You didn't mention if there is something taking the place of baseball in his life. Does he have a passion for anything else? That answer may lead you to the right direction.
Having calmed down, my instinct tells me that this probably isn't the crisis I originally thought. Like Prime9 said, I've probably been applying pressure and not even realizing it. I'm not going to let him have a slackard's attitued, but maybe a little less pressure from Mom would be appropriate...
We just want our kids to be as successful as they can be. And to appreciate what they've been given; their talents, their intelligence, their physical mobility, and just the fact that they aren't living in a 3rd world country under the dictatorship of some crazy person. I want to see that appreciation from my kids!!!!!
We just want our kids to be as successful as they can be. And to appreciate what they've been given; their talents, their intelligence, their physical mobility, and just the fact that they aren't living in a 3rd world country under the dictatorship of some crazy person. I want to see that appreciation from my kids!!!!!
quote:We just want our kids to be as successful as they can be. And to appreciate what they've been given; their talents, their intelligence, their physical mobility, and just the fact that they aren't living in a 3rd world country under the dictatorship of some crazy person. I want to see that appreciation from my kids!!!!!
I wish more adults would do that as well!!!
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gamedayrocks - justbaseball has 6 kids, and I appreciate his perspective as this is a tough topic. I'm not an Old Timer, but I have 3 baseball boys. Each one is distinctively different in the context of baseball. They enjoy the game for different reasons, and play the game at different levels. My oldest takes it very seriously, and he will play D1 next year. My middle is a 9th grader who is very good and wants to keep playing HS baseball. I have no idea if he'll want to play in college. We're going to play that "by ear". My youngest plays rec ball because he loves to pitch and be with his friends. I don't think your situation is unique. I can relate to many of your statements with regards to my 9th grader too. He seems to be interested in baseball, however not as interested as when he was younger. The truth is my 9th grader has developed new interests. It has taken me a while to get used to that. He loves playing baseball but I don't know if he has true passion for it. I have accepted that, and the more I keep "it" (his passion or my passion) at arms length the better off he seems to be. Best of luck to you.
This isn't an either or, crossroads of decision making, point in his life.
My advice is, forget the recruiting timeline. It sounds like he's doing so well academically, that that's his best option to pursue scholarship opportunities. There's a lot more academic aid available over baseball aid.
Let him play HS ball. I didn't ask my son what his goals were until he made varsity his junior year. If he really wants to play further, at some point a light bulb will go on...but in its own time.
My advice is, forget the recruiting timeline. It sounds like he's doing so well academically, that that's his best option to pursue scholarship opportunities. There's a lot more academic aid available over baseball aid.
Let him play HS ball. I didn't ask my son what his goals were until he made varsity his junior year. If he really wants to play further, at some point a light bulb will go on...but in its own time.
IMO, we have all been down this road with our players. The hardest thing to do is let your son make his choice which may differ from you. I have always had to remind myself that I have played and this is his turn and choice. We always sat down and talked before he started playing any sport and talked out the good and bad, what he might miss, both from the sport and social life. The only rule was if he started, he could not quit, whether he was the best on the team or the worst, but had to stay with his commitment.
Your son is young enough that if he wants a break he may soon realize that it is something he misses and go right back to playing.
Your son is young enough that if he wants a break he may soon realize that it is something he misses and go right back to playing.
First of all, I do not believe in "burnout." I do not believe that a significant number of kids give up baseball because they just have too much of it.
I do believe that as kids mature, they can develop other interests. They can also get to a point where they realize they enjoy the game recreationally but not competitively. Maybe he wants to continue playing 2-3 times/week but not every day of his life. That's not burnout. That someone maturing enough to realize what he wants out of life, and that to get what he wants most, some other things may have to be let go.
Ultimately if that's where your son is, you should respect his decision.
But I would encourage him not to make this decision rashly. At his age things get very competitive and once he steps off the path it'll be darned near impossible to get back on it. I would suggest he could try a year of freshman or JV ball and see how he likes it at the end of 3 months.
Maybe it's just anxiety talking. Maybe he's nervous about tryouts. If so, then a successful season might cure that and let him discover he still enjoys playing, even every day.
But talk it through. If he thinks he's done, or if he just wants to play teenage rec ball or some such, in the end you have to respect that decision. Just make sure he doesn't put himself in the position where, two years from now, he's asking himself "what if?"
I do believe that as kids mature, they can develop other interests. They can also get to a point where they realize they enjoy the game recreationally but not competitively. Maybe he wants to continue playing 2-3 times/week but not every day of his life. That's not burnout. That someone maturing enough to realize what he wants out of life, and that to get what he wants most, some other things may have to be let go.
Ultimately if that's where your son is, you should respect his decision.
But I would encourage him not to make this decision rashly. At his age things get very competitive and once he steps off the path it'll be darned near impossible to get back on it. I would suggest he could try a year of freshman or JV ball and see how he likes it at the end of 3 months.
Maybe it's just anxiety talking. Maybe he's nervous about tryouts. If so, then a successful season might cure that and let him discover he still enjoys playing, even every day.
But talk it through. If he thinks he's done, or if he just wants to play teenage rec ball or some such, in the end you have to respect that decision. Just make sure he doesn't put himself in the position where, two years from now, he's asking himself "what if?"
On Yahoo News today:
Want Passionate Kids? Leave Them Alone
Parents who want their children to discover a passion for music, sports, or other hobbies should follow a simple plan: Don't pressure them.
By allowing kids to explore activities on their own, parents not only help children pinpoint the pursuit that fits them best, but they can also prevent young minds from obsessing over an activity, a new study finds.
"Passion comes from a special fit between an activity and a person," said Geneviève Mageau, a psychology professor at the University of Montreal. "You can't force that fit; it has to be found."
full story
Want Passionate Kids? Leave Them Alone
Parents who want their children to discover a passion for music, sports, or other hobbies should follow a simple plan: Don't pressure them.
By allowing kids to explore activities on their own, parents not only help children pinpoint the pursuit that fits them best, but they can also prevent young minds from obsessing over an activity, a new study finds.
"Passion comes from a special fit between an activity and a person," said Geneviève Mageau, a psychology professor at the University of Montreal. "You can't force that fit; it has to be found."
full story
There is an interesting book called Talent Is Overrated. In one section, the author (Geoff Colvin) goes into the concept of Intrinsic vs Extrinsic motivation. Although we frequently hear that you should not push your kid into various activities, the concept is that it can be very effective if you push them the right way so that you help them realize and enhance their internal motivation. There are many ways to encourage and motivate. However, ultimately a kid must tap into that internal motivation if he truly wants to reach his potential.
to most kids at 14 the future is tomorrow. thats usually as far a head as they look, if your lucky.
i'd let things settle down some, tommorrow's another day.
i'd let things settle down some, tommorrow's another day.
quote:Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly.
Others have pointed this out but I'll reiterate - you DON'T have to make any decision quickly.
Give both yourself and your son the grace of some breathing room here. The higher the level of play, the harder it is to keep the joy in the game, because so much of what it takes to compete at higher levels is just not all that much fun.
So take the pressure off, let him play and find his joy in the game.
quote:Originally posted by gamedayrocks:
I need your advice!!!!
He stated "I'm not sure anymore if this is what I want to do." My question to you:
Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly. He feels I'm pressuring him. Do I let off, or should he feel pressure? (Life's full of pressure.)
Your opinions, PLEASE!!!
Sometimes the answer is plain....and right there.....if he isnt sure, then its time for you to support him in his decision...and not pressure him to do one thing or another....
I would discuss further what his thoughts are...if he is just worried that the easy times are over and he will have to work for that next level, then you can assure him that you will do what it takes for him to succeed...(training)
If he isnt having any fun, then this is a year for you to let him have it....he is still young and a year of playing at his level, without pressure and with his friends may rekindle that fire.....
The danger here is that with pressure, you can force him away from the sport forever...or for a few years which in the future actual "developmental" years will be hard to overcome....I have seen players who followed the path your son is on, leave the sport only to try and come back to it late in the HS years and regret it...
So my hope would be that you could find a middle ground this year...and make a reasoned decision next year....
The word your son has heard about college baseball is true....and its worth hearing and deciding if that is for you.....It is a JOB....a year round committment...My son put 5 years in NCAA baseball, 4 as a player and 1 as an assistant coach....he never went to daytona on spring break, he never did much of what a non athlete envisions college life....and he would not have had it any other way....it did have some positive effects on my son....the structure of team/school and the desire/need to remain eligible worked in his favor as he obtained his degree that will be with him for life.....
HOWEVER, many players who were recruited stopped playing when the level of baseball committment and college life conflicted....
As a parent, I sympathize with you and hope you can assist him to work out his decisions with you and that you can support him regardless of what he chooses....
as an "OLD-TIMER" I have seen many parents come and go over the years.....In the reality of baseball, all players stop playing...and its hard to see some posters saying they insist that "the bopper" hit 100 balls a day and attend this select camp or that travel team, only to see them drift away when "the bopper" decides that girls, or music or football is his true passion.......
There is a fine line between supporting and pressuring....I was lucky that my son at 12 told me my pressuring "wasnt helping".........
My last advice comes under the heading of measuring what success is.....If your son never plays another inning of baseball beyond HS and has enjoyed it.. that is success....
If only making it to Pro ball or D1 is the measure of success then the vast majority of parents will be disapointed....
For most players, HS will be the last organized baseball they will ever play........a much smaller group will go on and play college ball and and even smaller group will have a go at professional baseball, a even smaller group will play Major League baseball....and on and on to the steps of Cooperstown....
There are levels of success along the way....
best wishes!
The approach has always been the same. If you don't want to play baseball, pick something else. another sport, learn to play an instrument, challenge yourself in the classroom with an additional honors or AP class or two. Volunteer your time to a non-profit or get a job. It's great that you'll have extra time to pursue another passion or learn something new.
It never went further than that.
It never went further than that.
This is an interesting topic. I remember my son approaching me just before the beginning of basketball season his sophomore year stating that he wanted to concentrate on baseball only. He had led the team in scoring the prior year, and seemed to enjoy being a two sport athlete. I was disappointed, I enjoyed watching him compete on the hardwood, but his mom and I supported him...besides my daughter was still playing basketball!
Now, fastforward a year later and my sophomore daughter (also, a good player/starter) wants to hang up her B-Ball shoes after this season...two more games remaining! She wants to pursue Sports Medicine in college, and the high school has a program for the students with that goal in mind.
We will support her, and help her attain her goals, hopefully she changes her mind, but in the end she has to want it! I'm sure Gamedayrocks is going through something quite similar...good luck to your Frosh son, I'm sure he'll be successful at whatever he decides to do.
Now, fastforward a year later and my sophomore daughter (also, a good player/starter) wants to hang up her B-Ball shoes after this season...two more games remaining! She wants to pursue Sports Medicine in college, and the high school has a program for the students with that goal in mind.
We will support her, and help her attain her goals, hopefully she changes her mind, but in the end she has to want it! I'm sure Gamedayrocks is going through something quite similar...good luck to your Frosh son, I'm sure he'll be successful at whatever he decides to do.
We had four kids. I had always thought I'd be the worlds best parent before they were born. Thankfully all four grew up to be decent people, and I grew up to realize I, still to this day, don't know very much about being a parent.
But seeing that you asked and me being an oldtimer... I think you should just go with what feels right, knowing you will make some mistakes.
Now, in this situation I would try to persuade the boy to play this year and watch him closely. If he's serious about hanging it up it should become obvious. Sometimes kids like things, then they get tired of it, only to end up liking it again.
Maybe tell him to just go out and have a lot of fun playing ball and lets all quit taking it so seriously. Save that money you were going to spend on showcases and camps for when he decides what he wants for sure.
Or maybe you should do something else or maybe you should do nothing. I bet you will figure it out. Let us know how it all ends up. Good luck!
But seeing that you asked and me being an oldtimer... I think you should just go with what feels right, knowing you will make some mistakes.
Now, in this situation I would try to persuade the boy to play this year and watch him closely. If he's serious about hanging it up it should become obvious. Sometimes kids like things, then they get tired of it, only to end up liking it again.
Maybe tell him to just go out and have a lot of fun playing ball and lets all quit taking it so seriously. Save that money you were going to spend on showcases and camps for when he decides what he wants for sure.
Or maybe you should do something else or maybe you should do nothing. I bet you will figure it out. Let us know how it all ends up. Good luck!
quote:Originally posted by PGStaff:
We had four kids. I had always thought I'd be the worlds best parent before they were born. Thankfully all four grew up to be decent people, and I grew up to realize I, still to this day, don't know very much about being a parent.
PG,
Your 4 grew up to be decent people - then you were successful and must have done most things right. And that really is what matters. And I need to get a grip!
I'm going to take all this advice with me to the field. We have our first scrimmage in 30 minutes. I haven't spoken to J. since our discussion last night as I went to bed in tears and his dad drove him to school this morning.
In reading back over this discussion, I think my goodness - what drama! When did I become that parent I saw and couldn't stand when my husband coached little league? Actually, I sound more like one of those T-Ball parents who's expecting little Johnny to impress the League Director his first time "at tee."
Wish us luck...it's sunny but COLD here - and we're a 2A scrimmaging a 4A.
Thanks, again, I appreciate everyone's input! I'll let you know how things progress.
In reading back over this discussion, I think my goodness - what drama! When did I become that parent I saw and couldn't stand when my husband coached little league? Actually, I sound more like one of those T-Ball parents who's expecting little Johnny to impress the League Director his first time "at tee."
Wish us luck...it's sunny but COLD here - and we're a 2A scrimmaging a 4A.
Thanks, again, I appreciate everyone's input! I'll let you know how things progress.
gamedayrocks
I sense a problem here---you keep saying "we"---we have practice---we have a scrimmage
Perhaps this thinking is what is driving the young man away
I sense a problem here---you keep saying "we"---we have practice---we have a scrimmage
Perhaps this thinking is what is driving the young man away
Piaa, that really is a nice post. Success is truly what you define it to be, not how others define it for you. It's not always about being a part of the biggest and the best. It's about your kids finding the level that's right for them and achieving realistic goals along the way. I've got one son playing college sports and a younger one with no interest in competing past the high school level. He thinks his brother is crazy for devoting so much of his life to playing a sport.
Parents tend to believe they always know what's best for their kids, but the kids, especially once they get to high school, are pretty smart about what's important to them. And they can develop passions about a wide variety of things, from sports to the arts to their studies. One of the best things about being a parent is letting them figure it out for themselves and seeing where it takes them in life.
I'm quite sure everyone on this site would love to raise a big-league son (and some have), but I'm also quite sure that most everyone here is proud of their sons no matter when their playing careers came to an end. I guess that I would say don't sweat it too much for your 14-year-old. By the time he's 17 or 20 or 25, you'll look back and see how unimportant that timeline was. There are too many twists in the road to worry about following what you think is going to be a straight line.
Parents tend to believe they always know what's best for their kids, but the kids, especially once they get to high school, are pretty smart about what's important to them. And they can develop passions about a wide variety of things, from sports to the arts to their studies. One of the best things about being a parent is letting them figure it out for themselves and seeing where it takes them in life.
I'm quite sure everyone on this site would love to raise a big-league son (and some have), but I'm also quite sure that most everyone here is proud of their sons no matter when their playing careers came to an end. I guess that I would say don't sweat it too much for your 14-year-old. By the time he's 17 or 20 or 25, you'll look back and see how unimportant that timeline was. There are too many twists in the road to worry about following what you think is going to be a straight line.
I agree with the rest, it is his life, but I also understand your desire to want great things for your kids! But, your son has to decide what that is. And... not just with baseball. You did a great job to prepare him for the academic part, continue to love and support him on the field. He'll get it figured out soon enough. NO need to rush, he has plenty of time to decide what is the best thing to do. I also think this may be a coping mechanism as the rules have changed as far as baseball is concerned. This is a tricky age, be flexible and don't wear your feelings on your sleeve.
Hope the scrimmage was good! GED10DaD
Hope the scrimmage was good! GED10DaD