How to tell coach/trainer im not playing for his team

Just be straightforward and to the point.  "Coach I greatly appreciate all the time and effort you have put into my training and growth as a ballplayer, but I will be playing for another team this year."

If he asks "why?" then simply respond with what you wrote here: "I'm looking to play for a college prep team in my area that one of my teammates played with last year instead of with this legion team, much better competition and a better schedule giving more free time to enjoy my last summer here."

I would tell my son to be polite and give the reason up front so that the coach doesn't have to guess.

"Coach, with me being a senior this year I've made the decision to play with a college prep team rather than a Legion team.  I will not be at tryouts next week.  This decision was difficult but I think it is what is best for me.  I truly hope this doesn't affect our Training relationship because I value your knowledge and guidance. I hope you understand".

If he comes back and says he think you are making a mistake then tell him "It wasn't an easy decision but, right or wrong, this is what my gut is telling me to do."

I agree with both approaches above, EXCEPT, that I wouldn't use the response to a "why?" question that 3and2 suggests above.  I've seen a player use that as a response to a coach (basically said that he was going to play with his more competitive travel team than the HS summer team) which was extremely offensive to the coach.  If he presses you to explain why, I'd simply tell him that you're seeking a team that will best fit your goals.  If he continues to press, then CaCo nails the reply by simply telling him that it isn't an easy decision, but its the one you're taking.

Remain respectful and appreciative for what he's provided to you.  Good luck.

I sit you down too for going on vacation while other kids are committed to showing up. You should have skipped all the whining and just gone right to you want to play for another team. All you have to do is tell the coach you will be playing elsewhere and thank him for the opportunity the team has provided to this point. But given your whining they will know you were unhappy and walked off on them.

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

.....midlo wrote..."Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them."  I'll add stick to what you want to do (go to another team),   If you let the coach talk you into staying, it's rinse, wash repeat.  Don't let him influence you.

Don't worry about what other people think, if you are committed to changing teams, change teams.

"It's not you, it's me" worked for me on many occasions.

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

Midlo Dad, I usually really enjoy reading your posts but I have to ask if you're having a bad day?

You said " If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball. 

What the OP actually said "it was for missing a practice because I was on vacation and not poor performance) 

It was ONE practice.  As a mother with more than one child I can tell you, STUFF happens in a family and with other kids sports.  I would not in a million years leave my senior boy alone in my house while I was gone, LOL, NO WAY!  His parents may have insisted that this was a family event and he HAD to attend. 

Until he is out of the house and 18 let's not assume we know the circumstances that led to missing one practice OR question if the kid is suited to play College baseball.  By the way, High School juniors don't get to have number one priorities unless mom and dad say it can be a #1 priority.

CaCO3Girl posted:

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

Midlo Dad, I usually really enjoy reading your posts but I have to ask if you're having a bad day?

You said " If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball. 

What the OP actually said "it was for missing a practice because I was on vacation and not poor performance) 

It was ONE practice.  As a mother with more than one child I can tell you, STUFF happens in a family and with other kids sports.  I would not in a million years leave my senior boy alone in my house while I was gone, LOL, NO WAY!  His parents may have insisted that this was a family event and he HAD to attend. 

Until he is out of the house and 18 let's not assume we know the circumstances that led to missing one practice OR question if the kid is suited to play College baseball.  By the way, High School juniors don't get to have number one priorities unless mom and dad say it can be a #1 priority.

What we don't know is the relevance of the practice. It could have been a practice focused on execution beating the team all season. We don't know the team situation at the time. We don't know if missing practice was discussed with the coach. A kid doesn't get benched just for missing a practice. There's more to the story. We will never hear the coach's version.

But whatever the situation you don't endanger your situation with the coaching staff trying to help you get to college ball.

This is before travel ball. A friend made the Legion team as a 16yo. That in itself was a big deal given the talent on the team. He was a pitcher. There were four all state pitchers ahead of him on the staff. He was scheduled to pitch against a doormat one weekend. He was bumped from the start. 

The first day of the state tournament he sat on the bench. It should have been expected. He was a pitcher at the end of a deep staff. His father was still pissed about the lost start. The family went on vacation the next day. The kid missed two days of the tournament. We won states. He sat through regions. Once again it was expected.

The next year the team was loaded again. He was lucky to make the team given the stunt he pulled the previous year. He rarely pitched. We won states again. We had a pitcher break his arm at regions. We needed a starter for the semifinal. Under normal circumstances it should have been the kid who skipped out on states. He was bypassed for a soph who hadn't pitched all year. The soph pitched well enough to draw scouts. He signed after senior year and made it to AAA. 

The kid in the story was fortunate to make the team again. Before committing him to the roster the coach asked him if he learned his lesson from two years previous. The kid went on to have a great year. He walked on at a D1. But the head coach (an old school guy) heard the story about Legion and never really gave him a shot. He gave up baseball after soph year.

"PRACTICE?....WE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE?"

(just offered on this, the day of The Answer's induction into the Hall of Fame)

In our area in order to play baseball at a D1 college , the entire family must be on board. That means we have had to schedule vacations and other family events around our baseball schedule. My son plays from March to mid November. He trains the other months. High school is only four years and you must spend as much time as possible honing your craft. Yes school always takes precedence . But our family knows that during these months our spare time is limited. 

My son plays on very competitive teams. If you miss a practice it gives the next guy more face time in front of the coach and you may never recover. So he doesnt miss practices or workouts. Almost no one does. Besides he doesnt see it as WORK, he loves PLAYING the game. He loves competition.  What would you rather be doing? 

Be honest with the coach but do not offend him by telling him that you need to play for a more competitive team. Bad move. You never know what the future brings. Dont burn any bridges. Baseball coaches talk and have connections with other coaches you would never guess. 

"Coach, I've decided to play with a college prep team. And, I'd like to continue training with you. If you have a problem with continuing our training arrangement, please let me know. Thank you, Coach. 

Short, succinct, to the point. If he asks why a team change, the prep schedule is more conducive to your current needs/situation. Nothing more. If he hesitates about the training, then thank him for all he has done for you...the help & guidance he has provided.  Bye Bye! 

Start from your position of decision & don't give him any room to discuss or prod you. This will demonstrate maturity & decisiveness in both team selection & training. Are you paying anything for the training? If so, he's basically your contract employee. If not, then consider asking what he would charge for that service & then you decide if you can afford it...

If you feel like you need to explain because of the past and to make a point, you do not.  You know what happened, make your decision, take the high road as suggested, and change teams.  no need to burn a bridge by doing the right thing for yourself - there is a life lesson in this for all types of things yet to come!

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

If you would re-read the post, I missed one practice and no games. Also, thank you for assuming I am not "suited to college baseball" for this reason and solely this reason I'll be sure to let you know how that works out for me! 1) I want to pursue playing in college because it is something I truly love doing and want to keep that up as long as possible, everyday at football I look up at our baseball stadium and wish that I was out there instead, only 7 months to go! 2) I have a pretty good idea of the commitment as it has been preached to me by former teammates time after time, I already train about 12 hours a week factor in school work and a job it amounts to a pretty full week. 3) Again with the assumptions of why I'm not fit for this. I missed this PRACTICE for a short trip that I notified them of a month in advance and then again that same week, I'm only 17 we all need some time to just be a kid for once. Thank you for your opinion

Just an update for those of you who gave feedback, I had the conversation today and while he wasn't happy, he respected my decision. He just wasn't happy that he was losing 7 of his better players to travel ball which is understandable, it is hard to be competitive with inexperienced kids. Again, thank you to all who gave responses!

My son never played for a summer team, AAU, travel, show case or summer college wood bat that he or others couldn't take time off for personal reasons given enough notice.  Even as a 3rd year pro teammates sometime miss games for personal reasons.  To say you are not "college material" is plain wrong or at very least short sighted.  You are still a minor, you do what your parents tell you to do.  You sound like a reasonable and dedicated young man,  I am glad you are doing what you want. I hope it works out well for you.

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

I wanted to add one more point. Missing one practice doesn't put you in the dog house.  A chip on one's shoulder and a bad attitude does.

Something just doesn't add up for me. 

TPM posted:

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

 

Currently have not made my decision yet but I essentially have three "offers" from d3 schools and still visiting a few more schools this fall. As to your next response, everything in my first message behind their reasoning was what they told me. It was all good before I left in my opinion, I had thrown a great 6 inning game giving up 2 ER to our defending state champs but a defensive breakdown lost us the game and when I came back my coach told me I was essentially benched and only saw two innings of garbage time in the playoffs which we played four games of. A freshman threw a CG first game then they started him again on two days rest in place of me, I don't understand the reasoning but it's over now and out of my control. My attitude wasn't the problem either, I rolled with it the whole way doing pitch chart for all the games.