces it. I think thre comes a time when parents have to let go. this daddy ball little league mentality has to end sometime. High school is as good a time as any. People will do what they can. If parents know that school administrations will buckle then they will continue to do what some do. In my years if a principal told me to change my rules or something similar I would politiely tell him or her when the next practice or game was and to coach the team.
