Parents and College Coaches

What do you want to talk to him about?

The former school my son was committed to, was really great about keeping up with not only my son but with my wife and I also. The assistant coach that recruited my son would give me a ring every few months to just say hi and check in with us. Always asked if we needed anything from him or the other coaches. He would make it a point to come and sit with us in the stands when he came to watch my son play. We also had a great relationship with the head coach. Anytime we came to watch a game, or we were at an event that he was also at, he would make time to come over and say hi and ask how we were doing. Before games he would come to the fence and have a short conversation with us. Since he followed not only my son on social media, but us as well, he often asked trips we had posted pics of. Loved the relationship we had with that staff.

Many programs have meet and greet luncheons or dinners to welcome incoming players and their parents.

IMO the most successful programs out there are those that consider everyone part of the programs family.

You should not be afraid to introduce yourself to the coaching staff. They should be available upon move in day.

They are real people too and honestly they don't bite.

For my 2020 outside of visit and offer, never contacted the coach. He reached out to a parent each season to act as "team mom" and he'd provide here with team details asa needed.

Sometimes after home games there would be some small talk, but that's it.

2022's HC is much "social" it seems. Met with parents in the fall during official visit, and probably spent at least 30 minutes with each family.

That said, I don't think I'd ever contact either.

It’s appropriate to talk to a college coach if your son sustains an injury. Or if there is a family emergency/situation that calls for an adult conversation. Beyond that you had better read the room. Most coaches don’t want unnecessary contact with parents. There are occasional exceptions. But generally speaking the environment varies by division. With D3 being the most relaxed and D1 being the least. A D3 coach is more likely to have general conversation with a parent than a D1 coach. JuCo coaches are all over the board. Old school coaches are less likely to talk than younger guys. This is a gross generalization but it’s pretty accurate.

@Francis7 posted:

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The question is - should there be contact between parents and the coach? Is that the norm? I'm thinking that the coach doesn't want to know who I am. But, at the same time, I don't want to insult him by never saying a word to him for 4 years.

What is/was your experience?

My experience was that we introduced ourselves freshman year then quickly faded into the background.  By attending games, the coaches knew who we were.   Contact beyond "hello" was always on their terms because that is what my son wanted.  Once in a blue moon, we'd have an extended in person conversation on a road trip or a home stand.   Those conversations were never about the team or any baseball operations.  The conversations were typically about family and people we knew in common.

At the beginning of every year or prior to the first conference series, the HC would arrange for one of the player families (or alumni) to sponsor a dinner at their house or country club.   Those dinners were the times that I really got to know the people working with my son every day, specifically his pitching coach.   My son worshipped that guy. 

Again, just my experience.  Best of luck to your son in the coming weeks!

W

@PABaseball posted:

What do you want to talk to him about?

Really nothing. No questions, etc. The others have hit him up with questions on housing and schedules and things like that. But, literally, I have nothing to say or ask and we deal with the school for things related to school. More so, I'm guess I am wondering what do we do when it starts? Just stay in the shadows? If he's standing in front of us at some time in the future, should we reintroduce ourselves? I would think yes...but maybe even that's not advisable?

The question the Coach would ask me. "when can you throw BP"?

Bob

@Consultant posted:

The question the Coach would ask me. "when can you throw BP"?

Bob

I get that one all the time as well.

I use "I am contacting your coach to get answers" as a threat to get him get off his ass and get his college punch list items done. I think my wife is hacking into his school email to look for any outstanding items. I really thought we would be past these tactics at this stage of his life.

Back on topic, I have not gone beyond hello with his coaches and have no plans to go further unless they initiate the small talk. I am ready not to talk to the other parents too, just the ones who join me in the outfield fence.

I remember each encounter with the coach …

1) Before committing, the campus visit.

2) I nearly died my son’s redshirt freshman year. The coach walked over and said hello when I finally showed up for a game in May. He complimented my son on how well he handled the situation emotionally.

3) The next year the coach approached me about something my son didn’t tell me. He outscored some of the football backs and wide receivers on the SPARQ testing.

4) We communicated about my son’s injury junior year (played through it), getting a second opinion and opting for surgery after the season.

@Francis7 This is an easy one for me to answer and I learned it right here on this site.  You may not talk to coaches about your son but it is advisable to speak to the coaches about all the shortcomings of the players your son is competing against.  If by chance you burn a bridge with the coach make sure to send your wife in to continue to the discussions.  Easy peasy man.  Hope that helps.  

@IAmThatGuy posted:

@Francis7 This is an easy one for me to answer and I learned it right here on this site.  You may not talk to coaches about your son but it is advisable to speak to the coaches about all the shortcomings of the players your son is competing against.  If by chance you burn a bridge with the coach make sure to send your wife in to continue to the discussions.  Easy peasy man.  Hope that helps.  

Let me introduce you to Coach Casey Smith. You may want to follow him on Twitter. He is right up your alley.

I already do (for real too)!

@2022NYC posted:

I use "I am contacting your coach to get answers" as a threat to get him get off his ass and get his college punch list items done. I think my wife is hacking into his school email to look for any outstanding items. I really thought we would be past these tactics at this stage of his life.

Back on topic, I have not gone beyond hello with his coaches and have no plans to go further unless they initiate the small talk. I am ready not to talk to the other parents too, just the ones who join me in the outfield fence.

We're hacking school emails too. Don't feel bad. It's this generation. They consider reading emails as optional. But the schools still see it the way us older folks do. And we don't want any surprises because someone was too busy with texts and DMs and forgot to read his email.

My son's HC is in the D1 HOF.  We met and spoke with him during the recruitment stage but once after son  started attending college we left it up to son for communication.  It was during freshman season, we were staying at the team hotel for away series.  At breakfast I noticed the HC and 3 assistant coaches sitting a few tables away.  The coaches noticed we were there, and within a few minutes he and an asst coach brought their breakfast over and joined us at our table.  Basically they just wanted to formally introduce themselves and asked if we had any questions or concerns regarding the program and how college life was for son.  Chatted for a long time, mostly nothing about baseball or the team.  That opened the door for a wonderful relationship, so much so that he used to call me every now and then asking for my "professional advice"  on questions he had pertaining to my occupation.  Basically I agree to let son handle all communications directly though.

I never contact or talk to my son’s college coach.  Other than a quick “hello” at freshman orientation

I would only talk to him if there was a medical issue that needed resolution re insurance issues or choosing the right surgeon etc

I do plan on talking to him extensively once my son is done playing, to thank him for giving my son the opportunity to be on the team, and for helping so much with his academic scholarship

My husband met the coach on my son's visit, and I talked to him by phone one time during recruiting.  After that, I met him (with my son) after the first series I attended, said hello, we chatted for about 2 minutes.  Probably he saw us at subsequent games.  I feel I could contact him if necessary; that, to me, is the main thing.

Parents on college parent facebook groups are something else.  They usually ask questions about things that their kids should be taking care of by asking other students.  I did/do not check my son's email account, although I do tell him to check at times when I know important emails might be coming.  He has missed a few.  The main thing is, make sure he gives you access to the bursar account, so you can see what is being charged, because that IS your business.

Our school has a baseball employee who sends all emails about hotels, travel, parents weekends, etc. That is our first line for questions.

@baseballhs posted:

Our school has a baseball employee who sends all emails about hotels, travel, parents weekends, etc. That is our first line for questions.

The baseball operations guy or gal can be your best friend!

I had two conversations with head coach after son got to school. One he walked by me at a hotel at an away game and I said "today was good" (we got a win) and he said something along the lines of "wasn't as bad as last week" (a game we lost).

Second was on the field senior night when he shook my hand and said, maybe we'll do this again next year, cause son didn't know if he was going back to school.

And one conversation with pitching coach where he told me what a great job my son did after giving up like six home runs in a single game.

Our school email addresses were all "myUI" — I told son from very beginning he should consider it "ourUI." I read his email and gave him direction on following up with his advisor, academic/baseball advisor, etc. I tried to read the baseball ones but it was a lot of analytics that I didn't understand, so I skipped those.

We did have a mom's chat group (literally all mom's) where the team mom stayed in touch with travel manager and arranged hotel blocks, updates on team travel dates, game schedules, etc., and could refer parents to the right person if they felt they needed to talk to a coach. I felt like it wasn't that they didn't want to talk to us, they just didn't want to answer questions like "are you going to auction off the pink jerseys after the beat cancer game next week?'

It was a good system. Both son and I got what we needed.

I feel sorry for y'all.  My wife and I used to get personal letters all the time from our son's coaches.  They would tell us in great detail all about how they thought the team would do that year, how they were looking to improve the facilities, how important we were to them and asked if we wanted to buy a Christmas tree.  ... or play in a golf tournament.   ... or, heck, just write a check.  Nuthin' but love.  Every year.   

Seriously though, programs had a meet and greet event (wait, that was a fundraiser too!?!?).  If you showed up at games and waited to see your son afterwards, it wasn't uncommon to run into and engage in some small-talk with coaches.

Very little coach talk, but I’ve always been that way.  Each year a team parent takes the role of schedule/hotel/meals info distributor. But here are a few experiences we’ve had to help new parents:

Son has changed so much in 3 years.  First road trip freshman year, wife was in tears bc son didn’t want to talk or go out to dinner.  Now after games we have good long talks, photos etc.

Most enjoyable aspect of being parent is building relationships with teammates.  On road trips, have some boys, who’s parents didn’t make the trip, join you for dinner. You’ll hear great stories and they’ll really appreciate it.  Then you’ll forever get hi Mr/Mrs X.

Build relationships with other parents, tailgating helps.  We have so much in common and it helps having a support group during those bad games 😃

In juco, I spoke to the coach to arrange his tryout, and a couple times the during two years regarding the photographs I gave to the college and parents. He invited me to come inside the fence to get closer to the action while taking photos, I politely declined - I never wanted to interject myself into my son's experience.  There were issues, my son's training beliefs and regiment were counter to some of what the HC wanted to see. My son may have not have given max effort to some drills, but he worked after practice on the things he believed he needed for improvement and arm care. This certainly created internal friction, but I was never involved and they worked it out by the second year. We did exchange a texts last year, so I could leave him a MLB debut ball as a thank you.

I met the assistant coach at Arkansas, Tony V. at a restaurant in Houston some time after my son had committed and that was the first time I'd spoken to anyone from the school - never spoke to him again. I never saw any paperwork beyond a small bill for something the scholarship didn't cover. First time to Baum was for fall ball, and a short coach with a huge smile I'd never met, Wes Johnson called to me by name and said it was going to be a fun season - never spoke to him again, although he'd always wave (he did let my son incorporate his specific training regiment into the Arkansas program). Spoke to Van Horn for the first and only time at nearly the end of the season (SEC championships) - he was in the lobby of the Hotel, I introduced myself and thanked him.

It seems to me that every situation is different, but my goal was to be supportive and not part of my kids experience. Even in youth ball, unless there was physical and emotional abuse (I can only think of one occasion) then I was silent about all things coaching related.

@cabbagedad posted:

I feel sorry for y'all.  My wife and I used to get personal letters all the time from our son's coaches.  They would tell us in great detail all about how they thought the team would do that year, how they were looking to improve the facilities, how important we were to them and asked if we wanted to buy a Christmas tree.  ... or play in a golf tournament.   ... or, heck, just write a check.  Nuthin' but love.  Every year.   

Seriously though, programs had a meet and greet event (wait, that was a fundraiser too!?!?).  If you showed up at games and waited to see your son afterwards, it wasn't uncommon to run into and engage in some small-talk with coaches.

We got the letters with forecasts too, when school started and at Christmas break and at end of season, as well as weekly notes recapping the week. I kept them all, so after the second year realized the letters were essentially the same as previous years, and the weekly notes were the same stats that they provided to the college newspaper for their stories.

To some degree, I think that's all a good thing. If we had NEEDED the coaches, I think they would have been there for us. We didn't need them to do anything other than coach our son and give him the chances to play that he earned.

Our HC was the one who personally recruited son so we had all of our interactions with him directly.  Since son has been there I have never had a need to call coaches.  Son got hurt his freshman year and pitching coach called us to check on him but most of that interaction was with the trainer.  I speak to them and vice versa if we see each other at field or away from field but I've never had a need to contact them.  I feel that my son is the contact person and unless it was an emergency I would never call them.  If he needs additional tickets, he contacts director of baseball.  Being a high school coach, my rule was not to talk baseball with parents but deal almost exclusively with the players, even the ones I was friends with.