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quote:
This may irk some but I am going to put it out there. If your son is not ready to talk to a college coach , not ready to at least have a conversation with him , he is not ready to play college baseball.

Coach, I have read many a thread by you and a ton of responses. You are well respected, and probably more knowledgeable then most. But that is just too big of a brush to use when making that statement. You may know many coaches and many players, but to say that about all players is unfair. Like you, I'm not here to ridicule or insult, but unless you know each and every kid being recruited and their situation, then that statement needs to be followed by a IMO! That is just my opinion. Cool

Okay, I'm ready for the wrath of the Coach May followers. Smile
Last edited by workinghard
quote:
I post this hoping to assist and help.


I thought we were all doing that. Do you feel a poster suggesting a parent should not make initial contact is helping ?
The verbiage about about interfering parents is a different topic. There are lots of reasons why a player can't talk to a coach. My son was extremely busy and all the coaches appreciated that fact. He practiced basketball at 5:30 every morning and played/practiced BB and BKTB. His day was just as demanding as college was. Coaches simply gave us a cell number to reach them at.
Frankly I am surprised people struggle with this.
A simple yes sir or no sir works pretty well. Do what you are told and things will work out. When I played, it was business and I didn't have many if any lengthy conversations with the staff, especially the head coach. No one here is suggesting you never say a word to a coach, we all know that's impossible. But if your talent says you can play college baseball, then your mouth doesn't have to say much IMO. And again Coach, not ridicule, just a healthy debate. Wink
Last edited by workinghard
Alot of kids can play. Its not hard for the coaches to ID the kids that can play. They are not concerned with a players ability to play for them once they are actually recruited them. If they didnt think they could play for them they wouldnt be recruiting them. It now becomes an issue of "Is this the type of kid we want in our program." IMO

Its kind of hard to figure that out if he wont communicate with them. Again , IMO.

"then that statement needs to be followed by a IMO!"
So IMO.

Bobble I am sure the coaches appreciated the fact your son was so busy he did not have the time to call them. Obviously it didnt hurt him.
Bobble you know I was talking about the recruiting process. Maybe you guys know of instances where a player was recruited, signed and attended a university to play college baseball and did not communicate at any point with the coaches. If so then fine. I am just not aware of any.

I dont think this conversation is going anywhere so I will bow out. Again like I said its JMO.
Coach you always give good advice and attempt to help others for the right reason. My son has done things differently than most. That includes getting several offers from coaches that only viewed his DVD,
He wasn't recruited by Southern schools in the normal way and that was probably due to the distance and he is a foreign student. (costs more). I follow over 100 players in US colleges and many I know personally. I also sit with parents of players who come back to attend local universities after their US stint is over. Most go to local D1s and JCs. A few go South like Jeff Cowan who was at UNC Asheville. I have Friends all over the US in several sports. Many in sports that recruiters come here to recruit. There are approximately 800 Canadians in US college BB. Most of them went the traditional route of showcases. We chose a less traditional route and we are very happy with the results. My son is in Wilmington NC waiting on his fiancé to graduate in the spring. Once she is finished he is going to accept a job offered to him a couple months ago.
Our experience is worth putting out there and I feel could encourage people to follow a less traditional example.
I agree with Coach May. I've been a hs coach and coached in college and have been in professional baseball and agree the parents should be able to contact coaches but some coaches get frustrated by parents that address issues that should be addressed by the player. The player is going through a growing up process and should be able to handle alot of the situations on his own. BUT I THINK EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL THE COLLEGE COACH FROM TIME TO TIME TO JUST CHECK ON THEIR SONS PROGRESS AND HAVE OPEN DIALOGUE WITH THE COACH. At the end of the day the player is your SON and the coaches PLAYER. Sons will always be more important than players. The answer to the question is just remember that your son is suppose to be making the transition from kid to adult and you should always be tasteful and use proper etiquete in talking to coaches and unless you go to EVERY practice and GAME playing time is OFF LIMITS.
quote:
Most coaches are going to want to talk to the parents. Especially once it gets down to crunch time. More than once my son was asked by the coaches to have me call them so we could discuss what they had just discussed so there was nothing lost in the translation of the conversation they had with my son.



Yep,thats how it gets done.
quote:
Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
BUT I THINK EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL THE COLLEGE COACH FROM TIME TO TIME TO JUST CHECK ON THEIR SONS PROGRESS AND HAVE OPEN DIALOGUE WITH THE COACH.


Nope, not for me. That's overstepping the bounds of the parent/coach relationship. I would never call my sons coach and ask for a progress report. If I want to know that, I'll talk to my son. I believe that with a good many coaches, they won't appreciate it either.

Besides exchanging pleasantries, a conversation or two about NCAA basketball, or the coach complimenting my son to us, the only meaningful dialogue I have had with my sons coach since he arrived on campus was when he needed surgery. At that point the coach was right there for us. Beyond that, I would personally consider meddling in his work.
I agree.

It's funny when I think back The former coach at my son's college was a very warm and friendly Southern gentleman. One of my friends who's son went there was extremely close to him and still after 7 years still talks to him on the phone. I also knew him and would probably had a good relation with him. He was part of the reason we looked at the college. Unfortunately he was fired the year before my son went.
I think that you have to judge by the coach to some degree but I would never interfere with the coach or ask about my son's progress. Once the recruiting was done my part was done as well.
I encountered some very friendly coaches who loved to talk BB. They were often honored that you liked their program and showed interest.
You do have to be careful not to over sell your son but even that is not usually a deal killer. I also don't agree with not talking about your son's accomplishments. Isn't that what it is all about. In our case my son was never seen other than on a DVD. You just have to know the threshold that a coach will appreciate.
MTB,
As I read your initial post, and prior ones, my impression is you are asking whether it is okay to call/talk to DIII coaches.
My view is yes.
DIII coaches are always interested in finding players that can help their team, contribute to their program and who fit academically.
What I would propose needs to be the focus, and think has not yet been mentioned in this thread, is how to make the contact present something for the coach and how to use this thread as an opportunity for your son. What is the opportunity for each of them? That has to be part of this discussion, in my view.
While you may have done this, I think it would be very important for you and your son to have a very complete discussion about college, college baseball, what it is like, relationships, relationship building and what these next few years will be like.
Hopefully, from this thread, you can help your son see the opportunity for him. There is the opportunity created for him for college. There are opportunities created as a college student/athlete/baseball player. Finally, there are opportunities to expand his relationships and the people who impact him and he can impact.
I understand BHD's view, which is everything turned out great for his son.
However, there are two sides to this relationship that can span period of 4-5 years.
Coaches take a "risk" every time they recruit a player. If they don't do their due diligence, and they don't win, they don't have a job.
The fact that your son isn't getting much response yet from DIII's isn't saying much at all, in my view. If a DIII coach is already calling, it is because he has seen a players and really identified him as a prospect he wants.
If they are not responding much, it is not yet a big deal at DIII. Most have not even started their recruiting.
They know it is usually a waste of time and their limited budget resources to be sending letters, emails and calling until the DI and DII pictures are more clear for potential recruits. They know the vast majority of players are focused on DI. DIII's have to wait until reality enters the picture, which is later in the Fall.
Our son was a recruiting coordinator last year at a DIII. His work on recruiting did not really start until late October. Until then, they were working to identify players they wanted to recruit.
I will also disclose that the least effective, most ineffective way for the parent to contact the coach was to make it appear the parent was the player. Happened too often.
As I said, as a parent contacting a coach, I would recommend you look at identifying what is in this for a coach. We need to remember that he has a boss, too.
Coaches who are successful know what it takes in recruiting. They will not recruit in ways they know, or have seen, are not successful and which result in coaches losing their job.
As with everything, there will be coaches who may not respond well to a parent as the first contact. Others won't care..so long as there is something there and your son does the follow up.
From our experience, Coach May is correct in describing the ongoing communication that occurs over that coach/athlete relationship. Clearly, some posts show others are different and that also needs to be considered.
During his college career and in the years since he graduated, our son talked with his college coach about baseball, about life and just about everything in between. They are very close personal friends. That friendship got generated in the Summer of 1999 at the beginning of the recruiting relationship at the Stanford Camp. It will likely continue, for many, many years into the future.
Good luck to you and your son.
Thanks for asking great questions. Hopefully you will continue to do so and will receive responses that you can use an apply for the next several months to help support your son and make a difference for him at the next steps.
quote:
Originally posted by MTBaseballDad:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster. .....

However, given sons reluctance to call, would it be a total disaster if Dad contacts the coaches and explains the situation?


I am of the opinion that it's ok for the parents to open (and close) the recruiting contact process.

Thus, I am in disagreement with what your heard w/r to the recipe diaster.

I also have the opinion the young man or woman would do most of the work in the execution of the process, once he/she understand what the process is.

And yes, ultimately the decision is the child's.
At big time programs in football, basketball, and baseball coaches recruit players and their parents. They tell them that they are going to be taking care of there kids while they are making the transition from kid to young man. Coaches are human beings and think it is normal for a parent to have a genuine sincere interest in there kids progress while in most cases miles away at school. In my five years coaching in JUCO the parent-coach conversations were common place. The best college coach of all time Skip Bertman would make a point to contact parents to give them updates on there kids. BUT MAYBE HE DID ALOT OF STUFF LIKE THAT AND THATS WHY HE IS THE BEST EVER. Always remember that your kids are not professionals while in college and they are not adults yet. The growing up process is still in order and your involvement can include conversations with the college coaches. If I had a son you could bet your last dollar that the coach would here from me from time to time.
Bobblehead-I also agree with what you are saying but it sounds like to me that your son was mature for his age and handled his business rather successfully. I understand alot of parents feel as though that they are being a coaches dream by staying out of the picture but that is not the case in most situations. It's up to each set of parents but my advice would be that a phone call per semester never hurts. In know way am I referring to you but alot of parents in their kids college career at one time or another tell themselves "If I would have only known". I coached a kid in JUCO named John Odom-If you don't know who he is just google John Odom-Baseball.
quote:
Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
I do have a daughter that is an all-american softball player though and she has a coach and I do talk to him.


Ryan,
You're pretty heavy handed with that absolutes. "Best Coach of all time", "EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL", "At big time programs".

I disagree to varying degrees with each of those comments and it seems they are founded out of lack of a fully rounded experience.

Just because you talk to your daughters college softball coach doesn't mean you should advise, "EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL". Instead, perhaps you could tell of the frequency and nature of the calls you have placed to your daughters college coach and share your experience. That would seem much more beneficial than blanket statements about what every parent should do, who is the absolute best, and what all big time programs do.
Last edited by CPLZ
Think of this as a "teachable moment". Baseball isn't just a great sport to play (and watch!). Being on a baseball team (or making a team) builds character, teaches discipline and prepares kids for life.

My son overcame his shyness to talk to the coach and it changed everything for him. He is one of those kids that arrives early and stays late, never misses a game or practice, and is out there helping rebuild the field on Saturdays. He was an average pitcher at the time yet sat on the bench his entire Freshman year of high school. It took some work(ok, ALOT of work!), but we finally convinced him to speak up and talk to the coach. All he had to do was ask the coach what he could do better to get in the games and the coach started to put him in. Having success with speaking up gave him the courage to then let coach know that he was ready and wanted to be put into tough situations (he's a reliever). His Junior year he lead his championship team in appearances and saves! We believe the coach was looking for courage and bravery off the field before he put someone on the mound. This was a valuable lesson for our son that will no doubt carry with him beyond baseball.

My story is about playing time and we all know that parents shouldn't talk to coaches about playing time. But it can be applied to all aspects of baseball. If you don't ask you don't get. From what we've heard, college ball is a pretty heavy experience even for the boldest of kids. Helping him overcome this shyness may not only make him stand out to a coach (and possibly be the difference for making a team), it could pave the way for him to take ownership for his own personal safety and success.
Last edited by Leftysidearmom
The Truth is my son was like an old man right out of the womb. He would have been furious with us if we talked with the coach.
When I dropped him off at college his freshman year he wanted to be on his own with the players. His sister, wife and I spent a couple days touring Charleston on our own. We dropped by his dorm to say goodbye. Yup catch you later. Trust me he didn't want us there and we saw he was having the time of his life.
TRs thread on being prepared was interesting. My son had a team that prepared him well. His workout program was a full blown college program. Academically the only concern was missing classes witch bothered him. As far as talking to coaches he would be upset if we did even before college.
I negotiated the package and only talked to the coach in person when I dropped him off for a few moments.
One comment my son made was he couldn't believe the guys who were throwing up during the workouts in 105% August heat.
CPLZ-For starters it is my opinion that every parent should call, That is my opinion. Secondly, I made a comment about Skip Bertman but he is the best coach in our time. Thirdly, My point about big time programs is this-If a big time program can do in terms of communication with parents then the smaller programs should have know problem following suit.
Every parent should call the coach! Don't be the guy to act real concerned when something does happen and call the coach for the first time when he's a junior and act real concerned.
Just another opinion...

I would never call a coach to ask how my son was doing. However, I might just "happen" to be around that coach at some point and see what I could learn.

If we are being entirely honest, how would we react as a coach. We are trying to make a decision regarding two players for our last bit of scholarship money. For the sake of argument, lets say the two players are equal in athletic and academic ability.

Dad 1. Dad calls coach constantly and tells coach he will be calling regularly to check up on how son is doing.

Dad 2. Dad tells coach he will be following from a distance and here is my number if you ever need to talk to me about anything. I will always make myself available to talk to you, but will not be bothering you with phone calls.

If I'm the coach, Dad 1 would scare me into thinking I will have many discussions, especially if things don't go well for his son. Dad 2 would make me feel comfortable that he has confidence in both me and his son to handle most every situation.

I would be leaning towards Dad and Son #2.

It is great if the coach calls parents on "his own time" and keeps them informed. Often coaches will talk to parents when they see them and the time is right. Not many coaches want parents who will call them at any time to discuss things. Some would define those type parents as "High Maintenance".

To take this a step farther, each year there are many high school kids who enter pro baseball. Should the parents of these young kids call the coach to talk about their son and see how he is doing?

If a parent feels the need to talk to their sons coach on a frequent basis, I would recommend keeping son very close to home so you can watch everything up close. Or send him to the college where the coach promises to call you frequently with updates on your son. Or send him to a coach who you know very well and would speak to anyway.

Once again, these are just my opinions, take it for what it is worth. It certainly isn't meant to disrespect or disregard any other person's opinions.

IMO most coaches do not usually want to talk to parents but they will if they feel they have to. Usually parents are contacted if the coach feels the parent can help in certain situations. To carry on frequent conversations with 35 parents would take too much time away from more important things... Like coaching the baseball team.
To add... I've been in the situation of getting calls from parents. Most of the time I would not consider these calls as being important. However it is important to be polite and show respect to the parents of your players. Often these discussions get very difficult to end. Many times the parent wants to BS about things that sometime include telling stories about their son and how wonderful he is. At times I've felt that I was on the receiving end of a sales pitch. I have considered some parents as being "high maintenance".

The problem with "high maintenance" parents is that they don't know they are "high maintenance" because very few coaches would ever tell them that they are. So they just stay that way!

There's a time and a place to talk if it is necessary. And yes there can be things that are urgent. The coach should respect you and you should respect him and understand his time is very valuable. Constant calling just shows that you lack confidence in your son or you lack confidence in the coach. It doesn't show that you just care a lot, coaches already know that parents care a lot!
Since My son has entered college, and stepped foot onto the campus.
And he is a Redshirt Senior now.
I have talked to the Head Coach exactly 0 times.
Outside of an occasional nod of the head, our wave.
And I can count those on one hand.
But I do know of players parent's that did talk to the coaches.
And those players are no longer playing on that team??

If my Son can't handle his own business, Whats he doing in college?

EH
For the parents that want to know if it's ok to call a coach from time to time to check on your son-Yes it is. Most of the opinions that I'm reading just don't understand what I'm saying. I'm not saying to call everyday or even once a week or even once a month. But do check in over the course of the semester at least once if you see fit. I know this site has alot of people that are really searching for sound information and the different opinions give different views. I'm not saying my opinions are right and anyone else's are wrong. But thats what I believe is proper etiquette from being a player, coach, scout, etc. Great Dialoque with alot of differnet opinions that all have some value.
quote:
Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
For the parents that want to know if it's ok to call a coach from time to time to check on your son-Yes it is.


This is a great example of the absolutes in which you speak, Ryan. This statement encourages every parent to call their sons coach and check in. This implies that every coach welcomes those calls. I don't think you understand that someone can take your advice here, and ignorantly damage their relationship with the coach as a result.

If you believe that's true, it's evidence that you don't have enough experience to be handing out such guidance, especially with such absolute conviction.

The fact that several other posters, including a former coach, have disagreed with your assessment (albeit more diplomatically than I), shows that you aren't listening.

You could say things like, in my experience having dealt with some very good coaches, and your opinion would then carry some validity.

I don't think I can make it any more clear than that, so with nothing more to add, it's time to for me to bow out of this discussion.
Last edited by CPLZ
Ryan,
I'm sure there's parents that have talked to coaches and even my son's coach with no harm done.
Just for me it's best that I stay out of any conversation with a coach, unless called upon by the coach or my son.
My son was very shy in HS, And I talked alot for him early on.
But I figured he needs to stand up for himself now, and take more responsibility.
We as parents can't be there for them to hold there hand at this age.

JMHO

EH
Lots of interesting opinions and advice here for sure. But backing up to the original post, relating to recruiting, not when son is already in a program -- and this may sound really, terribly, ignorant -- What would typically be the content of a phone call or email? I mean, beyond "I'm interested in playing baseball at your school; I have the grades; and I believe I have the skills". Are there particular things a kid should ask about or say? I realize every case is different. But if my son is receiving letters requesting he fill out the questionnaire, is a follow-up by him to the coach recommended? If he has serious interest in a school that hasn't requested info, what should his approach be?
Don't mean to hijack -- sorry if you feel these questions have been answered. I just can't find the more specific info beyond "call or email". To say what?
Thanks
I wouldn't ever call my son's college coach to check on his baseball progress. That is between my son and the coach.

I wouldn't hesitate to call his coach about an academic issue, or about a difficulty he might have in adjusting to college life, or something like that.

His coach said he has an open phone line for any calls on these topics, but as far as baseball development and progress, playing time, other such things - don't call. Not our business.

And that is something I agree with 100%
quote:
Originally posted by emeraldvlly:
Lots of interesting opinions and advice here for sure. But backing up to the original post, relating to recruiting, not when son is already in a program -- and this may sound really, terribly, ignorant -- What would typically be the content of a phone call or email? I mean, beyond "I'm interested in playing baseball at your school; I have the grades; and I believe I have the skills". Are there particular things a kid should ask about or say? I realize every case is different. But if my son is receiving letters requesting he fill out the questionnaire, is a follow-up by him to the coach recommended? If he has serious interest in a school that hasn't requested info, what should his approach be?
Don't mean to hijack -- sorry if you feel these questions have been answered. I just can't find the more specific info beyond "call or email". To say what?
Thanks


Coaches often have a hard time figuring out who has genuine interest in their program, who's keeping them on the hook as a backup option, and where they stand in the recruiting process. Not much different from the recruits side.

So to answer your questions, yes, your son should be contacting any coach, questionnaire or not, to let him know that his program is where he wants to wind up. Coaches need that expression of interest, it helps them whittle down their list and expend efforts on the proper recruits.

Things recruits can talk about with the coach...
Is the position I play a recruiting priority for you this year?
Have you had the opportunity to view the DVD I sent?
Do you think, based on what you know of me, that I have the potential to be a productive player in your program?

Hey, coaches are very good at conversation, your son won't have to search for what to say, the coach'll help plenty.

Best of luck.
Last edited by CPLZ
OK, here me out on this...

Your kid enlists...Would you call your sons' commanding officer once every 4-6 mo?

Your kids goes to work at a "job"...Would you call his employer every once in awhile to check on Little Johnnys' next pay raise?

My son is a senior this year. I make 2 trips a year to see him play, Houston & New Orleans.
I said "thank you" to coach when he graciously came to my sons' father's funeral last year. I thank him for being "there" for my son, for the great support network, and letting instructors know what happened.
Unless it is an extraordinary circunstance, I see no need to call or email my sons' coach.
Besides, it would embarrass my son.
Let him be the man you have raised him to be.

My 2 cents.
Last edited by baseballmom

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