Skip to main content

52 replies

How do you help?

ILVBBILVBB1,000+ posts
My son is a freshman, away from home playing ball at a very good school. Three weeks into the spring, he is exhausted and is stressed out from baseball and school.

He has class from 9am to 2pm, with breaks between classes which he uses to study. Then baseball from 2:30 to 7:30 each evening. He gets back to the dorms after the dining hall closes gets a couple hours of studing again and then all over again. He said that he has had dinner only 3 times in the last 2 weeks and then he had to have pizza sent in.

He is struggling to keep up with his classes and is starting to question the value of playing baseball. He said his performance on the field is below how he has played for the past few years. He indicated that he is not getting 1/10th of the number of swings that he did during HS which is impacting his confidence. This does not get into the differences that he experienced moving from HS to college (D3).

He feels that his performance on the field is subpar, he is falling behind in his classes, not eating properly and does not have the time to get his laundry done. On top of it all he says he is exhausted.

I am doing my best to tell him to be patient and to realize that 3 weeks (of which today was the first day on the field because of bad weather) is just the beginning and to be patient.

I am sure that I am not the first parent to hear this from their sons. Any advice or wisdom?
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

S spizzlepop1,000+ posts
ILVBB,
I got a call like that not too long ago. Sounded like his world was caving in. Stress mostly. I didn't sleep much that night.

Next day got another call, this was a good day and all was well again. Kids are pretty resilient after all. Your son obviously loves the game, but the game isn't always as kind. He'll get back on top of it. He just needs a couple knocks and an attaboy.

They do get a day off (sorta) per week in D3 as well don't they? He'll probably catch up with the laundry then. Hang in there. Smile
P PGStaff10,000+ posts
ILVBB,

6 hours a day of baseball? That seems like a bit too much. Is this mostly conditioning, which is important, but kind of boring? Eating is sort of important, too. It's no wonder he's getting behind in his classes.

Hopefully things will slow down after awhile and he starts having a little fun. But not too much fun!

Best of luck!
ILVBBILVBB1,000+ posts
PG

I asked him about the 6 hours. It is made up of everything from dressing, field prep, plyometrics, practice, running, weights, to shower at the end.

He said because of the bad weather, field prep, including tarp on/off is taking up a bunch of time.

My starting point was to tell him to talk to the coach, he wants him to succeed, if he is stressed maybe he can help.
rz1rz15,000+ posts
Don't feel alone. This is why few Freshmen get a lot of pt. Tell your son to put away his pride and go talk to the coach. The situation is not unusual and a good coach will embrace his honesty. Athletic departments have support staff for just this reason. This is culture shock for an athlete who has been at the top of the food chain in his local bubble for as long as he can remember. Deal with it now rather than later as it could be as minor as time management.
Last edited by rz1
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
Hmmm, sounds familiar and mine is into it 3 years!

Spoke to him the other night, he sounded exhausted, up early for bullpen, class, practice and then to tutor for help in statistics and finance! This is a difficult time of the year, teams getting ready for gametime, coaches stretching the practice hours to the max. Mine knows how to adjust and something that is learned over time. rz is right this is why freshman don't see much playing time.

I agree have your son go talk to the coach.
Last edited by TPM
thegame2003thegame2003100+ posts
I actually made the exact same call to my parents today, and I'm a senior! lol. I was just totally stressed out from baseball (7 days a week of practice since the semester started), having an internship on campus that I'm finishing up, and school, which I have fallen behind on due to the amount of hours I have been putting in with baseball and the internship. However, I just found out today that we have a 3 day weekend off from baseball, and it honestly feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulders! Time to show those professors I'm more than just an athlete!
L lafmom5,000+ posts
My freshman son was miserable last year. The issue was compounded for him last year because he made an incorrect choice in fit of schools and ended up transitioning from a position player to a pitcher.

All of them have something unique about their situation, but in the end exhaustion is suddenly part of their life.

Mine called me and said flat out he didn't know if he wanted to continue playing ball. It wasn't fun anymore. He was worn out in many ways. I simply told him it was his life and I was there to support him in whatever he chose to do. He was much more than a baseball player to me. For my son, the routine exhaustion that a ballplayer felt was compounded by some other issues. All of them face time management issues and all feel the exhaustion of the demands but they can have unique situations that they face as well.

Bottomline, he changed schools and he's still exhausted but he has his passion back. He loves his coach who motivates him beyond belief.

I think the exhaustion for a college athlete hits them and us up side the head when they're freshman. No one is really prepared for it. By reassuring them that you're there and understand.... that this too shall pass, they do make it through. Everyone of his teammates is probably feeling the same emotion. Their parents are at home loosing sleep too. Smile
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
quote:
He has class from 9am to 2pm, with breaks between classes which he uses to study. Then baseball from 2:30 to 7:30 each evening.

Lets see --- that's a whopping 10 1/2 hours a day!!!

Not much pity from me. Take the usual workplace job of eight hours --- let's say 8 to 5 with an hour off for lunch. Tack on 1 hour of commute in the AM and one hour in the PM and you're talking about dedicating 11 hours of your life each day to a job. Now if you're a parent of a baseball player then you have to allot some time for baseball too. --- That's just the average day of the parent with one child ---
Fungo
Last edited by Fungo
T theEH1,000+ posts
Lafmom, and tg2003.
Thanks for giving us the 2 sides of this situation.
You have a full load tg2003, I applaud your effort. Keep up the good work.
Lafmom, that's really all we can do at this point is to let them know how much you care.
And to reassure them all will work out in the end.
Young men when faced with adversity want to prove they can handle a tough situation.
They do not want to let you down.
It can be overwelming at times.
That's when as parents
You want to jump right
In there and help.
But that's when you have to allow them to become Men?
EH
T theEH1,000+ posts
Fungo that's me,
11 to 12 hour workday.
Are should I say worknight.
I haven't had a day off since heck I don't remember, last year sometime?
I'm not complaining.
Life is good?
Its what I choose to do,
Its what my responsibility.
Just like a student athletes responsibility
Is to work hard on acadimics, as well as on the field.
Anyway your up early?
Are you going fishing?
I'm jealous.LoL
B Bee>1,000+ posts
quote:
by ILVBB: Three weeks into the spring, he is exhausted and is stressed out from baseball and school.
sometimes it's necessary to read between the lines (per Mrs Bee & she's really good at it)

a) he misses you

b) send money, he need new jeans & tee's

c) the weather sucks

d) college ball is ALOT different from HS ball

e) send more money

f) forget about the Dean's list this term


that said, late practices can cause a timing problem for meals if he's relying on "campus food" ...

solution - - "call out" for him occasionally .. get the yellow pages from his area & have pizza, wings, chinese etc. delivered to his dorm (pre-paid by you of course & order enough so he has leftovers the for next day)

regarding laundry - - he sounds very advanced in this area as he has grasped the concept that laundry should be DONE - CONGRATS, that's most often a soph/jr yr concept Smile
Last edited by Bee>
L lafmom5,000+ posts
Bee - That is excellent advice! I don't think we need to be "woe is me" with our sons, but I do think we need to provide an understanding shoulder and support. For many of these boys, they never held a job in HS... now they're faced with time management issues and a schedule that they thought they understood... but reality is a bit different. Also, some are doing work study or have another commitment outside baseball/academics. It is a shock for most ball players.... don't need to coddle, but do need to understand.
P pfbear13100+ posts
It's all about priorities and how much he wants to play and be part of the team. His schedule is very typical of many college athletes. My son's schedule is very similar except he has to tack on 6 AM lifts 3 days/week and weekend workouts as well. Plus going early to practice for extra BP and staying after for extra sprint workouts.

Like the others said, when they get to the real world it's not like they are going to have any extra time. My wife is an accountant and she works 12 hour days at the office and then 2-3 hours at home.

I guess the best advice for your son, while harsh, would be to get used to it. He's not in HS anymore and mom and dad aren't there to look out for him everyday. As far as his performance goes, he has moved up to the next level. Everyone on his team was the star of their HS team. It's supposed to be harder and you need to work harder to step up your game. If he gets placed in a summer league, he'll find everyone there is the best on their college teams. You also need to let him know you love him and will support any decision he makes, but he needs to really think it through before he decides anything.

This is also the reason so many D-3's don't retain players. Too much commitment and no $$ for tution.
Last edited by pfbear13
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
Having not been in this boat yet,..I am taking notes like a mad woman!!

Sounds like a care package might be inorder,..with a positive note of support since the parents cant be there to give an actual physical pat on the back.
Telling the boys that this is indeed normal may also ease some tension.

I feel for these young gentlemen! Such a busy busy time.

Comfort, support, understanding, and guidance should help. I have confidence that the wrinkles will iron themselves out over time and things will smooth out to a steady rhythm.

I like the quote below from Thegame2003:
quote:
Time to show those professors I'm more than just an athlete!


Atta boy kid!!! You've got the right idea!!!
Last edited by shortstopmom
F FormerObserver1,000+ posts
quote:
Mine called me and said flat out he didn't know if he wanted to continue playing ball. It wasn't fun anymore.


I've heard those words, too.

And, started to respond when ILVBB first posted.

I enjoyed reading all the comments, especially Bee's.

Not to be critical of you ILVBB, but do I recall correctly that your son is taking 15-17 hours?

And, for others that are reading, this is why 12 hours is a good load for a freshman in the spring.

Baseball is for real in college. It ain't extracurriclular any more.

For our sons, baseball is important, and it needs to be OK to back off academics, from a volume point of view, to be able to focus on baseball.

And, sometimes we wonder when to push a little to encourage our sons with baseball.

Now is the time to encourage and push a little.

The first two-three weeks are tough.

Welcome to college baseball.
Last edited by FormerObserver
RedheadRedhead100+ posts
He needs to keep a stockpile of food that he can eat when he gets in late. Good soups, peanut butter, string cheese, etc. At least he won't have to wait on the pizza man. Poor nutrition leads to poor concentration - which leads to poor grades. Send him a bottle of good multivitamins. Send a letter or card regularly. It helps more than a call sometimes. Often you can write things that you might have trouble verbalizing. Plus, he can pick it up and read it over and over. Above all else - pray daily for your son - especially when he is separated from home and family. Let them know you are praying for him. It is a great feeling to know you are being prayed for and it also brings comfort to the one offering the prayer.
L lafmom5,000+ posts
quote:
It is a great feeling to know you are being prayed for and it also brings comfort to the one offering the prayer

Redhead, That's an excellent point. I am a person that likes sending little thoughts/packages to people I care about to begin with, but for our kids that go away to college regardless of athletics involved, it's great for them to have a feeling they haven't been forgotten and that a part of their life continues the same.... mom/dad still love me and they care about me.

I sent my son a coin last spring with a verse on it and told him to keep it in his pocket as a reminder that God was always with him, as was my support, as he makes his way into adulthood.

I also asked him if he made prayer a part of his life anymore. He responded "no" and that "I guess I felt you were doing enough for us both". Prayer is comforting and if it's been a part of a young man's life, remind him to continue during this period of adjustment and challenge.

FO - That's sooooo very true also!! My son did take 15 hrs the fall semester of JUCO, but that was a different academic scene than where he is now. Tried to stay at 16 hrs this past fall, but had to drop one. Carrying the load that some of his non athlete friends would carry is very difficult for some.... especially if they haven't been a great student in the classroom to begin with (my son!).
K KCBaseball100+ posts
I am so glad to see this thread!
Two days ago my FR son was miserable, not happy with his performance. Yesterday he pitched great and is feeling much better. It helps me so much to read that our sons are often experiencing the same things!

One thing that is helping my son is little cat naps. He has a break 2 days each week around lunch time and grabs 30 minutes shut-eye before heading over to the stadium. Cooks Ramen those days, skipping the cafeteria to get the rest. Whatever works to recharge his batteries!

It seems like the beginning of each semester is the hardest, then they settle in to things. Fall was new and overwhelming. Now they're competing for a spot right before the season begins. Our support and an ear to listen seems to give them the comfort they need.
ILVBBILVBB1,000+ posts
I am so glad that many of you have received similar calls. Spizzelpop you were right, the next day they sound soooooo different.

He called today after practice high as kite. He went 3-3 in scrimage today including a HR that hit a car in the 3rd row behind RF.

We talked last night and it is amazing how after coaching and watching your son for so long how you can correct a swing over the phone (I would like to think it was me).

Dinner and a movie with the guys and a reprieve from practice on Sunday and he feels that he will be back in the saddle again.

Thanks all for the perspective.
J JT1,000+ posts
This is one of the better threads I've seen in a while. Thus...
...I nominate this thread for consideration as a "GOLDEN THREAD."

As a college professor, this helps give me a NEW perspective to what all students go thru---and mine all have rotations thru athletics that can take up to 30 hours per week. No wonder they are stressed out...
...this thread can help me be kinder and gentler.

As a dad of a college freshman player, this helps me appreciate all my son goes thru...
...while living at home. I think I can now be able to understand his mood swings during this long pre-season time.
P parent10+ posts
It's also a great encouragement to me, the parent of a high school player who's in a new program. He was really down about his performance on Monday, then in 7th heaven later in the week when he was really "on." My emotions seem to go up and down with his, but this thread has helped me realize that for every bad day there will be a good day to follow.
MN-MomMN-MomHSBaseballWeb Owner
JT, thank you for the "Golden" nomination! I have made a shortcut to this thread in Golden Threads, so we can still enjoy it here also.

I'll second the recommendation about helping your college freshman find a way to eat on a regular basis in spite of the long hours. Extreme hunger can multiply the feeling of exhaustion, and lead to poor performance in the classroom and on the field.

Also, if your son is taking a heavy classload, he may want to discuss with an advisor the option of dropping one class this semester. My son is also a D3 baseball player, but he's a junior this year. I think he took 15 or 16 credits in spring of freshman year, and had to drop one class in order to be able to complete his other classes successfully - ESPECIALLY after the season started, missing some classes 1 or 2 days most weeks for games and travel to games. After 2-1/2 years of college he is about halfway to his degree, but that's fine. It takes many non-athletes 4-1/2 or 5 years (or longer) to earn their degrees, too.

Best wishes to your son!

Julie
Last edited by MN-Mom
T theEH1,000+ posts
Wow a new Golden Thread in Record time.
You poster's are getting to good at this!!

Mine had a full load in the fall, and I became a little worried.
All you can do is keep encouraging them and he made it thru.
A lighter schedule in the spring, But still has a hard time getting meal's before, between, after, Classes and baseball practice.
He had a care package he took back after Christmas Break.
Im sure thats pretty well picked thru by now.

How many of your player's have access to a car?
Mine doesn't yet.
But it's on my list of thing's I think he could use. LOL
No really I think they need away to get off campus for some food??
My buddy told me when he was in college, He hated the fact that he didn't have any wheels.
Just stuck where your at, are walk.
EH
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
ILVBB,

Sounds like another attack of the emotional up and down baseball rollercoaster,
which we all just can't seem to get enough of & never want to get off of! ha! Big Grin

So glad things are smoothing out! One less college experience wrinkle to be ironed out and one better nights sleep for the parents!

P.S. I'd still send the care package. IMO, one can never get enough special stuff from home!

It'll make a bad day, better and even a good day, brighter Wink
Last edited by shortstopmom
B Bordeaux500+ posts
This thread is just hitting me at a kind of vulnerable time, as it appears that we have had a suicide on the Stanford campus. What is so troubling (we don't know for sure yet what happened, and maybe we will never will) is that if it was suicide, it was surprising because there were no outward signs of depression apparently, and the young woman was an unbelievable superstar, but in a pressure-cooker environment with lots of expectations on her and apparently not a lot of support.

What's the connection? Last year, a freshman pitcher in Nevada committed suicide.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but please just be sure, when the kids call home, that you let them know how much you love them, that you understand that this is really hard, and let them know that you are there for them no matter what. I think the care packages especially with things they need, nutritious snacks are good, also notes and emails, and, if you get really concerned, letting a resident advisor or someone else close to them know of your concerns, is not over-doing it.

Athletes for the most part, I think, aren't going to go off to the counseling office on campus and in any case apparently some of those are not really that good.

Just hug your kids and let them know you love them for who they are.
G gotwood4sale10,000+ posts
I'm sorry to hear what you and the Stanford community are going through Bordeaux...that really is a sad situation.

You are not over-reacting by my judgment.

Your recommendations are right on the mark...I suppose it is impossible to know if some of the little things that one can do for another really can make a difference, but these are all things that decent and caring people should be doing anyway.

We should do them regardless if we feel they are urgently needed or not. I've been around a few incidents as you described and it always results in some amount of self doubting...your suggestions can help both the troubled soul and their friends and loved ones.
Last edited by gotwood4sale
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by Fungo:
quote:
He has class from 9am to 2pm, with breaks between classes which he uses to study. Then baseball from 2:30 to 7:30 each evening.

Lets see --- that's a whopping 10 1/2 hours a day!!!

Not much pity from me. Take the usual workplace job of eight hours --- let's say 8 to 5 with an hour off for lunch. Tack on 1 hour of commute in the AM and one hour in the PM and you're talking about dedicating 11 hours of your life each day to a job. Now if you're a parent of a baseball player then you have to allot some time for baseball too. --- That's just the average day of the parent with one child ---
Fungo


Very good post. The only difference in my son's experience is perhaps his teams 5:30 AM conditioning, but the rest sounds familiar. That's the program and perhaps another reason some schools sign 15 or 20 every fall.
L lafmom5,000+ posts
quote:
Just hug your kids and let them know you love them for who they are.

Exactly! These kids need to know that they're loved and that has nothing to do with their baseball (or other athletic) endeavors.

My daughter exhibits the same intensity in regard to academics. You can see such tremendous pressure she feels sometimes if she doesn't meet her own expections in that area. I've always tried to explain that I'm proud and very pleased that she does well in the classroom, but she's much so more than a GPA to me. She doesn't have to have a 4.0 to be loved and respected by me.

To disregard any loved ones word that they're upset, scared, tired, or frustrated isn't a very caring thing to do. We all need a shoulder from time to time and it's sure good to know that those that care about ya are there when you need them.

This just refers in general to the original post, not the young lady from Stanford. Of course, we have no idea what the issues for the young Stanford athelete were and she hopefully had a lot of support. My prayers for her family and friends in a difficult time.
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by shortstopmom:
Paleeeeeeeeeeease,..I beg ya,.... do not get me started with comparing the hardhships of middle aged 40-50+ year old men sittin' behind their desk in the work place for 8 hours ( God love ya!) & the pressures of young, just starting out, student athletes.

Ya just dont want shortstopmomma ta' go there! Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin


8 hours is part time work anymore. Um, I'll trade our stress level for theirs.....eight days a week. Smile
Last edited by Dad04
Next

Add Reply

Post
.

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×