college freshman difficulties

FJ, great to hear your son is doing better.

And congratulations, your status as a legitimate member of this forum has been confirmed. You've been insulted by our most senior version of Oscar the Grouch.

FJ - Thank you for that response. I think its the single best response to a unwarranted insult that I've ever read here. I've been trying to figure out a way to tell that guy that he is pretending to be an authority in a subject where he has no training, and limited experience, for a very long time. You managed to do it perfectly, without responding directly to the ridiculous charge! Priceless. Thank you!! I've sat next to Tom in the stands and have listened to him prattle on like a sage while biting my tongue, because he has got it mostly wrong and is claiming expertise that he doesn't have. You have motivated me to speak out.

On a separate note. Your son's experience mirrors that of a lot of our son's, especially in academically intense environments. They have never had to compete for playing time, compete socially and compete academically. All of the sudden. Its a shock. It happened to me when I was an undegraduate. My parents ignored the signs and things were harder for me than they should have been. You sound like a loving, honest, and sincere parent. We need more like you.

quote:

This is probably more of a parenting question than a baseball one, but how do I help him figure out how to not only survive but enjoy college and to make sure that his current feelings about baseball are not just the result of freshman blues?

FJ - From reading your recent "update" I see that your son is adjusting and figuring things out as most do. I can remember, believe it or not, this period of my life and have gone through it myself with my four children.

Hindsight is so very powerful. All I can advise now is to say that you will be so amazed, in two years, how your son has matured since leaving the "bedroom down the hall." He horizons will grow to recognize "life after, and without baseball" in ways you can't see now. Like everyone has said; his thoughts and frustrations to these new and demanding circumstances are part of growing up. I think you remind him to stick to his commitment for this year and see how things work out. It is far too early to begin second guessing those decisions.

The maturity leaps he will make this year and next are hard to describe but they will occur!!

BOL, loved your response to the one ridiculous comment.

FJ-glad to hear things are working out for your son. Please kep us posted as the year progresses. Judging by your classy level-headed response to one ridiculous comment I bet your son is as level-headed as you and will do fine!!

I work with lots of young (20's) college kids and in my neck if the woods I see the most amazing young kids. They're smart, motivated, hard working people. Our future is in good hands with these young people if they are representative of their generation. Any young adult that plays a sport in college is even more motivated and hard working.

For most student athletes freshman year is a tough one. They got where they are for a reason and they are unlikely to slack off. It's great your son is confiding in you. Stay positive-he sounds like a great kid- things will work out!

Jerry, I'm so glad to hear your son is able to put things in front of him and work at these things each day. I think like most players who have the opportunity to go play ball at the college level they are accustomed to having that success help them possibly earn that position. Little do they know the sudden impact to be around other players who have the same or better talent as they, not to mention the older players. It's a rude awakening for many freshmen players in the fall.

Many of the poster's on here have already said that your son really is progressing in the right direction. He's figuring out how the pecking order goes and where he falls in with all aspects of the college life. He'll have those good moments and those isolated moments where he's wondering what is going on. I agree with what someone said about him most likely being a level-headed young man like his dad. I really believe that. When you could have picked up your marbles and left from the ridiculous comment by TR, you decided to stay. And I hope you stay around and be a regular contributor here. We could use more like you here.

I know that you do, but continue heaping praise and encouragment onto your son. Those are the things he hangs his hat on during those hard days.

YGD

proudad


u guys expressed your thinking and I EXPRESSED mine---is that not ok in your small world

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I received a complaint about this post also. Instead of deleting it, I'll point out which part of it breaks the forum rules. The phrase "is that not ok" is a reasonable question. Adding "in your small world" makes it a personal insult. Hope that helps to clarify! ~ Julie (MN-Mom)
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Folks, looks like the old TR is back. Enjoy......

T WO TEX if that is an insult than some of you need help--- truly a shame that my opinions insnsult people in my world that is just a fact

TR : You are the one who said this about me:

"jaggerz---- you have a problem--- and it is a real major one... "

Seems that you and I must belong to the same club!

pop



I NEVER LEFT



jaggrz---i state facts from experience--- thus your club is quite different

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
i state facts from experience

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
these socalled freshman difficulties are a direct result of todays kids being coddled...not to mention that every time there is a socalled problem with akid he or she gets medicated with drugs

TRhit, you are certainly entitled to your own incredibly obnoxious opinions but not your own facts.

And here's a quote from Ralph Waldow Emerson that you should really think about: "People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character."

Fusilli,

Thank you for sharing the update. I'm very glad that your son is working things out and rising to the multiple challenges that confronted him at school. No doubt academic and baseball challenges will continue to arise on occasion, but him feeling like he has a solid foundation for dealing with them will no doubt make a huge difference. On the social side, letting friendship evolve naturally, even if slowly, indicates the maturity of being true to oneself. I'm sure that feels more comfortable, too, as he gets more settled in the other areas.

quote:

Midterms have passed and the marks my son has received show that he belongs academically. He is relieved and, though he tries to supress it when he talks to his mother and me, he is very, very proud. He has a long way to go obviously given that he is less than 3 months into his college experience, but there is nothing like a little positive reinforcement and confirmation to help you along the way.

Great to hear that your son did well to start the college experience, a great confirmation. I remembered at college after the first test, my room-mate came running to me and asked me about the math test results. His dad was a high school math teacher and he was expected to do well but he got below 50%. He was thinking about how to tell his dad, and if he was in the wrong college or need to transfer. I kind of hinted to him that you came to a college where most of the students had never gotten a B in their entire high school life, and in this college classes are graded on a bell curve, and he needed to tell his dad about that. Someone had got to get B, C and D here. He ended staying and graduated in 4 years.

Jerry:

six-years ago I started a tread when my son called with input similar (not the same but similar).

How do you help?

I want to assure you that he will be fine. The hardest part of being a freshman is their total lack of prospective. It is all new; everything, the fact that classes are going well is the best indicator that he is doing well. Have faith, they all figure out what they need to do to succeed at baseball.

Six-years latter, my son had a great college baseball experience. He will graduate with his MBA in December and should be "off-payroll" in January.

"There's nothing new under the sun."

Thanks ILVBB, for pointing out your earlier thread. It's amazing how you could just paste it onto this one and nothing would seem out of place!

Face it, our sons are highly competitive and high achievers, no matter the academic setting. I think freshman year is just a little bit overwhelming sometimes for young men who, up to that point, have excelled and been rewarded for their excellence.

Now, all of a sudden, they're on their own and experiencing (many for the first time) challenges on the ballfield, in the classroom, and in social settings. So many choices! So many opportunities! So many landmines!

Jerry, just remember that you cannot tell your son too many times that you love him.

Great post fellas!!!

Our youngest is experiencing his freshman year at a Big West UC. All indications are he is doing great. We check in with him every other day with a text. I sometimes think it is tougher on the parents then the kid? He loves his school, his coaches, roomates and teammates.

I agree, we cannot tell him enough that we love him! Get to see him Friday for a fall ball scrimmage. Looking forward to it...

Lefty

we all approach this situation differently and a lot has to do with mommas trepidations
I was never compelled to contact my sons on a regular basis--- I knew them well enought to know they woulde contact me if they had a problem

Agree with you TR about the Momma's!

My discussions with him are about basball, and things he is working on - kind of a sounding board and just listen...

quote:

we all approach this situation differently and a lot has to do with mommas trepidations

TR and lefty,

I am a bit confused, there are only 3 moms who posted in the topic the rest are dads. Why the comment about mommas?

There are plenty of daddas out there with LOTS and LOTS of anxiety and trepidation.

how do u know about dads anxiety?

I didn't bring this up to begin an argument, there is lots of anxiety out there from both moms and dads, and should be stated as such.

This is not just a mom thing.

tpm please answer the question

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
tpm please answer the question

As I said, I did not ask my question first to get into an argument.

I would like to know why the remark was made about mommas trepidation from you and lefty's agreement.

If you can't answer my question that's fine, I get it, your dislike for moms.

Do not over analyze the mom comment. Our comments are what we have experienced with our son's and our wives.

It may be different in your situation.

Lefty

quote:

Originally posted by Sdlefty:
Do not over analyze the mom comment. Our comments are what we have experienced with our son's and our wives.

It may be different in your situation.

Lefty

I appreciate your response. You had the decency to answer the question and not answer with a question.

You did post "great job fellas", you do realize that there are moms that posted in this topic?

Yes I do TPM.

quote:

Originally posted by Sdlefty:
Yes I do TPM.

That's good and you certainly have been a gentleman in your reply.

That's how Mom raised me.

Good for her! Moms rock!

As one of the other Moms around these boards, I can say that my husband has had more conversations with my son than I have since he started college this Fall. He's also the one concerned if my son is overloading himself and was setting up a weekly time to drive down to the school and take him out to dinner (without Mom). This may be due to a major difference in our own college experiences. I went away to a small college over six hours from home and only called on the weekends. My husband attended a large university that was less than a half hour from home and went home every weekend because he was expected to help out with the family business.

I'm the one who told my son that I didn't want to see him back in town except for school breaks (he is only a little over an hour away). Didn't quite work since he has to come back once a week to see a local chiropractor and stops by the house before heading back to school. (The accupuncture tends to make him a little sleepy.)

On the bright side, my son has adjusted well. He is maintaining a high GPA and is managing his time better than we thought he would (between classes, studying, baseball, and pledging a fraternity). We prepared him to be independent and I have been quite pleased by how much he has matured in the few months that he has been at school. I am always here if he needs advice, but I am not flying the helicopter overhead.

Some great entertainment in these posts, so glad none of them were deleted. If you find some of them problematic then you will want to stay far away from those found in the Unusually Unusual board, particularly in "Between Barack and a hard place". There is at least one 'usual suspect' in there who has frightened off more than one poster and never been brought to task. I guess that's why its in that forum.

These postings reflect all kinds of points of view, none are really right or wrong, they are just made from different paradigms and you can't always understand intent so don't take it personnally. Sometimes laughing and walking away is best.

As to the issue at hand, I don't think there is anything new about it. Generations of college students have gone off to school and had to face the challenge. Who's to say one reaction or the other is right or wrong. It's all personal.

On the contact issue, I have a frosh ballplayer off to school for the first time. His mom is in contact far more than me but I would be fibbing if I didn't admit that I utilize text as a surrepticious way to affirm all is well.

You don't stop raising a child just because he turns 18. You just keep gauging how much is enough and trust the emerging adult to assume the position.

quote:

Originally posted by RedSoxFan21:
You don't stop raising a child just because he turns 18.

So true.

I used to think that the expression "The child is father to the man" meant that, eventually, as the child grows up and the father gets older, that the child inevitably takes over the role of caretaker for their father as he approaches his "twilight" years.

However, it turns out that it means that the life experiences of and influences on the child form and "give birth" to the adult version.

So, with that in mind, I salute all the fathers and mothers here for the jobs they did in raising their children and, obviously, caring so much. Our children are succeeding because of something we instilled in them early in their childhood. Now, as they approach manhood, isn't it great to sit back and enjoy our creations!

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
these socalled freshman difficulties are a direct result of todays kids being coddled


not to mention that every time there is a socalled problem with akid he or she gets medicated with drugs

= = = = Comment by Moderator: = = = =
I received a complaint about this post. As noted by other members in the posts below, the above comment by TRhit does not represent the opinion of the owner, moderator, or most members of this site. In fact, it's very inappropriate. I'll leave it in place since others have responded below. But anyone reading this post, please "read on" and know that this comment is not condoned by anyone besides TRhit. ~ Julie (MN-Mom)
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I understand what TR has said and in part appreciate the candor.

What I don't understand is Julie responding to a complaint and the complaintant not having the balls to come forward.

Best advise I can offer to the Daddy with the concern about his freshman son, is to suggest to the son of the adulthood opportunity and address his conflict directly and quickly with the coach. Suggest meeting him at a mutual agreeable place and time and begin understanding of the twelve step process for conflict resolution.

Good luck, Daddy. Keep us informed. TR is a good guy.

WOW--- feels good to ,know that I have one fan

wwhy cant posters identify the posters they are refering to when they post

Anyone that is not concerned about a son or daughter while they are away for the first time is either a fool or an ostrich.With some of the things that go on at colleges, a parent would be wise to keep the lines of communication wide open.

tpm



your statement just nonce again shows HOW litle you know about me--- I have no problem with mommas in baseball if they know they are talking about

quote:

Originally posted by RedSoxFan21:
You don't stop raising a child just because he turns 18. You just keep gauging how much is enough and trust the emerging adult to assume the position.

Very well said!

if its too big of a workload he should quit baseball..a simple solution maybe the best choice.he's lucky to be going to an elite academic school dont have him fail at that becasue of baseball.

tpm


for your minformation my wife is a ex- fastpitch soft ball catcher and ran the youth baseball leagues in her home town she is also one of my best evaluators of baseball talent