The "Baseball House" at College

Francis; If it effects his classroom and "on field" baseball experiences. Absolutely not!!

Find a new home. This would be my Social Psychology class.

"The study of the individual in a group".

Bob

I declined the offer to live in the athletic dorm at Texas A&M for all the reasons described above. I opted for the free meals on campus but paid to live in an off campus apartment with friends that were serious about their studies. There is always a solution but sometimes you have to get creative.

I am pleased to announce the baseball house is not Delta at the kid's school. The frat house OTOH kinda is, but it is a small school so there are plenty of security and deans to prevent it from getting out of hand.

@Francis7 posted:

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It seems like every time I hear about a "Baseball House" at College it's basically like a frat house and the Delta House from the National Lampoon movie.

Is that the common situation? And, is it just something that part of the college baseball experience that a player has to learn to accept and navigate through?

It kind of sounds to me like your son has been forewarned.  I'm not sure what his options are.

I think it is a very common situation based on my oldest son's experience and some of the official and unofficial visits he had.   His solution was mostly to stay at his girlfriends when he knew things were going to get out of hand.  I'm fairly certain this caused some friction among her roommates.    He was not a partyer, but he had several teammates who were...he was more of the exception on the team.  I've heard a few stories he shared, and I'm certain there will be others I will never hear.   We've all got a few of those stories that will not see the light of day.

He narrowly escaped arrest on an official visit at a baseball house at a D1 school he was offered (long story).  On the positive side, he lived in the baseball house for his soph and junior years.  He made life long friendships and connections.   He moved out of the baseball house his senior year and lived with one of his closest friends who was not a baseball player.

My middle son's (non-athlete) best friend from high school was supposed to be his college roommate at an ACC school in an engineering dorm for freshmen.  He pulled a fast one on his parents and found a room in the football dorm, because he didn't want to live with nerds.  He was asked to leave the school in the middle of his sophomore year due to academic performance.  It did not end well for him.   This was a bad idea from the get go. 

This sounds like one of those problems he's going to have to be proactive about.   

Just my experience.

Have him find the library and work there.

I lived in a majority of members were baseball players frat house for one semester. There is such a thing as being around teammates too much. It doesn’t take too many non serious students to create a difficult environment for studying.

After spending so much time in the library avoiding the house I asked myself why I was living there. It was the better food than the cafeterias. Junior year I moved into a three bedroom apartment with two serious academic teammates. We dropped in for parties. At first, our move was not well received by some teammates in the house. But being juniors we had earned some respect as players.

For us, the school is about 100 miles away. Just a shade under. Not close. But, it's not an impossible car ride. I would not be shocked if he ends up at his girlfriend's house or coming home on Saturday nights when there's no game on Sunday. That might help? It's not ideal. But, it's at least one night of sleep and avoiding Saturday night. He'll just need a plan to get through the week. (FWIW, the kid that tipped about the house also told him that he goes home just about every weekend.)

Maybe next year, after he learns his teammates, an apartment for 3 might be a better solution?

Get him a good speaker and have him download some sleep "music".  We do rain every night and I don't hear much.  Took a bit to get used to it, but now it's like pavlov's dog.  The minute I turn it on, I'm out.

@Francis7 posted:

For us, the school is about 100 miles away. Just a shade under. Not close. But, it's not an impossible car ride. I would not be shocked if he ends up at his girlfriend's house or coming home on Saturday nights when there's no game on Sunday. That might help? It's not ideal. But, it's at least one night of sleep and avoiding Saturday night. He'll just need a plan to get through the week. (FWIW, the kid that tipped about the house also told him that he goes home just about every weekend.)

Maybe next year, after he learns his teammates, an apartment for 3 might be a better solution?

I bought a three bedroom condo for my son to live in. I told him one bedroom is mine during baseball season. I told him whatever he gets for rent for the other room pays the utility bills and for food. He made out renting my bedroom in the fall.

The irony is his roommate, teammate and good friend was the son of friends of ours when we lived in Southern CA. They were in the same Mommy and Me class until we moved. Their older sisters were the same age and preschool buddies. It was complete coincidence they were assigned as roommates freshman year.

@baseballhs posted:

Get him a good speaker and have him download some sleep "music".  We do rain every night and I don't hear much.  Took a bit to get used to it, but now it's like pavlov's dog.  The minute I turn it on, I'm out.

I've tried a few things like this and recently started using a Manta sound mask. It's a bit pricey but it is lights out. My wife can watch TV in bed and I don't even know if the TV/lights are on. Agree there is some conditioning element to it as well.

@Francis7 posted:

For us, the school is about 100 miles away. Just a shade under. Not close. But, it's not an impossible car ride. I would not be shocked if he ends up at his girlfriend's house or coming home on Saturday nights when there's no game on Sunday. That might help? It's not ideal. But, it's at least one night of sleep and avoiding Saturday night. He'll just need a plan to get through the week. (FWIW, the kid that tipped about the house also told him that he goes home just about every weekend.)

Maybe next year, after he learns his teammates, an apartment for 3 might be a better solution?

I like your definition of not close.   

When we moved to DFW in 2003, we drove to Flower Mound (30 miles) for a weekend tournament for my oldest boy...........and we stayed in a hotel.

For the youngest, summer ball weekday league games were 70-80 miles away on the other side of Dallas.

Perception of close vs far changed over 20 years.

Also, not sure I'd want my college son coming home every weekend.

You need to build relationships.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong but your son is going to be an outlier when it comes to the habits of college athletes. Most drink, party, etc. There are two ways to look at it...

You can say the coach made a poor judgement call putting him there, he is out of touch with the culture of his team off the field, his team is not as locked in as they should be.

Or look at it this way - The coach was looking out for him trying to get him living with some other guys so he starts to feel more comfortable, fit in better, has an easier adjustment period considering he's new to the team and the season starts in 6 weeks.

Living in the party house sucks. You want to hang at the party house, never want to live in the party house. That being said, from the conversations I've had with mine they say baseball season seriously hampers their social life. Things got more serious when they came back from Christmas break. The screwing around and drinking took a backseat to the grind of the regular season. Yes, they still hungout. Those who could get into bars would go, maybe they would have some people over. But nobody was going wild with parties playing 4 games a week, traveling, school work, deadlines. At least not every night. And the way the schedule lines up W night - Fri night -Sat night - Sun day game + travel there really was no good time to go nuts.

Lastly, I took mine and a few teammates out to dinner. They were joking about one kid and what a hard ass he could be. He flips out when they stay up late and make noise, doesn't drink, never home, doesn't go to bars with them, etc. The kid hit .400 and transferred to a top 25 program. Enough said.

@russinfortworth

- Agreed things change. I remember when my son was 14, if we had to drive 2 hours, we were getting a hotel and not driving 4 hours in a day. Flash forward to age 16, we would drive 4 hours a day for baseball several days a week without blinking at it.

- when I say come home, I'm not thinking it's with us all the time. Even when he was home, we didn't see him much on the weekends. When you're 20 years old, being in the house with your parents isn't exactly the ideal use of your time.

~~I'm not saying it's right or wrong but your son is going to be an outlier when it comes to the habits of college athletes. Most drink, party, etc. There are two ways to look at it...~~

@PABaseball - there's no question about it. Even on his HS team, most of those guys were partying and getting smashed drunk on the weekends. So, he didn't hang out with teammates off the field. He really has a small circle of friends who are like him - most people would call them health nuts. Don't drink. Don't smoke. Don't party. Very particular about what they eat. More interested in training than doing anything else off the field. His girlfriend is the same way and I know that's why they found each other. Seriously athletes who don't follow what most people their age are doing.

That's why I say he needs to figure out on his own how to deal with the situation. The world isn't going to change. He needs to figure out how to coexist with it.

I'm not saying being in the party house is a good thing or bad, but I'd rather have him hanging out w/ the teammates than a girlfriend. 

Just today I was made aware of a top 100 kid from HS class of 2022 who had a picture on instagram of him, his girlfriend, and his 6 month old.

I agree with you Francis, he needs to figure it out with your guidance as needed....He seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. Is it just for this year? Really after the first 2-3 weeks of the semester they are playing games all weekend right? And being a NE school probably traveling for the first few weekends. Doesn't leave many weekends for parties.

@nycdad

He thinks this is his only housing option through June and then again starting in August. I'm not so sure about it? It's been a rush over the last 30 days. (I don't think he's on the lease since the other guys have been living there for the last 5 months. I really think this is the coach shoehorning him in there just to have a place to stay.)  Time will tell on all of it.

Long story but they don't go south except for one weekend in February. Then, in March, the schedule gets going full throttle. We don't even have the full schedule yet. But, based on what we have seen, it seems like every Friday, every Saturday, more Sundays than you would expect and weekday games too each week. Could be a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. But, regardless, my son says, if they aren't playing, the will be practicing. So, it's pretty much 6 or 7 days a week from March through May.

It's a Juco that takes its baseball very seriously. Last year, their winning percentage was over .900 overall and they went undefeated in conference play on the year.

@russinfortworth posted:

I'm not saying being in the party house is a good thing or bad, but I'd rather have him hanging out w/ the teammates than a girlfriend.

Just today I was made aware of a top 100 kid from HS class of 2022 who had a picture on instagram of him, his girlfriend, and his 6 month old.

@russinfortworth

Absolutely understand your concern here, BUT I've seen girlfriends be a tremendous influence on both my oldest (athlete) and my youngest (non-athlete) in college.  In my oldest son's case, he met his match academically and athletically.  She challenged him and he needed that.   She is brilliant.  Both were engineers and both were college athletes.   They are married now.

My youngest son met a girl who was studying to become a nurse.   It was the first time in his life he really started to apply himself academically, and we saw a dramatic change in him.   Come to think about it, I met my wife in college while I was playing a sport, and my grades improved too.

My experiences can't be unique.   So, I think we need to look at each specific situation with all parties (pun intended) involved.

Just my experience.....

Hmmm. . . how do they go to 6:30 am lift if they are up until 4 am?  Maybe this will change in season?  My son's coach always scheduled early lifts to keep the team in hand. . . I thought most coaches did.  I know they are no angels, but they do have to perform in the gym and on the field, which usually requires a more temperate spring. I guess you'll know in a few weeks if it is working.

When I asked my son about living in the baseball house, he said "MOM!, I don't mind partying there, but I don't want to LIVE there!"  So he lived his Soph and Jr years in an apartment with 2 other players.

Fast forward 2 years:  Son had the opportunity to go back one fall semester coming off an injury in pro ball.  There was no where to live and he had to scramble to re-enroll, register for classes, and if it came to it, could commute.  He wound up living in a makeshift room, mattress on the floor, sharing a bathroom with several others....in one of the baseball houses.  He made it work and it was probably better than some accommodations in the minor leagues lol!  They called him granddad (I think he was 22, almost 23).   

Your son will figure it out. 

Seems to me there’s been a lot of energy spent on the assumption he’s Pinto and headed to Delta Tau Chi based on opinion.  There's beer in college, along with a lot of other possibly worse things. How our kids navigate those things, classwork and training is now mostly out of parental control by this point - we've had 18 years to set that stage. We’ve transitioned from a position of power to one of influence, hopefully it was gradual through the teen years and not a switch as they left home…

I believe that competence has a direct relationship with the size problems you can navigate or mitigate, and the only training is navigating and mitigating problems. A house with 8 ball players could be a disaster, or it could be the best experience of his life. If there are issues outside his boundaries, then he should attempt to resolve them. If he needs external help, I’m sure he’ll ask, but I’m guessing that parents won’t be his first stop.

My son lived with 5 ball players as a junior at Arkansas 2017. Every time I visited, there were nonresident players there – it was one of the places to hang out. I don’t know the stories, but I’m sure there are many (like what happened to my pellet gun). Two of the 5 including my son are still in baseball (4 were drafted), the others are very successful – one has his PHD in geology…

So, where is all this partying going on?  I've got one in school now, not living in Baseball house, but hangs out there every once in a while, and 3 nephews who recently graduated.  According to them, partying is something you have to really look hard to find.  Totally different world than when I was in college, where you lived for Thursday through Saturday and tried hard to recover on Sunday.  The "parties" at the baseball house are basically low key affairs, hardly the beer bong funnels and shotgun challenges of the past.  From what I've seen of my son's team and the penalties the coach has levied on anyone caught "partying", especially if underage, is not tolerated.  Honestly, the most drinking at the baseball house I've seen is done by a few parents after home games, which is often met with rolling eyes from their kids.

FWIW, at my son's former school (D2) there was party after party. If the baseball team wasn't throwing it, then the softball team was. If neither was, then some other team was throwing it. And, they were drink and toke fests.

My son, in talking to the coach, expressing that he wasn't sure if the campus scene there was for him, was told by the coach "Maybe it's time for you to start going to the bleeping parites and start learning to like it?"

How drunk did the kids get? At one party, one of the softball players hooked up with one of the baseball players. He was slender and had long hair. The story goes that the softball player, who is a Lesbian, was so drunk that she mistook him for a girl. And, he was so drunk that he didn't care who he was hooking up with at the party. (Sounds crazy. But, also so crazy that it would be hard for someone to make up this story.)

A friend’s daughter graduated from a HA D3 five years ago. They played Saturday-Sunday. She said it was very common for athletes to be drunk and or stoned on Saturday night.