What do you say?

After a bad game as after a good game I said nothing--I left it to him---I did not want to intrude on his world until he let me in the door.

It worked for us !!!!


What was more interesting to me was his demeanor before games, especially the big games--I could almost predict how he would do based on his pregame body motion and words.

That's a tough one. I wish I knew the answer. It is easy to say that you provide support at first and only later after he's gotten over being down about it do you address any faults that may have led to the bad performance. It is very difficult to do.

Fungo, I do truly "leave him alone" unless he comes to me. I try not to make too big of a deal of the really good games or ones that aren't so good. Baseball is a game of averages. I want my son to realize there will be good days and not so good days at every level.

The only game he has ever needed consoling was last year after loosing in the state championship game. Our team was just flat and didn't hit. My son was the one going around afterwards holding up the runner up trophy to the crowd and consoling teammates. Then later I look over (he's driving separately) and see him crying as he's driving home. I couldn't wait for us to drive into the driveway. We walk into the kitchen from the garage and he bends over, hugs me and lays his head down on my shoulder and crys. A teammate told him "you're the leader of the team" and "everyone looks up to you" as they were leaving the park. My son said if he was the leader, why couldn't he hit that night and make a difference.

Some of these kids put such pressure on themselves and you just have to know your son. Sometimes they want left alone when things don't go well and sometimes they'll need to stand in the kitchen crying on someone's shoulder.

I think what is important is that they know you're there if they do want to talk.

Hopefully he remembers that, “Momma said there’d be days like these”.

If he’s already prepared, you probably won’t need to say anything, just have to listen.

A good time to prepare kids about difficult times is after a good performance when a little humility might be in order.

After my kid pitches a game, I don't say anything at all except, "what do you think?" I let her go from there. If she wants to talk about it great. If not, I shut up about her pitching performance. I've also found that complimenting her teammates is a good way of getting her to speak. I have asked a particular parent to avoid talking to his son after the game until they got home. This was at the request of the kid. The Dad had good intent but was tearing up his son inside.

Good game gets congrats. Bad game gets hug. Go get 'em next time.

I also start the conversation with "Well, what do you think?" and take my queue from his answer. It's pretty easy to tell if he's feeling good about his or the team's performance and wants to do a play-by-play to re-live the moments, or is feeling bad about his performance and wants to hash it out, or just needs a little quiet space for a while. So I guess what works best for us right after any game is to just shut up and listen to what he has to say before making the first comment. (Oh, and Hugs are always given liberally regardless of the game results.)

This is an easy one!

You tell him how badly he stunk, and that he lost the game for his team and how he let his team down and embarrassed you.

Oh wait, you mean that's not what you should do? Heck I see it happen all the time........


Usually my first comment is something like "rough one tonight, huh" and depending on his response either drop it or talk about it.

While I didn't always in the past, after any game now, I leave it alone until he wants to talk.

I usually let my son initiate the conversation post-game. I found that if he had a rough game, and I try to cheer him up, he just says "Dad, don't church it up". I usually keep my comments simple ... great game, what do you think, etc. If he wants to talk about something good or bad, I just follow his lead. Generally, the game is over in his mind as soon as he walks off the field with his bag. If I noticed something specific I want to mention, I'll bring it up later. Usually anything I mention he has already analyzed and knows what he's going to do in the next game, bullpen, BP session, etc., ... he's just gotten to the point where he's so aware of his balance, mechanics, game situations, etc., that he already knows what he did and what he needs to change way before I open my mouth.

The good news is that he has a very even-keeled personality ... he doesn't get rattled, and he leaves it all on the field after the game is over.

We talk in great detail after every game about all aspects. Even after a bad outing there are still positive things to be learned.

Many times bad outings can be great lessons. Exploring why the mistakes were made is part of the learning process.

We discuss the game in very pragmatic and unemotional terms. We discuss the defensive plays, hits, strikes, pitches, etc. while they are still fresh in our minds.

He has learned that not being perfect is ok and he enjoys going over as much detail about his performance as possible.

Nobody plays a perfect game and nobody plays a game that you can't find something positive to talk about. It's obviously not for everyone, but for us, this has become a very important and special time.

R.

You are a wise Dad Ross, and Boomer is lucky to have you........of course, you are lucky to have Boomer too.

good q fungo
when mine began playing in 1rst grade the plan was to minimize game pressure by critiquing only "skills exection" and not focusing at all on game results - ie - win/loss or stats
the thought was if the kids would just focus on executing the skills they had been taught & practiced, the win/loss thing would work itself out without them thinking about it - then later winning could take priority when they got older
after all somtimes a 4 for 4 could be the result of hitting poor pitches badly & an 0 for 4 could be "ropes" right at a guy

well the win/loss stuff really worked out very well, plus it also led to years of technical post game discussions, and very few "emotional arguments" - and - "we" never did turn the focus to winning, but kept it on "execution/evaluation of skills"

he's now a jr in college and comments or questions regarding the game are still technical - regarding "skills eval/exec", tho occasionally a bit of support thrown in if needed - - -
after which the 75 cent ice cream cone has been replaced by replaced by a more substantial (& costly) meal & treat

Anyone who's ever played the game has failed more often than he's succeeded...it's the nature of the beast. How one handles failure is perhaps the most important key to long term success in baseball. After a subpar game, when he wants to talk about it I make sure he remembers that. He knows he'll never get criticism from me as long as the effort is there.

Big Wi

I have seen that happen and I only can cringe. Once dring my coaching tenure a father was yelling stuff from the stands to his kid. I went up to him told him to basically knock it off. he did not like it but I think he got the message.

Will,

I am on the board of directors for a local youth sports organization. We do Baseball/Softball in the spring, S****r in the fall and Basketball & Wrestling in the winter. When I go to the games I hear that sort of thing all the time! And yes as a board member I do not hesitate in letting them know what I think about it.

When I was coaching a U14 select baseball team I kicked an adult brother of a player out of the park. The player actually came up to me and thanked me for it.

Our son usually needs a little "quiet time" after a win or a loss. I remember after one heartbreaking loss we were driving home on one of those long dark lonely "Carolina highways "and for some reason my son was a little put out with his father. They must of had a few words before we got in the car. I had to chuckle cause my son was text messenging me about the game on my cell and my hubby had no idea. He kept saying "what is that **** beeping noise I keep hearing". My son and I had a good chuckle about it and it wasn't long til he initiated some conversation with his Dad.

I like BigWI post

quote:

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Usually my first comment is something like "rough one tonight, huh" and depending on his response either drop it or talk about it.

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and take it from there. As much as you hate to see those lessons in humility, they are lessons. In and out of baseball people try to emulate our successes and learn from our mistakes. With any bad situation a positive of some sort will come out if you keep your eyes open and look deep enough, baseball experiences are no exception.

I watched my son break an all time record in the AAA Pacific Coast League. Most walks in one inning - 7. I couldn't think of one single positive thing about it. The record may stand for ever (the record that may never be broken) if that is a positive thing.

I got in my car and went home. Couldn't think of a thing to say (other than why did they leave you in that long) and didn't think he really had much to say either. I'm not into the hugging that much and it wasn't a funeral. I made sure I didn't miss his next game, it was much better, then we talked, everything was fine.