What is a dad to do?

i would stick to my guns. But maybe have him get a weekly progres report from that class and make him sit till he raises the grade.

Pop,

Sounds like you have a true ringer of a player as a son. Congrats.

I certainly understand your dilema and wanting to be solid in the laws you have laid down but in this case I think it may warrant you stepping back and looking at this from a different angle.

* What subject was the C in...i.e. badmitton OR Calculus biomedical science? Get my drift?

* With the C, what is his overall GPA this semester? What was it last semester? If he (and you) are just now experiencing a C for the first time I would venture to say he probably has a 3.5 GPA or better.

I think he understands your message and has shown it pretty consistently until this C. Throw him a little grace while reminding him that your expectations has not lowered.

YGD

I thought about that but since it is the start of a new grading period he is starting fresh with an A.

I'd stick to your expectations about the grades, but help him find a logical consequence that won't directly impact his team in the middle of their season. Remain empathetic to his situaiton, but insist on an immediate solution.

Some ideas...
Since he isn't putting in the time needed to maintain Bs, ask him what he needs to give up in order to give him the time needed to raise his grades. Maybe its social activities, TV, cell phone or whatever is taking up his time. Again, let him come up with a plan that will make a difference and then enforce it for the next grading period.

I'd strike a deal with him. Let him play. But no other extracurricular activities. When he's not at school or playing baseball he's home studying that course. Monitor his progress through the school and decide when life is back to normal. Hopefully you have online access to his academic standing.

I want to applaud you for the stance you have taken that grades are very important, that was our philososphy and I think that more parents should feel the same way.

I also believe that as a parent when we make rules, there should be consequences when not kept, but I also believe that sometimes we make rules and they are very hard to be followed, such as in this case

Lighten up, I don't see this as a big problem with your son getting his first C after 2.5 years of HS, there are too many things in this world to worry about, how kids can mess up. Getting his first C is way down on the list. Your son's overall GPA and test scores, and his ability will earn him a scholarship. Besides, was it a high C or a low D, or for that matter, does it really matter?

Let me ask a question, if your son was struggling in his game would you threaten to take him out of it, no, you would talk to him and provide the necessary instruction he needs to get better at his game. It should be the same with school. Talk to your son, perhaps the class he took he found difficult, yet he was doing all the things he was supposed to do, encourage him to come to you when he feels he might need help. Monitor his prgress through him, no need to get reports, because he got a C.

I am not understanding why you find this hard to figure out. He's a kid, a sounds like a good kid, tell him that it's ok he got a C. Don't let him be afraid to come to you when he needs help.

JMO.

While I feel this is a a personal decision that needs to be made within the family, my simple two cents worth is flexibility and trust. I think you need to be flexible when it comes to certain rules, especially if they are not life and death, and at least in our household, trusting our son when he tells us he gave everything he had and the outcome was not exactly what we had wanted. Trust he will do all he can to improve. Just my simplistic opinion.

We have the same rules you have (min B, education first). We too had always threatened to use baseball as the hammer.

In S’s jr year, he did not focus for a brief period. We had let him become the master of his educational universe (up to the junior year, we always asked about homework, tests, projects, etc. [which resulted more and more with eye rolling].) While his performance up to that point in the classroom had earned the right for more freedom, not surprisingly, when the reins were loosened, he roamed a bit while he learned his limits.

What we were learning (he is our oldest) was that the growing up process is not smooth and orderly.

While there is certainly “not one size fits all’ approach to the grades issue, here is what we did:

First, we felt that focus - not grades - were the base problem (grades are the result of focus). We felt that he needed to self-impose discipline (because in two years, parents are out of the picture). We posted an easel near the front door of our house. On that easel went all of his courses and grades as they were updated (our school uses a system that allows parents to monitor grades on a daily basis). Every day, the easel was a reminder to him of what he was doing. It was an “in your face” (without the screaming and hyperbole) approach. For us, it worked; grades went up to where they had always been (meaning his focus improved).

Second, we had something over him in reserve – the car keys! The car was far more potent and effective. Besides, restricting his baseball was really going to harm my wife and me (by not allowing us the great pleasure of watching him grow in baseball). The car keys can be taken away without affecting your enjoyment of his (and your passion).

If that doesn’t work, you can always try the baseball hammer.

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Besides, restricting his baseball was really going to harm my wife and me

I don't believe in punishing myself (or my wife) either

Excellent advice by all in this thread.

Patriot Pops:

The message that you are providing your son is the right one; academics before athletics. Your question is how do you apply it so that you don't "throw out the baby with the bathwater."

Your son can't change the C; but he can mitigate the impact of the C. He needes an A this semester to offset the C to effectively mitigate the GPA impact of the C.

The reality is that as a top notch baseball player he will likely have more opportunity to get into a good school not just because of his grades but because of baseball.

You set the rules; however, your son is growing and needs begin taking responsibility for his education. The question is what kind of plan can your son generate which "he believes" will generate the A needed to offset the C? How can he make it accountable so that you as a parent can see that he is putting an A effort?

I believe that you are doing the right thing in holding your son accountable. I tried to do the same; my rule was somewhat different. While I wanted good grades; the effort in being a good student was more important. There were some failures along the way; but in the end my son learned to be a good Student/Athlete.

Good luck; you are asking the right questions.

I'm in the middle of performance reviews for my staff and it always opens my eyes in regard to to the perception of "a job well done". Some of my people are technical rock stars who are replaceable, others not as technical are the glue that holds us together and gives me 110% all the time. Who's more valuable?

While grades are a barometer that compares one student to another in the classroom, it usually does not factor in the intangibles that a parent uses when grading the kid as your "blood". IMO, school grades, while very important, are measured on a curve which can help or hurt the end grade. Straight A's in shop classes look good on paper but are different than B/C in AP classes. I would sit back and look at the EFFORT grade and if he's pulling an E+ with those classes that are not in the "Dad range" of class scores send a message that says that you are proud of the effort and emphasize that in the end it will all come together if the work ethic remains. Treat your kids the way you would want to be treated giving that same effort.

Lots of great suggestions and advice here. Sounds like you have a strong baseball player and very good student with priorities in the right place in IMO.

He is a junior in HS which is a critical juncture for college recruiting. Your family's rule is A & Bs with a focus on school work and athletics in that order. You could enforce the rule by requiring him to bring the grade up in SUMMER SCHOOL if he can't bring it up during the regular school year. This is a compromise, but you are sticking to your guns without affecting his college baseball future. In this manner, you are keeping true to your word, and he understands the importance of his education relative to his baseball future.....just another suggestion.

I commend you for having high standards and wish more parents had this belief as well. But based on what you have described this might be trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer. You see having a C as not being good enough but as others have said - what about the effort and type of class?

Plus if your kid a huge part of the team then you are punishing every kid on that team. Maybe they can replace the production your son provides but in all honesty they probably cannot. Your son has a future in baseball and will be able to participate in many great things in college and hopefully more. But what about the kid that was last on the team who barely gets to play and has no chance of playing in college? Being on a team that competes for a state championship is his chance at glory. If your son doesn't play then that last kid might not get that chance to be a part of that atmosphere.

If you've done a good job of raising your son they way I think you have the fact he's seen that C on the report card is more punishment than anything you could do to him. He's probably been beating himself up over this since he found out about it. You can let your son play, keep your high standards and "save face" at the same time. Tell him since he's performance for two and half years has been exemplary he's earned some credit (assuming this is a tough class that he has put effort into).

"B" or better to play baseball? What happens if you pull him from baseball and he gets another "C"? Do you take away breakfast or dinner? What if he gets a "D" do you cut the electricity off from the house? I never was much into bartering or negotiating with my baseball playing son using baseball as a reward/punishment --- but many parents do and have had great results. I think a "sit down talk" about the importance of an education is in order.

---- HOWEVER, you have already defined the rules. If you decide to alter the rules at this tenure then you have weakened your position as a parent. You have painted yourself into a corner and IMO you have to pull him until the "C" is gone. Maybe he can get innovative and discuss the situation with his teacher and do something for some extra credit in able to play ball. The "monkey" is on his back --- not yours.

quote:

You could enforce the rule by requiring him to bring the grade up in SUMMER SCHOOL if he can't bring it up during the regular school year.

This is a good idea. I've always told my kids while each semester matters, the bottom line is the last column on the right at the end of the year. If the grade for the year isn't a B, off to summer school sounds like a good plan. I made this threat once. It worked. My kids are/were required to have a minimum unweighted 3.5 at the end of the year.

You don't say why or how he got the C or in what.

That said, there is no way I would enforce that rule. I would not even have that rule. If he is normally a great student, one C is not going to matter. If he is not a great student, but works hard, one C is not going to matter.

If he has a poor attitude toward school, it is highly unlikely you will get him to improve by taking away something he is naturally good at.

Encourage him for sure; get him a tutor if needed, but get rid of the ridiculous rule that is most likely to cause only harm.

I know you don't need anyone preaching to you, but you asked. Plus, I was a student who got more than an occasional C and I have done very well.

The fact is, get to the root of the problem (if there is one) and provide positive intervention. It gives your son by far the best chance for success.

PatriotsPop,

Very smart choice coming to this site for help.

Before you dish out any punishment you should find out why he got a C. If he gave all his effort I don''t see any problem or reason for punishment.

My three kids all were Honor Roll or High Honor Roll in H.S. But the rare 'C' did happen. When I asked them why their explanations were always the same. They were having trouble figuring out what the teacher was looking for. By getting together with the teacher and engaging in more one on one conversations with said teacher they all got on the same page and improved their grade.

Your son sounds like a kid who puts in the work so perhaps he could find out from the teacher what he is not giving him(her).

You need to throw out your rule of B's or higher with yesterday's garbage. It's an arbitrary rule that serves no purpose. Not every student is capable of all B's. There are students who get A's without breaking a sweat and there are students who give everything to maintain their B-C average. If your son was capable of all A's and he is getting A's and B's you should be all over him for his lack of effort.

And you should get rid of the baseball for grades rule as well as that could really blow up in your face. Who can say what would happen to his grades without baseball as motivation and one probably has nothing to do with the other anyway as he's had two years of baseball while pulling B's.

If you really believe, in your heart, that baseball is the reason your son got a 'C', then do what you feel you need to do. But make your decision based on ther current situation and not a one rule covers all scenario.

One other point. Your son is in High School. The term Student-Athlete is reserved for College players recruited by the University based solely on their athletic abilities.

WOW, lots of good words here thanks!

The B or better rule may be outdated but it certainly helped with his work ethic.

A lot of you asked what class or about effort. That is my biggest problem and I should have put that in the opening. He did not turn in papers while traveling with the team and just tried to coast by he thought he made it but got a 78.

I have followed a mix of advice here. Sat down and told him how proud I was and that his hard work really is paying off for him on and off the field and as we talked he express self disappointment in his grade almost embarrased at his effort. I don't think we will have this issue again and with the level of maturity he showed I have lifted the rule.

So this is a free pass which he has earned.

Thanks for helping a newbie!