Really stupid things you've heard at baseball games...

Tom,

Just checking first ... should this include the stupid stuff I've said at games (especially as a mom of a HS freshman player and then again in freshman year of college)?

Julie

Nah.  We'll just keep those things 'in the family!' 

According to my sons, it's when people yell "Just throw strikes!"  As if any pitcher is trying not to throw strikes

I've got a buddy who tells his son every at bat, "You've got to get ready for that first pitch fastball. The first pitch is the best fastball you'll see." Then, at least once or twice a game, the pitcher will start him out backwards with a curve. Kid looks at it for strike 1.

Dad then yells, "You can't give up on the curve, you've got to be ready for that". Has happened every game for years now. I guess he needs to be ready to hit both.

Or...

NOMAHH is BETTAH THAN JEETAH...

Geez... Really? At what?

Stupid things I've heard at baseball games?

I don't even know where to begin... 

30 years ago when working a frosh game by myself a coach yelled: "Get some help on that one" after a call at second.  

That pitchers aren't athletes...sorry FF, I couldn't resist (I know you didn't mean it that way) 

Love that one.  I hear it all the time.  No coach the kid is purposely throwing it 2 feet outside the strike zone.  Or how about "Throw it harder".  I hear that one a lot too.

my all time favorite

This is the CUB'S year..

Maybe a better thing to tell kids is to trust their stuff.  It's frustrating when you see any pitcher missing by inches off the plate and they keep missing in the same location.  Sometimes you just have to get them to throw it closer to the middle of the plate and let the chips fall where they may.  This is especially true for pitchers who have big movement.  Sometimes these kids don't have to try and hit the corners.  There is no defense for a walk.  Obvious I guess but I understand what people are saying when they tell a kid to throw strikes.

More ludicrous to me is when people try and coach hitters while they are batting.  I've seen people try and coach them when the ball is in the air   Absolutely ridiculous. 

A travel team coach screaming at his 3B when he dropped a popup:  "That's unacceptable at this level!"  I agreed.  That coach was unacceptable but at any level.

I've known two dads who talked out loud about their 9 year old sons making it to the majors. And to be honest, that was not the craziest thing these dads did over the years. Not by a long shot.

One had baseball cards printed. Handed them out to family and friends and told them that they would be valuable collectibles when Jr. made the bigs..... and was dead serious.

Heard last year at a HS frosh game:

"I told my son to not worry about hitting the cutoff man.  He should just throw it to the bag on his own every time because it is always faster".

Stupid things heard at a baseball game?

"My son is the next Derek Jeter." - Parents are ridic

Dig, dig, dig! Runner going to first. Because, apparently, many runners forget that they should really run hard. I actually caught myself doing it and felt ashamed. Been a while.

I have been guilty of saying "squeeze that glove" to my son when catching and a few popped out. Usally at the beginning of a season. Turns out, he tried to squeeze the glove, but it still popped out!

"This baseball thing better pan out.  Otherwise I don't know how he's getting to college."  Overheard at a Pony League (13-14) game.

Batty:

My standard language when one of my club ball kids hit a ground ball was, "Run hard, run through".  We made it a point of pride to sprint on every ball in play through the 1st base bag. 

How about the bucket asking a catcher; where did that miss? 

I'd have zero problem with that, but dig, dig, dig just irks me. My son played with a kid whose Dad said it CONSTANTLY.  A year or so later my son and I drop by to see a travel team with a lot of former LL team mates playing on our very local HS field so we drop by to say hello on way back from a game. Said parent yelling the 3 Ds and I mutter somewhat loudly, something like "same old Dan." Another friend overhears me and says (loudly) "Yep, Dan's still digging..."

Yelling out to the batter in some tight situation in the game - "just relax" ... Really?

Had a dad recently at a game (I cannot make this up), bottom 9, team was down 6-2 to start the inning... It's now 6-4, bases loaded, no outs, in the middle of a pitching change and his son is coming up (a son that struggled at the plate that day)... He says to no one in particular, but believe me we all heard him say while he was looking skyward, "Please god, let him get a hit and if you don't <curseword> you". 

My first instinct was to jump out of the bleachers, as I definitely didn't want the ole' lightning strike.  Thankfully, a his son got a hit, as did the next player, followed by a sacfly to win the game.

That's funny.

I have heard many silly things but I can't remember them.

The best are the things said to the men in blue. I remember those.

One stadium I played in had a "Thirsty Thursday" promotion, which gave out $1 draft beers to anyone who bought a bracelet that allowed them entry into the "beer garden". This beer garden just happened to be conveniently located right next to the visitor's bullpen. There was a Marine base about a mile from the stadium, and I believe the attendance listed for the game was somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,000 fans. The beer garden was pretty packed, mostly with young Marines enjoying a night out at the ball field. Let's just say that my fellow staff-mates and I had some interesting conversations, nearly none of which can be repeated here.

My personal favorite is when I happen to be at a game and in charge of the radar gun. For those of you who haven't had this (mis)fortune, the radar gun instantly makes you the most popular human being in the vicinity of the ballpark. Some time ago my college coach had a few of us at a prospect camp helping out, and I was in charge of the radar gun for the pitchers throwing bullpens. No less than a dozen times did this type of interaction happen:

Dad- "Excuse me...my son was that last pitcher. Would you mind telling me how hard he was throwing?"

Me- "Sure. He was 82-84."

Dad- "Really? Man, he's usually 87-88. Are you sure that's right?"

It took a lot for me to hold back from explaining to the parent that the $10/hour and free Subway lunch was worth more to me than lying about how hard the kid was throwing. So, I politely smiled and said maybe he was having an off day.

As a player I never paid too much attention to the comments that come out of the stands, but there are a lot of really unbelievable comments that come out of some people's mouths that make you scratch your head.

Whenever a kid pops up and a coach tells him to swing down on the ball.

i cant believe he's pitching again

"Swing earlier!"

When my son played college in So.Cal there is a young man Eric who is blind and comes to many,many games at several of the So Cal schools.He takes the bus,many of us have given him rides and bought food for him.His mom is a single parent.

Eric talkes loud all the time.

The funniest thing I heard him say is : Blue whats the problem are you blind?

Another one,Blue I can see better than you behind the plate.LOL  Cracked me up

When I interned with the Grizzlies, we had an interesting lady one night. I was in the visitors dugout that night and this lady came down late in the game. She asked for a towel. We told her no. Then she asked for a ball. We again told her no. Then she asked for anything. I think one of the players offered her their empty bag of sunflower seeds. Then one of them offered her "the bucket." And she wanted it!

Trust me, nobody wants "the bucket" from a minor league baseball dugout...

After having just pitched in the first game (starting) and playing CF in the 2nd game during 1st round of playoff's his dad yells out "hey _______, can you go again?!" Yes, it bellowed across the field! Hilarious. Don't get me wrong the kid could flat out pitch. A lefty that went on to play D1 ball at a major school. But his dad knew it and was quick to let everyone know. lol. That's been 5-6yrs ago but I'll never forget it.

"Why is it called 'Hitting to the opposite field" when a left-hander hits it to left or a right-hander hits it to right?

I tried, but gave up.

Thankfully, we're still married.

That's classic, Fan.  I remember Eric at many of the games when my son would go on recruiting/game visits to the school.  He not only frequents Troy, but he was at Chapman University when I met up with BOF to watch his son during opening weekend for Trinity....he sits there and listens to the radio broadcast and gives his two cents.

I've seen (and heard) Eric at many USC (and UCLA) games over the past 10 years or so.  He is FANTASTIC for the game and he adds a really super dimension to games when he is there.

Dad explaining to son why the grass had alternating shades of green:

"They mow it at different lengths"

Fully 1/3 of the population in San Francisco is Asian (according to the 2010 US Census).  I would expect some/most vendors to cater to this market.   One of the things my family likes to do is eat at the ballparks.  The Milwaukee Brewers do it right....big tail gate before games that would rival any SEC/ACC football game;  all types of sausages and FRIED CHEESE CURDS!  Yum!  I love the regional foods at ballparks!  (I guess a brat would be a type of hotdog?)

But back to the topic....

My town has a minor league team.  At a game several years ago a woman in my group stood up a clapped for a HR by the opposing team.  We all looked at her kinda funny and she replied, "well, he is someone's son, and I don't think his mother is here."  God love her.

This past weekend, we had an umpire who was announced as mumble "Charles". It sounded like Ray Charles to those of us in the stands. Turns out that wasn't his name and he was a pretty good umpire, but when everyone in the park for three days thinks you are "Ray Charles" you get some heckling. Sometimes it's "Ray you're blind", sometimes its "Go ask Ray, he's got better eyes than you".

As to the original question... As politically correct as I can be, we were playing a very late season night game. An angry parent was complaining about our coaches approach to hitting after we lost 3-0 which elliminated us from the playoffs. This gentlemen's son, the catcher, allowed three third strikes (two called, one swinging) to go to the backstop. Between that and a couple of errors, those were the three runs. Batting he left about six guys on base for the third out of innings.

When some other parent asked if his son was OK, he said of course "He just can't see at night".

The largest book in the world is Stupid Excuses For Failure Made By Parents Of Ballplayers. The best chapter is on preteen ball. But the excuses never end at any level.

50 cent union card night at the Modesto A's (everything including beer was 50 cents) was an interesting night of stupid human acts and statements by the 6th inning.

My one on one favorite was the coach who told us to choke and poke with two strikes.

The parents of a fifteen year old on my 16U team were running around all weekend telling everyone UNC was recruiting their son. The kid was an early bloomer who was starting to fall back in the pack (was 13U man-child ... inch taller two years later). I saw him as a future potential D3 player.

I filled in the same recruiting form with my dog's name and a couple weeks later showed people UNC wanted him at their camps.

The kid quit baseball during soph year of high school.

Came home from high school game saying I hit a grand slam. Mother asked how many were on base.

It usually starts with "Hold my beer.  Watch this."