Parental Involvement

quote:

I tell them "what a shame it would be to be middle aged and wonder how good you really could have been if you'd just given it your best effort".

CPLZ, that is similar to what my husband (who is very un-pushy) has said the few times he has thought that a small "kick in the butt" was needed. I agree!

The more parents involved, the better kids do.

How many of us have old school mate's that were very good athlete's.
If driven a little harder could of become great athlete's.
And then you see them year's later talking about glory day's.
And I could of, should of, would of, Statement's.

That's what I explained to my son about the age of 15/16.
Don't look back and say I could have.
Just do your best, And you can live with that.
No Regret's
EH

I have given that speech every year to my players and every year of my childrens life. "When you get old like me and you can not play anymore. What will you say when you look in the mirror? Will you be able to look in the mirror and know that you gave it your best shot? Will you look in the mirror and be able to say that you did the best you could do? If you can do that then you will have peace of mind and you will have no regrets. If you can not you will always wonder what could have been. And that is worse than any failure you could ever had on the field". If your going to do something then do it with all your heart. If you can not do it with all your heart find something you can do with all your heart. I have always told my kids I dont care if they are bus drivers , carpenters , ball players or whatever. Find something you have a passion for and you love to do. Then you will never have to go to work. You will be doing what you love to do and that folks is not work. JMO

Coach May, you are so right!

Kids can be different. My older boy is very focused and driven toward success on the ballfield. My younger boy wants to be good but sometimes takes some prodding to do the things it takes to succeed. I tell him each year, "Look, if you want to stop playing ball that's fine, but if you decide to play you're going to work hard and do it right."

I'll admit at the younger ages I may have "pushed" a little too hard to help them succeed. I think I got caught up in the culture of youth baseball. As they've aged I've adjusted and backed off because I know at the high school level meddling parents are one of the primary reasons kids get cut. I've also reasoned with myself that it's time to let them become men and handle it themselves.

Like PG said, we make mistakes as parents. And as PBone so eloquently illustrated, so long as we love our kids and stay involved in their lives we can forgive ourselves.

" It's a balancing act, to provide the opportunities but make sure the kid chose the dream, and still wants it for himself. "

Good point MN-Mom!!

Being a military mom of three, most of the time when the kids were little, I was running to the field by myself with three kiddo's in tow, doing just that, providing the opportunities and the necessities, and unfortunately not a heck of alot more.

Perhaps it was a blessing that I was dashing around in circles between ball fields with usually a little one screaming for more nachos and wanting to dig in the dirt. Didn't leave alot of time to hover in one direction.

Was able to watch from afar, ( there was always a sigh of relief when I could stand between two ball fields and watch if by an act of God and with the planets aligned just right, the boys had games around the same time frame! Ohhhhh what a good, rare day that was!! ) making sure they had the equipment needed, and I was simply there at the end of the game to give hugs & a ride home.

One mom,...three kids and a deployed dad. Ya just do what you can do.

At the time I never thought of it as a blessing. It irritated me, I wanted to be more involved and wanted to be there all the time, including every practice. It didnt happen.

Threw the ball with my sons some,..but was I doing enough? Did I know enough? Was I throwing hard enough? Was I involved enough? Did they have the same advantage as the boys who fathers were there?
Doubts. Doubts. Doubts.


Then one day, it happened.
Standing in the hot son, on a dusty windy day, spilled sippy cup down the front of my shirt, with little one in tow, both son's names were announced on the All Star team. I stood shocked with proud, proud tears, knowing that it was their sweat, blood, tears, and committment that had made this happen. I simply washed their uniforms and brought the team snacks.
Next I needed to find the nearest ice cream parlor and sew the patches on.

The kids are growing up. One has left home and now I actually have time to sit in the stand and micro manage every single solitary thing that happens on the field, down to the positioning of the player's hats and the color coordination of their uniforms. If you asked me, I bet I could have told you the color of the home plate umpire's eyes & just exactly how many teeth he had missin'!!
Who knew anyone could be so insane and so addicted,..but I am! ha! Learned my lesson after my son's freshman Varsity year,...must move to outfield and duct tape mouth shut! ha!
Who knew I could feel such nerveous heart palpatations for a pitcher whom I didn't even give birth to???? Lordy!

At the highschool and showcase level, I've been a mom in a highly dad supported world. I've watched and I've listened. It seems pretty simple to me. The dad's are there because they love their son's. The mom's are there for the same reason.


I especially enjoy observing the grandparents in the stands. They are most of the time, my hero's. They usually seem to be their grandson's heros too and pillars of strength emotionally. I like to watch and learn from them. I hope one day to have their passion with such grace.

One parents approach might be different from anothers, ( truthfully, one might be personally more annoying to me than another's too- ha!) , one parent might be in addendance 24/7, another parent might be informed of a win/loss by phone. Who am I to criticize or judge? They are the parents, doing what they think is best for their child. Too involved, not involved enough? Who am I to say? We are parents and we are there doing the best we can with what we know.

As RZ1 said:

quote:

The kids provide the passion, and as parent we provide the opportunities and enjoy the ride.

I'd say thats pretty darn good advice.

Basball provides an opportunity for us to bond. Its up to the individuals to decide how tight or how loose. We make mistakes. We're parents. We learn.

If we listen, our children will tell us how we are doing,...if we listen.

SSM,
I feel your Passion for the game.
Your doing a great job.
Keep it up.
All kids should be so lucky to have a mom that cares so much.
EH

"At the highschool and showcase level, I've been a mom in a highly dad supported world."

I hear you SSM! Me, too, though not because of the military, but the nature of hubby's job takes him away from us frequently.

Story #1: When son was in 3rd grade he was playing fall and spring ball, and summer allstars. His elementary teacher was terribly concerned when she learned this and one day when I was in the classroom she asked me about it. Then with a pained/sympathetic look on her face, kneeled down and asked son if playing that much baseball was OK with him, or did he want to do something else sometimes(hinting that maybe we were pushing him and not allowing him to explore other things.) He stared at her like she might need medication and said, "No! Why would I want to do something else if I like baseball better than anything? Sheesh!"


Another story: son wanted/needed to throw recently and Dad was gone, so I took him to the park with my glove. After about 20 minutes my hand was bruised(I must not have good technique or a good enough glove) and so I decided to stand behind the fence and hold the glove out as a target. The fence was getting pounded, but a dad was there with his older son (a senior) and a teammate in the batting cages and they spotted us. The dad turned out to be the fall coach of our biggest rival, didn't know my rising freshman son, but when he found out, hesitated only for one second before taking over the field and including my boy in the workout. He called yesterday to see if son wanted to join them again at the park. Baseball folks are often the NICEST people.

I have two sons, a senior and a freshman in HS, with VERY different personalities and what each seemed to need from me, in terms of "involvement," was vastly different.

My eldest actually "prodded" ME...constantly wanting to play catch, have me hit him fly balls/grounders, go to the batting cage, etc. If I was unavailable, he'd work in the yard with the net/tee. He's a student of the game, very technique/finesse-oriented and, over time, he developed his own style of play (smooth, polished, graceful) and the discipline to work on what was needed. Now, in the latter stages of high school, my role's reduced to that of supportive spectator. Last November he signed his early NLI.

My youngest is probably the better "natural" athlete. He's been bigger, stronger, faster than his brother was at every stage of life. As they said about "Bullet Bob Hayes" (that "he never ran a race, he beat it to death"), my youngest has never been consumed by notions of technique/finesse and is more of a "grip it and rip it" sort. Although he's very competitive, wants (almost needs) to be good, he's not yet developed the knowledge of the game, the knowledge of himself, or the discipline necessary to take himself there. Hence, I "prod" him and, at least for the time being, he seems content to rely on me for direction/reminders... more so than my older son did. I'm now way more "involved" with him and suspect that will be the case until the "light" comes on.

My role with each of my sons (and varying degrees of involvement), has been the result of trial and error, evolved over time and, predictably, will continue to change. Did/do I make mistakes? Sure! Did/do I over/understep with them? You bet, and not just with sports! I'm still learning to be a parent but, so far, they seem to trust that I have their best interests at heart.

Depends on the situation really. My son at 9 years old was a die-hard basketball player. Absolutely loved it and was always at the courts. One day we were walking to the basketball courts and they were having a baseball registration going on. The guy was persistent on having my son sing up for baseball. The son turned to the guy and says, " baseball is too hard! I love Basketball!". Needless to say I signed him up that season. On this season my son played RF for an inning or two and batted last in the lineup. He had a blast with this team and even though he didn't get his first hit until the 9th game of the season he made countless friends and loved it!

Fast Forward to 5 years later. The guy that signed my kid up is one of my closest friends and my son is now a Freshman for his HighSchool on the JV team. He is batting leadoff and playing 2b/CF. In between these 5 years we have travelled plenty and waited on a bill just so he can get that Lesson or Camp to attend. I look back at it now and just smile. We were involved and really involed when we knew he had a gift. That gift was playing baseball....

I agree, parents should be involved.Providing that the child want's to play baseball or ? I think it is just fine to put a little extra push on the kids.In the long run it shows hard work will be rewarded and they don't have the wrath of being on the team for the wrong kind of parent involvment(money, league officials kid or whatever....).
My kid didn't mind me pushing him a little harder. Usually it was at practice time one on one though.
Not an example of all my practices, one time I think my kid was 13 we were at the field at night all other players and coaches had left and we were working on pitching/hitting. He was doing something, I was correcting it , he was saying he was doing it and soon we were just chewing each other out. Soon he was hitting the ball back up the middle on purpose , I was tossing a little inside now and then,we were connecting as a dad and kid should, well ? Most kids and dads probably didn't talk like that to each other (It was in the name of love though). Well we thought we were alone and after a good debate and a good practice we noticed a family sitting on the stairs ,Dad,mom, 2 kids and a dog just watching us. We looked at each other and just smiled. We were not sure what to think and as we walked by them, we politely said hi and have a good evening. The next day my kid was ready for us to go and do some hitting again. We still laugh about that night. I am not sure how that dad explained our practice to his kids.

lclcoach:
My son and I have expereinced somewhat fo the same thing when he was younger. We too laugh about it today.

Wow! This thread really hits home...literally. Our family has been the subject of many conversations amongst the relatives. They think we are wacky! My wife and I think we are just doing our job as parents...Every thing we tell our in-laws has been said by the rest of you. Yes!!! We are not alone!!!

However, as passionate as my kids are about their respective sports, they too need to be reminded that their goals are only attainable through hard work. I have a personal mantra that I use in business and at home and that is "The Harder You Work, The Easier It Gets". There is no substitute for hard work...I think people by nature will always try to look for a shortcut...or an excuse...or an alternative justification...that's why every business has managers, supervisors, foremen, etc to make sure that the employess stay focused on the job at hand. We do this because the old saying "When the cat's away..." is unfortunately a reality in most all businesses...
At home we also need to communicate to our children and help them decide what THEY want to be when they grow up and help manage that goal for them until they are able to manage that goal themselves...even then, they still need our support and above all our love to help them get there. While their goal now is pretty sport and education centric, after all of the sports and education have ended..they hopefully will have a great base and benchmark of what it is like to be in the real world.

New poster, but reader for several years. Obviously from my screen name, I am a mom. I too, believe parental involvement, support or whatever you choose to refer it as, is important in all aspects of a child's life. My son's father died when he was 3 and his sister was 5. Even though I remarried soon and there was a father in the picture, my son was very reluctant for many years to give his heart to his new father. Even though his father coached him, I was the one who played catch every night in the hall, the one who had to watch him every time he had a pitching lession, the one who he looked for in the stands at every game and the only one he would accept criticism from. After he stopped his pitching lessons, we continued on our own with his father catching and me instructing (and no I have never pitched, but I did attend every lesson once a week for four years -- sounds like a Holiday Inn commerical). I always made sure when we went to the park, no one was around. During his junior year we were working and a father of a college player saw us. Naturally, he had a comment to make, but we just carried on and ignored him. The college parent has since become a big fan of mine now that he understands my relationship with my son. My point in this whole post is to say that every child's parental relationship is their own and should not be compared or judged but enjoyed. We all need a little nudge, guideance and support at some point in our lives.

Southernmom:
Welcome and