Should the parents be a negative factor?

Write the letter. Just cause the parents are jerks, don't penalize the boy.

Write the letter, being honest about all the good things about the boy. Either in the letter if you're comfortable or in a follow-up phone call, be equally honest about the parents. The team-jumping may not come into play for a school, but it would allow the coach the chance to lay down the rules politely with the parents from the beginning and/or not get into a bad situation with them if he proceeds assuming they're 'normal' .

justbb,
If it were me, I would probably go ahead and write the letter with a focus only on the kid regarding personality, work ethic, baseball skills, etc. Though if contacted later for additional information by someone who is a friend, I would probably say something about the "high maintenance" parents. Not fair I know, but I wouldn't be able to stop myself!

justbb,

I agree with the tone being laid down here so far. This is basically the exact same fact scenario when an employer is asked to write a letter of recomendation. The general rule of thumb that has evolved (due to law suits) is if you don't have something nice to say don't say it.

My view in this scenario is to only focus on the young man in writing. You can share your concerns about the parents verbally and off the record. This way you can maintain your good relationship with the coach and mitigate any troubles that could potentially come your way. If you were the coach, would you want this player on your team?

Just, I would send the coach a copy of your post. It was a good post and gives a good feeling of what is in your heart.

.

JB..

Same. Going with conventional wisdom. (Unlike me huh?) Coach/school is definately getting the player, Coach/school may or may not get the parents depending upon how he/it handles them. We've talked before about coaches who are able to shut such parents down quietly.

I would then follow up with a call to the coach giving him a basic heads up on the high maintenance parents. Not a warning per se, as you never know....who knows, he might love them! Stranger things have happened. Not my place to judge just to give a heads up.


.

I think the same way as O44. JB, Do one of two things.... Write the letter as requested or tell the mother WHY you won’t write the letter. Personally I believe I would write the letter and only discuss the student/athlete in the letter. The “new” coach may not have the same problems from the parents as you and the other coaches have had in the past. BUT... I would also add at the close of the letter “If you have any questions feel free to call me”. If he calls you (or you decide to call him) I would discuss the parents at that time. Now I know why coaches make the big bucks!
Fungo

I had a complaint from three college coaches and a pro scout about a parent who bombarded them about his son the second he saw them at the game the other day. The coaches told me that they liked the player, but were afraid to recruit the kid because of the parents.

One of them decided to recruit him - the others decided it wasn't worth it. The bad part is the kid is a GREAT kid and an outstanding player. The parents are good people as well who are used to getting their own way. They are destroying this young man's chances of a college scholarship because they are scaring the coaches away.

He is a good player who can play Division I ball, but not a great player. He is someone you may not take if you think he has baggage - in this case the parents.

I would be very careful writing the letter of reccomendation as you are friends with the coach and your reputation is on the line. If anything, I'd write the letter, but talk to the coach about the situation.

In my case I have told the coaches how much I like the player. I try to bring the parental situation up in a positive light, but in a way where they know about it and don't feel that they are being sabataged my me for not telling them of the problem. One coach told me he will not come to any of our games while this player is on ur team because the dad does not let him watch the games at all.

Parents need to know when to let go. Do not go up to speak t college coaches unless they want you to. I walk parents to coaches all the time, but tell our parents not to go up on their own and let the coaches scout.

Sorry this was so long, but I guess I needed to vent. It i a frustrating situation because the young man is a solid player and a great kid, who colleges are afraid of because of meddling parents.

Justbaseball,
The request should have come from the player. JMO. If you feel he deserves a letter, write it. Then give your friend a head's up.

JBB,

I'm confused ....is the "letter of recommendation" for admission to the private high school? Or is it a "letter of recommendation" for the baseball team?

IMO, if it is for the high school admission, I don't think his parents' various baseball antics should have any place in the discussion, it isn't relevant. Even if that letter ultimately winds up on the desk of the baseball coach...the purpose of the letter is for admission to the school only, and should only contain info relevant to that purpose. Is he a good student, a good citizen, a good role-model? Or, did I misunderstand and the school requires a letter of recommendation for the baseball team? I've never heard of that scenario before....but I'll be the first to admit it probably happens more than I am aware of. In that case...if I felt the boy truly deserved to be on that team and could contribute...I would write the letter. IMO if you really felt the boy belongs there and you didn't write specifically about THE BOY...you might take an opportunity away from a deserving kid because you don't like how his parent's behave. Your "credibility" isn't in jeopardy if you feel the kid is deserving and you solely address the attributes of the kid. If the coach specifically asks you about the parents....that is your call to make.

Plus....given the exhuberance we all seem to share on this sight about our boys and their baseball....I'm sure at some point along the path....many of us have had the term "pain in the butt" attached to us (probably for a wide variety of UNTRUE reasons! ). What others would term "pain in the butt" to us might be "we are doing what we feel is best for our children". I would hope that any son is judged on his own merits...not because someone else feels it is unfortunate that he has the parents he was stuck with...especially as young as an 8th-grader. It is up to the coach to set rules and policies and to follow thru how he sees fit....hopefully he has some set up that outline the parental role and expectations. Perhaps this coach will have no problem with these parents, and that he has dealt with "difficult" parents before.

If you truly feel you can not write the letter without saying something negative...I would simply say "I do not feel comfortable writing a letter of recommendation to a program where the coach is a personal friend."

I'd write the letter and address both the player (positive) and parents (negative). Your reputation is on the line here. If the parents want you to write a letter for their son, they should full well know you are going to write what you want to write! When I write letters of recommendation or do scouting reports on prospects for the Astros, I always tell the full story. It is my obligation to future players I might write these letters for to have good credibility with the recipients of the letters. If I were in the position of receiving one of these letters, I don't know that positive or negative statements about parents would be a relevant factor to me in considering whether I wanted the player or not. I would consider this information "nice to know", but I don't think it would be a big factor for me.

Florida Baseball Guy ...

With regards to whether or not your reputation would be on the line, I think that there are some significant differences in the scenarios presented. When we compare situations, the age and level of play are significantly different. Secondly, you are dealing with college coaches who may be looking to invest significant actual money in a recruit. I think this is a far cry from recommending or not recommending a player who is going to a private high school. I would agree that, if these college coaches routinely look to you for information, YOUR reputation could well be "on the line" if your perceptions in a situation like this were not expressed when asked. And from what you have said, these coaches have already gotten a sense about the parents so you are just sharing your perceptions. I think that your scenario is a far cry from an 8th grader's parents asking a former coach for a letter of recommendation to a private high school for their son.

My thoughts on this are totally different than the majority who have posted (not that that is any different from many other threads) ... I don't think someone's personal perception of a player's parents should be volunteered without invitation. If the high school coach has met the player and his parents, he may already have discerned something about the parents that puts up a red flag for him, or he may not anticipate any problems. If the player is good and the coach wants him in his program, the coach probably already has his own way of dealing with "problem parents", if indeed that is what they are. But I truly believe that volunteering perceptions without the coach actually asking for it is overstepping personal boundaries and verges on the realm of gossip. And if the coach were to ask, I wouldn't answer any generalized questions, only if he verbalized some specific concerns about the parents.

It has already been stated that this pre-high schooler is a good kid and a good player. What benefit is there to this player who has done nothing wrong to have his parents' past behavior discussed with a future high school coach? It isn't as tho they had done anything of a crimnal nature. And they haven't even interacted with the former coach for several months according to the scenario presented, so the perceptions are on prior behaviors, which may or may not be the case now. So why even bring it up unless the coach actually asks? The player's performance is what matters at the high school level, and a quality high school coach can more than hold his own against 'problem parents', if in fact he sees them that way. After all, one person's perception may not be another person's reality. And any reputation at stake for the former coach should only involve his respected and experienced evaluation of a player's talents, work ethic, attitude, etc.

The mother has asked for a letter. I would write the letter and reccommend the player. Your credibility rests on your evaluation of the kid. If somehow the coach asks about the parents you could volunteer the info. He is going to find out one way or the other. Maybe somebody should just tell the parents to back off. The sooner the better.

justbasell.

I agree with Will. I would send a letter just about the kid. Then add... for more information feel free to contact me.

It is kind of odd that this topic has come up. Just a week ago I had written something with the intent to post, both here and the PG site. It was written for the purpose of possibly helping a few parents of young players, but I thought it was too controversial so didn’t post it.

Now that the topic has been brought up by others…. Here it is.

HIGH MAINTENANCE Player or parent = More effort, time, risk and problems!

LOW MAINTENANCE Player or parent = Less effort, time, risk and problems!

Take it for what it is worth! This doesn’t even pertain to most!

At the risk of sounding like a know-it-all, I think people need to be more aware of the term “high maintenance”. The following is not meant to offend anyone. It is not directed to any individual. The purpose is to help rather than to judge anyone.

Scouts and College Recruiters often use the words “high maintenance” in describing certain players. Most often it is reserved for some exceptionally talented players, even the very best. Sometimes the talent is so good that it outweighs the maintenance factor. In fact, there are “high maintenance” major league stars.

Sometimes “high maintenance” is used to describe parents. Once again it is used most often when the parents have a very talented son. College coaches tend to put more importance on this than pro scouts. It’s much harder for parents to be a pain in the *** in pro ball.

Just the other day in a conversation with a recruiter from one of the nations’ top programs, the term “high maintenance” was mentioned. The discussion went like this (condensed version)

The Coach: “We are looking for a corner infielder who can really hit and contribute right away.”

Me: What about ****** (name left out, but very, very good player)?

The Coach: “He would be the guy, but we’re not going after him.”

Me: Why? Do you think he will be an early pick?

Coach: “He might be, but the reason we’re not interested is because his dad is too “High Maintenance!”

Now I don’t want to tell people how they should conduct themselves. In fact, many including myself have failed in the conduct department at times. Just thought that maybe this info could help a few parents who might take this the right way. After all, everyone wants the best for their sons and daughters.

It should be said that not all scouts and recruiters place the same importance on things beyond a players ability. Just know that there are many who do look into much more than the players ability. With more time I could provide a list (so could others) of some things that are warning signs (red flags) to recruiters and scouts.

If someone reads this and their first thoughts are defensive, please read it again. It is possible you could be a candidate for that “high maintenance” tag. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. You might be the world’s greatest parent. However, if you are deemed “high maintenance” it could affect certain opportunities.

I think those who are scouts and coaches at any level, who have examples of high maintenance parents, would be doing others a big favor by giving examples. (without using names of course)

If some day, just one mom or dad could say…. I didn’t realize it, but I might have been headed in the direction of being labeled a high maintenance parent, but I made the appropriate adjustments. Then we should all be very happy this topic was brought up.

If one mom or dad gets anything out of this, I’ll be glad it was posted!

If no one gets anything out of this post, I apologize for using up the space.

High maintenance is just a pleasant way to describe trouble down the road

Thanks to all for your thoughts on this. I like bbscout's suggestion, but I also like Will's which is a little different...the others are all good too.

PGStaff - Again, another good post. It would be interesting to see your list of red flags. I hope you will publish them someday. We all need to look in the mirror every once in a while.

justbaseball, a couple of thoughts:

• Make the Mom aware that while you will write the letter, (I would), if asked about any concerns etc., you will tell the truth as you see it including any areas of concern. Then see if she still wants you to write the letter.
• Make sure you mail the letter to the school. Otherwise, your letter could be used in ways that you don't want. One way that comes to mind is that they might try to use the letter as a bargaining tool.
• I don't know the situation in all states but any letter such as this if it is brought up by the parents before they enroll their son, might be considered recruiting. Make sure that they are enrolling their son first.
• If the coach has a good program, then he has already planned for those disgruntled parents that yearly enter his system. I'm sure that he wants a player and knows how to deal with the Dad.

Well these are just a few thoughts. Hope they help.

justbaseball,

As per your request. By the way, regarding involvement we have had with your son and his parents - You score very high in the "Low Maintenance" department. And very high in the "Good Supportive Family" department. Also very high in the "Extremely Talented Son With Great Makeup" department. I think most parents here are high interest "low maintenance types.

Once at a baseball tournament I saw a father marching from another field. He was looking for me! I knew the father and he would fall under "High Maintenance" in the biggest way. His first words were predictable "I really hate to bi*ch, but... I stopped him in mid sentence and said "If you hate to bi*ch so much, DON'T!

A few examples to get things started.

* = Warning signs of potential for high maintenance
# = Good Sign

* Player has been in a lot of trouble
# Player is a good citizen

* Parents have caused a lot of problems in the past
# Parents are supportive but don’t cause problems

* Players or parents who show any signs of disrespect
# Players or Parents seem to show respect to everyone

* Player who is not respected by his team mates
# Player who is loved by his team mates and coaches

* Players or Parents cut down previous coaches.
# Players or Parents who never cut anyone down

* Players or Parents have excuse for everything
# Players or Parents who don’t use many excuses, but can clearly address the reasonable excuse ie. He just pitched 2 days ago.

* Players or Parents are full of complaints
# Player or Parents who don’t complain even though they might have reason

* Players or parents who believe they have no weaknesses
# Players or Parents who understand there is room for improvement

* Players or Parents take up too much time on unimportant things (shoot the ****)
# Players or Parents who are friendly, but understand time constraints

* Players or Parents who are overly satisfied with accomplishments
# Players or Parents who are confident, but understand there is much more to accomplish

* Parents that need to know everything (Meddlers)
# Parents who get the inside information from their son rather than the coach.

* Players or Parents who think they do know everything
# Too many questions is annoying – Too many answers are unbearable

* Player gives the impression he is a celebrity
# Player understands he is what he is

* Parents give the impression their son is a celebrity
# Parents understand their son is what he is

* Parents who need to discuss (with coaches) their son, or the team, on a daily basis
# Parents who show interest, but don’t become a “Oh no, tell them I’m not in” person

* Parents who give the impression that they are not going to “let their son” go it alone.
# Parents who show their confidence in their son to go it alone

* Parents that show they will get involved if things don’t go just the way they want
# Parents who remain consistent and realistic even when things are not going their way

* Parents that show the potential to be vindictive if things don’t go their way.
# Parents who never seem to have a bad word to say about anyone

That last *, might be the most important! It can cause a college coach to avoid a player completely… no matter how good the player might be.

All those * listed above are warning signs that the player or parent could be more trouble than what it is worth. Some involve time consumtion issues, some are potential head aches, some are not conducive to a healthy team atmousphere, and some can even be dangerous for job security purposes.

If you fit into the # category on everything… you would be very unusual. I would almost think there might be something wrong with you!

There are many more warning signs. Hope others join in and add their thoughts. I really think this is a topic that could benefit a some people and their children.

.

PG...

"High Maintenance" would be an excellent topic on it's own.

While I agree wholeheartedly with your post and laud your honesty and as you do hope it wakes some parents up as I too feel that many parents are WAY too involved...

IMO here is the dilemma with "High Maintenance" parents when it comes specifically to the recruting process...

The reality as I see it is that to a great extent the recruiting process, particularly for non-blues has become a marketing project. As a marketing project it begs parents to become involved and more often overinvolved, particularly when a young impressionable young man is dealing with sophisticated adults and decions that will coinceivably affect the rest of their lives.

If I don't get heavily involved my son son may miss opportunities, or worse yet the ONLY opportunity he may get.

If I get involved, I risk being deemed HM. Particularly without solid communication from recruiters.

What to do?

IMO most parents who take the recruiting process seruiously could at one time of another be accused of being HM. While I would not by any means lay this off on the college coaches and recruiters if they were more clear, direct and honest with players and parents about exactly where their son stood then I believe there would be far fewer problems.


Red Flags?....I would definately second JB's suggestion about those red flags....I for one would love to see that list posted in a central place of the HSBBWS as a reference. Could offer an incredibly useful view to parents and make the lives of the people who coach, recruit, manage a great deal easier.

.

observer,

I wouldn't waste this much time if I didn't think this is a very important topic. IMO it's one of the best and most important topics on here. I sure do understand your opinion and concerns.

This site has many parents. Some parents have very young players and some have or have had players at all college and pro levels including the Big Leagues. There are people on the HSBBW who have or still do coach, scout and do other baseball related things. It's a great topic for this site!

IMO A parent can take the recruiting process "dead" serious without getting labeled "High Maintenance". There is a huge difference between being seriously recruited and being a fool. Then again, I for one, have been a fool at times. Imagine, we're all fools at one time or another.

One thing for sure, I guess it's possible that a coach along the way might have thought my kids were "High Maintenance". I do know for a fact that there were no coaches who would label me "High Maintenance"!

Some of that had to do with baseball education... because I saw many good reasons to go ahead and be a fool along the way. I have a high maintenance type mentality but was able to become the perfect low maintenance parent. I just was well educated in baseball and experienced. Knowing what to keep my mouth shut about and when to keep it shut. Sometimes it's just knowing how the game is played!

That's what others can gain from the many experienced people on this site. Some people will not care or will not adjust. Others might make the adjustments and possibly benefit. With so many parents here, I believe the HSBBW is the perfect place for this discussion.

PG,
I really enjoyed your posts. I see some *s in me and some #s as well!

My interpretation of your list, is that there has to be a balance somewhere. The coach will decide how many *s he will put up with before he stops recruiting the player. The interpertation of "high maintenance" may not always mean trouble.

Thanks PGStaff for your thoughts on the Maintenace List...thats a classic.

I sometimes think that the big difference is being able to resist the temptation to ask/pester/demand in that high maintenance way. I also think in an odd kind of way I was lucky to have goofed big-time when my son was very young (age 7/8) by being "high maintenance" and ultimately figuring out how wrong I was. I'm sure I still goof up from time-to-time...but I sure try hard not too and if I do, its hopefully not a bad goof.

PG,

What a great list! In my example the parent is clearly HM, but I believe they are good people. Like you said being HM does not make them a bad person. But it may take away opprotunities form their son.

Thanks for sharing because I believe your list will open some eyes on this site.

I find this thread very interesting also, and it has grown to cover larger topics than what was originally asked. I hope this question doesn't hit anyone wrong, but I have to ask: How in the world would one become a "high maintenance" parent of a college player?

I just couldn't imagine me or my husband calling our son's college coach or stopping one of them before or after a game to talk, unless they initiated it. I would love to hear the coach's thoughts about the team or a particular game or any other aspect of baseball, or even about my son, but I expect that information to come from whatever my son is willing to share with me. I really don't think the coach sees the parents as part of the equation - these guys are young adults, and as a team, the players, coaches and trainer are a very cohesive unit. Actually I think my son is very lucky to play on such a close-knit team, and I wouldn't want to intrude! I would love it if the coach decided to come over and say Hello to me or my husband before or after a game, or if he ever e-mailed us or called us, but I don't expect that to happen, and I don't have any problem with that. If my son has any baseball problems, I'm sure he will handle the conversation with the coaches, just as he has since freshman year in high school.

I don't mean for this post to sound like I'm saying "not me, I'm not HM", but I really am curious, do any parents of college players on this forum actually initiate conversations with their sons' coaches?

I'll say it again... Most of the HSBBW PARENTS who have sons playing in college have it figured out.

It's the parents of those younger players who could benefit the most from your experience.

MN-Mom, You definitely don't qualify as high maintenance. You are the kind of parent coaches appreciate. The kind who never get in the way or take up their time (being a nuisance) while you still support your son and the team. You don't expect a whole lot of attention and sooner or later I bet the coaches will thank you in some way. So will your son!

Believe me... The other types do exist.

MN-MOM

More and more I hear stories from college coaches that would curl your hair--- some attend all the practices--some make "donations"---others go directly to the AD without even talking to the baseball coach-- sit in the stands at a college game and listen the "chatter" between parents-- it is almost as bad as a high school game-- it never stops folks

The parents who are not high maintenance are the ones down the right and left field lines away from everyone

AND IT IS GETTING WORSE EVERY SEASON !!!!

As for the letter--I would write it and in the letter ask the coach to call you so you can fill him in on some pertinent details

MN-Mom - I'm with you...I would never, ever consider starting a conversation with our son's college coach regarding anything to do with baseball...maybe when he's finished, not before. "Hi" is about all we ever exchange, if that. And I like it that way too.

OK, so have we invented a new term? "HM" I can hear the talk at the games next year...'Oh, thats John...he's, you know, HM!'

TR,

I hear you, but can't totally agree with the following.

quote:

The parents who are not high maintenance are the ones down the right and left field lines away from everyone

I've seen some "bad apples" standing alone down the lines. Also have met some very good people setting in the stands.

I have no doubt that we have a special group of baseball parents here, and I may have gotten a somewhat slanted view of what college baseball parents are like last year in my son's freshman year. We flew down to watch their pre-season tourney in Florida, and found that about half the team parents did also - obviously very interested parents, mostly sitting in the stands but some down the sidelines. But I was surprised at how welcoming the parents of the upperclassmen were, how nice and modest they were, even the parents of the top players never bragging on their sons. No complaining about starters, playing time, etc. None of that dumb yelling instructions to the team from the stands! A difficult and controversial event happened while we were there - a sudden coaching change - and the discussion about it among parents in the stands was respectful and caring, never blaming and gossipy. Hmmm-m-m, there must be some connection between what we observed (all season long) and the fact that my son has said this is the best bunch of guys he has ever played on a team with - no jerks, no self-nominated stars. I sort of thought the parent part was normal for the college level, but maybe he, and we, got lucky!

I'll bet MN Mom's got some HM folks here!

Just Baseball

With all due respect to you...

I know you want to do the right thing so let me suggest that you speak to this mother as a prospective referencer should. This is no more or less than how anyone with a professional background would handle this.

Call this mother and talk to her giving her a chance to listen to the positive things you have to say about her son. After all, isn't it true that most of these parents just want the best for thier son's. Your judgment about her personality is a subjective reaction and is not the basis of her son's ability to play baseball.

Though I know you may be a fine man I'm sure there have been circumstances that someone may have taken your behavior toward them in a subjective light.

Have you ever thought that the parents are not matured in baseball etiquette. This might be a good opportunity for you to help these parents understand the proper role of a parents relationship with your close friend and their new coach.

My take on these parents is like so many around the ball park. They show signs of anxiety about their child and want their child, and be successful. In many cases the family extends the pride of their personna with their child.

Quite frankly, in so many of these cases parents are used as an excuse to eliminate a player, and there is always some alterior political motive to hurt these parents for their immodesty about their children.

It is wrong.

Deal with the child...promote the child if you can and offer assistance to the parents.

Try to be a "big" man about this and leave your personal feelings aside about the parents.

Do the "right" thing, not the "mean" thing.

Ramrod...thats a good post...except...I have absolutely NO intention of doing a "mean" thing...actually I don't feel mean or angry or anything like that about it at all. My ONLY concern to the negative side is letting my friend, the coach, down. I have no intention of punishing anyone. The kids always, and I mean ALWAYS, come first for me. I will handle this with grace and dignity for all involved...that, you can take to the bank!

.

JB...

I'm afraid I may have created the "HM" term in my first post on this thread

AND

sadly often resemble my own "HM" term...


May change my online moniker to "HM1"

.

Just Baseball

In the past I had circumstance similar to the one you discuss.

Except it had to do with a father who was really pushy because he was an intense and competitive dad.

His son at the time was overweight and not one of those players that the other coaches would have selected for the All-Star team. But the player could hit the ball and I saw that he had a smooth stroke. Later he proved himself worthy when he hit well in the LL All-Star tournament.

In a vote for All-Star selection they voted against this player mainly because of his dad's personality as you call it "high maintenance". I insisted that this player be on the All-Star team. I made such a fuss about it that I had to agree to remove my son from the roster to get him on the team. Later they re-enstated him as some players were cut and the roster was finalized.

This player has turned out to be a D-1 level candidate in both football and BB. In FB he plays WR/DB is 6ft3in 225lbs and is a 4.5 in the 40 yd dash. In BB he also has been an All-Star SS player in BB every year since.

He attended the Stanford BB Camp and was selected to the Stanford Summer Travel Team.

If I had gone along with the "PC" line this player may have never gotten his chance. I read about his exploits in our local newspaper all the time and I can tell you that I take great pride in knowing that I didn't listen to the naysayers about him. They were trying to punish the dad because he was somewhat "obnoxious". But all he wanted was to have his son succeed. I understood that and am so glad that his son will have his chance at D-1 ball.

So you see, you never know what your actions will produce. You could be responsible for ruining a players chances or helping him fulfill his dreams.

Personally I hope you decide to help this player and not hurt him.

.

RR...Good story....

By the way...I can attest to the fact that JB always puts the players interests first...

.

I have to ask how HM this was of me. I think that I brought it up to this board when it happened and I got responses both ways. The story.

My soph. son was on the varsity of a decent team. He was initially a starter, but for reasons that had little to do with him personally, he lost his position to a Sr. We are reaching the 1/3 part of the season when it is the last possible chance to move down to F/S level and get consistant playing time. My son is proud that he is on the varsity, especially as a soph., and he is not thrilled at the prospect of taking a demotion, even if it means more playing time. In my own mind, I think that I am helping my son by contacting the head coach about the possibility of sending him down. I did this without my sons knowledge. On the last possible day, the coach asks my son if he would go down and pitch for the F/S against a big rival. My son agrees, thinking that it is only for 1 game. He throws a CG shutout and expects to be with the varsity the next day at practice. The coach tells him to stay down.

Everything actually turns out really well, just as I had hoped. My son leads the F/S in hitting and pitching, they clinch the league title and he is immediately brought back up to varsity with about 4 games of the regular season left. He actually even started in one of the playoff games and pitches in the varsity's league clincher.

The point is, the head coach, who is young and only in his 2nd year, probably/possibly would not have sent him down without my push. Another soph. sat on the bench the whole year.

So, if I never do anything like that again, will I still be labeled "HM" for the rest of my life.

PS JB and Observer, we miss you on NCP

If the kid is a good player and teamate then write the letter and leave it at that. If the parents wants a recommendation for themselves, then cross that bridge when you get there.

I am assuming that coaches understand that each player has two parents. I for the life of me can't understand why coaches continue to coach with one hand and whine about players and parents with the other.

Some I know have even repeatedly called college coaches out of the blue to whine that the kid must be a bad kid because he won't play him.

EACH PLAYER HAS PARENTS.

Either deal with it or find an orphanage to work for.

Trashing "HM" parents and players under the disquise of protecting their "brother coaches" on the next level is transparently mean and dirty. They know it. I know it. You know it.

It is a two way street though. Two can play. Always remember that.

Dooer - For whatever its worth, it sounds like you acted in a decent manner and the coach took it that way and acted accordingly. Sounds to me like you are to be commended for doing a good thing for all involved.

As a youth coach, I never minded a parent discussing issues with me as long as it wasn't in anger. Some are very good at it, some are not.

the angry part can sometimes get ugly.