To Share or Not to Share Interested Schools

I apologize for constantly repeating my posts from years ago when my daughter was getting recruited.  For the most part, we were honest when asked.  It didn't seem to hurt and it even helped as some of the offers were increased.  However, my daughter was asked by one school and, unknowing to her, mentioned that school's conference rival as one of the schools recruiting her.  That incensed the coach who wanted my daughter to commit on the spot or they were off the table.   We got in the car and left.  

It was something to see the tone of a visit change so drastically.  It went from my daughter being their #1 recruit, she'd start right away, ... to commit now or you're not welcomed here.  That coach was gone in two years anyway so there you go.  One final thing on this visit.  This school had become one of the top 3 choices for my daughter.  What attracted her the most were the hitting facilities.  They had exceptional facilities inside and out and the coach told her she could hit in the outside covered cages since they were open and a lot of people hit there anyway.  As she hit, the coach watched from the field.  IMO, that coach blew it.  

CoachB25 posted:

That incensed the coach who wanted my daughter to commit on the spot or they were off the table.   We got in the car and left.  

My son had a couple of similar experiences. To be honest, I was glad he committed before every coach he was meeting with did something to make him angry. While most of the people we met with were very professional, I was honestly surprised by the language and tactics a few used, not to convince son that they were the right fit for him, but that other schools weren't.

I searched for other topics on the board that addressed our specific question and this is the closest one I could find that is fairly recent, although it is not exactly on point.  My 2020 has had quite a bit of interest from D2/D3 schools (including top HA schools) and some JUCO (which he is not interested in).  He has some official visits scheduled this fall and is scheduling some others.  He just attended a showcase event and got some interest from an Ivy coach who said he watched son a few times during the event but wants to see him more if possible.  It's the first D1 school to show this level of interest.  The Ivy coach asked where he is in recruiting process and what other schools have shown interest.  He plans to be honest with the interest he has received and has no intention of bluffing, but I am concerned that the fact that he is not talking with any other D1 schools or any other Ivy's is going to be a negative for the coach.  Has anyone gone through a similar situation?  How did it play out?  

I understand the line of reasoning for the concern.  I think it could work both ways.  A couple things...

He is getting interest from multiple other schools.  This should at least to an extent, satisfy the Ivy coach that he is seeing things in this player that others are seeing as well.  The fact that he is looking at other HA's will also be a plus, telling the coach that this is where the player's interest and intentions are.  Hopefully, one or two of the D2/D3's are strong baseball schools as well.  Often, a strong D2/D3 is on par with mid to lesser D1's.  

All this said, I think most importantly is that you have the right approach by shooting straight.  This works best with everything, IMO.  Besides, the player skill set is what it is.  Best approach is finding the right fit for the set.  Tricking your way into a stronger program than the skill set warrants never ends well.

2020Hopeful,

When son was going thru the process, we named Conferences, not specific schools...Understand, that these Coaches/Recruiters all talk...It's a tight knit community...

2020 Hopeful:

I am guessing that your 2020 is a pitcher unless the Ivy school had a position player fall out. Some Ivies have camps early in Fall/Late Summer (Penn a few years back, Harvard's was late August before). I would advise to have some idea where he is on "the board" with the Ivy before traveling/hotel $$ (unless local). Best to be straight forward (coach may know, hearing from son confirms). What would turn the tables slightly is if the "interest" from other HA, were also offer(s). Good luck to tour son.

What you do is tell them you're talking to a few other HA schools between D1 and D3, and that you want to go the HA route. Then you mention the D2s and that it's appealing because between their offers and merit awards it would be extremely cheap. If your son is a HA type he would most likely be in the merit bracket as D2s typically aren't HA. 

I know that is not the route you intend to go and full honesty is great morally, but on the recruiting trail it won't do him a ton of favors. Yes it will be a red flag, especially if it's a young coach just starting to recruit. Knowing that there aren't any other offers (especially offers that entail money) they will be less likely to push him thru admissions and will basically tell him to come to the school and he'll make the fall roster. The fact that it is Ivy (no money) helps, but the truth is that if he's still around in Sept and there are no other D1s on him then it is for a good reason. 

My son talked with the coach who said that he saw some good things in him at the showcase, but need to see him play more.   Said if he can't come to the camp in Sept, they will also be at some events this fall (including AZ Fall Classic), but of course, no guarantees there will be any 2020 spots left.  Didn't get the impression that it would be worthwhile for us to spend $2K at this point in the process to fly across the country, get a hotel/car, and pay $$$ for a camp, so we are going to let this one go.

I agree that it's great to be honest. However...I'd just suggest preparing your son that he might have some uncomfortable conversations as a result. Let me explain. 

School #1 made their offer. 

School #2 called 2020 a day or so later and asked about other offers, 2020 was honest. School #2 offers. We knew it was coming, but finding out about offer #1 got them moving a bit faster. 

School #3 had been unsure about son for months. He told them about offer #1 and #2 and that he would be taking one of them (had a deadline). School 3 wanted "one more chance" to see him. 

2020 calls School 1 and asks if he can move up his visit (was scheduled a couple weeks away). School 1 wants to know why, 2020 was honest and said he was on deadline from School 2. School 1 got very snippy on the phone and it was a very uncomfortable conversation for my son (basically bullied him and ridiculed him when he asked questions about School 1's program). Son decides he doesn't want to play for a coach like that, and declines the offer the next day. School 1 apologizes for bad behavior on phone the previous day and said he was just "frustrated because things weren't going as he'd hoped." School 1 was out of money for 2020 kids and just couldn't make a competitive offer.

So it's down to 2 and 3. School 2 calls the night before School 3 is supposed to come watch him "for the last time." Turns on the sales pressure a bit. It is NOT EASY for a teenager to handle those kinds of conversations. The coaches are grown men with much more skill in "negotiating" and "sales" than a young teenager who is taught to submit to authority. 

We ultimately chose School 2, which was the absolute best choice, but that last week when all the calls were happening were VERY STRESSFUL for my son. Once you start sharing info (and I agree that you should), just please prepare him for the phone calls and other pressure that will come. We weren't ready for it.  

I think this is a matter of preference, comfort and the situation.   My just son didn't feel comfortable talking about other schools to other coaches.   He's not a talker to begin with, and this just put him in an awkward spot.   So, when the topic of other schools came up he would mention whether it was D1 or D3 and their conference....that was it.  He kept it very high level, and he would share his interest level in that school at that moment.   What the schools/coaches didn't know was he was basing his interest level in their engineering program.   He kept that to himself.

So, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.   Just what you are comfortable with.

As always, JMO.