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When does it stop

go3go310+ posts
When do parents stop trying to manipulate situations for their kids?

I've been amazed with how far parents will go to prostitute their kids out to coaches and the amount of politicking that goes on at this level (HS).

Just in the last few months, I've seen 3 parents threaten to pull their kids and leave a school unless their demands were met. Just sickening.

And these parents NEVER PLAYED THE GAME THEMSELVES! Where does this obsession come from?

Does this continue into college?

Sorry for the rant...
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RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
quote:
When do parents stop trying to manipulate situations for their kids?
Have you heard of Eric Lindros' parents. Have you heard of Archie Manning? Have you ever heard of a major anonymous contribution to a school, then some kid seems to be benefitting out of nowhere?

In Massachusetts last year there were three high school quarterbacks on the verge of breaking the forty year old state career touchdowns thrown record. Over the previous two years the three QB's alternately broke the season record.

I was at the game between on of the QB's teams and another top ranked team. By chance I happened to be sitting next to the dad of the opposing quarterback. His QB son appeared to be better than the future record breaker and a better physical specimen.

I complimented his son saying I figured he could break the record if he throw more often. His father informed me the three QB's about to break the record all had head coach fathers who were calling passing plays more than 75% of the time (saw coach call for pass on first and goal that day).

Later I asked the dad if his 6'3" QB son had college football aspirations. He said, "No, he hit 93 on the gun at his last showcase."
Last edited by RJM
I IEBSBL1,000+ posts
Anyone who say it does not happen is college is fooling themselves. In Approx. 2006 at Arkansas, a group of parents led by Mith Mustains(Starting QB) mother, skipped the Head Coach and went to the AD to complain that the Razorbacks were not throwing the ball enough and did not like the direction the offense was going. The running backs at the time were Darren McFadden and Felix Jones.
MB Mark B100+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by IEBSBL:
Anyone who say it does not happen is college is fooling themselves. In Approx. 2006 at Arkansas, a group of parents led by Mith Mustains(Starting QB) mother, skipped the Head Coach and went to the AD to complain that the Razorbacks were not throwing the ball enough and did not like the direction the offense was going. The running backs at the time were Darren McFadden and Felix Jones.


Didn't do the Mustain family any good as he went from starting as a frosh on a good team and decided to transfer to USC where he never played and sat beind Matt Barkley.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
quote:
Originally posted by lhprhp:
Someone just this week told me about a situation at a D1 last year. The parents of a freshman walk-on were constantly contacting the coach about how good their son was, playing time, blah blah blah. Guess who's not on the roster this year?
Friend told me his son's college coach told all incoming freshman if parents contact him about position or playing time, just turn in your uniform.
CPLZCPLZ1,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by RJM:
quote:
Originally posted by lhprhp:
Someone just this week told me about a situation at a D1 last year. The parents of a freshman walk-on were constantly contacting the coach about how good their son was, playing time, blah blah blah. Guess who's not on the roster this year?
Friend told me his son's college coach told all incoming freshman if parents contact him about position or playing time, just turn in your uniform.


That's the most obvious of parental interference. There are more insidious examples. I've seen head coaches befriended by players parents where the player receives special treatment.
infielddadinfielddad10,000+ posts
go3,
In our experience, it might be better to formulate the question to when does it "stop being effective?"
In our experience with our son as both a player and now a coach, it really is up to the coach on how to handle parents who don't stop.
As a practical matter, though, this can work a couple of ways.
There can be parents who literally make jacka$$e$ of themselves. The way they conduct themselves comes close to the line or goes over the line to the point of offending the coaching staff, teammates and other parents. However, despite their actions, conduct and words, the coach will play their son because he "earned" the job and performs.
My view is most college coaches know and understand what is happening with the parent(most coaches have seen about everything) and they play the best 9. Our son has coached HS and college. My read on his perspective is that efforts by parents to "influence" exists to an extent in college. However, it is far less in college, far less effective with college coaches, and is more resisted by the players in college.
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
In my opinion - the best advice for the player who actually plays the game is to not worry about the question at all. Or to even think about it for that matter.

They should focus 100% of their attention on getting better - having fun - and hoping for the best.

Hit - run - catch - pitch and do what you can to help the team win.

The rest is just BS.
fanofgamefanofgame5,000+ posts
quote:
In my opinion - the best advice for the player who actually plays the game is to not worry about the question at all. Or to even think about it for that matter.

They should focus 100% of their attention on getting better - having fun - and hoping for the best.


I agree.Control what you can control and mentally learn to not even bring those thoughts in your head.It does no good and can actually be more of a hindrance.

Be the hardest worker,be the one who is always doing extra.Those things hardly go unnoticed.
Last edited by fanofgame
JMoffJMoff1,000+ posts
As the parent of a D1 Freshman, I can't think of a situation where I'd contact the coaching staff.

I sent him to college to get an education, which includes learning how to handle adult situations like an adult.

He understands the best players will be on the field, so the way to get on the field is to be one of the best players. This requires working hard, achieving the grades and performing on the field during fall ball. Enjoying it is integral to performance.

We'll see how successful he is in a couple of months. If he doesn't make the team, he needs to work harder or give it up and concentrate on the degree. It's that simple.

I've heard of parents of college graduates involving themselves in the job interview process, but I've never personally experienced it. If I'm interviewing some freshout who wants\needs his mommy there, it tells me he isn't ready to have a real job in the real world.

Parents need to let their kids grow up.
B baseballregie100+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by infielddad:
go3,
In our experience, it might be better to formulate the question to when does it "stop being effective?"
In our experience with our son as both a player and now a coach, it really is up to the coach on how to handle parents who don't stop.
As a practical matter, though, this can work a couple of ways.
There can be parents who literally make jacka$$e$ of themselves. The way they conduct themselves comes close to the line or goes over the line to the point of offending the coaching staff, teammates and other parents. However, despite their actions, conduct and words, the coach will play their son because he "earned" the job and performs.
My view is most college coaches know and understand what is happening with the parent(most coaches have seen about everything) and they play the best 9. Our son has coached HS and college. My read on his perspective is that efforts by parents to "influence" exists to an extent in college. However, it is far less in college, far less effective with college coaches, and is more resisted by the players in college.


Perfect answer!
CPLZCPLZ1,000+ posts
This thread really isn't about the way junior will handle it, because no matter what we think or advice we give, he is the one that has to survive in the locker room. He will handle it his way. When I saw it occurring, over the span of several years, most of the team saw it coming a mile away and shrugged their shoulders as foregone conclusion and moved on. It became a non issue to them.

As a parent, it angers, at least it did with me. I never said anything to anyone or showed one bit of emotion...until it was all over and everyone who could have been affected graduated. When my opinion of the situation could no longer have any impact, is when I let my feelings be known. I just let them know that what they did, didn't go unnoticed and that they shouldn't act so proud of their sons achievement of becoming Captain because it wasn't earned or voted on by his teammates, as had been the precedent, it was doled out by the HC like a patronage job at election headquarters. They didn't like what I had to say, and I didn't care. I must have done a good job hiding my true feelings because when confronted, their comment was, "I thought we were friends". They couldn't have been more wrong.

I worked very hard at publicly getting along with everyone, going along, and letting my son determine his own destiny without interference or help from me. When asked for counsel, it was offered, and other than that, being just another fan was my biggest job.
Last edited by CPLZ
go3go310+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by CPLZ:
This thread really isn't about the way junior will handle it, because no matter what we think or advice we give, he is the one that has to survive in the locker room. He will handle it his way. When I saw it occurring, over the span of several years, most of the team saw it coming a mile away and shrugged their shoulders as foregone conclusion and moved on. It became a non issue to them.

As a parent, it angers, at least it did with me. I never said anything to anyone or showed one bit of emotion...until it was all over and everyone who could have been affected graduated. When my opinion of the situation could no longer have any impact, is when I let my feelings be known. I just let them know that what they did, didn't go unnoticed and that they shouldn't act so proud of their sons achievement of becoming Captain because it wasn't earned or voted on by his teammates, as had been the precedent, it was doled out by the HC like a patronage job at election headquarters. They didn't like what I had to say, and I didn't care. I must have done a good job hiding my true feelings because when confronted, their comment was, "I thought we were friends". They couldn't have been more wrong.

I worked very hard at publicly getting along with everyone, going along, and letting my son determine his own destiny without interference or help from me. When asked for counsel, it was offered, and other than that, being just another fan was my biggest job.



Exactly. Junior is okay, because he doesn't know the backdoor ****. It's the parents that have to deal with the "those" parents.

I like the way you handled it and I will probably do something similar...

If I can hold out, that is :-)
bballmanbballman10,000+ posts
I've never understood this whole parent involvement thing. There have been times that my son has questioned position or place in the batting order and I always just told him he needed to play better or hit better and he would be moved up. In the case of position, there was only one time I saw politics involved. At 12, coach had promissed this other player that he would start at SS before the season even started. Everyone on the team knew my son was better and would say stuff to me. It was what it was. I didn't say anything to the coach - and I was an assistant coach. I just told my son to play the best he could at the position he was playing and don't worry about it. In terms of hitting, he had always been a streaky hitter. When he asked about hitting lower in the order, that's when I told him if he wants to hit higher in the order, he needs to hit better. He actually agreed with me.

Now that he is in his freshman year of college, I make it a point to not get involved in anything. I have to remind my wife about this as well. We even went to an event that the school was putting on for travel teams this past weekend. I almost didn't say hello to the coach, feeling kind of weird about it. I finally decided to go by and say hello. Chatted for a minute and broke it off letting him know I just wanted to say hey. Unless I bump into one of the coaches again, that will probably be my involvement with them. It's between my son and HIS coaches.
W Will1,000+ posts
Now we hear the complaints about parents who interfere? People only do what you let them to do. i am out of it for quite awhile. now I hear how coaches have meetings with the parents before the season starts. In todays climate it is a necessity. I was talking to a member of my first team 1975. We were talking about "the good old days" He mentioned the parent thing. Played the game. those parents who could make it came sat in the stands went home. Not until my last year did I have anything resembling a problem. Parent called AD. I was told to call back. He was upset because I sat his kid down. 1 time in 25 years. I was talking to a coach the other day and he said there a few that constantly e mailed him with their displeasure. Of course copies of such went to AD and others up the administrative ladder. All I can see is who needs that.

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