How to tell coach/trainer im not playing for his team

Just be straightforward and to the point.  "Coach I greatly appreciate all the time and effort you have put into my training and growth as a ballplayer, but I will be playing for another team this year."

If he asks "why?" then simply respond with what you wrote here: "I'm looking to play for a college prep team in my area that one of my teammates played with last year instead of with this legion team, much better competition and a better schedule giving more free time to enjoy my last summer here."

I would tell my son to be polite and give the reason up front so that the coach doesn't have to guess.

"Coach, with me being a senior this year I've made the decision to play with a college prep team rather than a Legion team.  I will not be at tryouts next week.  This decision was difficult but I think it is what is best for me.  I truly hope this doesn't affect our Training relationship because I value your knowledge and guidance. I hope you understand".

If he comes back and says he think you are making a mistake then tell him "It wasn't an easy decision but, right or wrong, this is what my gut is telling me to do."

I agree with both approaches above, EXCEPT, that I wouldn't use the response to a "why?" question that 3and2 suggests above.  I've seen a player use that as a response to a coach (basically said that he was going to play with his more competitive travel team than the HS summer team) which was extremely offensive to the coach.  If he presses you to explain why, I'd simply tell him that you're seeking a team that will best fit your goals.  If he continues to press, then CaCo nails the reply by simply telling him that it isn't an easy decision, but its the one you're taking.

Remain respectful and appreciative for what he's provided to you.  Good luck.

I sit you down too for going on vacation while other kids are committed to showing up. You should have skipped all the whining and just gone right to you want to play for another team. All you have to do is tell the coach you will be playing elsewhere and thank him for the opportunity the team has provided to this point. But given your whining they will know you were unhappy and walked off on them.

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

.....midlo wrote..."Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them."  I'll add stick to what you want to do (go to another team),   If you let the coach talk you into staying, it's rinse, wash repeat.  Don't let him influence you.

Don't worry about what other people think, if you are committed to changing teams, change teams.

"It's not you, it's me" worked for me on many occasions.

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

Midlo Dad, I usually really enjoy reading your posts but I have to ask if you're having a bad day?

You said " If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball. 

What the OP actually said "it was for missing a practice because I was on vacation and not poor performance) 

It was ONE practice.  As a mother with more than one child I can tell you, STUFF happens in a family and with other kids sports.  I would not in a million years leave my senior boy alone in my house while I was gone, LOL, NO WAY!  His parents may have insisted that this was a family event and he HAD to attend. 

Until he is out of the house and 18 let's not assume we know the circumstances that led to missing one practice OR question if the kid is suited to play College baseball.  By the way, High School juniors don't get to have number one priorities unless mom and dad say it can be a #1 priority.

CaCO3Girl posted:

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

Midlo Dad, I usually really enjoy reading your posts but I have to ask if you're having a bad day?

You said " If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball. 

What the OP actually said "it was for missing a practice because I was on vacation and not poor performance) 

It was ONE practice.  As a mother with more than one child I can tell you, STUFF happens in a family and with other kids sports.  I would not in a million years leave my senior boy alone in my house while I was gone, LOL, NO WAY!  His parents may have insisted that this was a family event and he HAD to attend. 

Until he is out of the house and 18 let's not assume we know the circumstances that led to missing one practice OR question if the kid is suited to play College baseball.  By the way, High School juniors don't get to have number one priorities unless mom and dad say it can be a #1 priority.

What we don't know is the relevance of the practice. It could have been a practice focused on execution beating the team all season. We don't know the team situation at the time. We don't know if missing practice was discussed with the coach. A kid doesn't get benched just for missing a practice. There's more to the story. We will never hear the coach's version.

But whatever the situation you don't endanger your situation with the coaching staff trying to help you get to college ball.

This is before travel ball. A friend made the Legion team as a 16yo. That in itself was a big deal given the talent on the team. He was a pitcher. There were four all state pitchers ahead of him on the staff. He was scheduled to pitch against a doormat one weekend. He was bumped from the start. 

The first day of the state tournament he sat on the bench. It should have been expected. He was a pitcher at the end of a deep staff. His father was still pissed about the lost start. The family went on vacation the next day. The kid missed two days of the tournament. We won states. He sat through regions. Once again it was expected.

The next year the team was loaded again. He was lucky to make the team given the stunt he pulled the previous year. He rarely pitched. We won states again. We had a pitcher break his arm at regions. We needed a starter for the semifinal. Under normal circumstances it should have been the kid who skipped out on states. He was bypassed for a soph who hadn't pitched all year. The soph pitched well enough to draw scouts. He signed after senior year and made it to AAA. 

The kid in the story was fortunate to make the team again. Before committing him to the roster the coach asked him if he learned his lesson from two years previous. The kid went on to have a great year. He walked on at a D1. But the head coach (an old school guy) heard the story about Legion and never really gave him a shot. He gave up baseball after soph year.

"PRACTICE?....WE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE?"

(just offered on this, the day of The Answer's induction into the Hall of Fame)

In our area in order to play baseball at a D1 college , the entire family must be on board. That means we have had to schedule vacations and other family events around our baseball schedule. My son plays from March to mid November. He trains the other months. High school is only four years and you must spend as much time as possible honing your craft. Yes school always takes precedence . But our family knows that during these months our spare time is limited. 

My son plays on very competitive teams. If you miss a practice it gives the next guy more face time in front of the coach and you may never recover. So he doesnt miss practices or workouts. Almost no one does. Besides he doesnt see it as WORK, he loves PLAYING the game. He loves competition.  What would you rather be doing? 

Be honest with the coach but do not offend him by telling him that you need to play for a more competitive team. Bad move. You never know what the future brings. Dont burn any bridges. Baseball coaches talk and have connections with other coaches you would never guess. 

"Coach, I've decided to play with a college prep team. And, I'd like to continue training with you. If you have a problem with continuing our training arrangement, please let me know. Thank you, Coach. 

Short, succinct, to the point. If he asks why a team change, the prep schedule is more conducive to your current needs/situation. Nothing more. If he hesitates about the training, then thank him for all he has done for you...the help & guidance he has provided.  Bye Bye! 

Start from your position of decision & don't give him any room to discuss or prod you. This will demonstrate maturity & decisiveness in both team selection & training. Are you paying anything for the training? If so, he's basically your contract employee. If not, then consider asking what he would charge for that service & then you decide if you can afford it...

If you feel like you need to explain because of the past and to make a point, you do not.  You know what happened, make your decision, take the high road as suggested, and change teams.  no need to burn a bridge by doing the right thing for yourself - there is a life lesson in this for all types of things yet to come!

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

If you would re-read the post, I missed one practice and no games. Also, thank you for assuming I am not "suited to college baseball" for this reason and solely this reason I'll be sure to let you know how that works out for me! 1) I want to pursue playing in college because it is something I truly love doing and want to keep that up as long as possible, everyday at football I look up at our baseball stadium and wish that I was out there instead, only 7 months to go! 2) I have a pretty good idea of the commitment as it has been preached to me by former teammates time after time, I already train about 12 hours a week factor in school work and a job it amounts to a pretty full week. 3) Again with the assumptions of why I'm not fit for this. I missed this PRACTICE for a short trip that I notified them of a month in advance and then again that same week, I'm only 17 we all need some time to just be a kid for once. Thank you for your opinion

Just an update for those of you who gave feedback, I had the conversation today and while he wasn't happy, he respected my decision. He just wasn't happy that he was losing 7 of his better players to travel ball which is understandable, it is hard to be competitive with inexperienced kids. Again, thank you to all who gave responses!

My son never played for a summer team, AAU, travel, show case or summer college wood bat that he or others couldn't take time off for personal reasons given enough notice.  Even as a 3rd year pro teammates sometime miss games for personal reasons.  To say you are not "college material" is plain wrong or at very least short sighted.  You are still a minor, you do what your parents tell you to do.  You sound like a reasonable and dedicated young man,  I am glad you are doing what you want. I hope it works out well for you.

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

I wanted to add one more point. Missing one practice doesn't put you in the dog house.  A chip on one's shoulder and a bad attitude does.

Something just doesn't add up for me. 

TPM posted:

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

 

Currently have not made my decision yet but I essentially have three "offers" from d3 schools and still visiting a few more schools this fall. As to your next response, everything in my first message behind their reasoning was what they told me. It was all good before I left in my opinion, I had thrown a great 6 inning game giving up 2 ER to our defending state champs but a defensive breakdown lost us the game and when I came back my coach told me I was essentially benched and only saw two innings of garbage time in the playoffs which we played four games of. A freshman threw a CG first game then they started him again on two days rest in place of me, I don't understand the reasoning but it's over now and out of my control. My attitude wasn't the problem either, I rolled with it the whole way doing pitch chart for all the games. 

I still dont buy in here. You missed a practice and you pitched well in playoffs but your defense let you down so you lost opportunities just sounds like a bunch of excuses.

I think its a great idea you are making a change, he probably is glad too.

JMO

TPM posted:

I still dont buy in here. You missed a practice and you pitched well in playoffs but your defense let you down so you lost opportunities just sounds like a bunch of excuses.

I think its a great idea you are making a change, he probably is glad too.

JMO

 

Believe what you want. If I were making excuses I would be saying things like "he has it out for me!" "he doesn't want me to play in college so he is benching me!" "I never had a bad outing this whole season and he's taking me out because he hates me!" I am purely explaining my situation that you have absolutely no background on which is why I find it odd that you are making assumptions that he is "glad" about me going in a different direction. If he didn't want me around he would have kicked me out of his training facility which he has done to others in the past. But as I opened with, believe what you want  

Dont take offense,  although the reasons given may be of significance, never gives excuses as to why you sat.

Thats why I said what I did, because you mentioned you and your coached didnt "mesh" well on the field ( your own words) and he took the fun out of the game for you, so it sounds like you both were ready to move on.  

Best of luck to you.

LHP2017 posted:

TPM posted:

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

 

I had thrown a great 6 inning game giving up 2 ER to our defending state champs but a defensive breakdown lost us the game 

Giving up 2 earned runs doesn't exactly help either, Hoss. 

ironhorse posted:

LHP2017 posted:

TPM posted:

As a 2017, and so much wanting to play at the next level , instead of worrying about this summer,  you should be worrying NOW about where you will be after the summer.  

You state that you want to "enjoy" next summer, do you have a commitment as yet.  

 

I had thrown a great 6 inning game giving up 2 ER to our defending state champs but a defensive breakdown lost us the game 

Giving up 2 earned runs doesn't exactly help either, Hoss. 

The loss of the game is on everyone, offense and defense.

I find it fascinating how this thread turned.

CaCO3Girl posted:

I find it fascinating how this thread turned.

Me too. Go back and read it again.  And maybe again.  

I agree with one or two others who posted that this player really isnt dedicated.  

The giveaway, stating this was supposed to be his year because he was the ace, but half way throughthe season things went south, because he missed one day of practice,  or the degense blew the game so he wss called upon again?

Listen if he wants to make a change, thats fine, just do it because you want to.

JMO

TPM posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

I find it fascinating how this thread turned.

Me too. Go back and read it again.  And maybe again.  

I agree with one or two others who posted that this player really isnt dedicated.  

The giveaway, stating this was supposed to be his year because he was the ace, but half way throughthe season things went south, because he missed one day of practice,  or the degense blew the game so he wss called upon again?

Listen if he wants to make a change, thats fine, just do it because you want to.

JMO

So, a 17 year old comes on a baseball board to ask how best to tell his coach he doesn't want to play for him anymore and leaves with many opinions on his dedication and possible ability to even play college baseball.  I have to say I did not see that one coming.

CaCO3Girl posted:

TPM posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

I find it fascinating how this thread turned.

Me too. Go back and read it again.  And maybe again.  

I agree with one or two others who posted that this player really isnt dedicated.  

The giveaway, stating this was supposed to be his year because he was the ace, but half way throughthe season things went south, because he missed one day of practice,  or the degense blew the game so he wss called upon again?

Listen if he wants to make a change, thats fine, just do it because you want to.

JMO

So, a 17 year old comes on a baseball board to ask how best to tell his coach he doesn't want to play for him anymore and leaves with many opinions on his dedication and possible ability to even play college baseball.  I have to say I did not see that one coming.

I guess that you didnt.

I've been out of town, so I'm late to this party. 

I'm a little confused, too. Generally, coaches communicate most articulately through their lineup cards. When you have conflicting signals--the lineup cards say you're not part of his plans, and the reminder to come to the tryout says you might be--it would be prudent to believe the lineup card.

After getting benched for the last portion of the season and the playoffs, regardless of the reason, it's sufficient to tell him you're joining another team because you need a greater assurance of playing time. 

Best wishes, 

I did misread the OP as to game vs. practice.  However, that does not lead me to change my comments.

Whether the player or the parent realizes it or not, that is a big deal.  And if they are told it's a big deal and their response is not to accept that, but rather, to argue with it, then that is an even bigger deal.

I'm not looking to make an enemy here, but the idea that a high school junior or senior cannot be left at home alone for even one day is one that is of fairly recent vintage, part of the ongoing trend towards helicopter parenting.  Bear in mind, we're talking about a young man who's supposed to be just a little over a year from being away from home 100% of the time.  If he can't handle a single day on his own, that transition is going to be one heckuva crash course. 

Moreover, players have been known to be left with trusted friends' families, or with relatives.  That is, the alternative is not necessarily "home alone," though again, I have no problem at all with a 17-year-old being on his own for a few days.

It's been quite a long time since I was that age, to be sure, but I was left alone many times, and no one had a second thought about it.  As far as I know, the human genome has not changed that much in the intervening generation.  What has changed is the insistence that high school age children be treated like pre-adolescent children in terms of the level of responsibility and trust afforded to them, even in cases where there is no history of misbehavior.

But while more and more parents are of that mindset, the high school, American Legion, and collegiate coaching community is not on board with them.  So be warned, you are walking into a conflict that will not end the way you want it to, because even if you think you're right, the other side controls the outcome.

My point remains, if you are trying to demonstrate that you are ready to be a collegiate player, you shoot yourself in the foot if you plan activities that conflict with your team commitments.  Whether or not you understand it, the impression you are making on those whose opinion of you will determine your outcome is strongly negative.

I think any coach would excuse an absence that was truly justified.  A family funeral or wedding, for example.  Beach week doesn't cut it.  The family can still go, if it needs to go in June or July and not in August.  It's just that the player needs to stay behind in order to honor his commitment.

I also want to be clear that I'm talking about a rising senior who is playing Legion ball and aspiring to college ball.  I am not suggesting that a 12u travel ball kid be handled the same way.  But I would respectfully suggest that a 17-year-old not be treated like a 12u kid.

Midlo Dad posted:

I did misread the OP as to game vs. practice.  However, that does not lead me to change my comments.

Whether the player or the parent realizes it or not, that is a big deal.  And if they are told it's a big deal and their response is not to accept that, but rather, to argue with it, then that is an even bigger deal.

I'm not looking to make an enemy here, but the idea that a high school junior or senior cannot be left at home alone for even one day is one that is of fairly recent vintage, part of the ongoing trend towards helicopter parenting.  Bear in mind, we're talking about a young man who's supposed to be just a little over a year from being away from home 100% of the time.  If he can't handle a single day on his own, that transition is going to be one heckuva crash course. 

Moreover, players have been known to be left with trusted friends' families, or with relatives.  That is, the alternative is not necessarily "home alone," though again, I have no problem at all with a 17-year-old being on his own for a few days.

It's been quite a long time since I was that age, to be sure, but I was left alone many times, and no one had a second thought about it.  As far as I know, the human genome has not changed that much in the intervening generation.  What has changed is the insistence that high school age children be treated like pre-adolescent children in terms of the level of responsibility and trust afforded to them, even in cases where there is no history of misbehavior.

But while more and more parents are of that mindset, the high school, American Legion, and collegiate coaching community is not on board with them.  So be warned, you are walking into a conflict that will not end the way you want it to, because even if you think you're right, the other side controls the outcome.

My point remains, if you are trying to demonstrate that you are ready to be a collegiate player, you shoot yourself in the foot if you plan activities that conflict with your team commitments.  Whether or not you understand it, the impression you are making on those whose opinion of you will determine your outcome is strongly negative.

I think any coach would excuse an absence that was truly justified.  A family funeral or wedding, for example.  Beach week doesn't cut it.  The family can still go, if it needs to go in June or July and not in August.  It's just that the player needs to stay behind in order to honor his commitment.

I also want to be clear that I'm talking about a rising senior who is playing Legion ball and aspiring to college ball.  I am not suggesting that a 12u travel ball kid be handled the same way.  But I would respectfully suggest that a 17-year-old not be treated like a 12u kid.

Just to clarify Midlo Dad.  One of your 16 year old Junior players says:

"Coach, my mom and dad said the whole family is going on vacation in a month and I have to go.  They have scheduled it so I won't miss any games, but I will miss one practice, so I wanted to give you plenty of notice."

This is unacceptable?

I didn't see this thread going anywhere near the direction it has gone but I guess it is the internet and people feel they can say whatever they want. If you want to question my level of dedication that is fine, you're evaluating my life based on a few posts on the internet which obviously makes you experts. The fact that I don't spend every waking moment of my life thinking and playing baseball like some of you feel like I should be does not correlate with how dedicated I am. FWIW I cut the vacation short for me as I went home early in order to not miss anything else that I knew was scheduled, this practice was called the night before and I had already told them I'd be gone. Some of you will call this an excuse but it really isn't, it's over and as I said, we have already talked and I am playing with a different team this summer. 

CaCO3Girl posted:

Midlo Dad posted:

I did misread the OP as to game vs. practice.  However, that does not lead me to change my comments.

Whether the player or the parent realizes it or not, that is a big deal.  And if they are told it's a big deal and their response is not to accept that, but rather, to argue with it, then that is an even bigger deal.

I'm not looking to make an enemy here, but the idea that a high school junior or senior cannot be left at home alone for even one day is one that is of fairly recent vintage, part of the ongoing trend towards helicopter parenting.  Bear in mind, we're talking about a young man who's supposed to be just a little over a year from being away from home 100% of the time.  If he can't handle a single day on his own, that transition is going to be one heckuva crash course. 

Moreover, players have been known to be left with trusted friends' families, or with relatives.  That is, the alternative is not necessarily "home alone," though again, I have no problem at all with a 17-year-old being on his own for a few days.

It's been quite a long time since I was that age, to be sure, but I was left alone many times, and no one had a second thought about it.  As far as I know, the human genome has not changed that much in the intervening generation.  What has changed is the insistence that high school age children be treated like pre-adolescent children in terms of the level of responsibility and trust afforded to them, even in cases where there is no history of misbehavior.

But while more and more parents are of that mindset, the high school, American Legion, and collegiate coaching community is not on board with them.  So be warned, you are walking into a conflict that will not end the way you want it to, because even if you think you're right, the other side controls the outcome.

My point remains, if you are trying to demonstrate that you are ready to be a collegiate player, you shoot yourself in the foot if you plan activities that conflict with your team commitments.  Whether or not you understand it, the impression you are making on those whose opinion of you will determine your outcome is strongly negative.

I think any coach would excuse an absence that was truly justified.  A family funeral or wedding, for example.  Beach week doesn't cut it.  The family can still go, if it needs to go in June or July and not in August.  It's just that the player needs to stay behind in order to honor his commitment.

I also want to be clear that I'm talking about a rising senior who is playing Legion ball and aspiring to college ball.  I am not suggesting that a 12u travel ball kid be handled the same way.  But I would respectfully suggest that a 17-year-old not be treated like a 12u kid.

Just to clarify Midlo Dad.  One of your 16 year old Junior players says:

"Coach, my mom and dad said the whole family is going on vacation in a month and I have to go.  They have scheduled it so I won't miss any games, but I will miss one practice, so I wanted to give you plenty of notice."

This is unacceptable?

We as parents were all in with everything about HS and  travel ball. He wasnt allowed to miss any practice, any games, not including illness.  Only missed one HS game, for a junior recruiting day. 

Even missed AC games because his CM travel team made regionals.

I get what midlo is saying.

LHP2017 posted:

I didn't see this thread going anywhere near the direction it has gone but I guess it is the internet and people feel they can say whatever they want. If you want to question my level of dedication that is fine, you're evaluating my life based on a few posts on the internet which obviously makes you experts. The fact that I don't spend every waking moment of my life thinking and playing baseball like some of you feel like I should be does not correlate with how dedicated I am. FWIW I cut the vacation short for me as I went home early in order to not miss anything else that I knew was scheduled, this practice was called the night before and I had already told them I'd be gone. Some of you will call this an excuse but it really isn't, it's over and as I said, we have already talked and I am playing with a different team this summer. 

So the reasons you lost your start, you feel was because you missed a practice?  You made it clear you didnt mesh with the coach either.

Just trying yo give advice when making decisions, use no excuses as to reasons why.

LHP2017 posted:

I didn't see this thread going anywhere near the direction it has gone but I guess it is the internet and people feel they can say whatever they want. If you want to question my level of dedication that is fine, you're evaluating my life based on a few posts on the internet which obviously makes you experts. The fact that I don't spend every waking moment of my life thinking and playing baseball like some of you feel like I should be does not correlate with how dedicated I am. FWIW I cut the vacation short for me as I went home early in order to not miss anything else that I knew was scheduled, this practice was called the night before and I had already told them I'd be gone. Some of you will call this an excuse but it really isn't, it's over and as I said, we have already talked and I am playing with a different team this summer. 

I confess I have not read this thread through so I don't know exactly what's been said, but, just based on the original post:  around here kids miss Legion games and practices all the time, without penalty, as long as they tell the coach in advance. They miss them for vacations, for summer academic camps, for baseball camps and showcases, pretty much anything legit. Rosters are big for that reason, and coaches pull players from younger teams as necessary.  It's not HS ball. It's not life-or-death.  It's Legion.  It's a way to develop skills in the summer, have fun and get some reps. 

CACO3GIRL,

"Unacceptable" is probably too strong a word.  "Inappropriate" or "presumptuous" might fit better.

I don't think a parent should encourage or expect the player to renege on his commitment, much less pressure him to do so.  I don't think the parent should fight a turf battle with the coach, putting the player in the middle.  I think a player should know that he is not to walk into the coach's office and say how things will be; at most, he may go there to present a request for advance permission.  And I would suggest that the coach should respond by appreciating the position the parents have put the player into, and suggesting that the player find a third path.

I would add that a Legion team, like a travel/exposure team, has a very short season.  Any questions about the team's coaches' attitudes about missing practices or games should be inquired about prior to making the commitment to the roster.  Committing first, getting into the season, and then telling the coach you've decided not to be there one day is not appropriate.  Your options are to discuss arrangements in advance, or to accept that if the team won't accommodate you, your choices might be reduced down to either playing for that team and living with the restrictions or finding another team that will accommodate your priorities.

There are, after all, literally dozens of team options out there, and they all have different policies.  Find one that suits you; don't ask the one you choose to change mid-season to suit you.  If every parent did that, the team could not function.

LHP2017 posted:

Midlo Dad posted:

I have to echo that.  If you are the guy who misses summer games for a vacation (that could have been missed or just moved into August), you are not really suited to college baseball.  Why are you even pursuing college baseball?  Do you really know what commitment that entails?  Or are you just doing it because your friends are all doing it and you think it's expected of you? 

These are serious questions because (a) college players don't miss games for vacations -- not in the fall, spring or summer; and (b) guys who want to become college players play until they get recruited, then continue to play even after committed so as to prepare to play in college, and they never miss games for other things because baseball is always their # 1 thing outside of the classroom.  (I might make an exception for a family wedding or funeral but it has to be something on that level, not something optional like a week at a beach house.)

As for tryouts, I don't think you have to go to any tryout for any team you don't want to be a part of.  If your coach calls you or sees you and asks why you weren't there, the answer is, you decided to go in a different direction.  Take care not to get sucked into an ongoing discussion that invites you to criticize him.  He may even ask for reasons but you should refrain from giving them.  It's sufficient to say, "I looked at all my options and felt this one was the best fit for what I want to get out of my fall ball experience."

You are not entitled, even if it seems like he's asking for it, to criticize your coaches or other elders to their faces.  (And behind their backs is not so good, either.)

You are, however, entitled to make your own life decisions and have adults respect the fact that, irrespective of how they feel about it, they are your decisions to make.

So if you say the above and he insists on knowing why, just say, "I really don't want to get into an argument," and try to put some distance between you so as to end the conversation.

If you would re-read the post, I missed one practice and no games. Also, thank you for assuming I am not "suited to college baseball" for this reason and solely this reason I'll be sure to let you know how that works out for me! 1) I want to pursue playing in college because it is something I truly love doing and want to keep that up as long as possible, everyday at football I look up at our baseball stadium and wish that I was out there instead, only 7 months to go! 2) I have a pretty good idea of the commitment as it has been preached to me by former teammates time after time, I already train about 12 hours a week factor in school work and a job it amounts to a pretty full week. 3) Again with the assumptions of why I'm not fit for this. I missed this PRACTICE for a short trip that I notified them of a month in advance and then again that same week, I'm only 17 we all need some time to just be a kid for once. Thank you for your opinion

You go kid!  Don't let them get to you. They just need something to complain about. "In the old days we walked to school in the snow uphill both ways and came home and ate shoe leather for dinner and nobody complained cause if we did our dad would have..."  You know all that macho crap. It was a family vacation vs a legion ball practice...  Hope you had a nice time on your vacation. Need to get away from all this silliness sometimes. 

and hold on just a second here...isn't LHP2017 going to be graduating HS and then (maybe) playing in college?  This thread is about summer 2017?  

My 2017 has played for several years for an often discussed on this site national showcase/travel organization but he isn't sure where he will be playing NEXT summer as he is waiting to finalize his college plans and then have a game plan as to what the college coaches would like him to do.

This thread is a great example of why providing too much information can lead you astray. The OP wants to provide lots and lots of context to help the board understand the background, when in fact there is no way an internet message board can understand the complexity of a long-term interaction between humans, and thus a bunch of assumptions get made and things go sideways fairly quickly. He's an edited version of the original post that might have worked better:

I've been training with the coach of our legion team since my sophomore year and played with him the past two years. I'm looking to play for a college prep team in my area that one of my teammates played with last year instead of with this legion team, much better competition and a better schedule. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can tell him im not playing for them this year? I don't want it to end up turning into a thing that effects my status of training with him but really do not want to play legion again this year. Thank you for any feedback.

Ah, live and learn. I hope we didn't chase him away.