High School Coach

3and2Fastball posted:

I would definitely not complain to the AD about this Coach.  He has every right to his opinion when asked.  You have every right to have your child not play for him.   When I choose to have my kid take part in playing for a team, it is 100% the Coach's right to play him, bench him, yell at him, teach him, and give whatever negative  or positive feedback about him when asked.

The only time I would step in is to communicate about injury concerns. 

This is HS we have no choice about who the coach is....,I think he understands that better than anyone 

Maybe the kid is lazy at practice?  I trust that the parents aren't watching practices.  And how many kids come home and tell their parents that "practice was good but I kinda dogged it at times, I could've worked harder."

Nonamedad posted:

3and2Fastball posted:

I would definitely not complain to the AD about this Coach.  He has every right to his opinion when asked.  You have every right to have your child not play for him.   When I choose to have my kid take part in playing for a team, it is 100% the Coach's right to play him, bench him, yell at him, teach him, and give whatever negative  or positive feedback about him when asked.

The only time I would step in is to communicate about injury concerns. 

This is HS we have no choice about who the coach is....,I think he understands that better than anyone 

More and more these days, Kids are choosing to not play high school Baseball and only play summer ball, or (in some parts of the country) play in a Spring Travel League.  Nobody forced you to have your kid play for his high school team.  It was a choice.

So let the disengaged, I could care less coach win. Maybe you, not me. And if his opinion is his own then so is mine, and all new parents will find out 

If a Coach said my kid was "not a leader, couldn't be counted on & was lazy" I'd tell my Kid to work harder and be a better leader.  Work so hard that nobody would say anything negative about him.  If my son insisted that he was never lazy in practice & actually was a fantastic leader, I'd say "hey, let this be a lesson for you, life ain't fair."

I want my son to grow up to be tough, & resilient, and prepared to outwork everyone.   I don't want my son thinking that when life ain't fair well then Mommy & Daddy are gonna complain to the Athletic Director, or his future supervisor's boss etc etc.... 

I would not talk to the AD. Just let it go at this point. 

3and2, while I see your point, and would probably tell my son something along the lines of what you propose because I also want him to be resilient and motivated instead of resentful or petulant.  What I say to my son, and what I way to the athletic director (or whoever) would be different things. 

I'm not a big proponent of the "Life isn't fair" excuse for not doing anything about something that isn't fair.  If we all just shrug our shoulders and say nothing, it never gets any fairer.  

I wouldn't be complaining as "Mommy and Daddy" for my son, but for all the other sons who will have to play for that coach.

Regardless of what we say, he wants his pound of flesh. It won’t end as he hopes, and maybe we just need to let it play out and see how things progress in 6 mo the with an update, ok no name?

When you are looking for a job and they call an old employer, there are certain things you can’t say about someone legally. This is not the same, and if he wanted to torpedo your kid he is within his scope to do so. They called him, remember? He didn’t reach out to them. 

I have a feeling the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree here, and dad doesn’t have all the facts and is flying off the handle. This is a hot mess.

hand me the popcorn, this is better than watching the Bachelor

3and2Fastball posted:

If a Coach said my kid was "not a leader, couldn't be counted on & was lazy" I'd tell my Kid to work harder and be a better leader.  Work so hard that nobody would say anything negative about him.  If my son insisted that he was never lazy in practice & actually was a fantastic leader, I'd say "hey, let this be a lesson for you, life ain't fair."

I want my son to grow up to be tough, & resilient, and prepared to outwork everyone.   I don't want my son thinking that when life ain't fair well then Mommy & Daddy are gonna complain to the Athletic Director, or his future supervisor's boss etc etc.... 

Been over this with my son at great length. Work harder, life’s not fair. But it just irks me this guy is out there with malice potentially hurting other kids

2022OFDad posted:

Regardless of what we say, he wants his pound of flesh. It won’t end as he hopes, and maybe we just need to let it play out and see how things progress in 6 mo the with an update, ok no name?

When you are looking for a job and they call an old employer, there are certain things you can’t say about someone legally. This is not the same, and if he wanted to torpedo your kid he is within his scope to do so. They called him, remember? He didn’t reach out to them. 

I have a feeling the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree here, and dad doesn’t have all the facts and is flying off the handle. This is a hot mess.

hand me the popcorn, this is better than watching the Bachelor

Ok think what you will, but I compare this coach to a dangerous situation..,, if you knew the ice was thin wouldn’t you want others to know. 

Let the HS season play out and see how the coach treats your son before contacting AD. Let your son have the opportunity to take the high road and try to resolve it on his own terms. You still can have that conversation with AD after the season to protect the others. In fact I believe it will be received better then as it shows you were not reactionary about it. This does not have an expiration date.

Let’s be honest, it’s not about the others because you had a good idea what this clown was like before you started playing for him I believe. It’s revenge, and it WILL backfire. You are getting a lot of experienced people telling you to take the high road....you would be well served to listen. Only bad things will come from a confrontation.

Thanks for all the replies, you guys are great and knowledgeable. Will take it under advisement. 

WestCoastPapa posted:

This is really bad. My question is -  the high school coach has all of these concerns yet he pitches your son regularly for the high school squad? Sounds hypocritical on his part.

It is hypocritical but happens all the time, at every level. Definitely occurs more often at the youth-HS levels because of the lack of competition. In talking with my son during fall, I asked if he could help me understand why he and so many other HS athletes have to be pressed to put in the time. Simple answer was lack of competition. As adults, we know how important a solid work ethic is because we are constantly competing, whether it's for a job, promotion, pay raise, etc. 

Coaches, unless at a perennial losing program, are fighting to win and keep their jobs. You cannot afford to bench players who are committed to program, have good grades/test scores, etc., because they are not good leaders and choose to cut corners. Coaches who argue this, tend to have a lot of depth, and can afford to sit a #2 pitcher because the next guy up is almost as good. In our program, there is a pretty drastic drop off after the first 2-3 guys.

My sons team had a #3 pitcher tell an asst coach to “F off” during Practice when the coach gave him a bunt sign. This was a very deep team, and he never sat him. 

K9 posted:

To me the most interesting thing is that the Juco coach basically decided to ignore what the HS coach had to say, and relied on the advice of the travel coach.  Says something about the HS coach's credibility.

I think it's more about the 90 MPH's, myself.

 I'm  most surprised that the JUCO coach outed the HS coach. Unprofessional as hell. Good luck getting an honest appraisal from him, and anyone that he talks to, in the future.

anecdotal story...

The last two years, we had a P who was back and forth between our #1 and #2 (for a league championship team in a competitive California HS league).  He was that guy.  He wasn't a bad kid but drank way too much koolaid from Mom and Dad over the years that he was better than what he actually was.  He was spoiled and not mentally strong.  He had very inconsistent work ethic.  It would be great for two weeks and then he would revert.  He would make excuses all day when he wanted to get out of something.  He had times when he would pout, he was oblivious to the fact that his actions often had negative impact on the team and his teammates.  He was a constant project from a citizenship standpoint.  He usually managed to do just enough to keep from getting benched but there were times when he was left out of the rotation or knocked down a peg.  Just when we thought we were getting through to him and setting him on the right track, he would revert.  We have been successful with getting many other kids like this on the right track.  That is part of why we don't give up on a kid like this.  It isn't hypocritical.  It was right to stick by him and make every effort.  There was much more to the equation, as there always is.  He happened to be an effective P on a team with a staff that was getting hit by the injury bug.  And, like I said, he always did just enough to stay in consideration to play. 

Also, he knew how to turn on the "model citizen" button in front of his parents.  During his junior year, the dad decided to call me out on why his kid wasn't a 2-way.  We had a long talk.  It became painfully obvious that he had no idea of SO much that was going on with his son.  Son was a model citizen when the parents were looking. 

This same kid played soccer also.  His sophomore and junior year soccer coach went thru exactly what we went thru with him.  The kid quit soccer, blaming the coach.  His senior year, there was a new soccer coach so he decided to go out again.  Same thing happened.  To listen to the parents, you would be convinced that these coaches totally screwed their kid.   I know the coaches... couldn't be more upstanding and fair.

We were able to guide him enough that he had a successful HS career on the field.  Then, recruitment time came.  The local JC coach had seen enough of his character traits that he wasn't interested.  A JC down the road only saw the numbers and the physical tools.  He recruited him without calling us.  I knew what would happen and it did.  After impressing on the mound, the kid quit a month into Fall.  Later, I was scouting some kids for a 4-yr college down at that JC.  The coach asked me what the heck was up with that kid.  "You should have called me".

Sometimes good players are the problem kids.  Sometimes the problems aren't so bad that they don't play but they are still problem kids to the extent that a HS coach would most certainly feel compelled to be up front with any inquiring RC's.  Sometimes the parents don't know what they are sure they know about their kid.

57special posted:

 I'm  most surprised that the JUCO coach outed the HS coach. Unprofessional as hell. Good luck getting an honest appraisal from him, and anyone that he talks to, in the future.

 

 

Two very good points, 57.  I could see the JC coach loving the 90 and thinking that if he told the kid he is concerned because of what the HS coach said, the kid would be more likely to show up and prove not to be that problem kid.  I've done that with kids being considered for the move from JV to V.  "You're talented but I'm told you aren't always a team guy.  Convince me I should give you a shot and that I won't have that issue".

As an athletic director myself I want to know about this because if this is a recurring trend then it doesn't look well on my school's baseball and athletic program overall.  Now sometimes this is a one off thing and it is what it is but how can we improve as an athletic program if we don't look to address problems / issues as they come up.  That being said going to the AD should not be the first step.

My advice is have your son go to the HC and ask him why he said what he said.  There needs to be a lot of clarification going on here between these two because they are not on the same page.  The coach may be a worthless jerk and that needs to be brought to the AD attention. But, and I'm not trying to be a jerk, your son might be the problem and you or he may not realize it.  That doesn't need to be brought up to the AD.  This isn't an easy situation and it needs to be handled carefully but it needs to be taken care of.  You may want to wait until after the season so the HC can't hold it against your son if that's a possibility.

But all issues and lines of communication need to start with the HC first before being brought to the AD and then principal.  Our policy is first step is HC the next day.  We do not allow parents to bring up issues after games or practice.  Set up an appointment and we will meet at school because cooler heads tend to prevail with this protocol.  If you are not satisfied with that meeting then you can schedule an appointment with the AD but I will never discuss playing time nor position.

coach2709 posted:

As an athletic director myself I want to know about this because if this is a recurring trend then it doesn't look well on my school's baseball and athletic program overall.  Now sometimes this is a one off thing and it is what it is but how can we improve as an athletic program if we don't look to address problems / issues as they come up.  That being said going to the AD should not be the first step.

My advice is have your son go to the HC and ask him why he said what he said.  There needs to be a lot of clarification going on here between these two because they are not on the same page.  The coach may be a worthless jerk and that needs to be brought to the AD attention. But, and I'm not trying to be a jerk, your son might be the problem and you or he may not realize it.  That doesn't need to be brought up to the AD.  This isn't an easy situation and it needs to be handled carefully but it needs to be taken care of.  You may want to wait until after the season so the HC can't hold it against your son if that's a possibility.

But all issues and lines of communication need to start with the HC first before being brought to the AD and then principal.  Our policy is first step is HC the next day.  We do not allow parents to bring up issues after games or practice.  Set up an appointment and we will meet at school because cooler heads tend to prevail with this protocol.  If you are not satisfied with that meeting then you can schedule an appointment with the AD but I will never discuss playing time nor position.

Thx for replying, what is your opinion of getting a log for coaches to complete when contacted by RCs to keep all conversations above board and transparent?

Nonamedad posted:

Thanks for all the replies, you guys are great and knowledgeable. Will take it under advisement. 

I may be able to offer some insight if will send me a PM and let me know what HS you are at.

Nonamedad posted:

RJM posted:

What purpose would going over the coach’s head to the AD serve? Payback? AD’s typically think it’s the parents who are the problem when they run to him. Besides, the AD and the coach have a relationship. You don’t. 

Your son hasn’t signed an NLI yet. He hasn’t played his senior year yet. He got what he wants in terms of college ball. I would move on. I wouldn’t create more problems. You may not get satisfaction. Your son could have an unhappy senior season due to the coach.

I want the coach held accountable period. He NEVER expected the Juco coach would tell us what he said, he assumed the Juco coach would just tell my kid sorry not interested. I want the dist AD to make all coaches  log when contacted by a college and what was said. Then they will have to justify there comments

If you want the coach held accountable, then demand a meeting with yourself and that coach.  Do it face to face.  I've coached at the HS for 33+ years now.  There are things here that are not measuring up.  I don't know the coach but I would say this, be prepared to air it out and to hear straight forward what the coach thinks.  I don't have a problem with this and have been there and done that.  Most of the time, the parent doesn't like what they hear.  Then again, when that meeting is done, both you and your son can make other choices if you want.  

Coach2709 and I most often agree but, as a HC, I never talked to parents without the AD present.  I wanted a witness to exactly what was said.  

Nonamedad posted:

coach2709 posted:

As an athletic director myself I want to know about this because if this is a recurring trend then it doesn't look well on my school's baseball and athletic program overall.  Now sometimes this is a one off thing and it is what it is but how can we improve as an athletic program if we don't look to address problems / issues as they come up.  That being said going to the AD should not be the first step.

My advice is have your son go to the HC and ask him why he said what he said.  There needs to be a lot of clarification going on here between these two because they are not on the same page.  The coach may be a worthless jerk and that needs to be brought to the AD attention. But, and I'm not trying to be a jerk, your son might be the problem and you or he may not realize it.  That doesn't need to be brought up to the AD.  This isn't an easy situation and it needs to be handled carefully but it needs to be taken care of.  You may want to wait until after the season so the HC can't hold it against your son if that's a possibility.

But all issues and lines of communication need to start with the HC first before being brought to the AD and then principal.  Our policy is first step is HC the next day.  We do not allow parents to bring up issues after games or practice.  Set up an appointment and we will meet at school because cooler heads tend to prevail with this protocol.  If you are not satisfied with that meeting then you can schedule an appointment with the AD but I will never discuss playing time nor position.

Thx for replying, what is your opinion of getting a log for coaches to complete when contacted by RCs to keep all conversations above board and transparent?

Honestly, I am not in favor of it and would never recommend it.  The extreme vast majority of time this is never an issue because as others have said the coach will speak highly of the player or let them know ahead of time what they are going to say.  If it gets to the point where we have to log what our coaches say to RCs then I'm going to the principal and let them know it's probably time to look at making a change.  We aren't doing what's in the best interests of the player and school so it would be time to find someone who would do the right thing.

CoachB25 - the vast majority of the time I am present at that meeting because of what you said.  I go into those meetings looking to protect my coaches and if something needs to be done then it will be done behind closed doors with just me and the coach.  It will never happen in front of a parent or player.  What I've seen is that the parent just wants to vent and once they do it's over.  I had a parent approach me after a game and they went on a small tirade about the coach.  Once they were done I looked at them and asked if they felt better.  They laughed and said they did then walked away. It was over.

One year I had  a very talented class of players and we were talking about plans after high school.  I told them to get me a list of 5 or so schools they would like to go where they could realistically play and have what they may want to major it.  None of these guys were DI but they could play somewhere.  All but one guy gave me a realistic list - he put Kentucky, Tennessee, Florida State and another big school.  I looked at his list, laughed and threw it away.  It wasn't the first time we didn't see eye to eye on his talent and I told him several times if those schools were to call me for some reason I was going to be honest and say I did not believe he could play there.  We didn't have a good relationship but I was honest with him and that's all you can ask.

What is the end goal here - Get the coach fired? Make sure it doesn't happen again? I'm not sure what a call log is going to do. The AD is not going to call the HC of a college and ask what was said on a private phone call just to make sure they're saying nice things. Not that a college coach would ever respond to a request like that. 

I'm all for standing up for yourself and holding people accountable but there is no sense in fighting a battle you can't win. The AD and the HS coach have a relationship, you're just another parent that was there for 4 years. Either way its he said she said. 

Have your son play for himself and his teammates, wait until this year is over and then feel free to let him know what a piece of ____ he is and let it all out. Then next spring send him a signed team poster for his office. Joking... (maybe)

There are some great responses here in this thread.  I can't speak for all school districts but can speak for where I coach.  The various coaching staffs have to be evaluated every year now.  They have to be rehired every year now.  We no longer have a system where you keep your job because you were the HC last year.  I have had one losing season ever.  Still, I knew that from that losing season, I stood a chance of not being retained.   I have been the HC in 4 sports and some have overlapped.  Coaching has changed so much.  HS coaches are not as important in recruitment now.  Still, some get after it and have contacts.  I still have contacts and I think my recommendations go a long way.  That won't last much longer in most cases.  For the second time in my coaching career, and the other one in basketball, a father/mother tried to get me fired last spring.  When all was said and done, they didn't get the job done and had no idea that I actually had asked both the AD and the Principal to attend several games to see their behavior.  They won't be attending any more games at our school since the meeting didn't go as they wanted and I'll leave it at that.  Still, I think parents should go to the AD if they are upset.  I also think that most of the time, parents are misled by their child and are shocked at what is said in those meetings about their offspring.  

I’m not the crazy parent in the stands, my wife and I spent most of the season working the snack bar. This thread has kind of gotten off track, I’m not complaining about the big bad coach who is treating my precious little angel unfairly. I’ve barely interacted with the coach, we heard some bad stuff about him and it turned out to be true. He can run his program however he wants, but when he (out of nowhere) makes comments to a Juco coach that could cost me thousands of dollars I GOT A HUGE PROBLEM. I did talk to him as many have stated and after his initial surprise he very smugly stated that was his opinion and that was that. He could have ruined my kids future, I think the Juco coach was a stand up guy for telling us. I bet many here are now wondering, did a coach secretly hurt my kids chances. Luckily he’s not very highly thought of and the Juco coach said what the HS coach said was so different from what the travel coach said and what he saw on the transcripts he ignored him. Still scary to have a person without accountability make judgements on 17-18 yo kids. Crazy to me

Dude, grab a beer, hook up with Francis57 before that, then both of you need to have a couple of cold ones and chill the hell out.

This is like calling the police for a car accident that didn’t happen. Someone cut you off and you’re ticked. When you get home you say to your wife, “You wouldn’t believe what some jerk did to me on the road on the way home.”

You're ticked because someone tried to harm your son. But he didn’t. You can only make his senior year difficult by making this an issue with the coach and the athletic department.

The AD is not going to let you tell him how to run his department and what coaches should do with recruiting. He might politely tell you he will give it some consideration. Then everyone will get a good laugh at your suggestion at the next AD and coaches meeting.  

Relax and enjoy your son’s senior year. Move on. There’s no sense watching your son’s senior year with your butt cheeks clenched all season.

Btw if you confront the coach don't say "what's the problem that you have with my kid" but try to say something like "what can he do to become a better leader". That way he won't feel confronted and go on defense right away.

Nonamedad posted:

RJM posted:

What purpose would going over the coach’s head to the AD serve? Payback? AD’s typically think it’s the parents who are the problem when they run to him. Besides, the AD and the coach have a relationship. You don’t. 

Your son hasn’t signed an NLI yet. He hasn’t played his senior year yet. He got what he wants in terms of college ball. I would move on. I wouldn’t create more problems. You may not get satisfaction. Your son could have an unhappy senior season due to the coach.

I want the coach held accountable period. He NEVER expected the Juco coach would tell us what he said, he assumed the Juco coach would just tell my kid sorry not interested. I want the dist AD to make all coaches  log when contacted by a college and what was said. Then they will have to justify there comments

I'm curious what "Plan B" is if the AD sides with the coach and does not hold him accountable? 

Also, earlier you said the coach was lazy, etc. and the entire team reflected this attitude.  If your son was on the team, and the entire team reflected this attitude, does that mean your son also reflected this attitude or was he the one player that didn't?

I'm not trying to bash you or your son here, but it sounds like you are hell bent on some type of revenge that may end up backfiring on you.  What happens if you try to get the coach in trouble (or  maybe you do succeed and do get the coach in trouble) and then that coach calls your sons JUCO coach back and tells him what kind of problems you caused because you didn't agree with his assessment of your son.  That JUCO coach could very well decide he doesn't want this potential headache and decide to rescind his offer.

I would be mad at the HS HC, cuss him under your breath...and move on.  You guys already won.  Your son got a full ride with the potential of an even brighter future down the road.  Don't end up being "That Dad" and screwing over your son to prove your point.

PABaseball posted:

What is the end goal here - Get the coach fired? Make sure it doesn't happen again? I'm not sure what a call log is going to do. The AD is not going to call the HC of a college and ask what was said on a private phone call just to make sure they're saying nice things. Not that a college coach would ever respond to a request like that. 

I'm all for standing up for yourself and holding people accountable but there is no sense in fighting a battle you can't win. The AD and the HS coach have a relationship, you're just another parent that was there for 4 years. Either way its he said she said. 

Have your son play for himself and his teammates, wait until this year is over and then feel free to let him know what a piece of ____ he is and let it all out. Then next spring send him a signed team poster for his office. Joking... (maybe)

I agree.   There is no way any parent would "win" this battle.  And what would a parent "win" anyway?  Getting the coach fired?   Is that what you truly want in your son's senior year?  Better to deal with the devil you know and not a devil you don't.  A new coach would bring a whole new set of possible issues.  Some battles are not worth fighting.

I don't see what the purpose of a call log would serve.  It doesn't do squat for anyone at the moment.

NoNameDad - As previously posted, control what you and your son can control - academics, hustle during practice and games, improving his skill set, leadership on and off the field.  Enjoy his senior year.   Trust me - it goes by fast.   Faster than you can imagine.  If you spend that time fretting over something you have no control over, you'll be miserable.  If you still feel the need to meet with the AD, I suggest doing so after your son graduates - that way they have nothing to hold against you or your son.  At that point you are a concerned taxpayer/citizen expressing your concerns.  However, I would strongly suggest letting it go.   After HS, getting prepared for college (Juco or whatever) is going to keep you and your son quite busy.

I don't think this has been mentioned, but maybe, just maybe, it was a way the coach thought he could motivate your son.  Yes, the proper or preferred way would have been for him to talk to your son.  He should be praised for his honesty to some degree though it was not a good way to go about it.  Keep in mind he was asked his opinion of your son by the JuCo coach and he gave it.  Fortunately, the JuCo coach did not give it much weight.

Good luck to your son in his senior year.   Enjoy it!

NoNameDad, you started this post asking for our advise.  I don't think there's one person that has recommended you speak with the AD before/during the season.  Since then, you've been responding back, justifying your stance.  Now it's you against the world.  Either take the advise you solicited or don't. 

One thing I haven't seen mentioned, and probably the most important, what does your son want you to do?  Regardless of the outcome, good or bad, he will be the one most impacted.

I agree. We have given you our opinion and basically everyone said the same but in the end you are making the decision and we can't force you to act like we think you should.

If you think your plan is better go for it even if it against our advice.

I was pissed at my son’s high school coach soph year. I took my son’s advice ... You’re better at dealing with players. But you’re not the coach here. Get over it. 

What my son was saying was I was right and it doesn’t matter.

Yes, and I found this board when I was mad at my son's coach for over using him and I wanted a place to vent.  I know my first few posts I came across as a pissy prick.  The moms and dads here woke me up and now I'm a happy fool.

Special thanks to RJM, Cabbage, TPM (I think...the guy with "I'm still trying to figure out a clever handle) and countless others...

Nonamedad posted:

I’m not the crazy parent in the stands, my wife and I spent most of the season working the snack bar. This thread has kind of gotten off track, I’m not complaining about the big bad coach who is treating my precious little angel unfairly. I’ve barely interacted with the coach, we heard some bad stuff about him and it turned out to be true. He can run his program however he wants, but when he (out of nowhere) makes comments to a Juco coach that could cost me thousands of dollars I GOT A HUGE PROBLEM. I did talk to him as many have stated and after his initial surprise he very smugly stated that was his opinion and that was that. He could have ruined my kids future, I think the Juco coach was a stand up guy for telling us. I bet many here are now wondering, did a coach secretly hurt my kids chances. Luckily he’s not very highly thought of and the Juco coach said what the HS coach said was so different from what the travel coach said and what he saw on the transcripts he ignored him. Still scary to have a person without accountability make judgements on 17-18 yo kids. Crazy to me

FWIW the most ballistic I have ever seen a parent go off on a coach was a mom who ran the snack bar Jr. year but her son was cut as a senior. Volunteer work doesn't provide some kind of vaccine against being _that_ parent. 

I hope your son gets to enjoy his senior season without this stuff intruding.

FriarFred posted:

but I would strongly suggest not going to the AD as it wont end well.

I agree with those who have stated this. Kind of like going to traffic court. Who do you think the judge is going to believe, you or the officer. 

SomeBaseballDad posted:

FriarFred posted:

but I would strongly suggest not going to the AD as it wont end well.

I agree with those who have stated this. Kind of like going to traffic court. Who do you think the judge is going to believe, you or the officer. 

Yeah, but in some situations a parent absolutely has to ask for that meeting.  This is not one of them.

BTW a good friend is AD at a HS one of our kid's attended.  There's very little that goes on in his dept and school that he doesn't know about without being told by a parent.

I have been the coach in one of those bad meetings.  A parent heard someone say something to her son and thought it was me.  She came in furious the next morning to a meeting with me and the AD dragging her son along.  I had gotten a heads up from a mutual friend that she was wanting to meet with me and what it was about.  She started the meeting with calling me every name under the sun and saying how bad of a coach I was and how bad the AD and the sports program in general was while her son sat there with his head down the whole time muttering please be quiet.  When she finally got to the incident, I whipped out my phone and pulled up the facebook live that a lady had done of the game. and had it to the exact spot in the game.  I played it for her and she realized I was talking to the referee at the time and it was the lady videoing the game's husband that shouted at their son and not her son.  She had just misunderstood.  I will admit that he did not get as much playing time the rest of the season and had been a starter.  I felt sorry for the kid but sometimes our kids get the blunt of our mistakes.  The kid got cut the next year because the high school coaches did not want to deal with the mom. 

Just a real life incident where the meeting did not go as planned.  Might want to think about it before you open that can.  I know coaches who would take losses rather than reward a kid they don't like or a kid of a parent they don't like.  I still hold there is something in the past you don't know about between your son and the coach.