Son Hurt in Fall Ball Can't Get Info from College

I believe its part of FERPA. Research it.

nh

Don't worry about--it is part of cutting the cord--if the injury is serious you will know about it

Getting information out of kids can be like pulling teeth sometimes. I would call him and tell him you are concerned and want to know what is going on. Tell him to give them permission so you can talk to them. If it was serious I am sure they would get his permission and call you. But right now they may not know how serious it is. And I can certainly understand your concern. So to ease your mind on the situation TELL him to get permission so you will hear it from the horses mouth.

This may be a stupid question, but can't you call your son, or text him and ask him to call you? If he doesn't want to talk to you about it, then I think you are stuck in the dark. What the trainer says sounds right for someone over 18.

Sorry, not much help here.

If you want to drive yourself nuts further, it comes from healthcare. He's probably still on your insurance. While they will bill you, you can't get any information from the insurance company or the doctor about charges you're responsible to pay. Welcome to America.

It is frustrating. I have gone through it four times. Very quickly it became standard practice to very, very early on to have son/daughter file all the permissions required for me to find out whatever I wanted when it was needed (such as in cases like this). Write the notes yourself if you must and have your son simply sign and submit them. Sometimes, all that is needed is for him to send an e-mail.

Best of luck, and I hope his is okay.

quote:

Originally posted by twotex:
This may be a stupid question, but can't you call your son, or text him and ask him to call you? If he doesn't want to talk to you about it, then I think you are stuck in the dark. What the trainer says sounds right for someone over 18.

Sorry, not much help here.

Not sure the real issue is with the school but rather with your son, who should call you and let you know what is or isn't going on. JMO.

Tell him your driving up to see for your self. Bet he starts talking.

Tough situation for you, but understand the issue is NOT WITH THE SCHOOL.....there are good reasons for FERPA.

The issue is why your kid won't tell you what's going on.

For the person who said to email from your son's account, or have him sign a note you wrote....not to be a jerk, but that might be the worst advice i've ever heard.

Good time to help your son grow into a man....or get his own insurance!!!!

He doesn't want to worry you. Or to him its no big deal and he doesn't want you guys making it a big deal. We all know how kids are. They don't understand that parents worry and they don't know what it feels like to be away from your kids and not know whats going on.

So to ease your worry just tell him he has no choice in the matter and he is going to get you on the phone with someone with the program that can tell you exactly what is going on with his arm. Yes he might be ticked off. And yes he will get over it. And yes you will feel better once you have talked to someone. End of story imo.

Let me tell you a story. When my son was a freshman he called me one day to inform me: "I just wanted you to know I just got back from the hospital. Yesterday when I took my physical they said I had a funny sound in my heart beat. So today I spent a few hours at the hospital getting some tests done. It turns out everything is fine. Coach thought I should call you guys and let you know."

Duh! Yeah you think son?

Thanks for the advice,

Not mad at the school, just wish they could give a few details because my kid won't tell my wife and me anything. I do understand the schools position.

Our kid just doesnt talk much and I don't want to push. Im trying to let him be his own person, conversation is hows school going? = "fine", hows baseball going? = "fine". I can handle these responses.

However, injury and health issues are different. As I parent I am never going to let these go, I would consider myself a poor parent if I did.

quote:

Originally posted by nhmonty:
Thanks for the advice,

Not mad at the school, just wish they could give a few details because my kid won't tell my wife and me anything. I do understand the schools position.

Our kid just doesnt talk much and I don't want to push. Im trying to let him be his own person, conversation is hows school going? = "fine", hows baseball going? = "fine". I can handle these responses.

However, injury and health issues are different. As I parent I am never going to let these go, I would consider myself a poor parent if I did.

Why don't you email/tell him what you just wrote in that post? Tell him to be his own person, to have his own academic/baseball/social experience but matters of his personal health are things that must be shared if he wants to you to pay for part of his school and cover his insurance?

Seems more than fair to me.

bsballfan:

Read more closely. What I said was to have his son file the required papers to allow him to speak to the trainer, teachers and others about this situation. To do this, written permission is required from his son. To get it quicker, this man can write the note for his son, have his son sign it and send it in. Or, his son can send an e-mail. Either works. I am not sure why you consider that bad advice unless you believe the son should not grant his parents this permission.

In our home, this would not be an option. As long as I am paying the bills and since their mother and I raised them and continue to support them, we automatically had/have such permission. It has been a good thing and never once intruded upon their private lives. It has worked for us, and all four of our children so far have enjoyed extremely successful college experience.

If this does not work for you or if you have a different philosophy, that is your business. It has worked extremely well for us and might for others, including this family. In the end, he will make his own decisions.

I am amazed, however, at your blanket statement.

quote:

Originally posted by nhmonty:

Our kid just doesnt talk much and I don't want to push.

Then you should be satisfied with what you have. If you're not, you probably just stated the solution you are uncomfortable bringing yourself to.

I have a son that gives me and Mom, "fine" a lot. But he gets the hammer when we try to have a substantiative conversation about things of import and he tries to blow us off. Then we have an animated conversation about knowing the difference. Having junior understand where his bread is buttered is another life lesson that we feel important. To us, it's also about learning how to be part of the family dynamic instead of the autonomous teenager who thinks he has a right to be left alone. We take the time to explain the two way street he really lives on, instead of the one way street he sometimes acts like he lives on.

Just our way.

quote:

Originally posted by jemaz:
bsballfan:

Read more closely. What I said was to have his son file the required papers to allow him to speak to the trainer, teachers and others about this situation. To do this, written permission is required from his son. To get it quicker, this man can write the note for his son, have his son sign it and send it in. Or, his son can send an e-mail. Either works. I am not sure why you consider that bad advice unless you believe the son should not grant his parents this permission.

In our home, this would not be an option. As long as I am paying the bills and since their mother and I raised them and continue to support them, we automatically had/have such permission. It has been a good thing and never once intruded upon their private lives. It has worked for us, and all four of our children so far have enjoyed extremely successful college experience.

If this does not work for you or if you have a different philosophy, that is your business. It has worked extremely well for us and might for others, including this family. In the end, he will make his own decisions.

I am amazed, however, at your blanket statement.

I guess I read it to mean write the email for him (you would be shocked how much this happens) from his account....if that's not what you meant, then I apologize.

I still think if he wants his parents to have permission to speak to the trainer then he should write the letter himself....however the trainer still doesn't have to do it. He can (and probably will choose to share information with the student-athlete. The reality of most college trainers is that they don't have the time to speak to every injured athlete AND their parents....good chance for kid to learn how to communicate....both in understanding information and telling his parents.

Again, my apologies if I misread.

bsballfan:

No problem. Thanks for the clarification. My only point on writing the letter and getting him to sign it is that sometimes (at least with my sons -- not my daughter) that is the only way that it actually gets written.

I've thought about it, and believe my next text to my son would go something like this:

"Call me tonight or cell phone cancelled tomorrow."

My son knows I never bluff.

Two issues here.

1. Son should be able to share information with his parents. I don't think that's the big deal here.

2. BIGGER ISSUE. This country is drowning in lawyers. The parents should ABSOLUTELY have access to any and all records pertaining to their child at college. Grades, discipline and most certainly health care issues.

If the young man was on his own and paying the bills, different story.

These privacy laws are going to be the death of us all.

You can have access. Your legally adult son must allow the access by signing the forms. If he refuses, then the parent can simply not pay any more bills. Independence has a price at any age and college is a great place to learn, right?

Just have the kid sign the form and go to town obtaining whatever you need to know. My son signed the forms and I never looked at anything ever. But I knew that I could if I wanted to.

quote:

I've thought about it, and believe my next text to my son would go something like this:

"Call me tonight or cell phone cancelled tomorrow."

My son knows I never bluff.

I had this talk with my son a while back when he ignored my calls/texts one night. Simple statement was you can ignore anyone you want, it just comes with consequences. If you ignore the people paying your phone bill, what do you think is going to happen? He hasn't ignored a call/text since.

While my children are not at that age yet, I can give advice on what would have been told to me and what I would tell my son in that instance. "I care about your well-being and deserve to know about your health. Call me and let me know what is going on so that I can send in the next tuition payment." No call..no payment. Pretty simple.

Whether you use a carrot or a stick (and the “stick” stories do make the best posts), you need to get your son to communicate with you.

(I'm sure I just oversetpped my bounds ... )

Core Adult skills include 1) getting and making fair assessments of a situation, 2) generating reasonable courses of action, and 3) communicating 1) & 2) to others.

If he’s non-cummiticitive w/ you, isn’t it fair to believe he’s equally non-communitive with others in his life? How will he tell the Coach he’s only 80% when Trainer believes he's good to go? How will he exchange ideas with professors while at College, a boss at work, a loan officer or a wife?

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:

quote:

So to ease your worry just tell him he has no choice in the matter and he is going to get you on the phone with someone with the program that can tell you exactly what is going on with his arm. Yes he might be ticked off. And yes he will get over it. And yes you will feel better once you have talked to someone. End of story imo.

I have been through this.These kids trust their coaches and their trainers.Let me tell you trainers job is to get players on the field.

Bull the trainer doesn't have time to talk to parents of injured players, they WILL make the time.

Your son needs to undertsand that YOU are his team when it comes to making sure he is OK.

My son continued to play with a torn labrum (we were told they didnt think it was torn) Bull,I told them I wanted MRI asap.Guess what Labrum torn.

Cutting the cord is one thing when it comes to play time and sons dealing with that type of adjustment.When it comes to injury you bet I would step up.

If xrays were involved, etc, you have a right to know.

This cut the cord doesnt fly with me when it comes to 18 -22 year olds that are hurt.

My own tried to play through injry, afraid to take himself out.We had to step in and notify doctor that he was playing in pain.Doctor immediatley pulled him for last 7-8 games.Doctor did not know he was in pain.

I would never let my kid blow me or my husband off when it comes to an injury that isnt a simple problem.

These kids careers can be ruined with injury.They dont understand the severity of what can happen if the injury is bad.They are trying to earn a spot.

I do not agree with the cut the cord approach when it comes to injury.A parent has every right to know why an xray was ordered and the results.

With all do respect, then your son is in the wrong program. No coach/trainer worth a darn would knowingly risk injury for their kid.

I still think you are missing the point here....you as a parent have every right to know but why should the trainer have to spend time explaining it to the kid AND to the parent?? Teach your kid to share appropriate information in a responsible way....relying on the trainer to call every parent for every injury is a ridiculous expectation.....they may have 300 student-athletes and 2 or 3 trainers.

Also, I would NOT recomend Mon/Dad scheduling a Dr. appt. without knowledge of the training staff/coaching staff. Quick way to **** people off. There are always times they "miss something" or whatever but the trainers/Dr. are professionals and should be allowed to do their job.

quote:

Originally posted by bsballfan:
No coach/trainer worth a darn would knowingly risk injury for their kid.

My experiences lead me to believe this statement to be extremely naive. You must not have heard about things like when Augie Garrido threw his closer 210 pitches in 24 hours. Or when someone close to my family was thrown 330 pitches in 11 days for his 3rd, 4th and 5th start of the season...then ran him out for 2 more starts even after complaining of severe elbow pain...or any of the hundreds of other examples of college coaches prioritizing winning over player wellness.

I know a pitcher, who in severe elbow pain, asked the coach if he could be the third starter instead of second starter, in the semifinals of a best of 3 conference playoff, so that if they swept in 2, he could have a week off pitching. The pitcher in the 3rd slot had thrown 2 shutouts vs. this team previously, completely dominated them. The coach said no and then publicly ridiculed the pitcher all through the next practice for not being tough enough.

This type of story is not the rule, but it's not the exception either.

BTW, the pitcher in pain got rocked, lasted 2 innings and the 3rd game pitcher threw another 5 hit CG shutout to win the series.

quote:

Originally posted by bsballfan:
but why should the trainer have to spend time explaining it to the kid AND to the parent?? ....relying on the trainer to call every parent for every injury is a ridiculous expectation....

Because the trainers usually give more of a hoot about the kids well being than the coach does, IMHO. Every trainer I've known has been very accessible and given me their cell phone #'s unsolicited. They show great concern and want everyone in the loop. They act as liaison between Dr's/PT's/Coaches and in my experience act as the sounding board and advocate for the player and parents.

I'm not trying to pick a fight here, but my experiences are so vastly different from what you've espoused, I can't help but wonder if your opinions are based in theory or actuality?

quote:

Originally posted by Coach_May:
He doesn't want to worry you. Or to him its no big deal and he doesn't want you guys making it a big deal.

Perhaps that is why he hasn't given details.

The communication should always be between you and your son, it is his responsibility to inform you of injury, not communicate by trainer.

The way I see it, it is his decision not to inform you if he chooses not to, perhaps it really isn't a big deal and doesn't want you making it one, by calling the trainers or anyone else. Or perhaps it is a bit more serious, but what are you going to do at home when he is miles away? Perhaps he doesn't want you to drive him nuts (we do have a tendency to do that over certain situations, guilty myself).

Why not give everyone the benefit of the doubt, it happened on saturday, he took an xray monday and then probably has to go back to the doctor, today is wednesday. Just to let you know, things don't move as quickly as you would like in the sports world, college or professional ball and as long as he isn't missing class, it's not considered a catastrophe, in their opinion.

If son had to call everytime there was some sort of minor injury at school, we would be on the phone with him every other day. Pulled muscles, sprained ankle, bruised hand, blisters, bruised knees, sore back, sore throat, flu, food poisoning, asthma attack, pretty much covers some of the minor injuries you will hear about.

Serious in my opinion are broken bones, torn ligaments, concussions, shoulder issues, or something that requires an operation to correct.

This is what we prepare our children for, to leave home and face problems and learn to handle them on their own. Let them do it.

I do beleive that if it were serious, you might have gotten a call from the coaching staff. I don't know anyone who ever had a serious injury and not eventually contacted by them.

You are not footing the bill for injuries, the school is and that gives them the right to handle it as they see fit, as to their protocol for injuries.

[/QUOTE]

Because the trainers usually give more of a hoot about the kids well being than the coach does, IMHO. QUOTE]

Like I said earlier, you are picking the wrong program then. Most coaches care a lot about their players and want to see them as succesfull/healthy people.

I will say this....players are MUCH MORE honest with trainers than coaches for fear of being labled "soft" sad but true.

quote:

Originally posted by CABBallFan:
Whether you use a carrot or a stick (and the “stick” stories do make the best posts), you need to get your son to communicate with you.

(I'm sure I just oversetpped my bounds ... )

Core Adult skills include 1) getting and making fair assessments of a situation, 2) generating reasonable courses of action, and 3) communicating 1) & 2) to others.

If he’s non-cummiticitive w/ you, isn’t it fair to believe he’s equally non-communitive with others in his life? How will he tell the Coach he’s only 80% when Trainer believes he's good to go? How will he exchange ideas with professors while at College, a boss at work, a loan officer or a wife?

That is a post for the ages right there...give your kid's a chance to grow up in college, work with them along the way, teach them when/what to share and they will grow up.

quote:

asthma attack, pretty much covers some of the minor injuries you will hear about.

Here's some advise on this. Never consider an asthma attack a minor thing. Sure, while having that inhaler or machine available makes most asthma attacks minor and relief is acheived, asthma is a very serious disease and people die from asthma attacks. This hit way too close too home directly so I know all to well that asthma isn't a just minor inconvenience.

quote:

Originally posted by bsballfan:
Most coaches care a lot about their players and want to see them as succesfull/healthy people.

Most coaches want to win. (please notice the period at the end of that statement).

Again, your comments seem naive and based more in theory than practical experience.

quote:

Originally posted by CPLZ:

quote:

Originally posted by bsballfan:
Most coaches care a lot about their players and want to see them as succesfull/healthy people.

Most coaches want to win. (please notice the period at the end of that statement).

Again, your comments seem naive and based more in theory than practical experience.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, there are some really bad guys out there in college baseball (unfortunately) my point was that those are very things that a player/family should be looking at in recruiting.....it's not like you can go down to the dugout in the 8th inning and have your son pulled from the game or go to practice on Wednesday afternoon and have his bullpen routine changed...find people who care about their players (there are plenty out there if you look) and send your kids there

note: It may not be the big-time D-1 school that will look good in the local paper.

quote:

Originally posted by bsballfan:
...my point was that those are very things that a player/family should be looking at in recruiting.....

How? How do you find out that the coach recruiting you is more interested in winning than anything.

A pretty wise guy who went down this path before I, clued me into the fact that the number of college coaches that, "were as advertised", during the recruiting process, and wound up resembling anything like they had portrayed, were very, very few. My personal experience having traveled that path now also, is to concur with his wisdom.

My experience is that there are quite a few coaches that prioritize winning above everything except keeping their job...which most times is synonymous.

So am I the only one here interested to know what actually did happen to nhmonty's son?

Apparently none of us will know until the boys father knows and reports

Here is what I know about his injury and how I found out.

Subluxation of left shoulder (heard from his cousin who is another college player)

Back at practice (his roommates Dad)

Shoulders alright, at practice but limited work (text to Mom after second appeal for ino)

Out about 2 weeks, doing ok (Assistant Coach - Recruited him - after email from me. I don't like contacting or talking to coaches but I wanted good info; after all they promised to take care of him)

As you can see not much from our son. He really is good kid and humble and quiet and I think he is trying to handle things on his own. We have to respect that and let him do his thing. The advice I got here was very helpful especially "if it was real bad you would have known right away"

Tough injury for a freshman and I am don't know if he will participate in the teams World Series the end of this month. I am sure this sets him back in his competition for playing time but thats life. Another lesson learned - things don't always go your way so you have to figure out a way of handling these situations. Welcome to the real world kid!

Bob,

May I suggest another view point?
Call to discuss

quote:

Originally posted by nhmonty:
Another lesson learned - things don't always go your way so you have to figure out a way of handling these situations. Welcome to the real world kid!

Good advice for parents too!

FWIW, he's probably not the only freshman who ever missed some fall ball. He'll handle it, and you have to as well.

Your son will be fine, I personally didn't think it was anything serious, you just have to learn to go with the flow, it's not in your control anymore.

quote:

Originally posted by njbb:
Tell him your driving up to see for your self. Bet he starts talking.

NJBB,
Bingo your are right on the money! HaHa I had to laugh when I read that because it is so true.

I look at all this a bit differently than most of you.

My guys were brought up to fend for themselves in their own battles and tough circumstances. They knew I was there if they needed me but they handled things pretty much on their own

I was raised to be independent and wanted my boys to be the same.

Young Monty did what most maturing young men would do when on their own at college--try to fend for themselves without mommy and daddy being involved.my guys would have been furious if, in a case like young Monty, I called the coach or trainer.

He knows he can call on them if he needs to

Different strokes for different folks