Mental help for parent

Here are my thoughts....and how I handled the exact same question you are asking. My son started playing baseball as soon as he could hold a bat.  He has played top level travel since he was 9.   He's been determined to play college baseball since he knew what college was....and in his mind, D1 was the only option.   When he was an 8th grader, he attended a camp at a good D1 school...and was the only 8th grader there. At the time he was probably 4'8 and about 80 lbs.  He held his own against kids from the top HS's in the state...some that were already D1 commits...so we started to think he could probably play college ball at some level.  The next spring we went to watch my nephew play in a D3 game. It was ok baseball, but some of the kids wouldn't have played on our HS team.  After that, we knew he could play college ball...but just weren't sure what level.  He started at SS as a sophomore...and was honorable mention all state this spring as a junior.  I went to a game this spring between two pretty good D1 "mid-majors" with the goal of watching and deciding "if he could play with these guys".  I left the game thinking he could....and told him what I thought.  He had been contacted, though nothing real serious at that point, by a couple D1's so that kind of backed up my thoughts.  We started the summer leaning towards him playing D1...and never gave much thought to any level lower than than. He had contact with 5 or 6 schools in June and July and committed to a D1 in August.

Good problem to have.  Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd say have him try out for the very best travel team in your area, and one that gets him to the very best tournaments (Perfect Game / WWBA).  My sense is that this will keep you both humble as you see just how much REAL talent is out there.  Not saying he won't compete and compete well, but it will help in many respects, and he'll realize how hard he needs to work to "hang" with top level D1 players.

Excellent posts so far.  In our experience BucsFan's suggestion to get to the top PG tourneys with eyes wide open will let you know where your son fits.  

At the 17 WWBA I commented to my friend that after you take away say the top 20 at each position in that tournament how in the world do you separate the next 200 or so at each spot.  Point being it is amazing how many really talented ball players there are out there.  

Have your son send introductory emails to 20-30 schools of interest right now.  Let them know where he will ball this fall and again next summer.

At these events if he performs well (not necessarily dominates) and if he has the tools to play after HS he likely will begin to garner interest.  Pay close attention to who is showing interest and this will likely guide you and your son to the right level and hopefully the right fit.  

Good luck and enjoy it

Just because you're good, doesn't mean you can't be humble.  My son was always pretty good and played at a high level.  He was a starting varsity pitcher as a freshman at the highest classification HS in Georgia.  He did not wind up D1, but is a junior in a top D2 school.  I used to talk about him all the time to everyone I could or who asked.  After a while, I realized that was probably irritating, so I worked very hard on just being humble and asking other people about their kids and limiting what I said about my son.  I still try very hard to not talk too much and just keep hoping that the ride continues.  

One of the best players at my son's HS was a year ahead of him.  Signed with Clemson and this past year got drafted as a junior.  His parents were some of the most humble people around.  Didn't brag on him, always downplayed his talent and were truly nice people.  Realize that anything can happen over the next couple of years, good or bad.  Stay humble, but proud of your son.  Mentally, that is how I would handle it.  Your son isn't a superhero because he's good at baseball, he's just another kid on the team who happens to be pretty good.  That's all.

In terms of your son, he should be confident, but not cocky.  He should be a teammate and realize that he is dependent on his teammates to win games.  He should be confident in his abilities.  If he's a pitcher, he should KNOW that he can get any batter out.  If he's a position player, he should KNOW that he can hit any pitcher.  BUT, he shouldn't go around flaunting that.  Just be yourself, have fun hanging out with the team and try not to bring attention yourself - good or bad.

There's probably more that goes into it and I'm sure others will have more to add, but hopefully this will be a start.

Very good statements from both of the above! So, a +1 from me.

Cougar;

do you know a pro scout or college coach in your area?

Bob

I'm not sure I completely understand about the leaving part. He would go away to college anyway, right? Maybe his baseball future has you thinking about this sooner than you would have otherwise?

As mentioned above in a different way, local parents don't always realize it, there is a huge difference between a good local team and good top level team. Many local teams play the same teams it seems in every tournament. Few scouts/college coaches show up but when you go to the bigger PG events, many of both are at the games. The level of hitters and pitcher and fielders is just so much better at these big PG events but as a parent, you may not realize it because you are only used to seeing what you've always seen. That is not to say that there are not good players locally because there are.  It is just that on the good top level teams, there are good players at most every position.

As Consultant mentioned, find an impartial scout or coach. From an experienced eye, they see things that us mortals don't see.

Good luck in your family's journey!  Enjoy it.  It will go by way too fast.

Redfish makes a great point...and is exactly what we did.   Along those lines,  I guess I could add....my son tried out for a top level 10U team over an hour from home in the fall while he was still 8...he had been competing in our "local" league with kids 2 grades older than him...and wanted to play better competition (his idea...not mine...lol)  Of those 10 kids on that team ( 6 were playing at their age level...and 4 played up)...here's where they are now.

6  are now 2014's....1 playing D1 baseball, 1 playing D1 golf, 2 playing D2 baseball (1 at defending National Champs)...2 playing at a very good JUCO

4 are now 2015's.....1 committed to D1...1 committed to D1 for soccer, but probably will go pro....1 committed to D2 as a QB...1 will likely go D1 in basketball

Several of those kids played with him the following year...plus 2 additions  1 of those is a 2015 who is committed to a Big 12 school and a 2014 playing at a very good JUCO.

I guess what I'm saying is we always had a pretty good idea he could play with the top level kids....so hoping/wishing he could play D1 wasn't a huge stretch.  If you're not playing with or against top level kids, you'll have a hard time knowing where your son fits in. 

The next spring we went to watch my nephew play in a D3 game. It was ok baseball, but some of the kids wouldn't have played on our HS team. 

Don't be misled by this statement. There are many D3 baseball programs where all the players were all conference in high school. There are D3 programs where some of the players could have played D1 but chose the D3 for its high academic standards and reputation. 

That said, when my son was in high school we stopped while biking by a local D3 game. After two innings my son wanted to leave. He felt neither team was good enough beat his high school team. The reality is there is probably a place to play for any competent high school baseball player who wants to play college baseball.

Tell the high school and summer ball coach he would like to play college ball. Get their reaction. Don't take it as gospel. But it's a start. Send him to a local showcase. Find out who some of the players are at the showcase. Compare how your son matches up with them. Do you have a good friend who knows the game who can be honest and you can accept it? What position is he projected to play in high school? Most D1 position player recruits (outside catcher) are up the middle players (shortstops, centerfielders) or they're power hitters. 

Chances are you will get a better idea of his ability by the end of next summer. I was amazed how much bigger and stronger my son and his friends got by the end of soph year. While some kids join showcase oriented teams the summer after soph year it's not absolutely necessary until the summer after junior year. 

If there are major showcases near where you live go watch one for a few hours. Try to figure out how your son stacks up. Talk to parents. Talk to coaches. If they're busy don't be offended if they blow you off. When my son was in high school I attended D1 and top D3 college games. The most informative question I asked was "How did your son end up here?" And if they don't include it, "What showcases did he attended?" It's an open invitation to a parent to talk about their kid.

A big +1 to what bballman said... 

All of our kids have special talents of one sort or another.  Some will get more outside attention associated with theirs.  What is most important is to always keep in mind what is most important.  Outside of baseball (or any other special talents), what are the most important things you want to instill in your kids?  You mentioned being humble.  That is a great one, IMO.  Never waver.  Don't allow the attention from his talent blur your parenting vision.  Be sure you are consistent with your message.  Great game, questionable behavior?  Address the behavior.  Bad game, handled admirably?  Praise the character.

At some point, baseball will not be the center of his life.  What character traits will you have taught him along the way?

As far as help with anxiety over the young man leaving, they will all leave at some point.  He will be the easiest one because you will still be fully engaged in parenting the others.  Wait 'til the last one leaves .  Continue enjoying the ride.

"The questions of "how do I know my son is good enough for college" and "What level could he play at" have been a main question for me for some time.  After all, I don't want to waste my son's time or coaches time trying to get into a college he's not good enough to get into.  This past year he played HS and travel for 1st time, did very well at both."

"My question is how do you, as a parent, come to terms with the fact that your son is that good?"

Daddycougar, I have been on the HSBBW a very long time.  There is little doubt it is the very best place to learn, understand and apply the vagaries of the college recruiting process.

Where the site might be less effective, for obvious reasons, is allowing those on the way up to fully appreciate the challenges or downfalls/pitfalls, once we think our son is at the mountain top. If I had one dollar for every one who posted on the way up but ended posting when their son got to college baseball and struggled, chose other options, transferred and the like, I would not still be working.

One other aspect which appears but not in any real form a parent thinks applies to their son is the injury factor.  For all of our sons, one injury could end everything tomorrow.

The point of my thoughts is to ask the question of whether you and your son are in this for the journey or the result? Is playing through HS and working through the evaluation and exposure phase truly a  waste if the end result is not competing in college, or not competing at the D1 level, or not being one of those 11.7?

Is baseball and how "good" or "talented" our son might be starting to define how we see our son and how we communicate about him to others?

In our State of CA. more D1 players don't end up playing D1 than do.

With experience, it has become clear to me that college baseball is very different than football and basketball.  When we get outside the top 60 or so college baseball programs, we find D1 talented players competing at both the D2 and D3 levels. Stated differently, when we  get to teams from about #100 to 300  at the D1 level, the talent gap between those players and the top players at the  D2 and D3 levels often times is not meaningful. Summer Wood bat leagues demonstrate that every year. I don't say this in any negative way towards the input and importance Buckeye places on D1. 

Experience and time proved to me that college baseball at each level provides opportunities for very talented players.

Looking at this in the rear view mirror, I would strongly argue in favor of enjoying the journey with very little mental effort focused  on " is he that good," the end result or levels created by the NCAA.

Eventually, those who get paid to coach and evaluate talent will make the decisions of whether our son is "that good." No matter what we as parents think, the opinions of others  either open doors or crush dreams.

 Once our son's get to college baseball and beyond college baseball, what they did before matters little. It is what they did today and whether they are better tomorrow which matters. More than ever before, whether they are "that good" will be the constant  against which they are measured and against which they are measuring themselves.

Whether we as parents think they are "that good" just does not matter very much in the bigger scheme and matters less at each level of progression.

As far as help with anxiety over the young man leaving, they will all leave at some point.  He will be the easiest one because you will still be fully engaged in parenting the others.  Wait 'til the last one leaves . 

When my daughter (the oldest) left for college I turned to my son and said, "Now there won't be any finger pointing. We'll know who did it. Ever since my son (the youngest) went off to college it's the dog's fault.

Daddycougar - what a great post.  I think being humble is one of the greatest assets to have because baseball is the most humbling of all sports.  I can tell from your post your son has a great role model to learn from.

Based purely on what you've written, I suspect that your son has the talent to play in college somewhere.  You've seen enough to know that he can do some things you haven't seen other kids do.  Recruiting requires two things - decent talent plus exposure.  Encourage his love of the game and encourage him to continue to develop all his tools.  Assuming he has developed his skills as much as possible, then he needs to find one coach who loves him.  That may be at the D1 level, D2, D3, JUCO, or NAIA level.  The way you find out what level he is at is get him in front of as many coaches as he can.  If he is competing against mostly D1 level players such as at a PG event for example, have him evaluate himself when he competes.  Do all the other kids seem way beyond his level, or does he feel he can compete?  Use your own eyes as well to formulate evaluations when he competes.  If at some other event (e.g., D2/D3 college camp) see how he competes at these events.  Eventually, if he performs well at enough events he'll start to get feedback from coaches.  He'll know at what level based on the respective feedback.  I fully agree with infielddad, he may be a D1 player but his best fit (e.g., academics, baseball) might be somewhere else.  The good thing is you have plenty of time to develop and find that one coach (or multiple coaches) who love him.  Best of luck in the future!

RJM.....you're correct....and as you said, seeing that game really just gave us the realization that "yes, he can play in college"....nothing more.  He was a HS freshman and hadn't seen the field in a varsity game at that point. I didn't look at it and say "oh, he'll start at SS in D3...I just figured that based on what we saw that day, there was likely a spot for him somewhere when it came time for college. He was 5'3 and maybe 110 pounds when we watched that game.    He grew 8 inches and gained 60+ pounds in the 2 and a half years between then and when he committed this past August.  If he hadn't, who knows where he'd be right now.

OP - Too bad you missed out on all the fun early years.

You joined just in time for the more competitive fierce competition

I would do as consultant says as well. Get him evaluated.

Good luck!

LOL!  I was just thinking that too Everyday Dad.....you just haven't lived until you have sat through a 9u game where EVERY "run" scored was from walks by the brand new kid-pitch pitcher fresh off of coach pitch and no idea how to throw a strike, let alone 3 in a row!  Ah...the memories :- )

There are also some metrics that you can use to help evaluate where he is.

In our part of the country, most D1 players run the 60 in less than 7 seconds (and you won't be considered by many unless that is the case).  There are velocity metrics for pitchers.  There are hitting requirements for hitters, pop times for catchers, etc.  If he recently started playing travel ball, he may have some catching up to do defensively and offensively but if he has the tools and the work ethic he may be "that good".  Others have alluded to this, but at this point, actually, he is not good enough because you're evaluating potential now.  He needs to continue to get better every year to be good enough.  That becomes harder and harder with each passing year as the funnel narrows and the talent increases.  He can't merely be good enough, he will need to stand out to catch a college coach's eye.

Every parent thinks their child is special (and I'm sure yours is!) but the reality is there are 10 kids trying for every one who plays D1 college ball. There are many, many levels of travel ball and HS ball, and until he keeps advancing and plays against the top talent you may not know the answer.

Stay humble, work hard, and I wish you the best of luck.  I enjoyed your post.

DaddyCougar, you have received some excellent advice from several posters that are far more knowledgeable than me.  I agree with all the advice you have received about getting exposure at PG showcase and getting on a top travel team.  That really is the only way to see where your son truly fits.  If you don't wear the rose glasses and have an even outside idea about what real talent looks like, you will see it immediately.  It doesn't take very long to pick out the best players on any field at any level.  One other piece of advice I would give you is to start your son on a baseball specific workout program focusing on speed, agility and explosiveness.  It really doesn't matter what position he plays right now as that will most likely change over the next couple of years.  But explosive power and quickness helps with any position.  If your son pitches, I would strongly suggest looking into Ron Wolforth, Kyle Bodddy (Driveline), Alan Yeager or Brent Porciau (TopVelocity).  Any of these guys will give you/your son advice on how to develop a strong, injury-free arm.  Best of luck to your son over the next few years.  As has been said before many times, enjoy the ride because it goes by SO fast.

Actually CaCO3Girl those were the fun years

Our kids dominated and we bonded with other families and played ball for the fun of it. Relatively inexpensive with a out of town tournament once a year.

Now the competition is fierce for my 2016. He still is a strong player, but the level to stand out is that much more difficult.

That and the expenses have grown immensely just to get some exposure. 

Lot more stress and anxiety.

As they get older I keep telling myself to enjoy the ride as they say.

Gets harder every year. I'm trying though

Outstanding bit of advice from bballman. Support your son to the "nth" degree and always ask others how their kid is doing as well as being complimentary. I have found, especially recently with some positive doors that have opened for my son, that it truly is the best approach.  

http://www.ncsasports.org/recr...elines-Get-Recruited

I found the stats for each position coaches are looking for interesting reading. Hope it helps.

I read through some of this.  This is actually a pretty good compilation that would be a helpful resource in the Recruiting section of HSBBW where it may be more easily accessible than buried in a post with a title that doesn't correlate.  Can that be done?

The cool thing about baseball is there are several levels, as mentioned here and kids get lots of chances to play. Academics and a good ballplayer combination can get you D3 as mentioned....even Ivy League. D2s can be very competitive and a great training ground for your son. Every body wants to play D1 and most want the Big D1s so there's lots of competition there. Keep working hard and grind it out.....that not only builds character and perseverance, but will hone him for the gauntlet of showcases and PG tourneys when he needs to shine.

In regards to "talking about your son", my wife tells me I'm guilty and i agree. I am better at it now and usually only respond if i am asked. i honestly feel sincerely blessed for my son to have a D1 offer and opportunity to play at that level next year. I will tell you this, i rarely bring it up and neither does he...he actually gets a bit embarrassed if his mom does unprovoked or when asked about college etc.with her friends...btw, my son is super confident and thinks he will win each AB when he is on the bump.

I do however, have a tremendous amount of joy, satisfaction, glee and stupendous pride when i think about all of the "A" players, and their dads who at thos early travel levels and the growth spurt ages of 12-14 that were the best on the team, in the state, destined for the D1s and on the premier travel teams and blah blah blah that are not playing at all and couldn't hack it. All the while my smallish, struggling infielder hit his stride and passed many of them. Now..with those dads, i ask about baseball all the time and just shut up for their responses.

All in all, I say stay humble for sure, when you think you are being humble, tome it down even more off the field and keep working hard, good things will happen.

Thank you all for the great advice and words of wisdom.  You've pointed out clear goals to shoot for, how to proceed from here on out and provided me the perspective to just enjoy the ride.  The game is fun, he loves playing and I love watching, I'll remind myself that everytime the other stuff creeps into my brain.  Thanks again for grounding me (I'm sure it won't be the last time)  

You just gave yourself some great advice!

It really doesnt matter at this point (the question that you asked), if your son loves playing the game and wishes to go on to play college ball, if he works hard and stays focused and healthy, then it will happen.

Most importantly, don't forget about doing well in school. This will open just as many doors for him as his skills on the diamond.

How do I know how good my son is?  We actually get that question a lot.

Perhaps the best answer is... You don't need to know! Even if you think you know, you could be wrong.

Scouts and recruiters are often wrong and their job revolves around their ability to accurately evaluate and compare players. If they have a son, he becomes the most difficult player for them to evaluate.  In fact, they tend to be either overly impressed or overly critical.  With the other players they evaluate without any real feelings. They watch, they form an opinion based on what they see, it is much more simple.

Unless you stay hidden, as long as you are interested in finding out how good your player is, the decision makers are the ones that are going to answer your question.  Then it is simply a matter of whether they are right or wrong. What you the parent thinks really doesn't matter.

Players play, the rest of us just watch.  It is nearly impossible for a parent to accurately evaluate their son.  You have to compare him to the rest and you are starting out with a favorite.  Parents can have a problem seeing the same thing as the evaluator who doesn't care which player is the most talented.

We hear proud parents describing their son's ability, sometimes they use words like great glove, super arm, unbelievable curveball, unhittable pitch, perfect swing, unmatched bat speed, etc.

Great, super, unbelievable, unhittable, perfect, unmatched??? By what standard, compared to who? Even if those words were an accurate description someone still has to see it and agree.

Once in a great while you see parents that have no idea how talented their son is. It's kind of fun when that happens and their son is very talented.  

Anyway, it is easy to figure out if your son is successful at his current level.  If that is the case, seek a higher level.  If he continues to impress at a higher level of talent... Keep doing that until he is on the field where the known top players are.  Sometimes someone will see him and they will get him to that higher level of competition. Maybe he gets invited to an Area Code or East Coast Pro tryout. Maybe he gets invited to USA Baseball event.  Maybe a top travel team will want him.  Maybe Perfect Game will see him. But I wouldn't wait around for any of that to happen.

Sooner or later it all works itself out. The decision makers will answer all your questions. Your son just keeps playing and working until he has the answers.  He needs your support no matter how things turn out. Sometimes too much thinking just gets in the way!

Best of luck

PGStaff, 

Your post reminds me of when I asked my son's travel coach what level of college was realistic for my son to aim for.  The coach said not to worry about it: "When he stops getting better, that's his level."