A game of failure

Maybe I am reading too much into your question, but I always preached...

 

1)  Baseball is a game of failure.  You WILL fail in this game at times.  No one escapes this fact.

 

2)  I never asked him to seek, and he was never interested in, end of season recognition or awards.  They are a byproduct of the work he puts in during the off-season and season.  

 

 

I never had to pump up my kids. But I also coached and was responsible for the psyche of other kids. With preteens I pointed out Hall of Famers who either struck out a lot or gave up homers pitching. Once they're teens you can't con them. At that point I explained continuing to play the game depended on how badly they wanted it and how hard they were willing to work.

 

Tell your son by high school no one is thinking about who did what in preteen ball. By high school baseball is a what have you done for me lately proposition.

I do believe that baseball is a game of failure and one of the tough lessons a young player has to learn is how to persevere when not experiencing success on the field.  To a big extent I believe that a parent can offer support, but a player has to have a strong internal desire to succeed.

 

Our son was moved up to the varsity when he was an 8th grader and although he was able to field at that level, he was no match for 17 and 18 year old pitching.  He became so discouraged that he began to dread batting.  I could see that he had beat himself mentally before he even stepped into the box.  His absolute love for the game and his team is what caused him to keep at it, even when he had lost all self confidence.  When the season ended he decided that he would spend his summer at the batting cage.  He said that by the next varsity season he would be ready to hit at that level.  He batted for several hours a day, every day, all summer long.  He batted with blisters  on his hands for hours at a time.  As a freshman he was a regular in the line-up.  As a sophomore and a junior he was at the top of the line-up.  Until the time of his accident (Oct. of this year) he has maintained his daily batting workout of at least one hour a day of batting practice regardless of what else he is doing.  The thing is, I don't think we could have motivated him to work at batting this way, he just wanted to be an asset to his team that bad. 

My approach was simple, to be honest and use as many examples(multi-millionare MLB players making simple errors) as possible.  Gave the "this is a game of failure statistically" speech a thousand times...lol.   As a pitcher he took losses very personal.   I could only re-assure him that as he got older, the level of talent around him would get better...and slowly but surely it did, it took until the summer after his JR year(this past summer), but it did.  Had many talks explaining what college coaches would be looking for on the mound, command, control, composure etc and that they judge the pitcher by what they see HIM do, not the play the follows, tough to sell to a 14 yr at the time, but now he gets it.  He fought thru the pain and never gave up and it has paid off.

I guess it depends on the kid.  I coached my son and his friends (small town...same 12-15 kids every year) from 6U thru 14U in our local league.  My son's best friend was always one of our top 2 kids.  When he got to be 12 or 13, he was 6'2 and already being talked about as one of the top basketball players in the state.  He spent the entire fall/winter playing basketball.  He showed up to our first spring practice when he was in 7th grade...and couldn't hit....AT ALL!!!   He's one of the most competitive kids I know...and just swung and missed over and over and over....to the point that other kids were laughing.  He stood at the plate and kept swinging and swinging and swinging.  I tried everything I could to help..and was just completely out of ideas.  He said "I'm staying til I hit...." so I kept throwing.  I'm guessing it was 50-60 pitches til he hit one...then only 4 or 5 til he hit another...and 2 or 3 til the next...then all of the sudden out of nowhere he was hitting every ball...hard...back at me...over the outfielders...and everywhere else.  I had a 6'2 7th grader with a smile bigger than you've ever seen.  I immediately called every kid into a huddle and said "look...you all saw it...don't worry when you swing and miss...you're all good hitters...it will eventually happen".   We went 18-0...won the league title without ever really being tested and hit almost .400 as a team.  We really only had 4 "baseball players" on our team...but any time an issue came up I reminded him of my 60+ pitch fiasco with our 6'2 kid at the start of the year.  I've never seen anything like it...and I've never seen a group of kids have more fun. 

Son is now 16 yo.  So fully immersed in HS/Travel ball.  Fortunately, passion and work ethic have never been an issue.  He wants to be first to arrive and last to leave at PRACTICE.  Good sign for Dad. 

 

Another message from me has been:  Don't walk onto a field thinking you are the best player.  There will always be better players.  Do walk onto the field thinking you are the hardest working player and you are about to prove it.  That just might help get your name on the lineup card.

 

Please keep this thread going.  Want to hear those stories. 

 

Don't walk onto a field thinking you are the best player.  There will always be better players.  Do walk onto the field thinking your the hardest working player and you are about to prove it.  That just might help get your name on the lineup card.

 

What a great message gman - words to live by, they are words to live by!!

The greatest hitter ever failed 60% of the time...

I am a player but I would always ask my dad how did I look today. He would break the truth to me if there was someone that looked better. He would highlight the positives and the negatives when I played and tell me what I could have done better. It has helped me a lot because he doesn't lie to me saying your the best Johnny when there are kids better. Always know there is a Dominican kid that is working to outwork you.

Great question. This became very important in my son's baseball endeavors. When he was a sophomore, he was beat out for his position by a freshman. He dug deep, worked hard, and regained the position before the end of the season. His junior season he couldn't play in the field due to an injury. His senior season he came back strong and was All State. He is now in his first year of college ball.

 

So I had to ask myself the question the OP is asking. Here's what I concluded. The best examples are the ones the parent can tell about their own life. Tell him about when you failed and got back up and tried again. This means more than 100 stories about strangers.

 

Second, emphasize effort over results. So many times you can't control the result, but you can control your own effort. Dig deep and do your best.

 

Good luck.

Twotex one of my favorite stories my dad has told me is about the way they tame elephants. The way they tame elephants is they catch it when its a baby. They chain it up to a tree and the animal learns it never can break that chain. So when the animal is an adult and can break down a house it still thinks it can not break that chain. People constantly tell you that you can not achieve and do things it just like the little elephant that could not break the chain. Do you believe what nay Sayers tell you or do you work hard and prove your nay Sayers wrong.

My last story is when my dad scribbled out the state discus record holders name at the wv state track and field meet as a freshman and put his in place. He told me that you needed to see yourself as a champion and what it looks like. Three years later as a Senior he broke that guys record by 3 ft. My dad says if you never see yourself as a champion how can you achieve this?

 

Another tactic taken from a Cal Ripken book was to avoid the post game analysis on the ride home after a tough game.  Yes they would be quieter rides.  But hopefully avoiding a negative conversation focused on his personal struggles.  If we engaged on the game, we talked about team positives or a teammate that enjoyed an individual achievement (i.e. first hit or web gem)

 

This brings to mind a great post game approach used by one of our youth ball coaches.  He would ask the team to tell him what they did well or what they are proud of.  Then he asks them what we can do better or work harder on in practice. 

 

great question...I'm not there yet because my kids are only in elementary and are busy with other sports but I know I will be in the near future so I would certainly benefit from the feedback provided.

Failure is viewed differently for everyone.

3 out of 10 hits for one person may be seen as failure, but it's a .300 BA to another.

 

You should never tell your player that its a game of failure, but rather a game he will be successful at if he works his hardest at it every day.   And every game is NOT going to have the outcome he may desire, but nonetheless might be a good/bad game. You have to learn to take the bad with the good, if you don't you WILL fail.

 

He has to learn what failure and success means and sort it all out for himself.

 

i had some good days, and some bad days in this area.  On the bad side, we did have some bad rides home, mostly because I was trying to "keep it real".  I hated it when son and teammates would ride/arrive at the field with the " this team sucks" attitude, and think the game was already won. Sometimes, they would proceed to lay an egg to an inferior team as a result. I wanted to send a very clear message to him that underestimating your opponent, and overestimating yourself is a really bad way to go.  Sometimes I think I did good in that respect, but as you all know, kids still think they are bullet proof.

 

When my son was nine, he did not make an all star team, that he definitely should have made.  Now before you scoff, I will tell you that 22 kids tried out for 13 spots.  After watching the tryouts, I had my son as the 8th best player, and I am certain that I wasn't wrong by another 5.  Anyhow, they released the names at midnight, and my son had to stay up for it.  He was crushed!  I can tell you with great certainty, that I still carry disdain in my heart for this perceived injustice.  (I believe strongly church considerations were at the root of the slight.). So with a sobbing 9 year old on my hands, I needed to put aside my anger and help my son move forward. I told him a few things:  work harder than everybody else, play with passion, and that the best player at 9 is not always the best player at 17.

 

i definitely made mistakes, and I do let my vision be clouded by injustice at times, but I never let my son feel that he has been slighted. Rather, I tell him that he needs to work harder.  

 

I also told told him to hit, and you will play.  

There was no magic parenting bullet from my perspective.   All three of my kids love the game differently, for different reasons, and at different times in their lives.  They are all self-motivated in different ways too.

 

My wife and I offered an opportunity to play & learn, a foundation of skills and support.  It amazes me my right arm is still attached to my body with the number of times we've played catch or gone to the batting cage over the years.   My wife and I learned early to talk about their success/failure in the car only when they want to talk about it. 

 

Once they hit high school they became predominantly pitchers with a secondary position.  So, they got to spend some time on the bench after pitching.  As they got older they appreciated their playing time more because they realized how valuable it is.  I'm most proud of my kids being excellent teammates on the field or in the dugout.  I've had a number of parents and teammates make very positive comments about them over the years.  There isn't a better feeling as a parent than that.

My best advice to parents is that their kid does not need them to praise them when they go 3-4 or strikeout 11 guys and pitch a shutout. They need them when they go o for 4 with a couple of k's or get knocked around on the mound. also put things in perspective. I once was talking to a parent who was upset that his son struck out 3 times. My advice was if striking out 3 times in a "baseball game" is the worst thing that ever happens to him then he is really lucky. 

Striking out is not the goal, but it does happen. They key is to be able to analyze the at bat and know what pitches you took, what pitches you swung at and why. Every at bat should have the ability to further your understanding of the game and where your weaknesses lay.

The striking out three times post reminded me of a humorous story of failure. I struck out four times in the first game of a college doubleheader. I took BP in the cage for fifteen minutes between games. I made much better contact the second game. I hit the ball on the nose three straight times right at the 2b for three 4-6-3 double plays. When I was on deck for my fourth at bat one of the coaches ripped the bat out of my hands. He told me I was less dangerous to the team without a bat. It was only funny because we were sweeping a doubleheader. It was just one of those days players sometimes have if they play long enough. All the coach was trying to do was make me laugh and relax.

RJM,

I love that story!  Our son has had days like this, and we as parents have learned that this is the time for us to turn the car radio to his favorite station and drive home without saying a word unless he wants to talk.  There is really nothing that we can say that will help him, but after he has had some time to think about things he will begin to say things like, I wasn't hitting the inside of the ball, I should have taken that first pitch, next time I face that pitcher I will.... My instinct as a parent is to try to help, but at this stage in his playing it is really about him finding out what he needs to work on.

All the coaching and advice no matter where it comes from comes down to the player figuring it out

Nice post, 2014.  I remember doing this as well whether it was with a radio or just changing the subject.  It's not always good to be critical or exuberant over an individual performance.

 

However, there were times I would shake Bum, Jr. up with comments like "doesn't look like you were ready to compete out there" or "you're giving that team way too much respect--are you afraid to pitch to them?".  Of course he'd get defensive but that was the goal.  These comments were usually tactics to get him thinking about getting more aggressive and mentally tougher.  Fact is, Bum, Jr. like your son would usually figure out on his own the adjustment he needed to make.

Definetly talk about it, no lectures. Ask him to tell you what he thought he could do better or his team could have done better.  Then that should be it, because in this game you need to have a very short memory. If it was a good day, let him talk about that too, but never tell him that he is so much better than anyone else.

 

Sometimes you can do all the right things but the guy facing you (pitcher or hitter) was just having a better day.

 

Smoke a line drive to CF that is caught. Failure?

Hit a dribbler that doesn't make it out of the INF but you reach safely. Success?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Originally Posted by cball:

Smoke a line drive to CF that is caught. Failure?

Hit a dribbler that doesn't make it out of the INF but you reach safely. Success?

 

The answers depend on perspective. From the perspective of “did the AB help the team”, the answers are failure-success. If the perspective is “did the AB help the player’s stats”, the answers are failure-success. If the perspective is “did the player demonstrate good skills”, the answers are success-failure.

 

IOW, like CatsPop said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If I am a hitter and I didn't get a hit, but I helped my team by either excelling in the field or maybe brought in a run (high fly or a bunt) then I see that as success on my part. If I am a pitcher and I did everything right (did my job) but my team didn't hit or they made mistakes, I see that as success as well.

 

 

 

Here's a good one for you.  Success or failure?  True story -- happened in the summer collegiate leagues but I won't say where.

 

Bum, Jr. is cruising along with a 6 - 0 lead in the top of the 5th.  Obviously in line for the win as the starter.  Walks the lead off batter and pitching coach comes out to talk to him.  K's the next two guys.  Walks the next guy, so now there are runners on 1st and second.

 

Head coach comes to the mound to talk to him.  Bum, Jr. and the entire team are thinking "what the?"  The coach had been in the locker room drinking the sauce.  The entire team knew of his problem.  Head Coach didn't realize the pitching coach had already talked to him. 

 

Oops, there goes the win. 

 

Success or failure?

To expand on what TPM said, if I am a hitter who flew out to center in a tie game with a runner on third and 1 out, and the runner scores, I have helped my team and I am a sucess (to everybody watching, including a college scout) because I did "my job" with my AB and the stats will reflect this as a SAC fly.  If I hit a blooper in the same situation to the correct place on the field and reach safely, I have also "done my job" because I gave my team mate a chance to score. If I am the lead off batter in an inning, and I fly out to CF, while my hit may still impress somebody there to watch, I have not helped my team.  That is why the stats are calculated the way that they are.  It is a team sport and unless a player is playing in a showcase setting (and maybe even then!) the goal is to help the team!  Not to impress with a big hit.  The player who knows how to hit the gaps, knows the game situation and is fast enough to beat out the play and reach safely may also impress somebody watching for different reasons.

Like my son has told me on a number of occasions." I would rather hit the ball on the screws 4 times and go 0 for 4 then take 4 crappy swings and get a couple of base hits". A hitter who hits the ball hard has not Failed. You cant prevent defense. Over the long haul if you hit the ball hard you will be successful, though like TPM said, that success will translate into something like 30 for 100. Failing so to speak 70 times but strangely a baseball success. Goota love this game!

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