For those who have been there, done that, what are your Top Five pieces of advice that you give to someone whose son is about to play college baseball for the first time - not so much for the player but for the parents themselves.
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* Butt out. He’s in better baseball hands now than you can provide.
* Remind him falling behind on academics can be dangerous. Keep up. Don’t play catch up.
* Relax the best you can watching games. My philosophy was I had my turn. I know some parents get real tense. Try to enjoy the game.
* Don’t talk too much about your kid unless asked. Even then, keep a low tone. Everyone is there for a reason. They’re all above the potential/expectations bar.
* Enjoy the experience. It flies by. I think about my kids playing like it was yesterday. It’s been six years for one and eleven for the other.
Not there yet. So, not speaking from experience. But, I would think one of the biggest things (challenges?) would be dealing with expectations. My guess is that the kid – since he was good enough to make a college team – was always a “starter” or “star” on his travel and school teams, and playing time was never really much a question in the mind of the parent when going to attend games. They went and knew that their kid would be playing in the game, for the most part, if not all the time. And, that’s why most parents go to the game – to see their kid play. Now, in college, it’s a different story for many of these parents. Maybe their kid is good enough to be a starter on the college team? But, the reality is that many kids on the college roster hardly play or maybe never play. Some parents can handle it whereas others don’t want to go to games to watch other kids play while their kid sits. Is that one of the better pieces of advice to a parent – in that they better learn to think of it as team-first when watching games, and learn to root for the team, as opposed to just going to the games to see your own kid play?
Building on what RJM said... 1) Support the team. With 32-40 guys on the team there will be a lot of kids that never see the field. If your son is one of those, be there for the team and support all the kids who are playing. 2) Don't complain about playing time to other parents or why little Johnny should be out there instead of some other kid. 3) Don't be "that parent" that talks about how Johnny was all league, all state etc as most everyone on the team was 4) tell your son how happy you are for him to be playing college baseball, that you love him and love coming to see him and the team and that you get to still watch baseball and 5) Don't give advice about what he needs to be doing or not doing... other than keeping grades up!
If he is fortunate enough to play, be humble and happy for him. No one likes parents who only cheer or talk about their kids. If someone says he had a great game or play, just say thank you and glad that he was able to help the team...
Give your son room to fail and learn from the experience
Be there for your son when he needs to talk about whatever
Slow it down as much as possible as it flies by
Get a 2nd opinion on any injury where you think the team trainer is wrong/son is misdiagnosed
Don't stand up in the parent's section after watching the starter shove and say "I love pitchers!!!!" when your son is a pitcher. (not the pitcher who shoved that game and elicited that comment)
Make friends with parents and understand you will get wrangled into convos about their kids, situations, playing time, and other stuff but just listen, don't talk. If you're having a hard time looking them in the eyes....stare at the bridge of their nose.
Don't go out of your way to talk to the HC, PC, or coaches
Enjoy it, lots of kids don't make it to college ball or last long once there.
Is that one of the better pieces of advice to a parent – in that they better learn to think of it as team-first when watching games, and learn to root for the team, as opposed to just going to the games to see your own kid play?
My son earned his opportunities to prove he belonged one inning (pinch hit, pinch run, defense) at a time over the first half of freshman year. When others failed he got his big chance. But it’s all part of how the player fits into the team.
I can’t imagine the parents of the two kids my son started alternately filling in for we’re rooting for him to succeed at the expense of their kid. But from a team perspective parents pull for the team.
I did witness parents sour on their kid’s situation. If you get vocal on this stuff the only people who want to be near you is other soured parents. They’re the same kind of people who probably bitch around the water cooler at work. I would think it makes for a terrible time.
Never compare you kid to another player. His parents are likely in the stands. If you feel the need to have a private conversation how well do you really know the person/parent and will they talk? It’s better to remain quiet on the negatives.
When comparison conversations arise the best response is only acknowledging what is being said. Don’t agree or disagree. Parents will come to figure out you don’t play that game.
@RJM posted:* Butt out. He’s in better baseball hands now than you can provide.
* Remind him falling behind on academics can be dangerous. Keep up. Don’t play catch up.
* Relax the best you can watching games. My philosophy was I had my turn. I know some parents get real tense. Try to enjoy the game.
* Don’t talk too much about your kid unless asked. Even then, keep a low tone. Everyone is there for a reason. They’re all above the potential/expectations bar.
* Enjoy the experience. It flies by. I think about my kids playing like it was yesterday. It’s been six years for one and eleven for the other.
RJM pretty much covered from my perspective. These are my top 5 also.
I would put emphasis on #1. The only time a parent needs to get involved is for medical, or financial reasons. This is his gig, so let him figure it out.
He will quickly learn the easy or hard way that #2 will have significant importance if he wants to continue to play college baseball. His coaches will be on him like "white on rice" if he falls behind. Not the kind of attention he is looking for.
Always, cheer for the team and not individuals.
My wife and I made every effort to get to most of his college games when logistically possible. We were 8 hours away from his home games, but fortunate that most of the Spring Break games were in our area. In some cases we had to get creative with our travel plans. We sacrificed a lot, but it was worth it because the time is fleeting. I know my son enjoyed seeing us, and that is what it is all about. I do it all over again the same way in a heart beat.
JMO.
@Shoveit4Ks posted:Give your son room to fail and learn from the experience
Be there for your son when he needs to talk about whatever
Agree with RJM but these two stick with me after experiencing my son's Freshman year. Covid freshman year was probably more of a mental grind than normal years but 100% agree - give your son room to fail and learn from his failures and be there when he wants to talk to you (not the other way around). They go in as boys to compete against men for playing time. Not an easy mental or physical task. How they respond and learn from challenges/failures is very important not only to baseball and academics but life.
I think I will continue to sit away from parents
@2022NYC posted:I think I will continue to sit away from parents
I did that until I figured out the few that had their act together and I would sit with them sometimes. But I always moved around the ballpark during the game - watching from different vantage point depending on the game situation and whether or not I was avoiding someone. Anytime there was a another coach or a scout at the game I usually spent a little time with them as it always was time well spent for me. My son’s college career was cut short due to an injury and I gotta say that I really do miss seeing him play. It’s a special experience for both players and parents and it can be over tomorrow so enjoy every moment while it lasts.
RJM's list is solid.
a couple of surprises, though. One: our most independent kid (we thought) became the most needy while he was away. We learned about this through his eventual willingness to volunteer info, not because we probed. Both boys liked connecting with us via FaceTime more than we thought they would.
Two: I became a lot less concerned about playing time. When kids were in HS, I was silently obsessed with that. As others have said, support everyone on the field. If you can't handle being at a game while your kid is on the bench, then don't go to the games.
Go to every game you can. Don't cheer for your son. Approach it like watching your kid at practice. You're not gonna go berserk when they make a good play during practice; don't react that way at a game either. If you're somewhere private, though, knock yourself out.
Perspective. Playing in college can seem so big and great and sometimes daunting, but your kid's happiness is the most important thing. I think I transitioned from wanting my kid to play forever (which I would love), to wanting him to play as long as it is still what he wants. I just watched The Weight of Gold, and it reinforced what I had been feeling about a lot of kids who walk into schools with so much expectation on their shoulders. I think some of them quit loving it but are so concerned with letting people down that they keep playing. My biggest concern during this first year of college was about how he was and not how he played or practiced.
I agree that you should go to as many games as you can. You get to know more about the guys that your son spends all his time with, get to know parents and enjoy cheering for the team. It doesn't last forever and you can't get the time back. Even if your son doesn't play that game, you get to see them and may get to grab dinner. Once they move out, those things become a lot less frequent and more important.
@smokeminside's post got me thinking about me at my son's games. I can't remember when I made the transition from cheering dad to silent dad, but it was probably sometime around 10U ball. For what it's worth, I think being silent dad is the absolute best. A) it keeps you from getting known as "that parent" and B) I found that remaining silent and instead listening to other spectators cheer for my son felt amazing. It always came off as more authentic somehow versus anything that could come out of my mouth.
To ensure my kids (son=baseball, daughter=volleyball) understood why I stay quiet during their games, I had conversations with them explaining my rational. They totally understand that praise and excitement from dad comes AFTER the games. Usually in the car. It's a combination of praise and constructive critiquing that happens in back and forth dialogue. Very early I was fortunate enough to come across some articles that spoke to kids' worst youth sports experiences. The overwhelming majority cited "the car ride home" as the worst part. It resonated with me and I took it to heart. I can now look back and say easily that our car rides home after games were some of the best moments of my relationships with my 2 kids. I've screwed up any number of things, but I did get at least that one pretty damn close to right.
Agree with all of the above.
But what I have given as advice is to buy the longest heaviest down coat you can get. With a hood. Even the "south" can get very cold in February (and the games can get very long)!
"Go to as many games as you can, because you never know when it will be his last."
@keewart posted:Agree with all of the above.
But what I have given as advice is to buy the longest heaviest down coat you can get. With a hood. Even the "south" can get very cold in February (and the games can get very long)!
"Go to as many games as you can, because you never know when it will be his last."
It depends on the origin of your departure. I remember the home crowd in Palo Alto wearing ski jackets because it was 55 at night in late February. I was wearing a golf polo. I had flown out of 35.
The irony is there was a time living in Redondo Beach where I would have worn an unzipped ski jacket at 55. In the Conejo Valley (moved there when daughter was one) it sometimes dropped to 40 at night.
Be the proper parent of not a college baseball player but a son leaving home and going off to college for the first time. Realize that there is a whole lot more going on than just the significant challenges of the baseball aspect. Help him keep those things in perspective with the effects of the 40 year plan in mind.
-Let son be the master of his destination (you are there for support and cheering)
-Be patient. If son keeps his head down, works hard on and off the field, opportunities will happen
-Cheer on every player and don’t get caught up in other player talk in the stands
-Be there when/if your son needs counsel, advice, or just to vent (listen more, talk less)
-Watch as many games as you can in person, take your player out for food 😎 and absolutely soak in and enjoy this wonderful time!
Good luck and congratulations!
Advice for parents, at a 4 year school most freshman play very little. You and he will have to learn how to deal with a role that he probably hasn't had before.
Also, he's an adult now and schools won't speak with you about his grades and such. He has to take ownership of becoming an adult. Let him. He will be better in the long run adjusting in the safety of college than trying to in the working world.
@fenwaysouth posted:My wife and I made every effort to get to most of his college games when logistically possible. We were 8 hours away from his home games, but fortunate that most of the Spring Break games were in our area. In some cases we had to get creative with our travel plans. We sacrificed a lot, but it was worth it because the time is fleeting. I know my son enjoyed seeing us, and that is what it is all about. I do it all over again the same way in a heart beat.
JMO.
As usual I agree with RJM and fenway... Regarding travel I would add:
- Budget a lot more than you think for travel. Plan on taking your son and some of his teammates along with their parents out for meals/drinks after the games.
- Make friends with Sr/existing parents during the first games and learn about the travel ins and outs and what hotel the parents tend to stay out. They will also have advice on local restaurants around the campus.
- See if there is a booster club that coordinates travel and plans. Even if there is not a formal club usually there is a parent who keeps a roster of kids and parents. (and their names
) - Look at the calendar and plan out your travel for the year when the schedule comes out, look for long weekends or midweek games that are linked, try to maximize your time time with the team and your son based on the schedule.
- Plan around conference, or larger tournaments. Tournament games are so much more fun than the regular season. If the team gets to regionals or a CWS it is a bonus. Those games are the most memorable, but in the case of regionals you may not know prior to a few days where you will be going, which drives up the cost. All I can say is GO!
- Research airlines schedules and get their credit cards to maximize bonus points. I got a Southwest card and quickly earned a free companion pass which saved us thousands over the 4 years.
- Join hotel rental car affinity memberships.
- Rent cars away from airports if possible. Most people don't realize that car rentals charge a lot more for rentals onsite at airports, for long trips this can add up to hundreds of $.
- We ended up seeing so many places in this country that we would have never visited otherwise, so take advantage of this opportunity and go to away games if they fit the schedule.
- As others have already posted; sit down, shut up, and enjoy the game as a fan, not a parent!
^^^^Great points BOF. You reminded me of the times my wife and I would huddle up when the oldest son's college baseball schedule came out. Lots and lots of planning as we had two younger high schools son's doing their thing and playing high school baseball not to mention I travelled quite a bit for my job.
Half of my son's college teammates were flying in from the West coast to the East coast to see weekend series. I really don't know how they did it.
So...in summary...
Make sure your son knows the importance of staying on top of school work
Go to games as much as you can
Take advantage of airline, hotel and car rental offers and deals
Take your son and maybe some teammates out to eat
Be there for your son but wait until he asks before you over step
Butt out and shut up unless it's a health or financial issue
Avoid gossip and ugly chatter in the stands
Don't complain
Support the team
Relax and enjoy it
What the hell francis7. You ask a question and then you answer it?
This looks a lot like talking to yourself.
Maybe you need a hobby.
worth repeating i think
get ahead of the academics...and stay there.
talk less and listen more, both parents and son.
Never be negative, team first and last...there will be many pot holes hang on for the ride.
if he sticks with it and is successful it will be a great experience for all of you.
@Good Knight posted:What the hell francis7. You ask a question and then you answer it?
This looks a lot like talking to yourself.
Maybe you need a hobby.
HaHa! Facilitating conversation. I think it is OK / good
It is a summary...but I agree he may need a hobby
Most of the good advice has been covered above by some great people that helped me along the way. My 2 pennies....
1. Take it all in. Of course, everyone wants their son to get innings and contribute, but for many, especially freshman and at times sophomores, playing time can be limited. Enjoy seeing your son in a college uniform and representing that institution.
2. Try your best to make your trips to games enjoyable, whether your son is playing or not. Have to have the mindset that your rooting for not only him, but his school, and teammates.
3. You will meet both even-keel parents and those that still think that it is high school baseball. Be polite but steer clear.... way clear.
4. As most parents will do, just be supportive in every facet: academics, physical and mental well-being...and all that goes along with the responsibilities and mental toughness required of a student athlete.
5. Get ready for some great stories. At least the one's your son will tell you about.
Good luck.
WCP
@keewart posted:Agree with all of the above.
But what I have given as advice is to buy the longest heaviest down coat you can get. With a hood. Even the "south" can get very cold in February (and the games can get very long)!
"Go to as many games as you can, because you never know when it will be his last."
Indeed.
Two "cold" games (series) stand out.
1) Freshman year at JuCo (VA). Home opener. En route to the game there were light snow flurries (mid-February). Temperature at game time (game 1) about 38 F. Temperature by the end of game 2 near freezing with occasional very light flurries. Took us an hour to warm up afterwards.
2) Junior year at a D2 (NC). Season opener (at home) - day before the Super Bowl (NCAA granted an exception - normally the D2 season cannot start before 2/1. Super Bowl was 2/1 and the teams wanted to play the day before). Temperature at game time around 48 F. By the beginning of game 2 the sun had set and temps were around 40 F. By the end of game 2 it was 38 F. Even with heavy coats, gloves, scarves and a couple of blankets we were freezing.
Agree with everything else posted.
We looked at the schedule before hand and mapped out which games we would plan on attending. Financially not feasible to attend every game. Some away games were actually closer than home games.
Sorry but that is Virginia cold but not Minnesota cold.
Enjoy every minute of it because it goes fast! I went to everyone of my 2015 games with the exception of a couple of midweek games.
@Good Knight posted:Sorry but that is Virginia cold but not Minnesota cold.
One of the games I went to in St Cloud this SUMMER (in JULY)...I had to have a blanket. It was in the 50s...in JULY?!?!?
Sorry brother but when you visit Minnesota you need a trunk full of various clothes and emergency items.
But in our defense, 50's is not cold!
Most of the states baseball players are also hockey guys and would wear a t shirt at 50.
Already been mentioned but go to as many games as possible
If it is something within budget try to take your kid and some of his teammates out to dinner. They're broke college kids so they'll appreciate it, but also you get different perspectives on the program and maybe some things the other kids are also struggling with. I thought mine was having a hard time getting adjusted. They all were.
I'm actually going to disagree with some on here and say that you don't have to root for the other kids in direct competition with your son. But just because you're not rooting for them, doesn't mean you need to root against the team, and it definitely doesn't mean you need to talk about it with other parents.
Other than that enjoy it. I was having the best time prior to the covid shutdown. Due to the nature of the schedule this year I didn't get out to see as much. I'm looking forward to next Feb, hopefully somewhere warm.
1.Get a good camera and take a ton of pictures.
2. Don't accept evasive answers academically. Yes, they need space to grow but they also need a GPA that doesn't start with a decimal point, so freshman year, don't hesitate to as about classes and don't accept fuzzy answers.
3. After games, talk about what they want to talk about. Follow their lead.
4. Keep their stats to yourself. They probably know all of them, other parents are focused on their kids, just not a good conversation topic.
5. Move Heaven and earth to get to as many games as possible. It will fly by. I did a lot of 6 hour drives to watch my older son sit, then took him out to dinner, then drove back home. Years later he proudly mentioned how insane it was for his dad to do that...but it meant a lot to him.
6. Don't whine and don't stay around parents that do. You have no control over playing time, so get over it, all your son can do is to work hard and do his best when he gets a shot.
Lots of good advice that reminded me of a story. Two years ago when we dropped his older brother off at Indiana as they drove away he said "we're just going to leave him there?".
Two years later we will see his reaction to "just leaving him there" and see how much he has grown.
@WestCoastPapa posted:Most of the good advice has been covered above by some great people that helped me along the way. My 2 pennies....
..................................
5. Get ready for some great stories. At least the one's your son will tell you about.
Good luck.
WCP
Sit back and listen to it happen. It will eventually get to your ears. Your son will tell you stories about others, but not necessarily about him. You have to wait a couple years for those stories to make there way to you. My son got married last year to a great young lady, and many of the groomsmen were former college teammates. My son, the groomsmen and I went golfing the day before the wedding. The floodgates of stories came out that I never heard before, and I pretty much laughed my way through 18 holes.
One of the stories I shared with the groomsmen was something I witnessed myself that they didn't know about. My son was warming up in the bullpen to pitch a playoff game against a team he had previously thrown a no-hitter against. It just so happened that the opposing catcher's son was an MLB GM, and came over to watch my son warmup. He happened to position himself right behind the catcher (20 ft or so) and he was in my son's view. My son asked him to move, but I don't think the GM heard him the first time. Then, my annoyed son told him loudly to "f*cking scram". The GM was a little shocked, but he definitely heard him this time and moved along. As it turns out my son was a little embarassed about it, as he is never one to call attention to himself. So he never told anybody what happened. I gladly shared that little story with the groomsmen. I still laugh about that today.
That’s an f*ing great story.
Last night I was watching Team USA win their first gold ever in women’s volleyball. I had been wondering what had happened to Sue Enquist after she retired from being UCLA’s softball coach (winningest coach, 11 NCAA titles). She’s now a mental health coaching consultant. She consults to many top travel and Team USA programs including travel baseball. She is part of the Team USA volleyball coaching staff. I found a video about her work last night.
She said from the time kids start playing through becoming professionals if they don’t want to talk about the game there’s a reason for it. It’s called stress. Don’t force the conversation. Wait for them to talk about the game.
Even some world class athletes suffer from major pre game anxiety. It’s ok. What is important is how they respond to anxiety and get through it. Bill Russell (Celtics) claims he threw up before every major game he played. He won eleven NBA titles.
Players from travel through college were asked, “Do you wish you parents would cheer more, cheer less or not at all?” The top pick was not at all because a majority of parents cheered or yelled too much.
Never coach from the stands. There’s a good chance it conflicts with what the coach is telling the player.
Never compare players in the stands, especially to yours. Aside from possibly embarrassing yourself you could embarrass your player if word gets back to the team through a parent.
How you behave and what you say at games could affect your relationship with your kid for the rest of your lives.
A couple of other recruiting items she mentioned was don’t go to a showcase/tournament expecting to be discovered. Make contact with the coach personally or through your travel coach ahead of time. Coaches arrive with their list of about twenty players they came to see. It’s possible to be discovered. But, it’s unlikely.
Most recruiting services are rip offs. They make absurd claims. UCLA is one of the top softball targets in the country for top players. Enquist said it was very common to find out she had never heard of people in services who claimed to know her personally.
The most important recruiting tip she said is to get an honest assessment of your ability and potential from an expert. When looking at college programs make sure you’re looking in the right places (known on this board as fishing in the right pond).
@hokieone posted:1.Get a good camera and take a ton of pictures.
2. Don't accept evasive answers academically. Yes, they need space to grow but they also need a GPA that doesn't start with a decimal point, so freshman year, don't hesitate to as about classes and don't accept fuzzy answers.
3. After games, talk about what they want to talk about. Follow their lead.
4. Keep their stats to yourself. They probably know all of them, other parents are focused on their kids, just not a good conversation topic.
5. Move Heaven and earth to get to as many games as possible. It will fly by. I did a lot of 6 hour drives to watch my older son sit, then took him out to dinner, then drove back home. Years later he proudly mentioned how insane it was for his dad to do that...but it meant a lot to him.
6. Don't whine and don't stay around parents that do. You have no control over playing time, so get over it, all your son can do is to work hard and do his best when he gets a shot.
Great post. Thanks!