What was your purpose in being here ?
I simply responded to a question of the original poster, that's all.
By the way, I do regret using the term "who cares" earlier. That was harsh and just not accurate of how I feel. So to the original poster, please disregard.
By the way, I do regret using the term "who cares" earlier. That was harsh and just not accurate of how I feel. So to the original poster, please disregard.
quote:Originally posted by 2013 Dad:
Son commits, program comes along a couple months later and states, well, our budget has been cut, and we are getting rid of baseball in 2 years, but we really need your son to help us because I think we can win our conference this year with his help.
You advise your son to still go?
Something very similar to this scenario did happen to us, rather than re-visiting previous offers, my son kept his commitment to the school even though the situation was not ideal and so far it has worked out fine. Not sure what will happen at the end of 2 years but for now he is happy with his original commitment.
quote:Originally posted by 2013 Dad:
Again, you all don't get my position.
ID stated "you are okay with your son's happiness justifying and guiding the "right thing to do"
That is just not accurate...
I STATED THERE MAY BE LIMITED (AND MAYBE ONLY ONE OR TWO) SITUATIONS IN WHICH I WOULD ADVISE OR SUPPORT MY SON DECOMMITTING.
If you guys can't understand the above sentence, then I'm sorry. Barring a direct attack or question, I am done with this thread.
In contrast to this post, I cut and pasted what you have posted numerous times in this thread:
"But if some D2 or D3 offered my son a package, and then his dream school came along with an equal or even lesser offer, and my son wanted to go, I would support it. I will not allow my son to make a decision that will affect the rest of his life and perhaps be unhappy and leave him regretting his decision."
If you meant comments like these to mean something different than the way I interpreted them, I apologize. They appeared clear to me, but I readily acknowledge that message boards and the written word may impinge the full expression and impression of ideas and communications.
quote:Originally posted by 2013 Dad:
I simply responded to a question of the original poster, that's all.
By the way, I do regret using the term "who cares" earlier. That was harsh and just not accurate of how I feel. So to the original poster, please disregard.
I seriously think that how you feel today will change when your son and your family begin the recruiting process. It really is not something you know about until you experience it (despite what you read or hear). You will understand about honesty, commitment in relation to the process. You will also understand more about the right "fit", which sometimes defies what makes sense to others (why did he go to that smaller program instead of Big State U). Again, don't confuse happiness with the dream school situation, there are many more players that do not find happiness at the larger programs than the smaller ones. Your son's maturity, both mentally and physically, will dictate who recruits him and will help in finding the right "fit".
You also are taking some stuff to extreme, it very rarely happens that a good coach does not go back on his commitment, most have reputations to uphold. Plus they take lots of time in determining what player is a right "fit" for them.
The transfers you see, IMO, are mostly due to unhappy players not coaches, is usually because the decision was not clearly thought out, rather the player jumped at what he thought was the better "offer" for him. That is why it is so important not to commit unless one is really sure, if one is waiting for something better to come along, it'snot wise to "settle".
COMMITTED - bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause or action.
The definition of the word has no clause for unless something better comes along. It seems that's where the dissagreements come in. If there was a significant change in what was being offered, ie a coaching change etc, then reconsidering is appropriate. If you really want to keep looking or would consider another offer then the only ethical way to handle that is like the advise has said, be honest up front and see if the coach still wants you.
Then you have kept your word, keep your son's options open and not caused harm. You will have taught him a life lesson as well.
The definition of the word has no clause for unless something better comes along. It seems that's where the dissagreements come in. If there was a significant change in what was being offered, ie a coaching change etc, then reconsidering is appropriate. If you really want to keep looking or would consider another offer then the only ethical way to handle that is like the advise has said, be honest up front and see if the coach still wants you.
Then you have kept your word, keep your son's options open and not caused harm. You will have taught him a life lesson as well.
quote:Originally posted by PGStaff:
IMO,
It is admirable to keep your word. In most cases it is the thing to do.
What I don't think is right is commiting to a school while actively searching for a different school.
These are the truest and most well spoken words on this entire thread.
Another great thread full of fantastic advice. Especially for a parent like me who hasn't gone through the recruiting process but hopeful we will some day. 
2013, for what it is worth, I get your stance. I didn't come away thinking you are a selfish "me me me" individual at all. I saw you pose a very specific scenario where you and your son would seriously consider backing away from a commitment you previously made. I see you as a parent who is looking out for your sons best interests first. Nothing more and nothing less. I think your hypothetical situation is one that is interesting to consider but one that can never be truly be answered by anyone unless faced with it in real life. Fortunately, from those here who have been there and done that, it also sounds like it is a situation that would almost never happens in the real world.
It may be restating the obvious but the biggest takeaway/lesson I learned from this thread is to make absolutely sure sons are really ready to commit in the first place. I know a big part of my job will be making sure we get all the pros and cons on the table before hand, if such an opportunity eventually arises for my son.
2013, for what it is worth, I get your stance. I didn't come away thinking you are a selfish "me me me" individual at all. I saw you pose a very specific scenario where you and your son would seriously consider backing away from a commitment you previously made. I see you as a parent who is looking out for your sons best interests first. Nothing more and nothing less. I think your hypothetical situation is one that is interesting to consider but one that can never be truly be answered by anyone unless faced with it in real life. Fortunately, from those here who have been there and done that, it also sounds like it is a situation that would almost never happens in the real world.
It may be restating the obvious but the biggest takeaway/lesson I learned from this thread is to make absolutely sure sons are really ready to commit in the first place. I know a big part of my job will be making sure we get all the pros and cons on the table before hand, if such an opportunity eventually arises for my son.
quote:I see you as a parent who is looking out for your sons best interests first.
This has been a very interesting discussion. Perhaps got a little testy times, but I think a great discussion. Personally, I think 2013dad helped a great deal in advocating a position for discussion when the OP didn't come back.
My guess is most of those with experience who posted in this thread would never disagree with the idea of looking out for your son's best interests, first. In fact, I'll guess everyone of us think we did that.
Where we differ, probably, is identifying what is our son's best interests, how we view that, and how we "look out" for it.
The process that the son's of justbaseball and TPM followed is very different than the process CD's had as contrasted with the one our son followed. justbb and TPM's sons were/are highly skilled/talented and recognized recruits coming out of HS. CD's son was a highly skilled and talented player without as much national recognition, but one who achieved at a high level in a highly competitive HS situation. His skills/talents might have needed a bit more digging to find, but that is what the staff at CCU do and they obviously found a gem.
Our son...not so much out of HS.
Some had choices of nearly every top DI program.
Ours...not so much.
CD's son...someplace in the middle perhaps but DI for sure.
Some of these got into those top, nationally ranked DI programs, and had some challenges, disappointments and scuffles for success and innings along the way. Two ended at the top and both experienced wonderful highs/lows in Omaha. One ended up just short of Omaha and probably experienced every high and low that can be experienced at the top level of DI baseball, short of Omaha.
Ours...not so much on the disappointments, scuffles and innings...he played every inning but 8 in 4 years, didn't make it to Appleton but helped his team/school reach the Regionals and final game for the first time in history.
So what is my point...good question..what was it?
The point looking backwards is that to continue baseball, none of them got to pick which team would draft them. Looking backwards from Milb, at least in my opinion, baseball players learn to adapt. They "love" where they are now, when they are having success, playing, getting innings, winning, competing, working hard, getting better and the like. The more of those items you remove, the less "happy" or satisfied they are about the experience.
Their "best interests" are achieved when they are being successful at the level of expectation they set for themselves and their coaches set for them. Personally, I think what happened in college and what happens with the draft and Milb helps shape some of our views on "looking out" for our son's and "looking out for their best interests."
I sure won't speak for wonderful people like TPM, justbb or CD. I hope they won't mind me commenting on their son's to make a point.
Sometimes the best thing we can do as parents in evaluating the process of college baseball is let our son's determine what is in their best interests, within a framework of the best college choices available, and then support them to make the best of whatever hand they get dealt in baseball.
PG is correct that luck plays a role and he is exactly correct that the harder a players works, the luckier he gets.... provided he has the talent.
To think that CD's son at CCU, TPM's at Clemson, justbb's at Stanford did not experience frustrations and times they were not happy would be a mistake. To think ours was not frustrated and unhappy coming out of HS that his "dream" of DI was not fulfilled would be a mistake. To think ours lost of "dream" of experiencing what the son's of CD, justbb and TPM were having would be a mistake.
But each committed and fulfilled their commitment even though there were huge but different challenges along the way and times they wanted to "reconsider" and be someplace where the "grass might have been greener."
It would be hard to fully explain the effort each of those players, and most of those who succeed in college baseball, expended to overcome frustration and "adversity" when it was encountered.
Perhaps our son's best "interests" was our not knowing and certainly not appreciating every challenge they would confront in pursuing baseball in college... but supporting them, encouraging them to make the best from the choices they made.
I, for one, absolutely feel our son's best interests were achieved by his identifying them and disclosing/discussing them along the way, combined ultimately with his efforts and desires, and had little to do with what we "wanted" for him...or expected for him.
1bbdad..I am in total agreement with your post. Thank you for understanding my position. Infield, you stated something which I found humorous; a long, heated thread such as this and the OP never made an appearance. Pretty funny and ironic.
Very good post infielddad. Very, very good. There's a lot of detail in there (and some 'implied' detail) that is so true and your post is worth reading more than once.
Good job!
Good job!
quote:Originally ....... you pose a very specific scenario where you and your son would seriously consider backing away from a commitment you previously made. I see you as a parent who is looking out for your sons best interests first. Nothing more and nothing less. I think your hypothetical situation is one that is interesting to consider but one that can never be truly be answered by anyone unless faced with it in real life. Fortunately, from those here who have been there and done that, it also sounds like it is a situation that would almost never happens in the real world.
We are all interested in hoping/helping our kid makes the right choice. There are many schools that are used to getting their way with player recruitment. A problem with this whole scenrio is the fact that the "dream" school makes an offer to a commited player. I seriously doubt the best interest of your son are on the mind of the coach making the late offer, knowing he is putting your son in a bad situation. For me this is just a confirmation that you made the right choice to being with. This does happen and I think a player takes a big risk by accepting the "late" offer.
Along the same thought, if you find a coach your son trusts you have found his dream school even if he doesn't know it. If you don't trust the coach, don't go there.
infielddad, great post. It hits the mark as to why I love reading this site. There simply is no substitution for learning from the experiences of others and no two are exactly the same.
Appreciate that input.
Appreciate that input.
All,
Fantastic views from many perspectives indeed. Jr ended up with a visit to the DII this weekend. After visiting with the coaches and players, touring the campus, and getting a feel for what the coach is looking for in his players and upcoming needs- Jr. has pretty much decided he will accept this offer. we were upfront with the coach and let him know that because nothing is signed or in hand that we are still actively pursuing scouting camps, etc. In fact wil be at one this weekend (and the DII school will be in attendance). The coach was perfectly understanding, said he would get together with his staff to figure out the offer, and if he was interested in signing early would contact him with the offer they come up with.
He has been put at a comfort level that makes him feel this is the fit for him. They have an engineering program that suits him. They have an immediate need for starting pitching. The coach made him feel comfortable in the fact that based on what he has seen of Jr., he feels he can come in and compete for a starters role. He laid out that he has absolutely no problem or hangup about running a freshman out on the hill- so long as he can get outs. All in all, the visit basically was the deciding factor for my son. Campus, facility, degree program, baseball program all factored into the equation and has impressed Jr to the point he is satisfied with this school as the place that best suits him academically and athletically, and I suppose that is what it boils down to- is it a fit for the kid? Is there a comfort level there that will allow him to perform on and off the field? Thanks for all of the responses and I suppose that, based on the shear number of responses, i was not the only dad/son combo ever to face this dilemma. Personally, I would never judge anyone for choosing either side of this argument- either side has the interests of their kid at heart- and right or wrong- that makes it right!
Fantastic views from many perspectives indeed. Jr ended up with a visit to the DII this weekend. After visiting with the coaches and players, touring the campus, and getting a feel for what the coach is looking for in his players and upcoming needs- Jr. has pretty much decided he will accept this offer. we were upfront with the coach and let him know that because nothing is signed or in hand that we are still actively pursuing scouting camps, etc. In fact wil be at one this weekend (and the DII school will be in attendance). The coach was perfectly understanding, said he would get together with his staff to figure out the offer, and if he was interested in signing early would contact him with the offer they come up with.
He has been put at a comfort level that makes him feel this is the fit for him. They have an engineering program that suits him. They have an immediate need for starting pitching. The coach made him feel comfortable in the fact that based on what he has seen of Jr., he feels he can come in and compete for a starters role. He laid out that he has absolutely no problem or hangup about running a freshman out on the hill- so long as he can get outs. All in all, the visit basically was the deciding factor for my son. Campus, facility, degree program, baseball program all factored into the equation and has impressed Jr to the point he is satisfied with this school as the place that best suits him academically and athletically, and I suppose that is what it boils down to- is it a fit for the kid? Is there a comfort level there that will allow him to perform on and off the field? Thanks for all of the responses and I suppose that, based on the shear number of responses, i was not the only dad/son combo ever to face this dilemma. Personally, I would never judge anyone for choosing either side of this argument- either side has the interests of their kid at heart- and right or wrong- that makes it right!
Congratulations Chinny! I'm sure it will work out for the best whatever the end result is. Good luck to you and Chinny Jr.!