How to deal with son deciding not to pursue college baseball

Can you comment on his current state of mind as it relates to his senior season of baseball - is he still excited to play?  Also, has there been any talk of alternative plans for college without baseball?  Does he have any specific academic goals that he wants to pursue or has his recent decision placed him back in square one on the college front?

Pardon me for the harshness of this post but tell your son to either get over the disappointment and get to work or give him a hug and tell him you're proud of him for being a fine young man who is going to concentrate on academics and give up baseball.  So one coach doesn't like him because he didn't hit the ball hard enough or far enough.  Honestly, when I read your post and saw he only hit one out my first thought was this school isn't going to offer or at best drag it out hoping someone else steps up for them.  

If he lets this one disappointment stop him then he probably didn't want it and / or wouldn't make it but it's something he can learn from.  Get back to work, showcase this winter, knock on proverbial doors with his coaches help and have a great Senior year.

Good luck to him.

First college baseball is hard -  really really hard. Most here who have not seen their kids play college ball don't really understand how hard it is.

It takes incredible passion and unending drive in the face of all kinds of disappointments that they have to work through to actually play. All you have to do is search through the website and except for a few really lucky ones, most of the old timers here who  have seen their kids play college ball have stories of disappointments and them having to overcome them. Now to your son.

College baseball is not for everyone. If he does not have the drive to work through one work out disappointment, frankly he will not make it in college. My son's priorities were 1) Academics 2) Baseball 3) Nothing else as he did not have the time. If your son is not 110% committed to this then this may be the best decision he has ever made, even though it disappoints you. It has to be HIS passion, not yours. If I were you I would continue to support and help him through the short period of disappointment and see how it goes in the rest of the fall season. If HE really wants to play there is plenty of time. (mine did not sign until May 1st of his Sr year) 

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to you and your boy. 

Tribal,

Welcome to the site.  I didn't see your original post but this issue comes up for many and the answers can help not just you and your son but others as well.  So, I would encourage keeping the thread going and re-posting or re-wording your opening post however you feel comfortable.

This is a really honest, open post Tribal - I commend you for that.

Your son is experiencing what many, many players experience.  There isn't much unusual here, but your honesty in talking about it is more unusual than not.

Encourage, encourage strongly, but don't push or shove your agenda.  He will either come out of it and give it 110%, or he won't.

As for the kid who showed well at a showcase - this does indeed happen.  One of the things that showcases measure is raw abilities.  Velocity, speed, power.  A little more of a projection than recent performance in HS/travel games.  There are lots of kids who are stars in all the different HS sports, but may not project well for college.  If you're a football fan, think of the projections there regarding size and speed....think of the book/movie "The Blind Side" and you'll get what I mean.

The thing showcases don't measure as well are desire, commitment...heart, and performance under game pressure when it means something.  These are tough to measure...good college coaches find ways to figure these things out.  I know nothing about your son, but perhaps if he has these things...his HS and/or travel coach can be an active partner in explaining this is the situation your son finds himself in...and maybe they can help in generating interest based on these intangibles?  Our younger son was the beneficiary of exactly this type of help.

Good luck!!

I dealt with this last year.  2016 had a few nice opportunities to play and he was starting to be indecisive... I asked him why that was...  he said he was second guessing weather he wanted a full time job (college athlete) while being a college student and not being able to be involved in a frat, and finally have down time to hang out and get involved in other things when he's not studying.

When I heard this, it was obvious he wasn't happy and baseball had come to an end.  I want my kid to be happy and move on with other opportunities.  This was a release for me as well, there is more to life than just baseball.   We had been working together with his baseball since he was 7....

I now had more time to think about other things: golf and skiing.

Qualifier: I still have one more kid playing (2018), so I'm only half out of baseball.  But his decision forced me to wake up and consider baseball is phasing out.

My 2016 is loving college... doing well as a student, involved in a frat, and involved with business school activities...  Son made the right decision for himself.  

(Edited to add note that because you deleted your original post your situation may have been different than mine....)

Tribal, thanks for your post. I can only imagine how hard it is to watch his disappointment. I suggest you let him digest this and flush it. Ask him to take a gutcheck inventory and honestly evaluate why he plays/has played and list pros/cons. Alot of kids face this point, some earlier and others later...when they've actually make it to college ball and cannot go on for whatever reason. I'm a big fan or letting the situation breathe and go with the mindset of closing door/another opens. If he thinks he's good enough and committed, he can always walk on and compete to settle it once and for all.

Best of luck to you and your son.  

Tribal - I did read your original post.  As a father I feel for you especially from the perspective that baseball may open some doors for your son that he may not ordinarily have access to.  You've received some excellent advice and thoughts from other posters as it relates to college baseball and disappointment. 

College baseball is chock full of disappointment, and learning how to overcome it will really test his will.  Your son was feeling a lot of recruiting pressure and it sounds like he reached his limit.  I would try to "reset" with him and encourage him not to give up if this is something he really wants.  If he is fortunate to find a college baseball opportunity there is a strong possibility further disappointment lies ahead, but also tremendous reward. 

Good luck, and let us know how we can help.

Somewhat related, and i didn't see original post, so this may be off topic. My daughter danced since she was 3. She was on her high school dance team and loved it. But as we started looking at colleges, I kept looking at schools where she would continue to dance. We talked about careers that would incorporate dance and her other loves.

Part way through her senior year, though, she said no. After graduation, she was done.

It was hard on me, but now she's a sophomore in college, still very physically active, but loving doing all the non-dance things she couldn't do while devoted to this one activity.

In the end, raising kids is about them finding their passions and their loves. As parents, we have to paste on a smile and hide how much we miss recitals, games, and all that goes with it.

Seeing her thrive is making it easier.

Tribal  -   my heart goes out to you.   Just wanted to say that.   I have a 25 year old son & a 13 year old son.   Been through this before.  25 year old is doing great now, he didn't play any sports in college (other than some club rugby and a lot of weightlifting, the dude is built like a tank) and wanted to focus on academics and fun.   He is thriving now, in grad school and doing great.   Most importantly he is healthy & happy.

I have no idea how far my 13 year old will go in Baseball.  For all I know he's going to be done with Baseball at 15.  It is his choice.   From what I've seen it is pretty clear he'll be good enough to play in high school even if he doesn't work at it much from here on out.   Again I'll repeat: it is his choice, his life.

My main objective is to teach him to work extremely hard at the things he is passionate about.   Right now that is Baseball.  For all I know at 16 it'll be acting, or playing guitar, or playing Volleyball, or maybe it'll still be Baseball.   The main thing to me is that the kid is learning the value of hard work

My 2017 son, a lefty hitting catcher more-or-less has given up chasing the dream of college baseball. I was hoping he'd be tall, athletic, and strong, but he only got 2 of 3. He got the 5'10" gene that I got from my Dad. I also hoped he'd grow to be a good person with a strong mind and fine grades. He's got all that too. I feel pretty blessed.

So, after year-round baseball for many years, lessons, travel, showcases, my son was just about to get an offer to play for a really great in-state D3 baseball program. But the school is really small. In the end, he could probably play at many D3 schools but he wants, really wants, the big D1 in-state experience and that won't include college baseball (club is another story to unfold). He just applied early decision at my Alma Mater Virginia Tech. He's also an avid mountain biker and hiker so I really hope he gets in (I think he's got a pretty good shot). Sure, I feel some pangs of regret, but as long as he does not we're set.

Batty67 - I grew up in Blacksburg, my father was an alum and professor at VT.  Doesn't get much better than Va. Tech for college. I hope that works out - good luck!!  

The music is going to stop for all ballplayers at some point.  When it does stop, if the player can look back and say he did everything he could to get to where he wanted to go but came up short of his dream(whatever dream it was), there should be peace when it ends.  He did all could but the talent ran out.  It happens to all players not named David Ortiz or Derek Jeter.  The ballplayers that take that approach are typically the ones that love the game the rest of their lives because they appreciate how damn hard the game really is and have a true respect for those that possess the necessary skills to continue playing. Those guys are the ones that end up passing along their passion for the game to their kids. 

Tribal - all i can say is, you will get over the baseball part, what you won't get over is missing your son as you let go.

Good luck!

Funny, haven't been on here awhile and I saw this thread. 2016 attending the college of his choice (D3), all set for baseball to begin when he texted me day before fall practices that he didn't think he wanted to play anymore. After a short phone call where I explained that it was ultimately his decision, he decided that playing college baseball wasn't what he wanted anymore (though I heard about it forever).

At first I was kind of, I'm not sure if sad or disappointed are the right words but that's probably best descriptions. But it's his life, he loves college, he's become more and more involved in bodybuilding and fitness, is focused on a career in law enforcement and he's still a great kid, and above all my son.

So I finally realized it's not about me. I will miss seeing him play. Of that I have no doubt. 

I will say this and I don't mean it to sound shitty...I'm must being honest.  If your son isn't 110% totally committed to playing baseball in college....DON'T!!!   He'll never make it and end up unhappy and regretting his decision. My son grew up with nothing else in mind than playing D1 college baseball.  When he was 4'0, 65 lbs in 4th grade, he was playing against kids that were 5'2, 100+....he looked like their baby brother.  He still wanted to play.  When he was 5'2 and maybe 100 lbs entering HS he still wanted to play. The day he committed the summer after his junior year....he was ecstatic...and carried that same thought thru til he got to college.  2 days before the year-end meeting with his coaches after his freshman year, he had decided he was done....and was prepared to tell them.  It was a grind....he wasn't having any fun....his team wasn't good....and it was just way more than he had ever expected.  As it turns out, a couple great conversations over the next few days changed his mind....one with a friend who was a year older who had gone thru the exact same thing after his freshman year and one with friend/former coach who played 4 years of D1 and basically told him "every freshman feels like that".  He decided to stick it out....and is glad he did.  He rededicated himself.....had an unbelievable summer and has had the best fall of any pitcher on their staff.  He's having fun....and loving baseball again.

I guess my point is.....if a kid who knew what he wanted, was completely dedicated to it from 9U thru HS and was absolutely thrilled about taking on the challenge decided it wasn't going to work, the chances of a kid who's not sure to start with making it thru is probably somewhere close to zero.   Don't mean to sound harsh but the turnover in college is crazy...even among kids who you thought had no chance of leaving....no matter how much you know or think you know going in, it's nothing compared to what it actually takes to make it thru a season/school year.   Good luck to your son, whatever his future brings.

Tribal - I sent you a PM

Tribal posted:

 ... bottom line is he's a legit player that has a few disappointments.... they are real disappointments in his eyes and that's all that counts ..

...I am glad to see someone say that their son didn't sign til May, because that is what I am being told now, coaches are always looking to upgrade their teams. So part one is the not giving up part because and would like to hear anything regarding this. ...

... (yes I do realize committing to a college doesn't mean you will actually play). I'd also like to hear anything about this.

 

 You ask specifically about not giving up, being late in the recruiting process...

Of the last six players we have sent on to play in college from our HS program, only one committed before his senior season.  Each player from this group looks poised to finish playing four years of college baseball - one D3 just graduated, two are college seniors D2/NAIA, one a D2 college junior, one a promising D1 sophomore and the other, a fairly heavily recruited D1 freshman.  Three of them went the JC route and transferred.  Needless to say, there were many disappointments during the recruiting process (that they didn't sign sooner) for most of them.  Persistence, desire and faith in his abilities (even when he is struggling to show his best) will help your son reach his goal.  It is not too late.

You also ask to hear about committing to college and not necessarily playing...  

There are many here who can tell you first hand stories with their sons.  My son went the JC route and, due to injuries, went through three different years of tryouts at that level where the average number of players trying out was about 90 for about 30 roster spots.  The majority were all-league or better in HS.  Each year, roughly 2/3 were sent home for good.  Ten more rarely saw the field.  When son transferred to D2, he went into the fall as a preferred walk-on after an all-conference year at a strong SoCal JC but came in listed as 9th on the depth chart of OF's.  He clawed his way up to 3rd/4th to earn a spot on the roster and decent playing time.  There were 20+ other similarly skilled and decorated players who didn't make the roster or never saw much PT.  I never did this math before but, by the end of his college playing career this May, he will have seen over 200 teammates get cut or quit.  

There was another OF that came out of our HS that broke school and league records for hits, BA and stolen bases, was a very hard worker, 6.6 speed, solid student and "settled" to play at an NAIA for academic reasons.  He didn't see regular playing time there until his junior year.  He had earned his way up the ladder sooner, only to see mid-year transfers brought in to play ahead of him.

Everyone that has been around the college game will have plenty of these stories to tell.

There must be a willingness, a mindset, to constantly push through disappointments and setbacks.  And, then, expect more to come.  

BOF posted:

First college baseball is hard -  really really hard. Most here who have not seen their kids play college ball don't really understand how hard it is.

I wish I could give this a thousand likes.  College baseball is hard.  It's certainly not easy.  If it was everyone would do it.  As it is only one in 10 that play HS ball play at the college level (JuCO, NAIA, D1, D2 or D3).

Tribal -

FWIW - my son wasn't offered and didn't commit (to a JuCo) until May of his senior year.  He actually signed on the night of the district championship.

On top of that imagine his shock when he sees 50+ players at the first practice.  He could have quit right there.  He saw it as a challenge.  He did well enough in practice to earn a starting spot in the lineup (DH) even though he was recruited as a 1B.  His sophomore year he earned the starting spot at 1B though on occasion the coach had him at 3B, DH or OF.

He played well enough to be noticed by several D3's and a few D2's.  A D2 eventually made him a nice offer which he accepted and earned a starting spot there as well.  He went on to earn JuCo Regional recognition and conference/regional awards at the D2 level.

There are going to be challenges in HS and college baseball just as there are challenges in life.

And once a college student-athlete, it's like having two full time jobs.  First as a college student and then as an athlete.  You'll find if you read enough of these threads, college athletes have very long days - even in the off season.  Days start well before sun up and go well beyond sunset.  My son's days typically started at 4 am and lasted until 10 pm when he finally hit the sack.  That included early morning workouts, then class, quick snack if he was lucky, practice, dinner and then classwork.

I do know the feeling of disappointment.  Despite having a great baseball season at the D2 university, his scholarship was not renewed (grades slipped).  At that point he decided to hang up his cleats even though the coach still wanted him.  We couldn't afford to send him there without the scholarship aid.  It was tough for us to accept, but it was his decision.  We had been watching him play for 15 years.  I still don't look at a baseball field without some pangs.  Looking back, I would do again.  It was a great 15 years.  Probably the best I experienced.

As to your son's disappointments, about all you can do is to encourage him to pick himself up, dust off and try again (if he so chooses).  We all get knocked down at some point.  Those that persevere often go far (even if it isn't baseball).  Remember, baseball is all about managing failure - much like life.

PS - my son went back to JuCo, earned his Associates and is currently working on his Bachelor's at another university.  No, baseball isn't part of the equation anymore, but the challenges he had in baseball helped prepare him for the challenges in life.  And yes, his mother and I still love him.

Batty67 posted:

....................

So, after year-round baseball for many years, lessons, travel, showcases, my son was just about to get an offer to play for a really great in-state D3 baseball program. But the school is really small. In the end, he could probably play at many D3 schools but he wants, really wants, the big D1 in-state experience and that won't include college baseball (club is another story to unfold). He just applied early decision at my Alma Mater Virginia Tech. He's also an avid mountain biker and hiker so I really hope he gets in (I think he's got a pretty good shot). Sure, I feel some pangs of regret, but as long as he does not we're set.

Batty67,

My middle son took the same non-baseball & ED path a few years ago and he will graduate from VT Engineering this Spring with a job/career from a well known company in the Commonwealth.  Previously he was involved in travel, showcases, High School and Legion baseball with D3 offers.  It was the right decision for him, and he has never looked back.  As you know, VT and others like it have so much to offer in the way of activities, internships, and weekend sporting events.  You'll get over those pangs of regret quickly.

Good luck with his ED application.

Thanks Fenway South! Agreed. I really hope my son gets accepted ED at Virginia Tech. VT is light years harder to get accepted than it was when I entered the VTCC in Fall 1985. But my son's grades and SATs are much better than mine were.

I think he's got at least a decent shot. Hoping for the best...

Same experience here just a different sport. My youngest was a very good wrestler. He gave up baseball after his hs freshman year to focus on wrestling. His senior year he did get interest in from sever smaller D3 wrestling programs. He even was invited up to Michigan as a walk on. But he wanted the large college experience. so the D3's were out. He was realistic of his chances of ever wrestling at Michigan, he was going to be a body in the room. (wrestling parents will understand) He was not interested in that. He is interested in engineering, so he applied to 3 very good engineering colleges. OSU, Purdue and Michigan. When he saw the price tag on each, he chose OSU. I was disappointed to see wrestling end for him (and Me), except for the 12 hour wrestling tournaments (to see your kid wrestle 3 or 4 matches. But it was the right decision for him.  He spends the time he would have been in the wrestling room, studying, the weight room or playing basketball. 

College sports are not for everyone. And I have no issue with anyone who decides not to chase that dream. It can be tough, on us parents, but it never changes how I feel about my sons. 

I coached a stud catcher one year.  I had a half dozen D-Is interested in him and of them four were hot after him.  He hit a double his last at bat his junior year and while walking over after the game ended, I commented that he will have a tough decision to make after summer ball was over.  He looked at me and said he just made a decision that he is not going to play in college.  He said it hurt too much to have it end and so, he would play his senior year and be done.  I was caught off guard.  He had a tremendous senior year and has never played since.  He is a Doctor now and so, he did just fine. 

Tribal posted:

This is the way things go - over the summer I saw texts from a college coach to his summer coach saying he was looking at 25 pct from this school plus academics..then that went to no money available, to no spot available, OK fine.. then 3 months later out of the blue, he contacts my son for his grades, gets his hopes up again, said he would call that week. Son reached out twice, he said he was going to call both times, never did. 3 weeks later sends email saying no spots after no contact. I don't get these guys. Why would you do that to a kid?? 

Good post, sounds like a rough ride.  Maybe not the greatest communicator or relationship builder.

Does this sound familiar?

I met this girl, she smiled at me.  Saw her again the next weekend, we talked, she gave me her number said we should get together sometime.  I called her, she didn't answer, I left a message.  Two months later she called and said I was the guy she was looking for all her life.  We agreed to meet.  She didn't show up.  (or reverse the he/she)

I suspect there is another guy!

I didnt see the original post, but thought I would chime in some.  My 2017 made the decision back in Jan/Feb of his Jr year that he did not want to play in college.  I went through a lot of what you probably feeling, some shock, some disappointment, but in the end acceptance.  The major thing you need to come to terms with is, its his path in life and his decision.  At the time my son made his decision he was starting to hear from mid-D1 schools (Big 10, MAC, etc).  After spending time talking with him (and listening to him, not judging) it became very evident that his path did not include playing college baseball.  He wanted a more "normal" college experience at a Big 10/SEC type school.  The ability to go to Football and Basketball games, party on the weekends, join a frat, etc.  These are some of the things that athletes need to give up in college.  I can say his not wanting to play in college has actually been good for our relationship.  He has loosened up and we talk about a lot of different things.  Its no longer about running to the next practice/training/workout session.  We always talked about stuff other then baseball, but now we still talk about baseball (his last HS season is coming up) but we have more time to discuss and do other stuff. 

I will say, if your son is good enough, his decision to not play baseball may not shut all the doors.  My son is still receiving contact from schools.  One of the D1's that was after him, followed up the other day to make sure he did not change his mind.  Another D1 school, that he had not previous contact with, emailed him the other day as they "have a few open spots for his class".  Apparently these schools are still looking to fill some holes in his recruiting class.  Also a lot of the D3's are now contacting him as well.  

I guess you can never say it is over until your son picks his school, puts down the deposit, and then shows up in the Fall of 2017 with no intent to play baseball for the college (hopefully he will consider playing club ball as a hobby).  Maybe he has a great senior season and the team wins and he starts thinking about it again.  Or maybe he really has made up his mind and never goes back.

This thread is a reminder to those of us that do have kids focused on playing in college that it does not fit every kid.  But the one thing I always mention to my son's friends who are good enough to play a sport in college but decide not to is that they do not realize now what it means when it is over.  I gave up baseball in high school to focus on basketball, and then gave up a chance to play D3 basketball in college.  I've regretted both decisions my whole life.  Intramurals is not the same.  17 year old kids just do not have the life perspective to understand how limited the window is in their life to play a sport for their school.  I wonder if some of these kids will someday wish they had decided differently and played through college. 

I would tell any kid that wasn't all in that he made the right decision to not play in college. I don't care what level we are talking about. This might irk some folks but the fact is college baseball for the majority of young men is simply a grind. It is hard. It is demanding. There is a ton of work and time put in for a few moments of joy. Unless you are hell bent and determined to accomplish the goal do something else. He will be fine. Come on its not life and death. It is a game. Regret? Just remember for everything you didn't do there is something you did. Just make sure that what you did was worth missing what you didn't do. That will take care of the regrets.

Once again awesome advice from Coach May. 

Tribal:

my oldest son played a year in college then hung it up.  It was really hard on me for a while as I could not "fix" it for him.  I wondered what I could have done differently to set him up better for college baseball.  Then, one day he was home and we talked through it.  He told me face to face that he enjoyed the time we spent together in the game, but he just didn't want to play anymore.  That made it ok for me to also let go of the game.  He said he was happy without baseball and that lifted the weight off my shoulders, a weight I put there myself.

notex2 posted:

Tribal:

my oldest son played a year in college then hung it up.  It was really hard on me for a while as I could not "fix" it for him.  I wondered what I could have done differently to set him up better for college baseball.  Then, one day he was home and we talked through it.  He told me face to face that he enjoyed the time we spent together in the game, but he just didn't want to play anymore.  That made it ok for me to also let go of the game.  He said he was happy without baseball and that lifted the weight off my shoulders, a weight I put there myself.

Great post, I have similar thoughts right now, thank you.

Batty, your son's story reminds me of a 2009 player I knew quite well who was in that very same situation -- chased by D3's, but really wanted to attend VT and just wasn't an ACC caliber player.  Well, he went there and played for VT's club team, and I can't tell you how many times he was just bursting at the seams to talk about the experience.  They have a very strong club program there, and the experience is often much more social and not quite as much of a grind on the players.  Your son may want to check out that option.

I would also echo the comments of those who emphasize how hard it is to play college baseball and that it's not for every player, nor even every talented player.  You have to want the life that goes with the commitment.  Not everyone does.

We've had players in our program who reached the pinnacle from a recruiting standpoint -- even one who played one year at UVA -- who then discovered that the reality of what they had signed up for was not as enjoyable as they had expected.  I'm talking about super talented players who discovered that playing baseball as a job is a whole lot different than playing it as a fun extra-curricular thing.  (There's also the adjustment to life as a player who is not as dominant at that level as he was at the earlier levels.  Batting .500+ is a joy, slogging through a .225 season can feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.)  This is a point we try to emphasize at the outset for players in our program, but for some, no amount of talk gets the point across; they have to experience it to realize how they truly feel.

One of my uncles was a big high school basketball star.  DePaul offered him a scholarship back in the early 1960's.  He didn't want it.  He chose to attend another school, sans basketball.  Had he taken the offer, he would've played for a national champion, and from there who knows.  I asked him once if he regretted his decision.  He said, not at all.  "I never wanted that life."

That wasn't how I would've felt about it, but we all have to remember that just because someone is talented doesn't mean they think the way we might expect.  And there's no reason why someone should have to live a life they don't enjoy just because they were talented.

If that were the case, I'd have 40 years as a nightclub singer under my belt, just like my brother.  He has enjoyed that ride, but it would've made me totally miserable! 

Update on my son who decided a few months ago not to pursue college baseball. He has been accepted to the 4 colleges he applied to. 3 private schools, all 3 gave him from $18,000 to $26,000 academic scholarship $$. 1 was a Presidential Scholarship.   We have 1 more to apply to a Patriot League school.  He will have lots of opportunities to study abroad. At one school the tour guide was a senior soccer player and he said his 1 regret was not being able to study abroad due to his soccer schedule.  That clinched my sons decision knowing that he made the right decision.     Baseball is going to end someday for most of these kids and the trials and tribulations of going through the recruiting process with coaches who play games calling, not calling etc etc etc. best wishes to everyone going through the process.   

My son hung them up after a year.  A year in which he played pretty well and after a summer in which he played really well and worked really hard to get better.   These things happen. 

 He and I talked a lot about it over the Thanksgiving Holiday and I better  understand his frame of mind.  

He tells me it started after the first  team meeting,  coach basically said, you guys are here for two reasons -- to go to class and to play baseball.  That just didn't feel right to him anymore.   And given how competitive his program is, how hard players drive each other, how many new players were brought in,  etc. etc.   he asked  himself two questions:   Do I have the talent to compete.  He said he is convinced that the answer is yes  -- although he didn't kid himself that the competition would be easy or that he would dominate the competition.  But he does believe that he was "in"  the competition.   But the  second question is what got him.  "Do I have the will and the desire to compete?"   The answer to that one, he had to admit,  was no.  He simply could no longer muster the desire to do what he knew it would take.   He's at peace.  It happens. 

Big difference between college and HS baseball,  I think, is that a stellar HS school player, even if he goes through some hard times, is living at home, with an everyday support group, playing with guys he's probably been friends with and played travel ball with for a fair number of years.  He knows his place,  knows the younger kids coming up and how he stacks against them, knows where he stands with his coaches.... 

In college,  you come in competing against a bunch of guys  who you don't already know, who you may not even like,  who basically want to relegate you to the bench,  playing for a coach who may start out with certain expectations of you, but will drop you like a hot potato if you don't meet or exceed his expectations and maybe even if you do if somebody better comes along, since he is ALWAYS in the market for an upgrade.  And you're dealing with all this ON YOUR OWN at the same time as you're dealing wit all the other stuff that you have to deal with in college -- which is mostly way more  demanding than dealing with high school.

It takes a helluva a lot of focus, discipline,  maturity and commitment to cope and thrive in that environment.  Lack any of them,  and, well....   

This has been a great thread for everyone to read the different experiences of kids who go through the soul searching about playing college baseball.  It sounds like a number of kids decided at some point that it was not right for them.  Some kids figure that out at age 17 and no doubt it saves a lot of stress and anxiety compared to the kids who make the decision after seeing what the life is like as a college baseball player and then decide they do not want it.  Hopefully they make the decision with the understanding that life only goes forward and they cannot go backward and have the opportunity to do it over.  We can all do the best we can to prepare our sons to get into a position where they could play college baseball, but at the end of the day, it is their life and their wishes we must respect if they decide it is not the life they want. 

Agreed Backstop. This thread has brought on several thoughts.... I played a different sport in college, but I remember the exact time and place when it donned on me freshman year in college that one major difference between HS and D1 college sports was that in HS, my coach was getting paid a minimal stipend to coach above his normal teaching pay grade, while my college coach was there to coach only and was paid to win... period.  His job depended on it. In conjunction with realizing that there was going to be continuous competition each year for roster spots and playing time, and the expectation of continually bringing it at all times for 4 years, it was easy to figure out each year who would remain and who would go. I saw great talent fade away because they couldn't compete each and every day, make 6 am weights, and/or forego parties to keep eligible.

Above and beyond talent, it takes a very determined and committed individual to play and stick at the collegiate level. I think many are setting the goal of getting to college. That's only half the battle. I'm here to say that getting a school or coach to provide you the privilege to participate in college athletics is the much easier part of the equation than actually enduring and thriving while there. 

I need a good cathartic exercise right about now as this topic is especially close to home. 

The background:  I've coached my son since he was 5 years old playing tee ball. Coached his little league teams and all star teams. Coached a group of boys (including my son) from 10U through 14U travel ball. Have a whole shelf of trophies from those kids. 5 of them are currently playing D1. 3 more went JC and two of those signed early LOI a couple weeks ago to play D1. Two more of those kids are at D2 schools. I was lucky, had good parents, and great kids who all had the desire. The kid that just signed his LOI to a top 25 D1 could barely walk and chew gum at 10 years old.  It's been great following them since that time through HS, college, and summer leagues. At 15 I turned my son over to the scout teams, but I still coached his HS team in the fall, and 5 more of those kids are playing lower level college baseball. This may come off as braggadocio, but what I want to convey is how deep I am into this.  I loved every minute of it (well, most of it).  

Back to my kid. As you might have guessed, he's the other JC kid who hasn't signed yet.  It's quite a long story. he was the kid that hit 2-3 and played SS his whole life, and that includes the HS and scout teams I had nothing to do with . But he was young and smaller for his school age, and didn't get a lot of offers out of HS. He also started to hang out with a couple kids on the HS team that were bad news. I'll get to that later. So he went JC. Had a great fall and coach got him into the TX league. Started spring off horribly, there was a lot of competition obviously and playing time the next game could be determined by your last AB. Didn't handle the pressure, and had a horrible first half of the season. Due to an injury, started last half of season every game at SS and hit over .325 during that time. Knee was bothering him starting about half way through season as well. Went to TX, found his love for game again and was an all star and led team in just about every offensive category except BA and SB.  Two of his teammates from there are playing pro ball now. By end of season, he could hardly walk. Tried playing fall games, and did well enough that he had a few 4-year offers, but knee wasn't working. MRI showed a partial tear of the patella tendon. Major knee surgery. Medical redshirt. No baseball, started hanging back out with the loser friends and doing a lot of things he shouldn't. Grades went to crap (kid got a 3.75 in HS and I don't think I ever saw him study). Attitude went to crap. Then this past April he...meets a girl...

Fully rehabbed by May he plays summer ball again in a lessor league and again makes the all star team. Has had a great fall, but only a couple NAIA and D2 offers.  His coach is still very optimistic about his opportunity with a good season this spring.  He and the girl have become serious. She has been a blessing in that she got him away from the loser friends and he has his academic drive back. He always wanted to be a doctor, and he's getting his associates as an EMT this fall with the highest grade in the class. He's retaking the classes he failed this spring to hopefully get into a good nursing school next fall.  But he's in love, and moving away to play baseball doesn't fit into the GF (and her parents) plans for them. So, he will likely hang them up after this spring regardless of opportunity. He says he's decided that his calling is helping people, not baseball. He says he's at peace with it. I totally respect that, while only partially believing it.  But it's his life. It's hard to hide my disappointment, but I try, and the fact that he knows what he wants to do in life is what I hang my hat on.  Love him and proud of him, but I'd like to have seen how far he could go athletically. 

Not gonna lie, I'm likely going to miss it way more than him. 

Coyote: Thanks for sharing. Great post! 2019 just recently committed to play D1 and we are thrilled to have that process covered or so we hope! But we now have 3 seasons of high school baseball to get through before the day and all the things covered in your post make me concerned! At the moment son is a great kid with good grades good friends and an amazing passion for the game, but lots of potential pitfalls ahead, the one I fear most is the girls!lol So far no problems there, but he's a 6'2" goodlookin kid so I'm sure when he starts driving in 5 months all that is subject to change. It's great your son is locked in on a career path beyond baseball....at 15 mine is still struggling to figure that one out. As we start down the road towards college ball I have given thoughts to the day when this is all over, and I'm sure it will be really tough. Good luck to you and your son, sounds like he is headed for a great life! I still feel like when I look back on my athletic life I could've gone farther but didn't have the help and support to take me there so I try to give that to my son so he doesn't have regrets like me....sounds like you've done that for your son too! 

RKBH posted:

Update on my son who decided a few months ago not to pursue college baseball. He has been accepted to the 4 colleges he applied to. 3 private schools, all 3 gave him from $18,000 to $26,000 academic scholarship $$. 1 was a Presidential Scholarship.   We have 1 more to apply to a Patriot League school.  He will have lots of opportunities to study abroad. At one school the tour guide was a senior soccer player and he said his 1 regret was not being able to study abroad due to his soccer schedule.  That clinched my sons decision knowing that he made the right decision.     Baseball is going to end someday for most of these kids and the trials and tribulations of going through the recruiting process with coaches who play games calling, not calling etc etc etc. best wishes to everyone going through the process.   

Similar thing with my son, who decided not to play college baseball.  Very high GPA and a good (high 20's, just could not get over the hump to 30), but not great, ACT score.  Accepted at all the college's he applied to and has been offered around $20,000 to $30,000 in academic money to attend all the schools he's applied to.  He made his college choice the first day of his Sr. year as he received an acceptance to his #1 choice along with a good scholarship offer, with some more to come according to the school.  Funny thing is, this is the only school where the baseball coach flat out told him that there is no room for him on their team.  Anyway, not worrying about the baseball recruiting stuff and having his college picked at the start of his Sr. year has allowed him to really relax and have some fun this year.