PG what a great idea. Thanks so much
When you think about it, controlling or channeling your emotions is huge in sports. Even games like golf or bowling are all about being in control of your body and getting it to function.
This has been a good thread for me to read... one of my boys struggles with this to the point where he cannot pitch because the limelight is too bright and he cannot control his emotions. He doesn't struggle with this as a postion player but as pitcher he does (since I'm the one making out the lineup he's not on the mound any more this year; maybe next he can... he's not great but he'd be our number 2 guy)
This has been a good thread for me to read... one of my boys struggles with this to the point where he cannot pitch because the limelight is too bright and he cannot control his emotions. He doesn't struggle with this as a postion player but as pitcher he does (since I'm the one making out the lineup he's not on the mound any more this year; maybe next he can... he's not great but he'd be our number 2 guy)
Thanks trojan-skipper for the nice pm.
Hi!
Both of our sons went through a phase of showing inappropriate emotions on the field. Yours may only need some advise, but simply talking about it didn't seem to change our guys' behavior. So....this is what I did.
First, I made them write an essay about the problem and how they were going to fix it. They were grounded until it was done. Then, I taped the essay on their bathroom mirror for the rest of the season. Finally, I told them I would pull them off the field immediately if I ever saw it again. Sometimes I had to get up and stand by the fence to remind them to keep it in check. They still laugh about it to this day, but it worked.
Both of our sons went through a phase of showing inappropriate emotions on the field. Yours may only need some advise, but simply talking about it didn't seem to change our guys' behavior. So....this is what I did.
First, I made them write an essay about the problem and how they were going to fix it. They were grounded until it was done. Then, I taped the essay on their bathroom mirror for the rest of the season. Finally, I told them I would pull them off the field immediately if I ever saw it again. Sometimes I had to get up and stand by the fence to remind them to keep it in check. They still laugh about it to this day, but it worked.
Mine has had trouble with this, too. He expected himself to be perfect and when he wasn't, he fell apart. He was left off an all-star team at age 9 because of his attitude - that about killed him. When he was 12U-14U, his nickname was Mr. Furious because he was "a ticking time bomb of fury." 
(If you haven't seen Mystery Men, it's warped and funny).
It was during this time that I read the Mental Game of Baseball. It didn't help him - he just wasn't ready - but it helped me understand things better. What seemed to help him was being around older, more accomplished players that he could look up to. He has pretty well grown out of it, but will still pound his glove if he makes an error. Sometimes I feel like coaches want him to be a robot. But as long as he's ready for the next play, I don't mind the fire at all. He cares.
(If you haven't seen Mystery Men, it's warped and funny). It was during this time that I read the Mental Game of Baseball. It didn't help him - he just wasn't ready - but it helped me understand things better. What seemed to help him was being around older, more accomplished players that he could look up to. He has pretty well grown out of it, but will still pound his glove if he makes an error. Sometimes I feel like coaches want him to be a robot. But as long as he's ready for the next play, I don't mind the fire at all. He cares.
quote:Originally posted by 2Bmom:
Mine has had trouble with this, too. He expected himself to be perfect and when he wasn't, he fell apart. He was left off an all-star team at age 9 because of his attitude - that about killed him. When he was 12U-14U, his nickname was Mr. Furious because he was "a ticking time bomb of fury."
It was during this time that I read the Mental Game of Baseball. It didn't help him - he just wasn't ready - but it helped me understand things better. What seemed to help him was being around older, more accomplished players that he could look up to. He has pretty well grown out of it, but will still pound his glove if he makes an error. Sometimes I feel like coaches want him to be a robot. But as long as he's ready for the next play, I don't mind the fire at all. He cares.
That's a great post. For those that may be wondering, I have a little free time on my hands today so I thought I would spend it here
Beating yourself up is actually a different topic than this one. Most competitive players including my own have this tendancy. The way to combat these things is to continually encourage them. Even Derick Jeter or Omar Visquel are not perfect and that is what I tell mine when he makes an error. I always encourage him to make the next play.
Having the "fire" is a really good thing imho.
quote:Originally posted by TxMom:
Hi!
First, I made them write an essay about the problem and how they were going to fix it. They were grounded until it was done. Then, I taped the essay on their bathroom mirror for the rest of the season. Finally, I told them I would pull them off the field immediately if I ever saw it again. Sometimes I had to get up and stand by the fence to remind them to keep it in check. They still laugh about it to this day, but it worked.
I smiled when I read this mom. I used this sort of technique with my kids also. I have an essay in my bedroom (if you want to call a paragraph or two an essay) that I made my son write when he was eight or nine in regards to showing respect to people. That sort of discipline is much more memorable and impacting than some other more commonly used stragies.... and can leave a great memory for all involved!
This has been a good discussion, thanks to you all. Perhaps I can add a couple thoughts that may be relevant:
1. I tell my pitchers that 'damage control' is important. The ERA does tell us something, but the amount of unearned runs also tells us a lot. The best pitchers are great at damage control and thus allow very few unearned runs. The amount of unearned runs is a stat that the pitchers and I talk about.
2. This is important in every day life as well as in baseball, and teaching it to young children/athletes is important........control your emotions; don't let your emotions control you.
1. I tell my pitchers that 'damage control' is important. The ERA does tell us something, but the amount of unearned runs also tells us a lot. The best pitchers are great at damage control and thus allow very few unearned runs. The amount of unearned runs is a stat that the pitchers and I talk about.
2. This is important in every day life as well as in baseball, and teaching it to young children/athletes is important........control your emotions; don't let your emotions control you.
I will suggest a differnt approach. Take a look at his behavior outside of baseball. Does he hold himself up to the highest standards there. If so, where did he learn that? Does he falter in other areas? How does he feel when he does? Are these behaviors constructive or do you find that he is frustrated in other areas as well....when things don't go as he would like. Many players we work with have this situation and when you look at their approach in other activites, it reveals the real issue.
Maybe I'm simpleton. And of course the kids I coach are just hitting 13...
I tell them to worry about ONLY WHAT THEY CAN CONTROL.
For a pitcher...I tell them once they release that pitch, there is nothing they can do about what happens to that pitch. If it's hit to them, they can field it. If it's hit and the pitcher needs to back up a play, go to first etc sure...but other than that, there is nothing they can do once it leaves their hand.
So why worry about it?
Same with hitting and fielding. Forget it and move on. It won't be the last play or the last at bat.
Fired up and passionate is one thing, as everyone is different...but I like seeing players, even at young ages, that can FAIL, and then move on to the next play, staying in the game.
Baseball is a game of failure. Plain and simple. I've seen great athletes not able to accept that fact, and it's no coincidence they aren't playing anymore.
Just my 2 cents.
I tell them to worry about ONLY WHAT THEY CAN CONTROL.
For a pitcher...I tell them once they release that pitch, there is nothing they can do about what happens to that pitch. If it's hit to them, they can field it. If it's hit and the pitcher needs to back up a play, go to first etc sure...but other than that, there is nothing they can do once it leaves their hand.
So why worry about it?
Same with hitting and fielding. Forget it and move on. It won't be the last play or the last at bat.
Fired up and passionate is one thing, as everyone is different...but I like seeing players, even at young ages, that can FAIL, and then move on to the next play, staying in the game.
Baseball is a game of failure. Plain and simple. I've seen great athletes not able to accept that fact, and it's no coincidence they aren't playing anymore.
Just my 2 cents.
You said he compliments teammates so that is good. The best thing you can do for your son is to get him on a team with kids who want to be there and love the game as much as him. I agree that many travel teams are glorified rec teams-parents/dads leave to make their own team because their son is not getting the playing time they feel he deserves.How often is the team he is on making 5-6 erros when he is pitching? Do you see them getting better over time, or do you feel that this team is spinning their wheels so to speak? Look around and see what is out there better. Many of his teammates will end up quitting in the future if they do not have a love for the game and do not work to get better. Do what is best for your son. At least then you will have no regrets in a few yrs and wish you would have moved. I'm speaking from experience. Nothing more frustrating to a player to have teammates who give little effort and don't care about getting better. Good luck to you.
As a LL pitcher, my son had a hard time controllng his reactions to the sometime poor play behind him. Of course, his ERA was microscopic, he struck out 95% of the batters, and was flawless fielding his position! He has since grown out of it while maintaining his high standards for himself and his teamates.
Throughout the years I have told him that team sports is a microcosm of life and that inevitably as an adult he will (1) have bosses that are complete idiots, who are mean, who are insecure, who make you wonder how they ever attained their position; (2) have co-workers who are incompetent, who are lazy, who are devious, who are brown-nosers; but...he will also have bossess that are incredibly smart and great teachers and co-workers who are great collaborators who are willing to share the spotlight and do whatever they can to help the business succeed. He will, on some occasions, wonder how HE attained the position he finds himself in.
So, what's the answer? Be patient and constantly preach the gospel that in life the things that are under your control are few, that you should always strive to do your best, be supportive, own up to your mistakes and shortcomings, and realize that the whole is nearly always greater than the sum of its parts.
Throughout the years I have told him that team sports is a microcosm of life and that inevitably as an adult he will (1) have bosses that are complete idiots, who are mean, who are insecure, who make you wonder how they ever attained their position; (2) have co-workers who are incompetent, who are lazy, who are devious, who are brown-nosers; but...he will also have bossess that are incredibly smart and great teachers and co-workers who are great collaborators who are willing to share the spotlight and do whatever they can to help the business succeed. He will, on some occasions, wonder how HE attained the position he finds himself in.
So, what's the answer? Be patient and constantly preach the gospel that in life the things that are under your control are few, that you should always strive to do your best, be supportive, own up to your mistakes and shortcomings, and realize that the whole is nearly always greater than the sum of its parts.
quote:Originally posted by slotty:
So, what's the answer? Be patient and constantly preach the gospel that in life the things that are under your control are few, that you should always strive to do your best, be supportive, own up to your mistakes and shortcomings, and realize that the whole is nearly always greater than the sum of its parts.
Yup, sounds like that is what you should continue to preach.
If your son's goal is to win - focusing on improving / supporting his teammates will be much more effective than any negative response. Also, I have told my son for years that if you only love baseball when you win then you do not love baseball - you just love winning - and that is a problem.
my son was a varsity pitcher at 15, sophmore year, he would pitch his heart out and did very well(ERA 1.13) but had a tough time getting the win because seniors made errors or couldn't hit. It was the greatest test and learning tool for my son as a pitcher developing "mental strength".... My son learned; a pitcher he has no control what happens behind him, he supported his team whatever happened because they still had to be friends on the bench and bus ride home. He just focused on doing his job and in the end made my son a better pitcher.
Ask your son how he felt when he made an error, got shelled, or had a bad at bat with the game on the line. Ask him how he felt when his team mates showed negative emotion towards him in these situations. The player is already beating himself up inside. The fans are already throwing him under the bus. The opposing team is cheering his failure. The opposing fans are cheering his failure. And the one place he should be able to depend on for uplifting in this time of trial is turning their back on him. Team mates are team mates no matter what. If you do great they cheer for you. If you mess up they pick you up. Thats what team mates do.
Put yourself in another persons shoes and ask yourself what would you want in the same situation? What should you expect? It speaks to a lack of maturity in some cases. And in others it speaks to a lack of character. There is one thing I will never tolerate. And thats a team mate who is not a team mate. They wont be around very long once this type of attitude is uncovered. As a player you play the game. You play as hard as you can and you do what you have to do to help your team win. And if one of your fellow team mates needs to be picked up you pick them up. Because they are your team mate. Because its the same thing you would want and you would need. Sometimes picking up a team mate is letting him know by the nod of the head "hey its ok you will get the next one" and sometimes its just a slap on the back.
If these young guys stick around long enough in the game they will understand. And if they do stick around long enough and still dont understand they will be very lonely guys in the game. If a kid has never been in a position to need a pick up from a team mate they simply have not played long enough yet. Its coming its just a matter of time.
Put yourself in another persons shoes and ask yourself what would you want in the same situation? What should you expect? It speaks to a lack of maturity in some cases. And in others it speaks to a lack of character. There is one thing I will never tolerate. And thats a team mate who is not a team mate. They wont be around very long once this type of attitude is uncovered. As a player you play the game. You play as hard as you can and you do what you have to do to help your team win. And if one of your fellow team mates needs to be picked up you pick them up. Because they are your team mate. Because its the same thing you would want and you would need. Sometimes picking up a team mate is letting him know by the nod of the head "hey its ok you will get the next one" and sometimes its just a slap on the back.
If these young guys stick around long enough in the game they will understand. And if they do stick around long enough and still dont understand they will be very lonely guys in the game. If a kid has never been in a position to need a pick up from a team mate they simply have not played long enough yet. Its coming its just a matter of time.
Coach May, That is so perfect!
Coach May - That's what I tell my boy. He makes a good throw from SS to 1st and the 1st baseman drops the ball. My boy cringes and I cringe because he does.
So I point out the reaction of the Vandy catcher yesterday. Catcher made a great throw to 2nd which should have been an out but 2nd baseman mishandled it. What does the catcher do? No facial expression. Puts on his mask, squats and gets back to work. And I remind my boy that he could be the 2nd baseman making the mistake.
So I point out the reaction of the Vandy catcher yesterday. Catcher made a great throw to 2nd which should have been an out but 2nd baseman mishandled it. What does the catcher do? No facial expression. Puts on his mask, squats and gets back to work. And I remind my boy that he could be the 2nd baseman making the mistake.
At that age a lot of kids are playing just because their parents make them. Also, some kids may enjoy playing baseball, just not to the extent where they really care about getting better. They just want to go out and have a good time. Your son however is in a completely different situation obviously. I can understand his frustration, but at the same time if he respects the game he needs to respect that fact that it is a team game and he should be supportive of his teammates at all times.
I would suggest that you move your son up to the 16U team because it sounds like he is the best player on his team now. I think he would appreciate the extra challenge of playing with older kids. Also, as kids get older, more and more of the kids who played just because their parents made them stop playing. This will put your son with many more like-minded kids.
Most of all, just keep reminding your son that his main focus should be to have fun while playing baseball. If he is getting so frustrated with his teammates that he is not having fun, then there is no point in playing.
Best of luck!
I would suggest that you move your son up to the 16U team because it sounds like he is the best player on his team now. I think he would appreciate the extra challenge of playing with older kids. Also, as kids get older, more and more of the kids who played just because their parents made them stop playing. This will put your son with many more like-minded kids.
Most of all, just keep reminding your son that his main focus should be to have fun while playing baseball. If he is getting so frustrated with his teammates that he is not having fun, then there is no point in playing.
Best of luck!
quote:Originally posted by rain delay:
I am sure others have been through this with their sons and their teams and hopefully you have some suggestions on how you handled this situation.
My son is 14 years old, his positions are a pitcher, a first baseman, and an outfielder. Currently,he has the highest batting average and best ERA on his summer select/traveling team. He absolutely loves and appreciates the game. He sometimes loves the game so much that his competitive spirit gets together with his emotions and it shows. In other words, he gets pretty ticked off with his fellow teammates when they do not focus on the game like he thinks they should. He also is the loudest most complimentary cheerleader in the dugout, he encourages his fellow teammates to do better in hitting the ball, run the bases and play the game to the best of their capabilities.
I always thought my son would make a good coach someday if playing baseball never worked out for him.I know he wants the best out of his team he currently plays with and he is going to do the most he can do individually to make sure his team has a chance to win. Unfortunately, it looks as if others on his team don't have that same passion, love, and focus of the game.
I can't say I really disagree with him with his thoughts at times, there is nothing worse then to pitch an outstanding game and have your defense commit a total of 5 errors behind you and allow 6 unearned runs. There is nothing worse then to see half of your team act like they could careless in being there and look like they are trying out for the next episode of Dawn of the Dead. I have told him over and over you can only do what you can control and always look forward to the next at bat and the next game, that is the beauty of baseball. Don't get too high when things are going good and don't get too low and upset when things are going bad.
However,after seeing a variety of competitive baseball teams play this year of different age groups ranging from 14U to 16U, I have to say there are a lot of lazy out of focused players out there. Is this the age that some of these players are only playing baseball because their parents want them to or is this the representation of the lack of a work ethic society we are raising that is showing up on our baseball fields across the country?
Any more suggestions for my son from those who have experienced this? Do I need to find a team that will give him a better batch of more focused players surrounding him next season. Should I place him on a competitive 16U team when he is 15 years old?
I know the OP post is 2 yrs old but the reponsibility goes to the head coach for allowing poor attitude. Since this is a select team why doesn't the HC select players that want to play the game?
As a parent shelling out money for travel ball I don't want to see my investment squandered when players don't give it 100% and would look to go somewhere else if this occurred consistently.
I certainly wouldn't allow my kid to consistently give less than 100%.
On the other side baseball is a game of failure and it will happen that teammates will make mistakes. If their not consistent and make mistakes giving 100% then that is the game of baseball. Your son has and will commit error in baseball and needs to remember this to keep all things in perspective.
quote:Originally posted by Midlo Dad:
The situation you describe is not at all unusual, especially right now.
First, I agree with everyone here that it is simply not your son's place to voice his displeasure with his teammates' mistakes. Your son will make his own mistakes, no doubt, and this is a true "Golden Rule" situation. No matter what is happening on the field, he has a behavior lesson to learn here. You are the parent, and that makes it your responsibility to administer that lesson. If you do not, you can expect that eventually someone else will get their fill of your son and administer the lesson another way. That could mean a coach benches him, or it could mean that a teammate punches his lights out. Take your pick.
That being said, it has been my observation that while travel teams were once the realm of competitive players only, they are pretty much becoming the norm for even the weak players. Partly this is because recreational leagues have bailed on the whole notion of teaching the game in favor of having their coaches behave more like Barney the Purple Dinosaur, so that families are forced to look elsewhere to get even a rudimentary baseball experience. Partly it's because among the competitive boomer parents, there seems to be a mindset now that Little Johnny HAS to play travel ball to prove that he is as good as anybody out there. And partly it's because of the prevalent phenomenon of the player or dad who gets miffed and decides to show everyone by starting his own team, times a million.
The result of all this is that a lot of these travel teams are little more than glorified rec ball teams. And trying to make your current roster into a bunch of killers is a "silk purse out of sow's ear" situation.
There are always going to be teams who do collect only the best players and who play pedal to the metal baseball. It sounds like you need to find one of those teams, instead of the one you're on.
But be forewarned, if your son has developed a reputation for being a bad teammate, and if the parents have a reputation for being enablers of his bad behavior, when you find that team, they may not want you. So, first things first, clean up his act, and hope too much damage hasn't been done already.
The OP may have been two years old, but man how things do not change. Great reply all the way around by Mildo Dad. It pretty much sums it up by way of attitude on the field, in the dugout, parenting and coaching, to LL vs. Travel ball and how it all came to be.
quote:My son is also a pitcher and has been faced with giving up unearned runs due to errors.
I remember talking to a kid and I asked him how he pitched over the weekend He said they lost. he was describing how certain runs were unearned. I asked him how many guys he walked and struck out. the walks exceeded the strikeouts. I told him to work on that before he complains about errors.
After each day of playing in a tournament last season I made it a habit of asking my son what areas of the game that day he played well.
And then I asked what areas of the game that day he needed to improve.
It's hard to throw stones when you are worried about improving your own game.
And then I asked what areas of the game that day he needed to improve.
It's hard to throw stones when you are worried about improving your own game.
I'm still a player, but there are a few emotions i learned to express and how to control. Some may be far removed because they don't completly remember what it is like to be a young man. we are big balls of emotion and passion. we have emotions and may not express them the right way; I have been guilty of this too but here are what i have found works.
With your team mates, there is a such a thing as peer coaching but you need to make it seem like it is you helping not being cynical. Like saying "hey dude this helped me, you should try!" is a lot different than " No No NO that is all wrong, do it this way"
Anger is all about manning up. It happened, it's not going to be the last time and complaining only takes time away from preparing to kick some butt the next time. your team mates weren't trying to make the error, they did though so pick them up and move on!
Cockyness is two things. It could be overcompensating for insecurities like others have said before or he can be that kind of guy. either way, give him a reality check and it will help him out.
The worst of all is giving up. I had to have a coach get in my face and scream at me until i was so ****ed off I could have punched in a locker. I went home that night and took a good hard lookhe mirror. He didn't give me any sympathy which is why i stopped that. If you cushion your son's ego he will see that giving up is an option but it isn't so don't coddle him.
I really think a lot of this will help if a parent talks i out and explains how important letting out his emotions in a safe and appropriate way is.
just my humble oppinion
With your team mates, there is a such a thing as peer coaching but you need to make it seem like it is you helping not being cynical. Like saying "hey dude this helped me, you should try!" is a lot different than " No No NO that is all wrong, do it this way"
Anger is all about manning up. It happened, it's not going to be the last time and complaining only takes time away from preparing to kick some butt the next time. your team mates weren't trying to make the error, they did though so pick them up and move on!
Cockyness is two things. It could be overcompensating for insecurities like others have said before or he can be that kind of guy. either way, give him a reality check and it will help him out.
The worst of all is giving up. I had to have a coach get in my face and scream at me until i was so ****ed off I could have punched in a locker. I went home that night and took a good hard lookhe mirror. He didn't give me any sympathy which is why i stopped that. If you cushion your son's ego he will see that giving up is an option but it isn't so don't coddle him.
I really think a lot of this will help if a parent talks i out and explains how important letting out his emotions in a safe and appropriate way is.
just my humble oppinion