Senior year devastation-UPDATE

2016SouthPawDad posted:

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He has informed us he has applied and been accepted to a local D1 and is going to attempt to walk-on the baseball team and commute from home.

Keep in mind, timetable to return to baseball is approx. March-April of 2017. I find it hard to believe ANY D1 coach knowing the timetable with his injury, will offer him a roster spot, when he wont be able to resume baseball activities until AFTER the season has started. His ONLY hope is if he can red-shirt?

To try and understand why a 18 y/o would be willing to assume the financial burden of walking-on a D1, when FREE schooling is a few hours away, has me totally flabbergasted !

 

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I feel for ya.  Regarding playing college baseball, though, he really hasn't lost anything yet.  He will lose that first year but you get five to play four anyway.  Sounds like he still has options with some of the non-D1's and he didn't have any serious D1 interest prior.  

What is the primary reason he chose the local D1 path?  Baseball?  Girlfriend?  Desired major?  It doesn't sound like it would make sense to try to walk on his freshman year.  You have to earn your spot as a walk-on and he won't be able to do that.  If he has good reason to attend this school, he could certainly rehab and strengthen next Spring, try to play some ball in the summer and try to walk on then.

CABBAGEDAD-

I'm not sure about why he chose D1 path unless its just a matter of girlfriend goes there and, "D1-look at me",

I feel his best asset is baseball, academics will be a struggle with 200+ in a lecture hall. JUCO with smaller class sizes would absolutely be in his best interest.

I would have hoped he would use his baseball talents to at least partially pay for his continued education...

He has a pretty good relationship/ties with some in-state JUCOS who could possibly guarantee a red-shirt year and give him the opportunity to workout and train with the ball team. If he has to train/workout alone- it could be very easy to lose focus and lose the drive to return.

Its very difficult to stand back and possibly watch your kid fail athletically, financially and most importantly academically.

He is dead-set on going to this local D...

2016SouthPawDad posted:

CABBAGEDAD-

I'm not sure about why he chose D1 path unless its just a matter of girlfriend goes there and, "D1-look at me",

I feel his best asset is baseball, academics will be a struggle with 200+ in a lecture hall. JUCO with smaller class sizes would absolutely be in his best interest.

I would have hoped he would use his baseball talents to at least partially pay for his continued education...

He has a pretty good relationship/ties with some in-state JUCOS who could possibly guarantee a red-shirt year and give him the opportunity to workout and train with the ball team. If he has to train/workout alone- it could be very easy to lose focus and lose the drive to return.

Its very difficult to stand back and possibly watch your kid fail athletically, financially and most importantly academically.

He is dead-set on going to this local D...

It's really tough when your kid makes decisions that are contrary to what you fully believe are the right ones.  Choice of college is one that is really tough, because we have "been there", and we have background experience that tells us what they should do.  Last summer, a board member was able to help my son get a great opportunity with a great academic D-1 institution, but son decided it wasn't for him.  He is at a Juco now, and I REALLY wanted him to accept the gracious offer from the D-1 for after baseball reasons.  Good connections, academics, etc.  In the end though, it is their choice, and honestly, it has worked out fine. 

I didn't give up until the very end, and I don't think you should either if you think the JUCO route is better for him.  It's your job as a parent to provide him with the right information, but ultimately, he will make his decision.

Let him know you love him and respect his freedom to make the choices he'll have to live with, but don't play along with the fantasy that this college choice has anything to do with pursuing his baseball ambitions.

If the D1 offers a tryout for non-recruited walk-ons, it will probably be held on the first day of fall practice in mid to late September. There is zero chance he will be given a tryout in March or April for a season that started in February.

Because he will not be affiliated with his college's baseball program as a freshman, there is zero chance of his getting a roster spot on a collegiate summer team in any league that might prepare him to face D1 hitters.

Therefore, the consequence of his decision to attend this D1 is that he may have the opportunity in 17 months to throw six or eight pitches at an open tryout with the hope that:

       --Despite not having demonstrated D1 stuff during his summer of peak exposure; and

      --Despite not having faced meaningful competition in two years; and

     --Despite not having access to his school's coaches, trainers, or facilities . . .

 . . . he will miraculously demonstrate D1 stuff in that one shining moment.

If that fails, he can transfer somewhere else and try out as a college junior after not having played baseball since the summer after he was a high school junior.

His college choice means he has decided to give up baseball.

Depending on his goals and priorities, giving up baseball may be a good decision for him at this time in his life.

However, it would be reasonable for you to require him to acknowledge his decision and to justify his college choice in non-baseball terms before asking you to pay for it. 

SWAMPBOY-

Thank you for spelling it out in direct terms. I have pretty much done the same; you brought up some very valid realistic timeframes and expectations.

In regards, to who is paying for his continued education: When he was 14/15 he stated he wanted to compete and play against the best to see where he stacks. It was discussed to him the cost that is involved in doing so. He believed he would get scholly $$ and it would pay off. So it has been explained to him, numerous trips to Atlanta, Florida and Arizona has depleted his parental-provided-college funds.

His BIG boy decision calls for him to have BIG boy deep pockets, student loans and student debt...Its just really tough to not be livid when you your kid has set expectations out of reach.

Anyone have a 12y/o in TN I can watch and root on for the next 6-8 years?

This scenario seems like the perfect fit for JuCo ball. Here's what I learned from my son's injuries and surgery. If he wants it badly enough he will find a way to make it happen.

SPD, Swampboy has spelled things out quite directly, as you say, and very clearly.   Might be worthwhile copying at least this part...

If the D1 offers a tryout for non-recruited walk-ons, it will probably be held on the first day of fall practice in mid to late September. There is zero chance he will be given a tryout in March or April for a season that started in February.

Because he will not be affiliated with his college's baseball program as a freshman, there is zero chance of his getting a roster spot on a collegiate summer team in any league that might prepare him to face D1 hitters.

Therefore, the consequence of his decision to attend this D1 is that he may have the opportunity in 17 months to throw six or eight pitches at an open tryout with the hope that:

       --Despite not having demonstrated D1 stuff during his summer of peak exposure; and

      --Despite not having faced meaningful competition in two years; and

     --Despite not having access to his school's coaches, trainers, or facilities . . .

 . . . he will miraculously demonstrate D1 stuff in that one shining moment.

If that fails, he can transfer somewhere else and try out as a college junior after not having played baseball since the summer after he was a high school junior.

His college choice means he has decided to give up baseball.

Print it out and share with him that you were given this information from someone very much in the loop of college baseball.  I can't imagine it not having some impact.

Sounds like he's giving up on playing baseball in college. Luckily he can commute which saves housing money. He ll need to get part time job, possibly on campus and loans.

He ll have to live w that decision since you as parent spent college money playing travel ball and going to out of state showcases hoping to get return on investment. Don't mean to sound harsh, but it's discussed on here a lot about how much families spend chasing a dream. Weren't  there colleges close by that had showcases/camps?  

I personally would have spent some of that money on academic help since you said he struggles academically. Do you know how hard it is for good students to be a college athlete w the schedules? To try it while being a struggling student is twice as hard.

tough spot now due to injury and sons decision . Maybe it's time to help him find ways to pay for this D1 and be a successful student. That's more important IMO then worrying about baseball. Just my two cents. 

Do not let him get himself and you in debt. If you are going to be helping, you have a right to speak up.  

He will never make the team, whoever is making him think that's a possibility has no clue about how it works.

2016SouthPawDad posted:

 

Anyone have a 12y/o in TN I can watch and root on for the next 6-8 years?

 

 

 

Or you could adopt. I've been wondering for years if there is an agency that would let me take any prospective kids to the cage before we commit.

Just kidding...

On the bright side, we don't know what D1 and what JC you're talking about, but in general, a student's chances of graduating after starting at a 4 year school are higher than they are after starting JC. There seem to be more ways of getting sidetracked on the JC route.

RJM- Only time will tell....

Playball-

Yes, there were hometown colleges at many event he has been to. He seems to feel like he needs to prove to former/current teammates that he can play D1. I politely explained to him, they (Local D1's) were not interested in you when you WERE healthy, and now you have 10 mos left to rehab a knee injury-He chooses to turn away from his realistic athletic ability, which is staring him in the face.

 He was offered scholarship at local D2 who has connections getting kids to the next levels. However his ACT was a little low. With additional tutoring, 3 months later, he was able to raise his ACT 3 points but scholarships were gone. Many talks with numerous JUCOS, however not much since his injury.

When I say he struggles academically, he has 3.5 in HS, never brings a book home to study.

I highly doubt the results will be same in college; on top of possible athletics. That is why we feel like JUCO was his BEST option, athletically and most important academically. The 2 years at JUCO with smaller class sizes and learning the college aspect of time-management would be crucial. 

Our financial situation does not help him in regards to financial aid. Its not that we cannot afford it, its a matter of we will not. I hate to sound harsh, but he will eventually learn the value of money- and he will, but not until its HIS $$

TPM-As hard as it is, he has made a BIG BOY decision and now he will learn the consequences and actions that follow...

I will always miss the many hours/miles on the road/hotels talking about his ups/downs, the quality of players he has faced, the sound of a kid squaring up on a rip into the gap with a wood bat, the smell of the turf at Lakepointe on a hot summer day, the sound of a fastball hitting the catchers mitt, watching a kid swing out of his shoes on a nasty off-speed pitch, listening to scouts behind the backstop all asking, "Who is this kid, Where did he come from", and make Jupiter WWBA a yearly trek just to enjoy the game

Maybe buy a boat and go fishing...

I understand. Just don't let his future get financially burdened because he is being stubborn. Make him see the benefit of attending JUCO.

Don't be mad because he made a decision you do not approve of. Just help him to understand.

I really hate to type this along with not wanting to make OP mad at me but, I would have a REAL problem with this whole situation knowing the girlfriend is attending same school.Lets be honest.If She isn't getting her 10 cents in with the situation  well just call me whatever you'd like.Its OK

JCG-

I think my next vacation to the Dominican Republic, I will be throwing BP and catching bullpens. Hopefully I can find a 12 y/o southpaw throwing low 80's, maybe 6-1 and 190#, he would be a good candidate for a foreign exchange student

Proudhesmine-

No offense taken, The very same thought has crossed my mind as well- Wife and I have decided it may be time for all parties involved, (The boy, girlfriend, her parents, my wife and myself) to sit down and discuss the prospective future and what may be best academically and financially for all parties. That way can all see who is squirming to what questions...

2016SouthPawDad posted:

 

No offense taken, The very same thought has crossed my mind as well- Wife and I have decided it may be time for all parties involved, (The boy, girlfriend, her parents, my wife and myself) to sit down and discuss the prospective future and what may be best academically and financially for all parties. That way can all see who is squirming to what questions...

 

In my short experience in dealing with teenage romantic relationships, I've learned that if I want my son to do something - the easiest way to guarantee it is to convince his girlfriend that it is a good idea.

In 100% of the cases where my son's friends went to a specific college because of a GF it ended up being a disaster. I would strongly advise my son to go to the best school and opportunity for HIM.  If the GF bond is so great it will survive 4 years of college separation. Big mistake, not necessarily on my personal experience but just watching my son's friends.

2016SouthPawDad posted:

CABBAGEDAD-

I'm not sure about why he chose D1 path unless its just a matter of girlfriend goes there and, "D1-look at me",

I feel his best asset is baseball, academics will be a struggle with 200+ in a lecture hall. JUCO with smaller class sizes would absolutely be in his best interest.

I would have hoped he would use his baseball talents to at least partially pay for his continued education...

He has a pretty good relationship/ties with some in-state JUCOS who could possibly guarantee a red-shirt year and give him the opportunity to workout and train with the ball team. If he has to train/workout alone- it could be very easy to lose focus and lose the drive to return.

Its very difficult to stand back and possibly watch your kid fail athletically, financially and most importantly academically.

He is dead-set on going to this local D...

As long as you are not co-signing for student loans then he is an adult and will unfortunately learn the hard way.  Maybe lay down the 4 yr costs, what type of degree he can get, and how long it will take to pay off the loan. 

My understanding is that student loans are there until you pay them off; no bankruptcy allowed. 

BOF posted:

In 100% of the cases where my son's friends went to a specific college because of a GF it ended up being a disaster. I would strongly advise my son to go to the best school and opportunity for HIM.  If the GF bond is so great it will survive 4 years of college separation. Big mistake, not necessarily on my personal experience but just watching my son's friends.

I agree. I don't know of one high school relationship that lasted through college. The craziest thing I saw was after PGing for a year, working hard to recover from an arm injury and posting an absurdly low ERA at a D3, a friend turned down a transfer to the D1 who originally recruited him. He also quit baseball to go to work. He married the girl. They were separated within a year.

My son went 600 miles away to college to meet a girl who lives 25 miles away.

RJM posted:

I agree. I don't know of one high school relationship that lasted through college.

This was a topic some friends and I kicked around recently.  Statistically speaking, very few high school couples that get married end up staying together.  However within our "group" from high school, there were four couples that are still married.

The only real common trait was that they were all very intelligent people who went to college - and not necessarily the same colleges as their partners. Out of that group you have 2 doctors, 4 lawyers, a sought after consultant, and well - me.

Of course there were couples in our group who didn't work out as well, so I'll just file it under things I'll probably never have an answer to.

Education first.  Go the D1 route.  Juco's are best for the self motivated, because classes are half filled with kids who don't take college seriously.  Being around academically minded students at a university is much better motivation.  

So if your so never played baseball would u still try and have him go to a JuCo? He has a 3.5gpa, why would he need to go to a JuCo?  He chose a college to attend, and I think deep down he knows w his injury he's not going to play. Even at a JuCo he couldn't play first yr. maybe he wants to be a rdg college student. How much is this school per yr since he's living at home and commuting?  

My husband and I make too much for kids to get any free money but they were able to get a little  w academic scholarships. We decided we weren't going to pay more for our car then we did for kids education. Hard enough to get a job that pays well, and as long as we had retirement money taken care of education was on us. Kids had to get great grades or bill was going in their name. Many cant do that I realize, but my kids r appreciative of the help they get. They still have jobs in Summer, and daughter had job during school yr too. 

did u ever plan to help him pay for college, or did u really spend it on travel because a 14/15 yr old wanted to play against tough competition? 

Sorry it sounds like son is done w baseball due to injury, and it's tough on parents too when it's over. 

Lots of 18yrs old around this time of year begin thinking they are ready to make those Big Boy decisions and to be honest I was the EXACT same way. I remember it vividly. I had 3 partial football scholarships to play football and I decided that what was best for me was to be a Marine. So off I went! Did I have some regrets later on? Sure, but not enough to dwell on them. And I can now see that one major reason I didn't was because there was no financial impact awaiting me. Your son however is about to make a decision that will begin his young adult life in a very adverse way. And I think you at least owe it to your son to sit him down and while not there to persuade him otherwise about his college choice, you could show him what this is going to mean and cost him in the very near future. Lay it out rather bold and simple for him to see how his finances following college are going to be already sucked into a rabbit hole that at times appears it will never end. How those times he wants to get an apartment alone or with friends may not necessarily happen if he hasn't the funds to afford it along with a new car, clothes, a social life, etc. 

2 years of free college less room and board? That would be a no brainer here in my household. The first time my son came to me saying he needed me to co-sign on his loan for this D1 University I'd very lovingly and politely tell him "No thank you". And the matter would be settled rather quickly. Case closed.

YGD

Room and board, food can be pricey. Some state public schools can be reasonable if kid is commuting and not living/eating on campus. That's what I personally did and got a loan which I paid off a few yrs after college. There are work study programs too. JuCo is not for everyone. The player here was interested in that route before he got hurt. He's also a 3.5 GPA student, and JuCo may not be best academic fit. Wishing him the best.

YoungGunDad posted:

Lots of 18yrs old around this time of year begin thinking they are ready to make those Big Boy decisions and to be honest I was the EXACT same way. I remember it vividly. I had 3 partial football scholarships to play football and I decided that what was best for me was to be a Marine. So off I went! Did I have some regrets later on? Sure, but not enough to dwell on them. And I can now see that one major reason I didn't was because there was no financial impact awaiting me. Your son however is about to make a decision that will begin his young adult life in a very adverse way. And I think you at least owe it to your son to sit him down and while not there to persuade him otherwise about his college choice, you could show him what this is going to mean and cost him in the very near future. Lay it out rather bold and simple for him to see how his finances following college are going to be already sucked into a rabbit hole that at times appears it will never end. How those times he wants to get an apartment alone or with friends may not necessarily happen if he hasn't the funds to afford it along with a new car, clothes, a social life, etc. 

2 years of free college less room and board? That would be a no brainer here in my household. The first time my son came to me saying he needed me to co-sign on his loan for this D1 University I'd very lovingly and politely tell him "No thank you". And the matter would be settled rather quickly. Case closed.

YGD

 

Awesome.   There are opportunities for free money, military being one of them, but if a kid is academically sound in high school he should be able to find a college somewhere at an affordable price.  

Chasing a girl to another college is one of the reasons I haven't and won't let my kids date in high school.  My sons have too many dreams to fulfill without getting them crushed at an early age.