Advice on school visit

Gees...One of the reasons why you stay on campus with one of the baseball players is so that they can get to know you better...unfettered, without mom and dad around.

I can't imagine going to a school for an official visit and not staying with one of the potential teammates.
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Jeans and a clean t-shirt are the norm.

I suppose it does happen, however.

On #1 I would suggest he stay in the dorm. It really gives the player a good idea of what life at that college is like.

Dress code...I would say "school clothes" are fine unless there is a dinner...then maybe a dress shirt and slacks would be nice.

Have fun!

Very much agree with Beenthere and 123KMOM...your son should stay in the dorm with the players. He needs to do this to get a genuine feel for student/player life there and they need him to do that so they can get to know him and be confident that he has some independence.

luvbaseball ...

I would highly recommend he stay with the player(s). That is a great opportunity for him.

As for clothes ... we found that nice cargo pants (that fit ... not the bottom hanging variety) and a nice collared shirt were always appropriate.

Enjoy !!!

luvbaseball,
I'm with Beenthere on this. Part of the visit is allowing your son to interact with the players and to experience a little of the campus life. I have heard of players being exposed to some rather risqué parties on their visits. I say it’s better to understand what goes on at the college he’s visiting on the front end. Dress code? Let him select his own clothes. I’m sure he knows more about the college dress code than his parents. He should be fine as long as you’ve wasted a lot of money on brand names like AE, Old Navy, or AF.
Fungo

I agree with the above posters. Staying in the dorm not only lets your son know what to expect, but as I've heard is also a chance for the team to give a report back to the coach about how your son might fit in his plans. I've heard about more than one occasion where after the visit, the coaches cooled off on recruiting the player. Recruits who stay in the dorm but spend their waking hours on the phone back home to the girlfriend, etc. gets reported back to the coach.

#1-- why take the visit if he wants to stay with mommy and daddy and not the players who he will be playing with ???

#2-- as all the "old timers" on this site know I do not like the parents on the visit unless the coach specifically requests that they attend

#3 FrankF makes a GREAT point-- the players do report back to the coach/coaches with regard to the player--- why do you think the coach puts the recruit in a dorm with the players ?---

04--this the time when you son begins to cut the cord and develop into a mature young man.


As a newbie on the third post you may not know me but I have three boys play college ball so perhaps my experience can help you

I think all posters are on the same page. Both the recruited kid and the team players real colors come out when split from mom/dad and coach. Both sides can do an honest assessment. I know in my sons case a couple better programs were eliminated because of the stay with the team. Your sons comfort level many times is the determining factor in a school choice.

I really appreciate all your honest responses and advice. I am glad I asked...

If the option to stay with the team or a player is given, I'd say by all means to hang out with them...it will give him a look at the type of guys involved in the program.

Your son will also be watched as we learned...with reports back to the coaches.

It's a great time for your son to spread his wings and ask his own questions.

My husband did travel with son on a couple of the trips due to the distance and the fact that we connected them to game outings...but once at the school ...son was with the guys...

As far as dress, casual seems fine ....

One other aspect which is quite important

You are looking at them and they are looking at you but keep mind THEY have the final vote.

TR - Why don't you like the parents on the visit? Nearly all of the coaches that we dealt with very much wanted the parents on the visit...not it the dorms , but in town to meet and have dinner with, etc...

another thought ....I know hubby met up with coaches for dinner, and other planned activities...

one coach did ask all 3 of us, mom, dad and BK to come to their picnic and alumni game ...that was nice as well...and son joined the team in the dugout and spent time in weight room and with the guys, etc.

Luvbaseball,
I agree your son should stay in the dorm on his visit. It's a good time for the other players to get a feel for him, and vice versa. It will help him determine whether he'd fit in w/ the guys or not.
Mom &/or Dad should ALWAYS go in my opinion. I too would think the coach would rather the parents be there. Let's face it, some parents are a real P*i*t*a.......and wouldn't the coach want to know that upfront? But that aside, this IS a decision your son will most likely come to you for advice on, how can you help him if you haven't met the principles, or seen the school?
No coaches my son talked with wanted to talk with us UNTIL the visit. Then they were more than happy to have us included.

just

I did not feel that I had to be there on the 48 hour overnite--- I wanted my son to make the decision without me being there-- my son my sons AD and I talked about it at length--- I felt let him go for it--he is mature enough.

More a factor of "daddy not looking over his shoulder" than anything else

There was no real need for me to be there--none at all-- I did not go on any of his visits

Bottom line-- it all worked out well for him

I think TR is wrong on a couple of point here.

quote:

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I do not like the parents on the visit unless the coach specifically requests that they attend

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You (the parents) and your son are about to invest tens of thousands of dollars in your son's education, and depending on the school and your financial aid eligibility your bill may run above $100K over four years. At these prices you are entitled, and in my view obligated, to accompany your son on his visit.

The coaching staff will likely employ a divide & conquer strategy on you. A typical visit for the athlete will include class visits with a team member, meals in the cafeteria, meeting all of the baseball team members, tours of the campus, tour of the athletic facilities, watching a practice or scrimmage, etc... The parent portion of the visit will often include some evening time with a member of the coaching staff, athletic facilities tour, and the brief hello/goodbye meetings scheduled in the itinerary.

As a parent I think you should take advantage of any evening visit time you have with the coaches to ask the hard questions that your son won't think of, or will be uncomfortable asking. Many of those questions are listed on this site by Bob. Recruiting questions

On my son's visit I scheduled appointments with the Financial Aid Office and the Admissions Office. (Adding a dose of reality to the emotional high of the experience.) I also visited the departments in which my son had expressed interest in a degree major. I asked several questions about the feasibility of Varsity athletes succeeding on the field and in this specific major. In fact, I was fortunate enough to have met one of the post-grad profs who casually gave me 30 minutes of his time answering all sorts of questions about the school. When we returned home I was confident that if my son chose to enroll at this school that his baseball experience and his educational experiencce would be top rate. I could not be assured of this without accompanying my son on his visit.

quote:

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You are looking at them and they are looking at you but keep mind THEY have the final vote.

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This is also really not accurate. Both parties have a vote in this process. Some schools will contact you and you will politely decline their interest. You may contact some schools and learn that they have no interest in you. Eventually, the right schools & players match up in this courting dance and a 'marriage license' is signed in November or April. The honeymoon begins in the fall when all the freshman report to campus for matriculation. Hopefully, a satisfying 4-year marriage is experienced by the student athlete in both baseball and academic pursuits.

FWIW, put me in the majority that says have your son sleep in the dorm with his host.

I agree with all of the above.

However, I think the visits were more for my husband and I, they expected us to be there. We spent more time with the coaches than our son did!

If your son doesn't want to stay in the dorm, I would say it sends a signal not a team player.

dbgfan

How can I be wrong if it worked ????--- I explicitly said it worked for us

I am also talking of what happened 10 years ago when people thought differently--

HEY--it worked for us-- you can float your boat your way-- if it doesnt work and you need help you can call me-- no charge-- that is a fact

Tom Rizzi
800-782-3672
www.collegeselect.org

A dorm sleep over isn't always offered. Some schools just don't do it. Im sure there are schools where it is a big part of the visit. "You get to stay in our new super duper athletic dorm and eat in the jock chow line"

If it is something not comfortable, so be it. Don't worry about it.

Correct Dad04, on one visit he got his own hotel room, 3 floors up from ours!

True story...player is interested in a college, has a few conversations with the coach, things seem positive, coach invites player for a weekend, player does not drink and is worried that is all he will be surrounded with on his visit, parents share the same feeling...at the last minute parents decided to cancel the visit and use a family emergency excuse...player never visits overnight, recruiting process ends right there...he is now going 200 miles further away to essentially walk on at a comparable level program - coach never saw him play and spoke only to the mother (I am not kidding here)...anyhow, it brings up a good point about visits, college, etc...a lot of college social life revolves around booze...your son staying over night means there is a high chance he will be in a position to say yes or no...it is part of the letting go process and his maturing process to handle the situation and also get a read on how well he might fit in...

Perhaps a better way to handle this would have been to request a host whose first choice of socializing is not always a keg...

advisor

At some point in time parents have to trust their kids and what they have taught their kids---

You cannot have them holding on to the apron strings forever----


Do you have kids-- and if so how old?

Thats too bad. While a lot of college social life revolves around booze, it may not be that way on the baseball team, or the whole team, or the debate club, or the girls crew team (full rides all around), and to make that assumption and not give the kid the chance to handle that situation maturely is regrettable.

There is more drinking than in the rest of society but the stereotype of most of the student population binge drinking is incorrect.

I'm nearing 60 and I still don't drink alcohol.

All you have to say is no.

Had my godfather die of liver disease at 37 because of alcohol.

Remember when, as teens, went to the dunes and to the quarries with our friends and girlfriends...all the guys and most of the girls got drunk...except for old "jp"...I had the most "fun" because I remembered everything the next morning.

While I would agree that much of the college social scene revolves around some type of "drinking" environment/situation, you can still have more fun than you might imagine by just saying no!

Seven children with 4 having completed college and 3 more to go means I must have done something right.

Unfortunetly, drinking is a problem on every campus and baseball players are notorious for drnking more than they should, but this is not because they play baseball, but because this is COLLEGE, away from home and on your own. I could understand the parents concern, however, parents have to let go, let the player see for himself during a visit and then make determination if he fits in. This is part of the "right fit" we talk about on the HSBBW.
Parents, do know that the official visit is a test on how your child fits in. The coaches are very specific on what they expect their players to find out about a recruit. Are they going to go to parties, you bet. Are they going to be offered beer or liquor, you are right again. How your son HANDLES the situation,whether he drinks or not is the key. This is very common at the bigger schools. And if your child has been on a visit and led you to believe otherwise, well, they are probably afraid to let you in on the truth.

Sounds shocking, but true.

Wow, I never expected to get such a great response to my question. It's all so interesting. I wasn't concerned with how my son would handle a 'party' situation because he's presented with that decision all the time. In fact, I never even thought about that. It's good to have a 'heads up' though so that he'll be aware of what he may be presented with in this new environment where he doesn't know anyone.
Like most of you have said, it's all part of the experience and seeing if it's the 'right fit'. I can totally see how important his staying on campus is...and after reading all your posts, so does he.
Like I said, it's all new to us. Thanks for all your suggestions.

This is a great topic. Our son is currently arranging his official visits. All I'm doing is writing it in the datebook. We've discussed it and plan on sending him on the visits by himself. This about his decision and where he wants to live, play ball and learn for the next 4 years. We feel that we can ask the necessary questions over the phone. After talking with our son, we did ask his high school coach if he wanted to go with our son on visits. He's going to try to go on a couple were his schedule permits. Our reason behind this was that hs coach is around our son 8 hours a day at school and has known him on and off the baseball field for over three years. Coach will see things about different programs that us stupid parents wouldn't see. Our son is very close with his coach and confides in him a lot. Our son also has a level head an makes healthy decisions for himself.
But son will probably go on his own. I'm sure he'll do well. He's already been on some unofficial visits on his own across the country and all went well. He's focused and knows how to have fun without the alcohol. From what I hear alcohol is a pretty big problem in HS, so it's not really anything new in college.

lhp,
That's very nice that your son's HS coach might be able to go onthe visits with him. However, in the long run, he is not the one who will be subsidizing your son for the next 3-4 possibly 5 years. Besides, you need to consider all aspecs of the school environment, not just baseball, and you will learn alot. Your son will spend a whole lot of time at the baseball field, but it's the big picture in the long run.
I came back a whole lot smarter after our visits. He had invitations to about 7 schools, said yes to 5, only went on two. I think if we had not gone, he might still be contemplating his choice. It's going to become very confusing, trust me, and he will need your input. OV's can become very expensive, that is why you need to sit down and discuss each situation before he decides which to visit. JMO of course!

lhmom, I really can't imagine much value in having a hs baseball coach accompanying a player on a visit except to the hs coach -- establishing a relationship with the college for his future players -

as far as getting all your pertinent info over the phone -
1) sometimes you will hear what you want to hear
2) during the recruiting "courtship", negatives will be glossed over by the school
3) someone that has known your son 18 yrs/24-7 (you) could have valuable input in area's other than baseball - academics, campus geography, transportation, social, and finances etc -

hey - down the road will ya get to know your son's future wife & inlaws with a phone call?

Bee>
With all due respect, I am not a moron.
I also do my homework and I am fully aware of each little plus and minus regarding each school that my son is considering in this very important life decision.
All I'm saying is that my son is mature enough that I don't have to hold his hand to make this decision. He doesn't get blown away by all the bells and whistles and so far throughout this process he has maintained a very mature attitude and has discussed every aspect of the different programs he is considering.
Believe me, we know which schools are better academically, class size, talked with students or graduates, checked the rankings, grilled the coaches over the phone, asked people in the know the same questions we've asked the coaches.
I respect your opinion, but you have to understand that our particular situation could be quite different from yours and our sons could be quite different individuals.
We have gone on some unofficials with our son and he has gone on some unofficials without us. It's not like we're throwing him out the door as we drive by the airport saying,"Make a decision,boy, call you later." Open discussion and honest dialog is common in our home.
Besides, I really don't quite understand what a wife and in-laws has to do with official visits? I really found that comment a little rude and unecessary.He's too busy working on academics and baseball to even want to bother with a girlfriend now much less a wife.

Tiger Paw Mom:
Thank you very sound advice. These are all things that we have sat down and discussed as a family in great detail prior. All very valid points and your input is greatly appreciated. Since July 1, hectic is a good way to put it and son has already had to make some tough decisions regarding some excellent institutions with Class A coaches. It's tough but he has to decide on his best fit. So far everyone has been really nice to the kid.

LHP,
I don't think that Bee meant to insult your intelligence. I understand where she is coming from, especially sending your son's HS coach on an OFFICIAL visit without his parents. We spoke to the coaches all summer, every week. I learned more in a two day visit. There is a difference between unofficial and official, phone conversations. I felt enormous pressure myself on the official visit, and I know my son did as well. The way I saw it, they were willing to make a big investment in our son, they wanted to get to know us as well.
I don't know your situation, what type of schools your son will be visiting. Only you know your situation best. We are not experts,but been there done that, trying to offer some feedback to you.
I will repeat, as mature as my son is, I could not see him making a decision without us,between two schools, let alone 5 or more.
I understand what you are saying, but have to agree with Bee.

lhpmom, You are not alone. We also let our son go on his official visits by himself, and he is now entering his Junior year in College, and believe me, he made the right decision. I recieved some flak on this site about that decision, but it was the right decision.
Some kids are more mature than others at 17, and I guess some would be better off with their parents being on the visit.

Lhpmom,
I didn’t pick up on the “moron” aspect of Bee’s response. I think we understand that every situation is different but answers to questions on the HSBBW tend to be generic. Of course the analogy of the wife/coach was just an attempt by Bee to add a little humor. . . .I caught it. Why would he even use this analogy? Because the player, the coach, and the college become a very big part of your son’s life, and are similar to a wife and a marriage. Think about it, both have a courtship period, the ceremonial union, the promises each participant makes (vows), the trials and the tribulations, the high and the lows. I also think the national average duration of a marriage is somewhat comparable to the length of time it takes to earn a college degree.
On college visits: We went on the college visits with our son as I think most parents do. We didn't go for the purpose of selecting his college. He asked our opinions about the different schools, but he made the call. I think it was nothing more than mutual respect.
Fungo

BTIL,

I didn't realize you have SEVEN kids.

Man, you haven't just been there. You beenthereoverandoverandoverandover.........

I figured out what caused the kids and quit after two............

Should there be a school or two that you (meaning your son and you as parents) feel might be the front runners, I would encourage you to accompany him on those visits, if possible.

There will be a lot of questions and conversations relating to the entire experience that he'll need your help and support with. If you see his accommodation, you'll know better what and how much to send with him. Your interaction, and observation of his, with the coach will help with any concerns or reactions to the way they relate for the next four years. The size of the campus, the neighborhood, the infrastructure....it's all going to help you to understand and support your son through his decision as well as his college experience.

We had both of ours as recruited athletes and both made their college visits on their own. We did the homework on the schools and had numerous discussions with the coaches. Everything worked out fine. I think it is important to emphasize that as a parent you are walking a fine line in all of this. Certainly you are paying the tuition and costs but it is your son who is going to the school and it needs to be the place they feel is right for them. Need to make sure your son is picking the school that is right for them not the school they think you think is right for them. Not always easy for us as parents to recognize but we have great influence over our children even when we are not trying.

Jason chose his school and had a tremendous college career and is now enjoying pro ball. He made a great choice........of course, he has a smart Dad too.

bbscout: That's great to hear. I know my son will make the best decision for himself,too.

Yes, Fungo, I caught the humor in the statement, I have dry wit myself and I am just quite straightforward in my responses and address things as I see them, but I don't wish to involved with a sideshow. Sorry if it came off as hypersensitive, not meant that way.

The marriage analogy is appropriate and the exact reason why my son won't make any decisions based on "infatuation" immediately following the visit. No one in this house is taking this decision lightly.

Believe it or not, often times football coaches attend a visit with a player. I have also asked several people involved in the process from various different sides of the industry as to proper protocol. Averaged answers have been 50% of the kids have parents go and 50% go alone. I have also made it a point to discuss this with the coach of the schools he is visiting.

I think that it is best for my son to get to personally know the coaches. My son is excellent read of personalities and a good judge of compatability issues. I also understand that college baseball is a business and it's about the W/L and these recruiters are sophisticated. Which is why we do our homework. We are also looking at + and - in the education.

Regarding my lefty's hs coach. They have a very close and sincere relationship. Coach is very tough, very honest and he has been an excellent listener. He is very fair, he will get in the kid's face when he messes up and pat him on the butt when he does well. Coach hasn't tried to influence him in any way, he's just listened. My son is incredibly blessed to have such a dedicated teacher and coach. Coach is lefty, too.

So basically, for my kid, he'll be going alone or bringing his coach if his schedule allows.

This is the decision that we as a family have made and it is the best decision for us.

Maybe people will think we're weird, but that's okay we probably are weird.