Team parents making derogatory comments

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. He’ll hear a lot worse as he moves up levels.

Comments like those are really in such poor taste, unhelpful, and say alot about the character those those saying such comments. Unfortunately, the answer to your questions is -Yes. You and your son will almost definitely experience jealousy from other players and parents. Competition for roster spots, play time, position in the batting line-up, position on the field, all lead to alot of anxiety and stress for players and parents. This will just keep getting more intense, as your son moves up. Hopefully, the vast majority of his teammates will support him( as he should support them). I make it a point to cheer for all the kids on my son's team(as well as for kids on the other teams, when they make a great play). Maybe if you cheer for their kid, loud enough, those parents will change their attitude.  Even if they don't, you know that you are doing the right thing.

Best of luck and try to "shrug off " those negative comments.

Adults ruin everything. Unfortunately, it will happen at each level.

I would say something to the offending parents first.

I agree with CTbballDad that they will hear worse, but they expect to hear it from other teams. Hearing it from a parent of a teammate is uncalled for IMO.

My advice is to learn to ignore it.  Yes, it's hard and it absolutely sucks and shouldn't be happening, but I'd anticipate exactly no good coming from taking any action.  Any douche willing to say such things is willing to up the ante should it escalate at all.  While you shouldn't have to, changing where you sit and watch games from can do a lot to make it easier.  When I was going through my divorce and my ex was getting "ex-y," a close friend of mine said "you'll never regret taking the high road."  He was spot on.  It may not be the most comprehensive or best advice for your situation, but I do believe it's a way to avoid regrets.  So long as those jerks don't run your son out of baseball, consider taking the high road.  Just my 2 cents.  That - plus $5 - will you get a small cup of coffee at Starbucks.

The second comment, how does it feel to smash someone in the face, is straight up odd.  That parent likely has their own issues….

The first comment, that’s what happens when you let people on base, is pretty standard.  As a dad of a son who can be wild we’ve heard that many times.  It’s accurate.  Prob not appropriate for parents he doesn’t know to say it to him but not worthy of being brought up to a coach or program.  

The first comment, about the walks, sounds like the sort of thing someone who thinks he's a wise old man of baseball would say, thinking he was dispensing sage advice.  I think you should interpret this as a sad expression of egocentrism, not really as an intended slight at your son.

The second comment, about the hit batter, may have been intended as a friendly jibe.  I agree it falls flat.  Pitchers never feel good about hitting a batter, and when it's possible the hitter was injured, pitchers sometimes get to where they can't pitch any longer.  A lot of your ex-jock types think this sort of banter is friendly in some way, but they are mistaken.

My advice is, explain to your son that these folks are not out to get him.  They're just self-absorbed and insensitive.

The idea of reporting any of this to a school or a travel coach is, with all due respect, just plain silly.  We all have to learn to live with, and deal with, the idiots among us.  Explain to your son that the more he seeks to accomplish in life, they more he will need to thicken his skin towards the idiots he will invariably encounter.  Also explain to him that, should he ever hear similar words pass his own lips, he might want to remember how he felt when such comments were leveled at him, and then go to recant and apologize.

I offer that last comment because it's been my experience that a lot of this falls into the category of those who can dish it out, but not take it.  Meaning, some of those who are most readily offended are often among the most frequent of offenders themselves.  Especially when their first instinct is to go tattle to higher ups.

@Midlo Dad posted:

Meaning, some of those who are most readily offended are often among the most frequent of offenders themselves.

Or resonates with a parent who behaves similarly.

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What an awful response.

@Gunner Mack Jr. posted:

The second comment, how does it feel to smash someone in the face, is straight up odd.  That parent likely has their own issues….

The first comment, that’s what happens when you let people on base, is pretty standard.  As a dad of a son who can be wild we’ve heard that many times.  It’s accurate.  Prob not appropriate for parents he doesn’t know to say it to him but not worthy of being brought up to a coach or program.  

Thanks.

I tend to agree -

The first dad was just being a jerk and showing his insecurities.

The second one is way worse. Esp since the dad went out of his way while the game was going on to get my son's attention. He called to him multiple times before son acknowledged him. Said a couple other caustic things before mentioning the hit batter as his parting comment.

Who does that? And most importantly, why? What are they trying to accomplish?

@DanJ posted:

My advice is to learn to ignore it.  Yes, it's hard and it absolutely sucks and shouldn't be happening, but I'd anticipate exactly no good coming from taking any action.  Any douche willing to say such things is willing to up the ante should it escalate at all.  While you shouldn't have to, changing where you sit and watch games from can do a lot to make it easier.  When I was going through my divorce and my ex was getting "ex-y," a close friend of mine said "you'll never regret taking the high road."  He was spot on.  It may not be the most comprehensive or best advice for your situation, but I do believe it's a way to avoid regrets.  So long as those jerks don't run your son out of baseball, consider taking the high road.  Just my 2 cents.  That - plus $5 - will you get a small cup of coffee at Starbucks.

100%, Danj.  Additionally, as MidloDad suggests you have to explain these things (yes, adults are idiots too) to your son.   Adults should be able to shrug this stuff off, but you want to make sure these comments aren't being internalized by your son. 

JMO.

If your son heard the second comment during a game and it bothered him, then he could bring it up with one of his coaches.  If it bothers the coaches or umpires, they will deal with it.  In fact, if I were the coach, I would worry that it would escalate someday into a more-than-unpleasant incident.  But the only thing you can do as a parent, as many have said, is ignore it or go sit somewhere else.  I think it's pretty sad, I never saw anything like that.

BTW, welcome to the site.  Please understand that people who post here come from a variety of backgrounds and some have a lot of baseball experience.  And so you will get a variety of advice, if it doesn't apply to your situation, it might apply to some other reader.

The first comment seemed pretty harmless and is open to interpretation on how it was intended.

The second incident just seems flat out weird... Even if it wasn't my kid I would have to step up if I heard that during a game. I'm not looking to "Will Smith" anyone, but a simple " What's your deal?" can sometimes go a long way.

Chances are almost every poster here could share a story that starts with, “I can’t believe he/she said that about or to my kid” whether the kid hears it or you hear it. Tune it out.

Wait until college ball. The frat boys go digging in opponents social media before the team comes to town. Then they sit on the hill in the outfield, drink and let it all hang out.

My son used to joke about it telling me he got some great rips to use on his friends and teammates in social situations.

@SpeedDemon, while both comments may be unpleasant for you to hear I don’t find them as offensive as you do. The first comment is just a fact and the second one is just bizarre. Parents are going to talk. So are kids. Some aren’t going to worry about their comments hurting your feelings. Those are also facts. I suggest you stay away from other parents during the games if off the wall comments bother you. By all means don’t get close enough to the dugout to hear what is said in there. And you might consider thickening your skin. If your son is fortunate enough to play beyond HS he (and you) are likely to hear much worse. As the game gets tougher so do the critics.  

@RJM posted:

.......................

Wait until college ball. The frat boys go digging in opponents social media before the team comes to town. Then they sit on the hill in the outfield, drink and let it all hang out.

.....................

You ain't kidding.   I had to cover my mouth and walk around because I was laughing so hard at some of the stuff said at college outfielders.   Some of these guys (and girls)  were slurring their words at Saturday 12pm, and said some hilarious things.   About 80 away games in 4 years, and I can't remember anybody crossing the line.   

I saw our students doing the same thing at my son's home games especially in conference.    They were into it.   They'd go up on the top deck of the parking deck (overlooking the field) and there would always be a keg and a baseball party going on when the weather was decent.  The beer was always cold, and it was a great view. 

We got a taste of this last summer.  Just sharing for fun....

DH and I were at a game and there was an older couple right behind us.  Keewartson at 2B threw the ball to first but not in time to get the out, and the older man said "there is that sorry second baseman".  It was the first time we have heard a derogatory comment about my son during play (not that things weren't said behind our backs over the years and why we sit way down the baseline).  We just side glanced each other and grinned not quite sure what to do or say.  What I really wanted to do (and my son said I should have!) was turn around, stand akimbo and wag my finger saying "that is someone's son, and that one just happens to be mine!"  I wish I had had the guts to do it.

Well, later in the game he hit a bomb and we just stood up, clapped yelling "way to go son".  Old man behind us kept quiet while he ate crow.

This was AAA ball.....so it happens at every.single.level. 

A long time ago: Our Watertown Summer College Team was playing for the League Championship in the famous South Dakota Basin League. On our team were 4 future ML players and our Manager a former ML Shortstop.  The game was at Winner, SD. Over 5,000 fans.

Ron Perranoski [a future Dodger} was our pitcher. A local fan with a "booming" voice says "Perranitis" I can see your ears wiggling"!!

Looking up thru my eye glasses at the fan, then I heard "shut up 4 eyes".

On my next at bat I manage a Line drive "foul ball" inches away from this "loud mouth". He received the message.

PS: we won the game and the League Championship. "True Story"!!

BOB

My son said of the insults tossed at him in the outfield were so funny he had to be careful not to get distracted listening. It’s exactly what they’re trying to do.

Sometimes during between inning tosses he gave a little back. He was never harsh. He was smiling or laughing the whole time.

It’s just the world we live on.  Teach your kids to be tough minded and ignore idiots.  If they are fortunate enough to play in power five D1 or the pros they will get heckled mercilessly by fans and sometimes media.  Tell him it’s just part of his training.

*Newsflash* - the world isn’t fair, and owes you nothing.

Welcome to HSBBWeb! My thoughts are while it is not normal, it is quite commonplace. I'd like to think that beyond HS there is a ton of mutual respect between parents (it's quite a feat for kids to make HS Varsity and even more of one for them to play beyond HS at any level) but it doesn't always work that way. One way to think about it is the kids got their competitiveness from somewhere. Some parents already got it out of their system during their playing career, some parents are "the other" parent (one who is not super competitive) and most parent were raised better. But you are going to run across tactless and/or jealous parents with no filter and for the most part you have to let it go. @Consultant and @keewart definitely have the best ideas about how to respond!

@PTWood posted:

Welcome to HSBBWeb! My thoughts are while it is not normal, it is quite commonplace. I'd like to think that beyond HS there is a ton of mutual respect between parents (it's quite a feat for kids to make HS Varsity and even more of one for them to play beyond HS at any level) but it doesn't always work that way. One way to think about it is the kids got their competitiveness from somewhere. Some parents already got it out of their system during their playing career, some parents are "the other" parent (one who is not super competitive) and most parent were raised better. But you are going to run across tactless and/or jealous parents with no filter and for the most part you have to let it go. @Consultant and @keewart definitely have the best ideas about how to respond!

Thanks.

I'll try to let it go since that's the consensus.

Just so strange and maddening to me that an adult would seek out and then target a young man for abuse, I guess trying to throw him off during a game. Such nastiness. And for what?

@RJM posted:

My son said of the insults tossed at him in the outfield were so funny he had to be careful not to get distracted listening. It’s exactly what they’re trying to do.

Sometimes during between inning tosses he gave a little back. He was never harsh. He was smiling or laughing the whole time.

+1

@RoadRunner posted:

+1

OK.

Will just remind everyone that this was a 50+ yr old man targeting a 16 yr old, in the middle of a HS game; not  drunk college kids heckling a peer. This man called out multiple times to my son, got his attention, and proceeded to berate him, during a game.

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Who benefits from the advice "you gotta get thicker skin"?

@SpeedDemon posted:

OK.

Will just remind everyone that this was a 50+ yr old man targeting a 16 yr old, in the middle of a HS game; not  drunk college kids heckling a peer. This man called out multiple times to my son, got his attention, and proceeded to berate him, during a game.

***********************

Who benefits from the advice "you gotta get thicker skin"?

You clearly aren’t getting the message.

@SpeedDemon posted:

OK.

Will just remind everyone that this was a 50+ yr old man targeting a 16 yr old, in the middle of a HS game; not  drunk college kids heckling a peer. This man called out multiple times to my son, got his attention, and proceeded to berate him, during a game.

***********************

Who benefits from the advice "you gotta get thicker skin"?

It’s story time …

Heading into the last game of the season soph year my son’s team needed a win to make districts. If they lost they would tie for second and lose out by some mathematical tie breaker point system.

Down 6-3, runners on second and third. My soph son is up. He singles up the middle. It’s 6-5. He’s fast. Everyone in the park knew he was going. He got caught leaning and picked off for the first time in his life.

The dad of a senior started yelling all kinds of shite directed specifically at my son. He didn’t think about without the two rbi single he wouldn’t have been on base. I stayed calm. I already had years of not liking the guy due to youth sports boards. I let the coach handle it.

My son didn’t come out of the dugout until everyone was gone. He said it wasn’t because of the dad. It wasn’t because of parents. He felt he let his teammates down. I tossed him some LifeSavers. He laughed. That ad was on then. We went to dinner and talked about summer ball.

Then he asked me what I thought of Mr X. I turned the tables and asked him what he thought of him. My son knew of the youth sports shenanigans this father had pulled for the benefit of his kids. My son called him a jerk.

Then I told my son to forget about it. The dad was going to mouth off to the wrong person some day and get busted in the mouth. You’ll hear about it because everyone will be taking about someone finally went off on the guy.

My son and Mr X’s son made all conference. When I ran into Mr X getting coffee one morning seniors were done with school. I told him to give his son my congratulations. He grunted. He didn’t return the congrats.

Mr X’s younger son made varsity the next year. My son was “the man” those two years as the team won the conference both years. A lot of parents were constantly congratulating my son and me. I told people to congratulate my son, not me. I told them I was along for the ride. Mr X never said a word. Not even when my son committed to college ball.

Mr X could have said, “Your son sure came along way from getting picked off.” I wouldn’t have been upset. I would have agreed and thanked him. I probably would have laughed. Once a player has overcome a bad play and starred the bad moments can be looked back at and laughed about.

What happens when your son is playing college ball and an adult sportswriter rips into your son about his play for everyone to read? Part of success is thick skin and short memory.

@RJM posted:

It’s story time …

Heading into the last game of the season soph year my son’s team needed a win to make districts. If they lost they would tie for second and lose out by some mathematical tie breaker point system.

Down 6-3, runners on second and third. My soph son is up. He singles up the middle. It’s 6-5. He’s fast. Everyone in the park knew he was going. He got caught leaning and picked off for the first time in his life.

The dad of a senior started yelling all kinds of shite directed specifically at my son. He didn’t think about without the two rbi single he wouldn’t have been on base. I stayed calm. I already had years of not liking the guy due to youth sports boards. I let the coach handle it.

My son didn’t come out of the dugout until everyone was gone. He said it wasn’t because of the dad. It wasn’t because of parents. He felt he let his teammates down. I tossed him some LifeSavers. He laughed. That ad was on then. We went to dinner and talked about summer ball.

Then he asked me what I thought of Mr X. I turned the tables and asked him what he thought of him. My son knew of the youth sports shenanigans this father had pulled for the benefit of his kids. My son called him a jerk.

Then I told my son to forget about it. The dad was going to mouth off to the wrong person some day and get busted in the mouth. You’ll hear about it because everyone will be taking about someone finally went off on the guy.

My son and Mr X’s son made all conference. When I ran into Mr X getting coffee one morning seniors were done with school. I told him to give his son my congratulations. He grunted. He didn’t return the congrats.

Mr X’s younger son made varsity the next year. My son was “the man” those two years as the team won the conference both years. A lot of parents were constantly congratulating my son and me. I told people to congratulate my son, not me. I told them I was along for the ride. Mr X never said a word. Not even when my son committed to college ball.

Mr X could have said, “Your son sure came along way from getting picked off.” I wouldn’t have been upset. I would have agreed and thanked him. I probably would have laughed. Once a player has overcome a bad play and starred the bad moments can be looked back at and laughed about.

What happens when your son is playing college ball and an adult sportswriter rips into your son about his play for everyone to read? Part of success is thick skin and short memory.

Thank you.

@adbono posted:

You clearly aren’t getting the message.

I am getting it. You just don’t like my responses.

*************

It’s telling, I think, that no one is answering these questions: Who does this kind of thing, and why? What do they expect to accomplish? And who benefits from telling me and my son to get thicker skin?

If your son is an outfielder whose team plays at Clemson you will have the experience of a lifetime of getting heckled from the student section in the outfield called the Cheap Seats.  And if you play for South Carolina you will be the recipient of some very, very ugly comments.  It's all in good fun though and part of the game and happens all the time.

However you have mentioned that comments were made from parents from the same HS and travel team as your son.

This is not college or professional ball. This IS NEVER  appropriate in my mind, just classless.

Who does this thing? I guess parents who are totally insecure and probably chew out their OWN players if they don't play to their satisfaction. I would bet anyone on that.

Ignore opposing team comments but comments from your son's own team PARENTS,  I would either confront them or let the coach know.  I agree with what has been said about mutual respect towards each other on the same team. Your son should not have to be treated in that way by adults who should know better.

FWIW, I got what your saying.

We all agree that this is very weird and not normal.  No-one doubts that part.  Is this guy's son a starter?  is yours?  are they competing for time?  Is it just your son, or does he heckle others?   Your son is a junior, so you should know some of the other parents - do they notice?

There are examples (on this site) of parents fighting coaches in the parking lot, parents getting kicked out of games by umpires, parents getting arrested, violence at home, drunk parents fighting in the stands, etc.  Most of us are saying, best for you to stay away from it.  If it bothered your son, have him talk to the coach.  I agree that if it gets worse, something will have to be done.

I agree with TPM. Funny thing is, I would bet even opposing team comments aren’t as bad as the parents of the kid’s team. That’s where I have a problem and do confront the offending parents. Many times they don’t even realize they are being an a-hole. Sometimes they move to the outfield where they can’t be heard. In one case the dude is actually getting help for anger management. I’m not talking about the “come on, you gotta make that play” type of comments. More the personal attacks on a kid.

One example; coach had the OF playing in for whatever reason. A kid who is normally an IF was out there for some reason. Ball smoked over his head. Pitcher’s dad yells something like “put kids out there who know what the eff they’re doing”. Kid’s parents right there. I quietly pulled him aside to explain everything and he apologized to the parents and the kid after the game.

Maybe I’m in the wrong. No idea, but in HS I don’t think the kids should be getting worse trash talk from the people who should be supporting the team.

True story: 9u. Yes...9u.

Local travel organization run by husband and wife. Prior to the season they issue a release on correct parent behavior - don't coach from the stands, be supportive, be polite, etc.

Again...this is 9u. Early in the season, kid hits a double and barely makes it safely into second safely.

The WIFE who is running the travel organization screams out at the kid...who is not her kid, who is also on the team..."Run faster. What? Do you have a piano on your back?!"

It was loud and everyone heard it. Freaking 9u.

Best line I ever heard, years later at a middle school game. A parent had a loud critical remark about a player and the kid's father yelled back at him "Worry about your own kid. I will take care of mine." Shut the guy right up fast.

By the way, the other guy's kid was terrible and an annual bench sitter.

@TerribleBPthrower posted:

Maybe I’m in the wrong. No idea, but in HS I don’t think the kids should be getting worse trash talk from the people who should be supporting the team.

Looking back and thinking about our HSBB and elite travel ball coaches, that parent would be asked to keep the comment to themselves or leave and not return.

Unless the coach is allowing it to happen, that's a discussion for another day.

For me, these parents make it easy to avoid them and disparaging other players is more likely the lower tier of their personality flaws. I prefer to be the hand of the universe to restore balance by being the better supporting parent by example. As I reflect, what troubles me more in the baseball parent universe are the amount of normally "good parents" who can easily flip out on opposing teams, coaches and umpires.  The things that can trigger them is both surprising and disappointing...boy do I need some feel good tiktoks right now.

Heckling can be administratively dealt with. Read the league rules and call in the officials (on or off the field).

I saw a pitcher request the removal of an opposing players fan (parent). The game official gave 1 warning (in the rule book) and had the opposing head coach escort the jerk to the parking lot.

Next step was a forfeit.

Coming from a hockey background, I’ve witnessed more than verbal abuse from opposing and team parents.

We had an enforcer assigned to control the team families due to pre and post game brawls.

Being an African American player, my son has continuously rec’d the ire of players and opposing fans with comments that had nothing to do with game play.

Getting a tougher skin is not an answer.

Responsible Parents and Officials need to do more than sit back and watch this poor behavior.

In the context of what you described @BaseballBUDDY I agree. You are talking about something entirely different IMO. Athletic competition can sometimes bring out a lot of ugly things and when the line is crossed the behavior should not be tolerated.

True story: State HS Athletic Association has annual preseason conference. Team player captains, team coaches, school ADs, officials, etc., are all on a massive conference call. All high schools are represented.

Coach from school XYZ calls out school ABC saying: The fan sections at school ABC are out of control. When we were there last year, they got the name of our 1st base coach, looked him up on social media during the game, found out his wife's name and then taunted him during the game by making terrible references about his wife.

(Side note. I know this school well and their student fans and totally believe this happened.)

Now the AD for school ABC is on the call and all he says is "Yes, our fans are really tough on the opposition."

That's it.

People foster this behavior and don't try and stop it. You can't win against them. You just have to try and ignore it.

Always told my kids that the heckling was because someone was afraid of them.  They were trying to get them off their game because they were too good.  In the middle of a game, I would yell "listen to the other team cheering for you."

I realize this was from his own team parents which makes it weird.

I think the quote from Daryl Waltrip was, "when they stop booing you, it's time to retire."

You seem to dislike "get a thicker skin"  or "suck it up cupcake." Try doing it with attitude.  Embrace the comments and shove it down their throats.  Politely.

Should never happen at any level from fans of your own team.  When we moved, youngest's junior year there were several parents who made disparaging remarks about son because he took their kids playing time and pitching time.  They would say loudly that he was overrated.  I let it go in one ear and out the other.  Son said he heard it but dad who cares they are in the stands and their kid is on the bench.

Now, college.  The message boards for his college baseball team bash players all the time.   In the past three years, I have called people out for bashing their own team.  It is hard work but the culture has changed.  Since we have had a lot of success the past two years there are a lot of trolls on there and people who have no clue about baseball on their.  They will bash a kid who has 2.68 era over 6 games with 30 innings pitched because he gave up a bunch of stolen bases in one game.  Has 54 strikeouts already and is 4-0 and we won the game he gave up all the stolen bases.  Some people are just dumb and you have to teach your kid to ignore them unless they are cursing him or threatening him.

@SpeedDemon posted:

I am getting it. You just don’t like my responses.

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It’s telling, I think, that no one is answering these questions: Who does this kind of thing, and why? What do they expect to accomplish? And who benefits from telling me and my son to get thicker skin?

Who does this kind of thing?  Losers

Why?  Because they are losers

What do they expect to accomplish? maybe vindication, but who cares

Who benefits from telling me and my son to get thicker skin? You and your son

Hope this helps in answering your questions, and trust me the higher he goes the worse it gets..... FWIW you have been given honest, free advise from ladies and gentleman that have had and/or currently have kids at all levels of baseball (youth-HS-College-Pro). Let that sink in for a minute.