Your thoughts are needed

quote:

I don't think he can talk to them about it.

Sorry....just one more thing....the reason I suggested removing himself as much as possible from the situation is because the original poster made the above comment in her post. If her son doesn't feel he can talk the issue out with his roommates...then IMO, he has to remove himself first from that bad situation in order to survive the room mate's and not become "guilty by association."

You're entitled to your opinion shortstopmom, but in the real world of college baseball, running straight to the coach with a list of names will make probably make the player's situation worse.

Do you have a son that's played college or pro ball?

You break the law,..you get turned in.
Gutts, leadership, respect, go hand in hand in my book.

quote:

Do you have a son that's played college or pro ball?

And as far as giving advice or opinions,..this is what this board is all about. Its for the taking or the ignoring. Its about choice.
Not sure if having a son play college or professional ball is the ONLY criteria mandating a valued opinion here,...but I'm sure it helps and is most likey valued very high to alot of people.
There are many people on the HSBBW with lots of experience, advice, and opinions. Perhaps some of us get these from personal experiences. Perhaps we have sons/daughters who have crossed these bridges before. Maybe we have coached, or perhaps we are just good ol' Americans with the love of the sport who have life-lessons to pass on to to others, hoping that something in our story or opinion might help someone else.

Do I have sons who have played college or pro ball? Nope...( not yet! ha!)
Do I have an older son who just last year went through the college recruiting process and then, suddenly turned it all down and walked away to join the military? Uh huh.
Do I have personal experience with a sport at the college and pro level. Yes ma'am, strangely enough, I personally do, stemming waaay back from years ago, but I do.
Do I think anyone should listen to my opinions?
Only if they feel it helps them and they choose to.
Any and all are free to ignore, ( and quite frankly I'm sure many do! ha! ) I'm just thinking out loud and throwing it out there into cyber space.

Wouldn't it be awesome though if some little part helped someone with something in their life? Or perhaps put a smile on their face or made them laugh for half a second? Maybe it made them angry, so angry to the point where they re-thought their own thoughts and then came to their own good solution?

LUVBB,..I think all of your above posts were great! I personally got a kick out of your military analogies! They illustrated your point quite clearly in my head! And I applaud your daughter. Sounds like she is doing an awesome job and has her head on straight!!!! That deserves big kudos. I'm taking notes to pass on to my teenage daughter for the future!

Life lessons being learned daily,...me too,..every day!

P.S. Custody of the dorm really is a good thing, isn't it!

In a baseball "family," leadership means handling situations within the "family" first...not turning guys in.

It might take awhile for this young freshman to deal with his roommates directly, but that's the only way he will earn respect...and respect is BIG on a baseball team.

quote:

I would hope that Hoovemom15's son might work a switch out himself and get his own situation undercontrol as soon as possible.
In the meantime, whether its Hoovemom's son, the upper classmen, or a parent, the drinking needs to stop and the coach needs to know.

Guess I could have just said the above and not filled up so much posting space. This is the core of the point I was trying to get across. I still stand by it.

I'm sure the coach knows that some of his players are drinking. Sounds like he's already laid down the law and dished out some punishment. If these young men continue to break the rules, they will get caught and suffer consequences both on and off the field.

The question remains, what should their innocent roommate do in the mean time? Staying clear of the situation until he builds the confidence to demand that his roommates take it elsewhere might help. It worked for our sons.

Funny thing is that our guys still have to deal with it every now and then...even in pro ball. Of course, it's much easier now that they're older. The first time is always the hardest.

Folks, dont forget these guys are young - thier biggest worry 6 months ago was what flower to bring the girl for Prom.......they are growing but still kids in many ways.

SSmom - you mentioned the drinking should not be ignored - you are right - but we cant expect a kid to do more then most college presidents ignore year after year.

Ratting out a teammate is a big time issue....no one in MLB knows anyone who is on the "stuff".

From a big picture view it is true that wrong is wrong and should be reported - but dont put that responsibility on a guy who just left home for the 1st time one month ago.

Sorry again for crashing the ladies lounge.

Its ok to crash in here, as long as you are kind! ( ha!) No meanies allowed. This is the ladies comfort zone.
I actually thought that this topic might make a good general forums post!
I think it would be interesting and beneficial to get both the woman's point of view and the men's since it seems like this is a pretty big topic of concern and is getting alot of views in a very quick time period. I'll ask Hoovmom if she minds if we post it in the General Forums area.

Just one question though catcher 09'

quote:

we cant expect a kid to do more then most college presidents ignore year after year.

Why not?
Cant kids set valuable standards on their own?

Wait,.stop..dont answer my last question. Well, please at least dont answer it here.

I was heading off to bed when I had a bout of guilt hit me. I think I have stirred up the pot with this topic and have been perhaps a little too hard core with my responses. Dont get me wrong, I stand by opinions, I just dont feel that this is the appropriate forum to do so in. This is the space where us woman come together and help each other. Debates are for another space. Hoovmom,...I know you are deeply concerned about your son and my intentions were to help, not turn the ladies forum into a hot spot with tit-for-tat disections of each others posts. My apologies.
I hope we can get back on track and tell our stories and suggestions to Hoovmom. She needs us.
I will remain silent and my spouting off on the soapbox has truely been silenced, I promise.

I'm adding soft fluffy pillows to this spot,..with hot tea and biscuits!....(again,..sorry ) & perhaps a new roll of duct tape for my mouth.
Huggzzzzzzzz

Shortstopmom,

I think this forum is where the original poster felt comfortable in asking this question, and I have absolutely no problem at all with us debating it. I feel it has been very interesting. And what is BEST about debating this topic in THIS forum, in my opinion, is the fact that it has been done civilly and politely. Not sure that would hold up in the General Forum .

I think that there are two strains of thought here (both of which we hope for the same outcome.....no dangers for our kids). First, what we wish would happen in a "perfect world"....no underaged drinking, and if there is....they get busted by the person in charge pronto. Secondly, factoring in the nuances of being on a team and how that impacts the actions you take to remedy this situation. This second scenario is dictating the world our boys are living in on campus and the dynamics they need to deal with....and it is all a part of the learning and education they receive along with what they learn in the classroom.

ssm,
No one is calling you out here because of your parental views about under age drinking and living in uncomfortable situations. There is alot more that goes on at college than our children realize, team or no team. This is most likely where for the first time in our childrens lives they have to deal with many situations on their own. Same goes for all who leave home for the first time. How you learn to deal with it, helps to mold who you are and your values even later on in the workplace, who looks up to you and who doesn't later on in life. No one cares for the rat among the mice. These are things as parents we also learn as our children leave the nest.

The best part of being on a team is that you have older and wiser members to help you to avoid going directly to the head honcho.

There was a situation where one of the team captains thought there was to much partying going on for a group of freshman (it happens everywhere you go). He never bothered to gather the guys together for a sit down and went directly to the coach. Coach not a happy guy. Lots of the guys on the team (not just teh freshman)felt that the captain had not used his position wisely, trying to gain brownie points with the coach as a rat rather than as a mediator, mentor and friend. This unfortunetly caused a lot of hard feelings, lost confidance in the captain and most likely changed team dynamics for that year. Lots of lessons learned from that story, both for the freshman and the team captain.

As a parent I definetly agree with you, as a mom of children living on their own now , my advice has to conform to their way of thinking and learning to deal with life.

You have no reason to apologize.

quote -
"the next day she had to let out her inner "b*tch" and lay down the law"

LOL Luvbb! Glad to hear K. has made her transition into womanhood!!

quote:

LOL Luvbb! Glad to hear K. has made her transition into womanhood!!

Lafmom...it wasn't too deep of a dig to let than inner b*tch out....she not only looks like me......but..... Let's just say, it wasn't a "stretch"

As far as "transitioning into womanhood"....I don't think I would phrase it quite that way in to her dad!

quote:

As far as "transitioning into womanhood"....I don't think I would phrase it quite that way in to her dad!

Probably not!!!

Let me start by saying that I was away for the weekend - helping my mom pack to move and did not have access to a computer - until now. I am overwhelmed by the response I have gotten! Thank you all!!!

Since we only really found out last week that this has been going on I really don't know what all he has done to try and fix the situation. It would seem that the first group that got 'busted' was part of the group that had moved into his apartment for 'party time' along with his roommates. I just know that my son is either at classes, study hall, practice or home in his room. They usually don't get home till after 8 and he's usually gone by 7 or 8 in the morning. So, his time at home is really limited anyway.

As it turns out the night/day before I wrote the original question, he went to the coaches and explained what was going on. They went ahead and did a room check and the guys were caught and warned. I guess for one guy it's his second time and next time he'll be off the team. As I said earlier I don't know what my son had done prior but he - on his own - felt the need to go to the coaches. Whether this was the right move or not (in light of the 'ratting them out' comments) I don't know and only time will tell if he will be ostracized by the team or not. It sounds like there is a lot of partying on the team so I don't know if there was an older guy to go to or not that wouldn't have brushed him off. I just don't know all the details and haven't really had a chance to talk to my son and find out.

Thank you to all for your input - I would have gone ahead and posted this in the general items forum - but wasn't sure how. Thanks again and I will let you know how this all goes down from here - for someone elses future reference.

Hoovmom.....thanks for letting us know what happened. I hope everything works out for your son!

Hoovmom - Glad to hear that your son has shown the maturity to make a decision on how he should handle his situation. Best of luck to him and do let us know how things turn out.

Hoovermom,....I admire your son.

I was and still am, pretty passionate about this subject.

Hope his choices work out good for him.

If I was his coach,..I'd see strong
non-wishy-washy leadership potential in him!!!

Please keep us posted and know we are thinking of him and you!!! I sincerely wish him the best of luck.

Can someone please pass the tissues??? You guys are the greatest!!! and some more!!! Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers and I will definately update you as things transpire.

Hoovmom,...you have a PM.