Anonymous Part II

TripleDad,

I can only speak from my own experiences - but what is as striking - over time - is when you get to actually spend time with some of these people.

They are exactly what they say they are. Only better.

A few weeks ago - I went to Jupiter, Fla - I did spend time with some of these great people - and for me - it doesnt get much better than that.
People who love the game - go out of their way for the kids - and share their personal time to help others.

That is about as credible as it can get IMO.

I started out here looking for advice, and to talk baseball.
More for myself then for my son.
Group Therapy for Parent's.
Learning all the Mistake's I made by myself in the Past and I'm sure in the Future. LOL
It's Honest and to the Core.
No suger coating going on here.
You learn a lot by just reading.

The Anonymous part would be nice to maintain.
Just for my player's sake. LOL
EH

I agree with you, Triple. Depsite the screen names, most of the regulars are people whom, over time, we have grown to know an awful lot about. They are not anonymous.

And I think that absolutely adds credibility to what these folks say.

When our boys were younger, I think anominity is more important. He, his experience, and whatever we as parents have tried to do are all unproven elements.

Through time, we, of course, get to know each other and our sons better. As they achieve, the experiences we relate hold more weight.

But I will admit that sometimes, when a poster expresses strong opinions about an aspect of the game or the process and I read their vague profile, my reaction is to discount their contribution. I'm not looking for a name, but a "resume".

In my limited experience it seems the loudest or rudest parents are the ones who want their sons to achieve more than ability will let them. I'm basing this on game time observation, and feel like that is also true online.

I think it is great when I read about folks meeting up at events and praising other kids. Most baseball parents I've met are wonderful. That too is evident here. I'd say the majority are this type of person.

Orlando brings up two very good points. One, when they are younger our son’s “baseball worth” is unproven and if we go out on a limb and tell all (as we think it is) we stand the chance of looking rather stupid after it plays out. Secondly I agree with her when she says the name of the poster means nothing but the resume means everything when it comes to the credibility of the post.

I have had some pretty cheap shots taken at me by those hiding behind their anonymousness. However the impact is small because they have no face. I always thought it was impossible to be effectively outspoken while remaining anonymous.

I decided a long time ago that being anonymous was not my style. I wanted to share my experiences and I wanted the reader to understand where I was coming from. I have never claimed to be baseball savvy nor have I ever felt my son was the greatest thing that happened to the game. I was caught up in my son’s baseball, the recruiting process and the draft and saw it unfold with out being “influenced” by previous knowledge. I may not know as much as most but I sure paid attention. I wanted to share this from my perspective and the only way I could do this was to describe my perspective. This meant describing my thoughts, where I came from, where I lived, what I did, and who I really was. I admit I was very vulnerable but I think the members on the HSBBW understood my goals and protected my vulnerability. My son also understands that I post some things about him but he’s OK with that. My openness did create a few problems for him too. One time his college coach called him in and asked him about something I posted on the HSBBW. My son told the coach my opinions were my own and he would have to talk to me about that. Of course the coach never did.

Most anonymous posters have my respect but they need to understand they limit themselves to the impact the have on the hsbbw. There will always be those that step forward and give a face to the information they share. The HSBBW has to have “real people” in order to continue in a sensible manner. I especially appreciate Julie and Bob --- two well known people that have given so much ---- they have shared their lives so that the HSBBW can continue ---- Bob started the tradition of giving the person that wanted to protect their identity the same opportunity as everyone else. Sure it creates problems but only with problem people ---- it also creates opportunities for those good people wanting information.
Fungo

Fungo,
Great post, really great, as always. I share your opinions on the subject.

In fact, I closely followed most of your advice over the early years when we were in the process. I often wondered how things had turned out if I had not followed your posts. I learned a great deal from you, you have no idea how much.

Fungo's son attended Auburn with one of my son's coaches son. Since Auburn was on our watch list I took a special intrest and followed Fungo's son. I learned more about Auburn from reading his posts than any college website. Son did have an offer from Auburn, but it was not the right "fit" for him. I would never know what that meant if I had not learned it from Fungo! Little did I know that someday our sons wqould face each other, I get a kick out of that, in fact over teh years, son has faced or played with lots of HSBBWebsters players. That brings a special bond between people.

People come to the HSBBW for many reasons. First to read all the info, posts, then eventually begin to ask questions, over the years they give up their anonyminity and post to help others. That's how the "process" is on the HSBBW.

I agree with Orlando, if I am reading a post and know absolutely nothing about a poster other than he/she comes from cyberspace, I move on and so do most people here. People are smart, they know how to pick out the helpful info from those that have gone through it and can come to their own conclusions.

Anonymity is for cowards. If there is something to say, say it honestly and stand by it. I've found that the best contributors to this site are those who make themselves transparent to others. It's their honesty in sharing their experiences that makes all this tremendously valuable. We all know who Fungo is, who TPM is, TR, Julie, Jerry, etc. That's why there is value in reading what they say and applying their perspectives to situations. People who hide should get their wish and stay hidden.

If you stay here long enough, read, respond and participate in discussions, you won't be anonymous for long. Some use their full names, some partial, some very creative, the common goal is the young players and learning from their parents whove experienced plenty. You can hide behind any name you want or be anonymous, but when you are truely HERE, there is no hiding. Just look at the number of people who view the site as unregistered, they lurk for months before feeling like becoming a part of it all.

Rather strong statement, 1228, and likely not well thought out.

A handful of people here know my identity. I trust them to keep it that way.

Some idiots can let things get carried away. And if they have your name, then with today's technology they have your address and phone number. Plus perhaps more information. And they can proceed to cause trouble. It isn't worth it to me. If I'm not mistaken, some on this board can vouch for this firsthand.

Second, some with whom I disagree might well try to retaliate by harming my son, via badmouthing him amongst the baseball community. One poster on this very board made such a veiled threat, in fact. The baseball world is small in many respects. I won't take the chance of someone pulling such a vile stunt that might do damage for my son.

That is why I remain anonymous at this time.

I will let people value my contributions based on their own merits, rather than based on some resume (which could easily be falsified) or my name.

And I would add that some of the posters for whom I have the most respect choose to not disclose their name. That does not diminish my appreciation for their contributions in the slightest.

quote:

Anonymity is for cowards

I think that statement is totally off base. I do not care if you know who I am and someday you will. However, our kids all have different types of schools and coaches that they play for. Some great like some of the posters on here. In my opinion if my sons school was able to read my post and know who I am they would indeed take it out on him. That and only that is the reason for my anonymity. Why should my son suffer because of things that I post? He shouldn't. This is his time and hopefully with a lot of hard work and a lot of luck someday he may realize his dream. Walk a mile in my shoes or anyone who wishes to remain anonymous and maybe you would understand.

Texan, my response was very well thought out. I always say what I think and stand by it without any fear. Your reasons obviously are your own and are to be respected.

BB1 - maybe I don't understand this. You want to say things about your son's coach and/or his program and not have it come back to bite your son? Here is my position: if you don't have the courage to say something and stand by it with your name, then don't say it at all. That's a stand-up way of ensuring that your son isn't damaged by any of your posts.

Character, after all, is defined as what you do when no one else is watching.

Too often, people get hurt by others who hide behind the safety of their anonymous screen names. You both have your reasons. I think differently than both of you. That's all.

When I started posting, I had a lot more information in my profile than I do now. At the same time, anyone who lives in my neck of the woods can easily figure out who I am and who my son is. So I guess I'm pseudo-anonymous. There have been times that I posted something idiotic enough that I wanted to hide behind something more anonymous. That's for sure. At the same time, this is a learning process, and maybe I can save someone else from making the same mistake.

I had a question this morning regarding something that happened to my son earlier this week, and I knew that I could trust the people on this site to give an honest, objective opinion. The first person to respond was anonymous. Still, great advice, balanced and objective, and just what I needed to see. And, 1228, if the coach ever reads it he'll undoubtedly know who I am. And that's OK. I'll take responsibility for it.

bb1, I'm sorry to hear about the environment that your son is in. I know those environments exist and don't blame you for doing what you have to do.

quote:

Originally posted by Coach Merc:
If you stay here long enough, read, respond and participate in discussions, you won't be anonymous for long. Some use their full names, some partial, some very creative, the common goal is the young players and learning from their parents whove experienced plenty. You can hide behind any name you want or be anonymous, but when you are truely HERE, there is no hiding. Just look at the number of people who view the site as unregistered, they lurk for months before feeling like becoming a part of it all.

Good observation Coach Merc,I lurked for a year
before joining.This is the best baseball site there
is BARNONE.I finally joined even though my oldest
is only in 5th grade.I doubt I would ever put my
real name because of the trolls.

Perhaps some of you are in areas where there are a number of fellow hsbbwebsters (or lurkers) and you feel the need to protect your son or yourself.

There are a few ways to accomplish this --- don't brag, don't post anything negative about a player, coach, program, or parent. If you have a sensitive question, PM a member who you feel would know the answer, rather than posting on the public forums.

Years ago, I had a particularly sensitive question and I PM'd Bob, our esteemed founder. He didn't know the answer, so he volunteered to ask the question on the public forums himself.

Texan, anything on the web can be fabricated, including opinions and the experience that led to those opinions. I'm just suggesting that information --- level at which one's son plays, whether the poster has coached, maybe even the poster's job --- displays an element of trust that gives one's posts more weight.

I understand people posting here wishing to remain anonymous. We all have our own agendas and so, this site fills different needs for different people. I want my posts and participation to generate interest in my players and so, remaining anonymous would be contray to what I desire from this site. People who wish to remain anonymous while protecting their children are using this site in the spirit it was constructed and so, I agree that they have a vested interest in remaining anonymous. I do think it is neat when some of our posters let us all in on how well their child is doing. For many here, they represent a sense of extended family.

The problem comes to play when these posters use their anonymity to attack others. That is not conducive to the spirit of our site. Their agenda is to use this site for flaming purposes. I've often wondered what kind of life they are living if their excitement comes from causing conflicts on an internet site. Few of these noted posters bring much to the table. Naturally a few do but the way they present their message is also not in the spirit of the site and so, they are soon gone. I for one am thankful that Julie and Bob and all those that came before and or administrate this site have created a site that we can all benefit from.

Darrell Butler

quote:

Originally posted by Baseballdad1228:
Anonymity is for cowards. If there is something to say, say it honestly and stand by it. I've found that the best contributors to this site are those who make themselves transparent to others. It's their honesty in sharing their experiences that makes all this tremendously valuable. We all know who Fungo is, who TPM is, TR, Julie, Jerry, etc. That's why there is value in reading what they say and applying their perspectives to situations. People who hide should get their wish and stay hidden.

I've just been flamed.

quote:

Originally posted by Baseballdad1228:
Texan, my response was very well thought out. ... Your reasons obviously are your own and are to be respected.

You could have fooled me, on both counts.

quote:

Originally posted by Baseballdad1228:
BB1 - maybe I don't understand this. You want to say things about your son's coach and/or his program and not have it come back to bite your son? Here is my position: if you don't have the courage to say something and stand by it with your name, then don't say it at all. That's a stand-up way of ensuring that your son isn't damaged by any of your posts.

All in life is not sweetness and light. Negative things happen. There are good coaches/programs and bad coaches/programs. Why shouldn't someone come here and honestly describe what they perceive as their situation - even if it is a bad situation? By coming here, they may well get valuable advice. That advice might help them see things from a different perspective. Perhaps then the problem is no longer seen to exist. Or it is kept in proper proportion. Or they may get advice on how to handle the situation. Either how to correct the problem or make the best of it. And perhaps there is no solution, but they can gain some relief by talking with someone else who endured a similar situation (which is often the case).

And by doing so anonymously on this board, rather than around their son's school or community, they are avoiding stirring things up.

But I guess your well thought out analysis may have missed these things.

quote:

Originally posted by Baseballdad1228:
Too often, people get hurt by others who hide behind the safety of their anonymous screen names. You both have your reasons. I think differently than both of you. That's all.

Some of the ones doing the most "hurting" are not hiding their names. Another unfounded generalization.

Texan makes some very valid observations which I think many of us would do well to heed.

I know that in the past, I have posted a sensitive question on behalf of a friend and at times I have posed questions under someone else's name. In doing so, my purpose was not to hide behind an anonymous screen name so I could say ugly things, but to avoid embarassing my son.

Yes, I could have PM'd someone with my question, but in my early days on HSBBW, I did not know any of the posters well enough to either trust them with the information or to trust the validity of their advice. Even now, I occasionally prefer to post a difficult question on the board rather than through a PM so I can get a variety of opinions that help to form a well-reasoned decision.

The only problem I would have with an anonymous poster is if he or she attacked me or my son without reason. A while back, I posted congratulations on a local baseball message board and a smart-aleck kid -- hiding behind a screen name -- called me an f-in _itch. I have no idea what that was all about, but I can assure you it did not elicit positive emotions.