Perfectionist

It's a tough game and takes a lot of work to improve, particularly as you progress to higher levels.  I wouldn't worry about whether or not he is having fun - if he's putting in the work then he's enjoying himself, otherwise he'd be making excuses and doing other things like most teenagers.

There's a fine line between wanting to improve and wanting to be perfect.  Some days it's "You're either getting better or getting worse, no one stays the same".  Other days it's "Perfection is the enemy of progress".  I think most ball players struggle to balance striving to get better without getting hung up on being perfect.  Like they say, even the Hall of Famers failed 70% of the time.

TexasLefty;

you may have your son read "Ted Williams, My turn at bat". Ted was the "Ultimate Perfectionist".

Bob Williams

@TexasLefty posted:

Anyone have some ideas on helping a kid out of the perfectionist mindset or just general thoughts and experiences with it?   The type of kid that throws a badass bullpen (as he does nearly every time) but hIs curve wasn’t perfect that day and he wears that look of disappointment in himself.  It happens in other aspects of the game and in game too. Always very serous.  It doesn’t seem to affect his passion/interest in the game, or his performance in-game.  But I sure would like him to smile more.  I’m mostly concerned that outwardly it looks like he’s not having fun because of his internal focus.

My 2024 is this exact same way.  His teammates joke that hes two totally different people.  One during his start who's a super serious, red ass the entire day.  The then off days, up beat, very positive joker.

Its a blessing and a curse but his perfectionism has definitely helped his growth when it comes to development.

It's funny, baseball is a setup for many failures.  Whether it be a K with bases loaded, back to back errors, giving up a walk off HR, etc you are going to have failures.  What make a player exceptional is if they can flush it and be back to their confident self the next play, inning or game.  How they handle the adversities and does it effect future opportunities.   If you let it effect you this journey will be a long and unpleasant experience.  Be mad at yourself for a few seconds then move on and not worry about it or it will happen again.  You are good enough to be where you are at, things happen, learn from it.  Best of luck.

I will give you a simple response. What you are really talking about is body language and emotions. A really good PC once told me, “if you can’t control your emotions how do you expect to control where you throw a baseball?” To me, truer words have never been spoken. You can call it perfectionism if that makes you feel good but what you are dealing with is immaturity. Every pitcher goes thru a maturation process and it sounds to me like your son needs to move along in that process.

Thanks for the replies so far.  

@Smitty28 - you kind of hit it on the head. He’s putting in the time, making progress, and excelling in most things baseball.  As a dad, I just want to see him love it.  

@Consultant - I will see if he wants to read it.  I will if he doesn’t.  Thanks.

@Master P - yes, we have brothers from another mother.  Haha.  He’s a different kid on the field or mound.  He’s a winner though, so hard to complain.  Did you ever have a chat with yours and how did it go?

@Trust In Him - totally agree.  From a positive coaching training I took for Rec coaches years ago, I learned that my needs didn’t align with players, including my son  so no long winded speeches after games or in the car ride home.  He does a good job of releasing bad outings from his mind, so that’s a plus  

@adbono - I somewhat agree but it’s really not emotion or body language.  Yes, body language because I’d love for him to show something sometimes.  It’s the same if he has a 9 pitch 1 hit inning or a 25 pitch 3 hit inning.   if it’s not perfect, he has a very serious demeanor.  And even the no hit innings, he’s still serious,

I appreciate the responses. I have a very fun loving kid off the field.  And as trust pointed out, and we all surely know, it’s a game of failure.  

My son had a middle school and high school teammate who was a perfectionist. It wasn’t hard to see the kid was wrapped a little too tight. When the kid got to varsity the team had a pool behind his back on when would be the first time he loses it. He got to P5 college ball and had a stroke freshman year.

@TexasLefty, I am speaking from personal experience on this subject. I was the same way as your son in my early HS years. In my case it absolutely was immaturity. I don’t think much has changed in that regard over the past 40 years.

@TexasLefty your son sounds like mine when he was younger, I always wondered if being a pitcher was something he really wanted to do, or something he thought that others thought he should do. It was always about being perfect.  As his advisor/agent explained to us, some guys are definetly wired differently than others. As long as they can turn it off after the game, have other interests, there is no problem.

I do agree with adbono, a lot has to do with maturity and Trust In Him and MasterP's posts were spot on.

I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point unless you feel it's causing a problem,  but he seems to be doing well and that's what matters.

Are you worried about how he IS, or how he looks?  Maybe his serious demeanor is because he is trying to look like a certain type of baseball player?  Are there players he admires who always look serious?  He may not be showing emotion because that's the demeanor he wants to project.  Kids from a young age are pretty aware of that kind of thing.

In an interview, Greg Maddux said that his biggest improvement came when he figured out that he didn't need to make a perfect pitch to get people out. He needed to make a good pitch.  It relaxed him.  It's almost impossible to make a perfect pitch.  Too tense. It's pretty easy to make a good pitch. He still worked on perfection every day.

There were some seriously intense guys that were great pitchers.  Bob Gibson. That's what drove them to be better.  If the intensity helps, that's great.  If the intensity gets in the way of performance, then you need to adjust.