Gotta agree with TRhit on this one. The kid's 18. It's between him and the coach now. He CAN handle it all if you LET him.
I made up my mind a long time ago that I would not be friends/buddies with my son's coaches, at least not until he is done playing. Whatever he gets he will get on his own, not from our meddling. And he will learn to stand on his own two feet. My wife and I don't call the coaching staff. We don't e-mail them. When we run into them we don't call them by first names or nicknames. We call them Coach. And we make a point of not talking about our son.
One day we were at a weekend series and ran into HC. He was so friendly it was almost scary. We mentioned it to son and see it "He likes y'all. You don't call him about playing time. You don't complain. You just support the team." Son figured this out by himself.
You don't want to get a bad reputation with the coach, the players, and most importantly, your son. To the people who think they are truly buddies with their son's coaches, I will say this, you are kidding yourselves. They may tolerate your calls. They may be polite. But when they see your name on caller ID they're rolling their eyes and thinking "Oh God, not her again."
Your son can handle it. Trust him.
quote:"Oh God, not her again."
You know you could have been politically correct and wrote "her/him".
But seriously, I learned during football years, unless you are called over by the coach, you say nothing. Hello Coach, or great game...other then that, they know where to find you.
You have to leave injuries and such, to the coach/ trainer and your son now. I am sure we have raised them all well and they need to figure it out on their own.easier said than done, when my son goes away to school/mlb I am going to have to start drinking so I can sleep...LOL
Quick story...son got hurt playing in GA this summer, Coach called us to the fence, "might want to take him for xrays" we did, nothing broken. Saw the coach later that night and we told him nothing broken/serious injury. WE said " this is between our son and you, make the choice of whether he plays the next game, and we support the decision. Yes, coaches want to win, so do the players. If my son felt he couldn't play, he knew the answer, MOM didn't.
MTH
How right you are about the parent calls to college coaches !!!!--all too many parents delude themselves into thinking that the Head Coach is their buddy--in reality he is just being polite in taking the calls--on top of it the parent is embarassing the son and they don't even know it.
How right you are about the parent calls to college coaches !!!!--all too many parents delude themselves into thinking that the Head Coach is their buddy--in reality he is just being polite in taking the calls--on top of it the parent is embarassing the son and they don't even know it.
My take on this is a little different and that's ok. I have never said one word to any coach that coached my kids other than hello , good bye , good game. I have never called them and I don't look for ways to get face time. If they want to talk to me they know where I am.
In a situation like this one we are not talking about playing time. We are not talking about trying to brown nose the coaches. We are not talking about letting a young man grow up. We are talking about a kid who is away from home for the first time. In an environment where there is tremendous peer pressure many times. A situation where he may be afraid to say anything out of fear of being called a P---- and looked upon as being soft.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with demanding that you know what is going on with your sons health. You deal with this through your son. He gets you in touch with the people that can tell you exactly what is going on with him. For goodness sake he is in a sling and can't practice. He is going to have x-rays. You have every right to know what is going on. And if someone has a problem with that they are not much of a coach imo.
The kid is trying to down play it to the parents. He doesn't want mom and dad making him look like a whip. That's cool no problem. Just give the trainer permission to talk to me and have them call me and tell me whats up. How that can be construed as not letting your kid grow up is beyond me. That is a parent being a parent. You can bet the coaches would want to know about their kid if he was in the same situation.
So do it through your kid and find out whats up. Ease your mind and don't think for one minute your doing anything wrong. Just because your kid goes to college and is playing baseball does not mean you stop being their parent. Does it?
In a situation like this one we are not talking about playing time. We are not talking about trying to brown nose the coaches. We are not talking about letting a young man grow up. We are talking about a kid who is away from home for the first time. In an environment where there is tremendous peer pressure many times. A situation where he may be afraid to say anything out of fear of being called a P---- and looked upon as being soft.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with demanding that you know what is going on with your sons health. You deal with this through your son. He gets you in touch with the people that can tell you exactly what is going on with him. For goodness sake he is in a sling and can't practice. He is going to have x-rays. You have every right to know what is going on. And if someone has a problem with that they are not much of a coach imo.
The kid is trying to down play it to the parents. He doesn't want mom and dad making him look like a whip. That's cool no problem. Just give the trainer permission to talk to me and have them call me and tell me whats up. How that can be construed as not letting your kid grow up is beyond me. That is a parent being a parent. You can bet the coaches would want to know about their kid if he was in the same situation.
So do it through your kid and find out whats up. Ease your mind and don't think for one minute your doing anything wrong. Just because your kid goes to college and is playing baseball does not mean you stop being their parent. Does it?
What I find interesting here, and this is no knock on any of the posters, is the difference in thinking among the posters who are all from different backgrounds and different parts of the country.
This site offers a continual learning process about people
This site offers a continual learning process about people
Another lecturer !!!
Like I said --different strokes for different folks !!!
Like I said --different strokes for different folks !!!
You closing statement in the above post seems like a lecture to me--- and I didn't ask for your credentials
Coach May,
I'm with you on this one. My wife and I have no plans to get involved in anything whatsoever unless there is the potential for a long term injury or major health concern.
My son is almost 19, smart and independent, but he does not have the wisdom, judgement or life experiences to know how to deal with major medicals issues. I will support the team and let my son make his own decisions about everything else.
I'm with you on this one. My wife and I have no plans to get involved in anything whatsoever unless there is the potential for a long term injury or major health concern.
My son is almost 19, smart and independent, but he does not have the wisdom, judgement or life experiences to know how to deal with major medicals issues. I will support the team and let my son make his own decisions about everything else.
Maybe I missed something due to poor reading on my part.
We have a player who got injured, in a sling, went to a Medical facility and the HEAD COACH did not call either parent???
In my opinion the coach is showing what type of guy he is... and what type of man he is not.
We have a player who got injured, in a sling, went to a Medical facility and the HEAD COACH did not call either parent???
In my opinion the coach is showing what type of guy he is... and what type of man he is not.
Thrit,
I literally am so tired of your nonsense.I remove my posts.I have better things to do then argue with you.
I literally am so tired of your nonsense.I remove my posts.I have better things to do then argue with you.
quote:My son is almost 19, smart and independent, but he does not have the wisdom, judgement or life experiences to know how to deal with major medicals issues. I will support the team and let my son make his own decisions about everything else.
Nice idea.
I think we are losing the argument here and getting off track....
The issue isn't whether the parents have a right to know what is going on...most everybody agrees on that.
Where we are having disagreement is which of the following should happen:
1. Kid calls parents, fills them in on all information including Dr. appt. days and the parents have the option of going to Dr. with son/daughter.
2. Trainer calls parents....same as above
3. Head Coach calls parents....same as above.
My opinion is that the kid should learn how to handle this situation and communicate effectively and the parent should have the right to ask questions and be involved if the issue is surgery/no surgery....etc.
Others have a different opinion and that is ok, let's just not turn this in to whether or not they should have the right to know....very few of us are saying that.
The issue isn't whether the parents have a right to know what is going on...most everybody agrees on that.
Where we are having disagreement is which of the following should happen:
1. Kid calls parents, fills them in on all information including Dr. appt. days and the parents have the option of going to Dr. with son/daughter.
2. Trainer calls parents....same as above
3. Head Coach calls parents....same as above.
My opinion is that the kid should learn how to handle this situation and communicate effectively and the parent should have the right to ask questions and be involved if the issue is surgery/no surgery....etc.
Others have a different opinion and that is ok, let's just not turn this in to whether or not they should have the right to know....very few of us are saying that.
In 2006 I was pm'd by a HSBBW poster who's son was a college teammate of my 20 yr old son and she asked how my sons MRI turned out. What MRI? The one on his pitching elbow. OH...that MRI 
At that point I thought a call was in order and the conversation went something like this.......
rz- what's up?
son- shetty day
rz- It's Feb in the North, every-day's a shetty day
son- Not like this, I just left the docs office and an MRI shows I need TJ surgery.
rz- When did that happen?
son- 5 days ago
rz- Why didn't you let us know?
son- I didn't have all the details and I didn't want you guys to freak out until I did.
rz- what can I do?
son- Sedate Mom before you tell her
rz- Anything else? Whats your plan?
son- Redshirt paperwork is in and they can do the surgery at the University Medical Center. However, can you look into getting an "out of network" referral from our HMO for Dr Andrews at the Birmingham Sports medicine facility. I've talked to them and they have already been in contact the team Doc here and the MRI results are being sent. If it works for the HMO, and the Docs all agree with the course of action, they penciled me in for three weeks from now. I'll call you and talk to Mom tonite.
When we hung up I was devastated by the injury but so proud that he took the bull by the balls and had a plan. Now it was my turn to follow through, and I had a ton of work to do. My kids have all been brought up with a "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions" attitude. We have always been there for them, they are not only our kids but also our best friends. If they need us they will let us know without hesitation. As a point my 21 yr old daughters are water skiing in China this week and emailed me saying they wished I was there with them........they need someone to take pictures
.
As parents it's our job to prepare our kids for "life after Mom-n-Dad" and when that line of demarcation happens is family business and no one should judge how our kids communicate with us. Some like to have their fingers in the pot till helll freezes over, some sit back after the kid says to back off, and most are somewhere in between those spots. Do I question my approach? Everyday to some extent. Would I change things.... Very little. We will always be parents with the first aid kit, a bottle of water, an extra bag of seeds, or some advise (sound or not) but we will not be sitting in the dugout, we will have some nice box seats on the other side of the fence .
At that point I thought a call was in order and the conversation went something like this....... rz- what's up?
son- shetty day
rz- It's Feb in the North, every-day's a shetty day
son- Not like this, I just left the docs office and an MRI shows I need TJ surgery.
rz- When did that happen?
son- 5 days ago
rz- Why didn't you let us know?
son- I didn't have all the details and I didn't want you guys to freak out until I did.
rz- what can I do?
son- Sedate Mom before you tell her
rz- Anything else? Whats your plan?
son- Redshirt paperwork is in and they can do the surgery at the University Medical Center. However, can you look into getting an "out of network" referral from our HMO for Dr Andrews at the Birmingham Sports medicine facility. I've talked to them and they have already been in contact the team Doc here and the MRI results are being sent. If it works for the HMO, and the Docs all agree with the course of action, they penciled me in for three weeks from now. I'll call you and talk to Mom tonite.
When we hung up I was devastated by the injury but so proud that he took the bull by the balls and had a plan. Now it was my turn to follow through, and I had a ton of work to do. My kids have all been brought up with a "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions" attitude. We have always been there for them, they are not only our kids but also our best friends. If they need us they will let us know without hesitation. As a point my 21 yr old daughters are water skiing in China this week and emailed me saying they wished I was there with them........they need someone to take pictures
As parents it's our job to prepare our kids for "life after Mom-n-Dad" and when that line of demarcation happens is family business and no one should judge how our kids communicate with us. Some like to have their fingers in the pot till helll freezes over, some sit back after the kid says to back off, and most are somewhere in between those spots. Do I question my approach? Everyday to some extent. Would I change things.... Very little. We will always be parents with the first aid kit, a bottle of water, an extra bag of seeds, or some advise (sound or not) but we will not be sitting in the dugout, we will have some nice box seats on the other side of the fence .
One other note:
If I get a call/email from a parent about something like this....I call the kid in and ask him why he isn't telling his parents about what is going on with his health....ask him who's job it is to keep his parents up to date.....that usually takes care of it.
If it were about playing time etc, I just print the email and show it to the kid and ask him why if he has an issue he can't come talk to me instead of to his parents about it.....never happens again.
With that being said, I like our parents and have no issue talking to them like a normal human being would. For God's sake, I'm trusted with the most important thing in their world. I can say hi and comment on how nice the weather is or thank them for coming to a game.
If I get a call/email from a parent about something like this....I call the kid in and ask him why he isn't telling his parents about what is going on with his health....ask him who's job it is to keep his parents up to date.....that usually takes care of it.
If it were about playing time etc, I just print the email and show it to the kid and ask him why if he has an issue he can't come talk to me instead of to his parents about it.....never happens again.
With that being said, I like our parents and have no issue talking to them like a normal human being would. For God's sake, I'm trusted with the most important thing in their world. I can say hi and comment on how nice the weather is or thank them for coming to a game.
Great Post RZ1.
quote:Originally posted by rz1:
rz- Why didn't you let us know?
son- I didn't have all the details and I didn't want you guys to freak out until I did.
I am with you on this one, but perhaps because our players are been there and now moved on, much easier for us to understand, that going off to school is a life process, where they have to figure out how to deal with all types of situations on their own. And we understand the coaches, trainers and schools role in the process as well. This is between parent and child and expectations on when to call home and when not to and not sure why people are blaming the coach or trainer for not calling the parents.
If that is what you all expect, you better keep them close to home so you can keep an eye on them every day, because what you expect from others, most likely isn't going to happen.
quote:Originally posted by TPM:
I am with you on this one, but perhaps because our players are been there and now moved on, much easier for us to understand, that going off to school is a life process, where they have to figure out how to deal with all types of situations on their own.
I'm not buying the "in hindsight" theory. I'm a true believer that young athletes have a pretty good clue about life and dealing with "situations" before they go off to college. This age group is mature enough to fight for our Country but many times we insist that they involve us with the day-2-day happenings in their baseball/college lives. I am not pointing fingers or making assumptions at any families discussed here because I don't have a clue of the dynamics involved, only bring up a generalized opinion.
What I meant was that it's easier for us to see that it is very possible that our kids can take care of themselves without having to call mom or dad, because we have been there and we know they can do it.
It's not that kids can't let go, I think it is more about parents letting go. JMO.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means the perfect parent, it took a long time to learn to let my kids take the lead, they will let you know when they want you to know details and when they don't, especially when they begin to live apart from you.
It's not that kids can't let go, I think it is more about parents letting go. JMO.
Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means the perfect parent, it took a long time to learn to let my kids take the lead, they will let you know when they want you to know details and when they don't, especially when they begin to live apart from you.
Quite a lively topic my question started.
My wife and I have been watching him play three sports since the fifth grade. We had no choice but to participate in his injuries via hospital visits, doctor appointments, physical therapy etc. and general worry.
We have watched him collape on a basketball court, get carted off the football field with a concusion and suffer what we all thought was a serious arm issue in HS this spring. We were there with him and for him that was our job as a parent. So now he walks onto a college campus in late August and "poof" we are no longer supposed to have concerns for his health or ask questions? Seems strange to me but here is what I have learned from the responses:
I screwed up in this situation by looking for information from him. When I didn't get it I looked elsewhere what a dumb _ _ _. I should have realized it was nothing and that his coaches and the training staff are his new family and they are watching out for him. He probably used the sling and carried XRays to get sympathy from a girl he is trying to date - what was I thinking!!
He became a man on August 24, 2010 when he walked onto campus. I should have told him to get a job when called for things he needed the first month at school. I will now tell him for future reference Mom and I are saving our money for that vacation we haven't taken in the last ten years. You have plenty of money on your meal plan and we left you $100 on your debit card. Good luck the rest of the semester with school and baseball - see you at Thanksgiving. By the way can you get a ride home instead of flying. Mom and I have always wanted to go to a casino and we could use the money for blackjack.
If he calls or texts again from the hospital or doctors with an injury, I repsond "Geez thats a tough break, hope things work out for you - dont worry everythings fine at home - we did get a new dog since you left."
This letting go is a neat thing. Both our kids are out of the house my job as a parent is over - no more asking questions and no more worrying.
Im going upstairs and get a beer and relax - I feel so much better.
My wife and I have been watching him play three sports since the fifth grade. We had no choice but to participate in his injuries via hospital visits, doctor appointments, physical therapy etc. and general worry.
We have watched him collape on a basketball court, get carted off the football field with a concusion and suffer what we all thought was a serious arm issue in HS this spring. We were there with him and for him that was our job as a parent. So now he walks onto a college campus in late August and "poof" we are no longer supposed to have concerns for his health or ask questions? Seems strange to me but here is what I have learned from the responses:
I screwed up in this situation by looking for information from him. When I didn't get it I looked elsewhere what a dumb _ _ _. I should have realized it was nothing and that his coaches and the training staff are his new family and they are watching out for him. He probably used the sling and carried XRays to get sympathy from a girl he is trying to date - what was I thinking!!
He became a man on August 24, 2010 when he walked onto campus. I should have told him to get a job when called for things he needed the first month at school. I will now tell him for future reference Mom and I are saving our money for that vacation we haven't taken in the last ten years. You have plenty of money on your meal plan and we left you $100 on your debit card. Good luck the rest of the semester with school and baseball - see you at Thanksgiving. By the way can you get a ride home instead of flying. Mom and I have always wanted to go to a casino and we could use the money for blackjack.
If he calls or texts again from the hospital or doctors with an injury, I repsond "Geez thats a tough break, hope things work out for you - dont worry everythings fine at home - we did get a new dog since you left."
This letting go is a neat thing. Both our kids are out of the house my job as a parent is over - no more asking questions and no more worrying.
Im going upstairs and get a beer and relax - I feel so much better.
Fanofgame,
Just ignore TR, he talks out of both sides of his mouth. He one day tells everyone to not stick their nose in with any coach, whether it be high school, travel or college. But, then he tells us that he is "good friends" with one of his son's old college coaches in Elliot Avent.
My son has played for coach Avent the past two years. Guess how many times I have stuck my nose in or even introduced myself? Absolutely none. Coach even asked if he had met my son's mom or me in exit interviews last spring. Tr should have listened to all that great advice he so freely gives on this site.
Just ignore TR, he talks out of both sides of his mouth. He one day tells everyone to not stick their nose in with any coach, whether it be high school, travel or college. But, then he tells us that he is "good friends" with one of his son's old college coaches in Elliot Avent.
My son has played for coach Avent the past two years. Guess how many times I have stuck my nose in or even introduced myself? Absolutely none. Coach even asked if he had met my son's mom or me in exit interviews last spring. Tr should have listened to all that great advice he so freely gives on this site.
DI
For your uninformed brain---I never talked with Coach Avent while he coached my son at NMSU other than when he requested info from me on players I may have know in our region
After Coach left NMSU we continued to speak regarding players
I find it amazing how people think they more than I do about what I have done or are doing
For your uninformed brain---I never talked with Coach Avent while he coached my son at NMSU other than when he requested info from me on players I may have know in our region
After Coach left NMSU we continued to speak regarding players
I find it amazing how people think they more than I do about what I have done or are doing
D1 has yet to participate in any discussion in a meaningful way. His MO is to wait in the weeds and then rip someone. He must have real self esteem issues if the only way he can feel better about himself is to tear others down. It's really pretty sad.
quote:Originally posted by nhmonty:
Quite a lively topic my question started.
I was hoping you had telephone me, prior to
your "my job as a parent is over".
Standing by the phone. Holding my breath!
Bear,
I lost your phone number, PM your number and I will call you today.
By the Way, my post was New England humor/sarcasm.
I don't really feel my job as parent is done. However, I have been leaving him alone, no calls and texts in four days. Its been a tough withdrawl but as noted by many, I have to suck it up.
Also, I am in the camp of not talking to coaches. Went to team golf tournament fundraiser as requested by son. Never approach any coaches until they came over to say hi. Asked HC and one assistant simple question "Is he working hard?" end of conversation. I am guilty of emailing the assistant/recuiter to ask for info on injury as son was not providing info. He responded with "Doing fine, out two weeks, handling the injury." I responded "Thank you" -easy, why couldn't my kid tell me this!
I hope the assitant takes the suggestion of showing him the email and telling him to keep us informed he sure isn't listening to his Mom and me. Stubbon NE Yankee!!
Send me your phone number.
I lost your phone number, PM your number and I will call you today.
By the Way, my post was New England humor/sarcasm.
I don't really feel my job as parent is done. However, I have been leaving him alone, no calls and texts in four days. Its been a tough withdrawl but as noted by many, I have to suck it up.
Also, I am in the camp of not talking to coaches. Went to team golf tournament fundraiser as requested by son. Never approach any coaches until they came over to say hi. Asked HC and one assistant simple question "Is he working hard?" end of conversation. I am guilty of emailing the assistant/recuiter to ask for info on injury as son was not providing info. He responded with "Doing fine, out two weeks, handling the injury." I responded "Thank you" -easy, why couldn't my kid tell me this!
I hope the assitant takes the suggestion of showing him the email and telling him to keep us informed he sure isn't listening to his Mom and me. Stubbon NE Yankee!!
Send me your phone number.
nhmonty - i thoroughly enjoyed your post, and the New England humor/sarcasm. I speak it fluently. It most certainly did not go unnoticed! Well done.
Actually, it is a great topic because it is really about how kids are raised, and when they become independent. That line of independence is going to be different for everyone. Everyone here is going to have a different viewpoint just as they do with other topics that get woven into our baseball discussions.
Actually, it is a great topic because it is really about how kids are raised, and when they become independent. That line of independence is going to be different for everyone. Everyone here is going to have a different viewpoint just as they do with other topics that get woven into our baseball discussions.
As a part of the athletic training staff at a DI university, I can tell you they CANNOT say anything to ANYONE without permission from the athlete. At our school, all athletes are requested to sign 3 or 4 "release" forms at the beginning of each school year. Parents are not one of them.
The athletic trainers at my school speak with parents on a fairly-regular basis regarding injuries, insurance issues, etc. But it is often with the athlete right there in a 3-way communication.
The athletic trainers at my school speak with parents on a fairly-regular basis regarding injuries, insurance issues, etc. But it is often with the athlete right there in a 3-way communication.
quote:Originally posted by nhmonty:
Bear,
I lost your phone number, PM your number and I will call you today. Send me your phone number.
Sent via PM.
I got the 'humor' and maybe the 'sense' of it.
NHmonty- sounds like you've weathered your 1st tough test by letting go and letting your son handle his injury. He will probably get better communicating with you as time goes on (if he's a freshman).
I'm impressed how gracefully you handled the tough posters on this site! It's amazing how such simple questions can have so many different answers and opinions.
I'm impressed how gracefully you handled the tough posters on this site! It's amazing how such simple questions can have so many different answers and opinions.
Nice spin you always seem to put on things TR.
And Chippy! Im not laying in any weeds, I just dont have all the time you do to control the forums and pontificate. Keep up the great work!
And Chippy! Im not laying in any weeds, I just dont have all the time you do to control the forums and pontificate. Keep up the great work!
quote:Originally posted by D1:
Nice spin you always seem to put on things TR.
And Chippy! Im not laying in any weeds, I just dont have all the time you do to control the forums and pontificate. Keep up the great work!
You are consistent however.
quote:Originally posted by CPLZ:
D1 has yet to participate in any discussion in a meaningful way.
Posted October 01, 2010 02:14 PM Hide Post
"I am so jealous of you guys. My son`s school plays in a conference that does not allow fall practice so I have to wait until spring to start enjoying what you guys are experiencing now. The last phone call I received from him was how he was bursting with pride that after playing Colgate in Rugby he sustained his first “good head bleed” from a cut above his eyebrow. It`s going to take some getting used to this new sport."
I had to repost this from the fall ball string. as you can see my son did call to tell me about him being hurt, but for the wrong reason(s).
"I am so jealous of you guys. My son`s school plays in a conference that does not allow fall practice so I have to wait until spring to start enjoying what you guys are experiencing now. The last phone call I received from him was how he was bursting with pride that after playing Colgate in Rugby he sustained his first “good head bleed” from a cut above his eyebrow. It`s going to take some getting used to this new sport."
I had to repost this from the fall ball string. as you can see my son did call to tell me about him being hurt, but for the wrong reason(s).