Surviving the Loss of an Athlete

None of us ever want to experience a loss of this type and I can only wish your son, his teammates, your family, and the family of that young man the very best.
Losses like this, in my view, are managed in ways that are personal to the coaches, each player as an individual and as part of a team and what works for them.
In the two experiences that impacted our son and his college teammates, once the acute grief began to dissipate, through the leadership of the coaching staff, the team created ways to celebrate the lives of the two they lost, one a player and one a coach.
They made every effort to continue to involve the families that were immediately impacted, and they created ways to recognize #12 on the one hand and #46 on the other were with them at all times. Symbols like having the jerseys in the dugout, numbers in their hats/on their hats, a game/night dedicated to the player on the one hand and the deceased coach on the other seemed to make a difference for the players, the coaches and the families that were impacted and all the families of players.
Both Chris, the player, and Bob, the coach, have a plaque in their honor in the dugout with a memento/saying to reflect what they meant to their team and teammates
For the player, the team had a dog tag made that each player wore the entire season, and many beyond that time.
In speaking with the Mother of the deceased player, one item that brought her great joy was continued calls, contact and emails from the team/players and parents. Stories about things the players did with her son, things her son did with his teammates were very much cherished. I don't know if this would be right for every parent but I know how much the mother of #12 appreciated learning things her son did and others shared with her son that explained more of his life for her.
If there are siblings of the deceased player, bringing them to the current team might be meaningful. I know it was for the brother of Chris to have the team reach out to him and make an effort so he knew his brother's life was so much enjoyed and continued to be celebrated.
For the family of the deceased coach and player, the team and coaches and families of the players and coaches made a very consistent effort to involve them regularly, Not all invites were accepted but making the effort to include them in emails and all other team and parent communications sure were warmly received.
Finally, looking for some way to continue the presence of the young man in that baseball program can be a support parents can provide. Whether it be a scholarship in his name,a score board in his name, both, or some other recognition that his life can make a difference and will be remembered and celebrated for years to come helps bring comfort and pride that survives but most importantly celebrates the life and spirit that was lost.

Infielddad-A great post.

quote:

Originally posted by deldad:
Infielddad-A great post.

Yep it sure was a good post.

infielddad,

Thank you for the response!

We are coming up on the one year anniversary. You've given me a wonderful idea! His mom and dad would really enjoy hearing how Leonard touched the lives of others. I think I will ask his schoolmates and teachers if they would like to write a letter telling what he meant to them and how he impacted their life, then collect those writings in a notebook of some type and present it to them.

My son and his friends continue to visit Leonard's parents on a regular basis, it helps Jonathan as much as it helps the parents! He needs to stay connected with them because they were like another set of parents for him.

Another great idea you've given me is a plaque mounted in the dugout! We have a #3 hanging on our outfield fence (and we retired his jersey), but a plaque with an appropriate quote in the dugout would be a good way to celebrate his life and athletic contributions.

This one year anniversary thing is going to be tough, but there's no stopping it. Thank you, again, for your thoughts! My condolences to your son and his teammates on their loss. Loosing a teammate and a coach - almost too much to bear...

gamedayrocks,

I really like your posts.Glad your part of the HSBBW.

gamedayrocks, I'm copying and pasting a post I made almost two years ago here. I don't know if it really answers your question or not, but I thought I'd share

quote:

This is not baseball-related, but I decided I needed to share this as well.. I have laid in bed the last 40 minutes thinking about this thread and it took me back to high school and so I've been thinking about this...


People talk about enjoying high school because it's the best time of your lives. They say to enjoy your senior year because you only get one. Well, not everybody gets a senior year of high school. Not everyone gets to be a senior baseball player, or in this case, a senior football player.

I had a teammate who missed his senior football season not because of grades, or an injury. Chris was on his way to football practice that June morning like many mornings before and summers before. 7:30 weights and conditioning Monday, Wednesday, Friday every week, every summer. June 19, 2006 my teammates lives, my coach's lives, my classmates' lives, and Chris and his family's lives were changed forever. He fell asleep at the wheel on his way to practice and the minivan he was driving crossed the yellow line into the path of a tractor-trailer. The truck driver did everything he could to avoid the collision even rolling his semi, but the collision was of such force that it is believed Chris was killed on impact. Pictures of the scene showed the engine of the minivan not in its normal spot in the front of the vehicle, but in the back seat. He didn't stand a chance.

We found out 2 hours later while we were doing some drills. A school social worker showed up at the practice field and wanted to talk to our coach. After a brief discussion, our coach told us to pack it up and head back to the weight room. When we got back inside, we were told of the accident.


I share this because I don't think people realize how lucky they are each and every day. Sure, things don't go your way and you have a bad day. At least you had that day to have a bad one.

We are always looking to the future. I'm in the same boat-- I can't wait to be done with this semester. Always looking to the "next level." What about today?

The past is history
The future is a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why we call it the present

RageRoolz, I hope you enjoy your senior year. You should walk off that field at the end of the year with no regrets. Trust me, even if the season doesn't go the way you want it to, you'll remember it and you'll wish you could do it again. I know I'm feeling that way right now and it's only been a year. It might take awhile to hit you when it's over. Enjoy it because it's over fast..

Bulldog 19,

Wow, I'm so sorry about Chris. Isn't it amazing how one young life lost touches so many people. Death comes to us all, but the older you get, the more it's expected. When a young person in the prime of his or her life is taken away, the number of people that suffer seems to be much greater. And, I may be seriously mistaken, but it seems that when that person is part of a team, the void is even bigger. I wonder what the phenomenon is there...

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
gamedayrocks,

I really like your posts.Glad your part of the HSBBW.

Thank you!

quote:

Bulldog 19,

Wow, I'm so sorry about Chris. Isn't it amazing how one young life lost touches so many people. Death comes to us all, but the older you get, the more it's expected. When a young person in the prime of his or her life is taken away, the number of people that suffer seems to be much greater. And, I may be seriously mistaken, but it seems that when that person is part of a team, the void is even bigger. I wonder what the phenomenon is there...

Everytime I travel between home and school I drive past the accident site and past his parents' house. You know there are many things on my drive (90 minutes) that I don't even realize I've passed as I'm going by. Their house though I know exactly where it is and that I am driving past it every single time.

Great post infielddad.