The Backpedaling Dad

Great post Francis, and I'm guessing many of us have walked in those shoes and many more will.  From my perspective, this is more about your relationship with your son(s).  Sure baseball was there in the beginning, but there are many more opportunities to develop that father/son relationship going forward as he gets older and takes up new interests.  All 3 of my boys still follow baseball, but they've moved on to new interests in their lives and they share that with my wife and I.  Baseball is no longer the 2nd most important thing in their lives (beyond school) and I think that is a great thing.  My wife and I have learned so many things (too many to list) from our kids as they've gravitated to their passions and interests.  At this point in our lives, my kids are teaching us new things.  Baseball was a foundation from which many things have been built.

JMO.

Hi Francis

I don’t think you’re alone; I know I certainly went through some sadness the day I stopped needing to make breakfast and pack a lunch. I felt like I’d lost my job and was less useful, although the college meal plan was cheaper than feeding him, so I guess I got a raise by being fired…

Every parent is different and assuming no physical or emotional abuse, we all get to parent how we see fit. It’s certainly a change when baseball goes from your social circle to occasional conversations with your kid – the further your kid goes in the sport, the less baseball parent friends you can commiserate with – which is how I ended up here – I missed talking baseball.

My approach to raising a kid that was very good at the sport was driven by two things – the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer (which I think should be mandatory viewing for parents with talented kids) and the lifelong goal of not giving my kids a lifetime memory of me being an asshat.

Baseball is on a timer for everyone, I think the goal to raising a kid that plays the game at a high level is the same as raising any other kid – that you have a meaningful relationship with them your entire life (whatever that means to them and you).

Happy New Year Francis and pray for grandkids that live close by…

We are right in the middle of this process now. Son is high school freshmen. He started a bit late at 10. As a non athlete with only a few years of little league with a spouse that was a collegiate athlete in another sport it's been a learning process.

I was really happy to learn that this year the varsity coach put together a nice off winter season program that my son has the option of attending. One that most importantly WE are NOT involved in. It takes the pressure off somewhat. My son is always asking me to look for training programs for him, advice about increasing throwing velo and  other training. I have no clue about. I am the researcher and keeper of his calendar which is always packed with lessons, workouts and other training. I hope this will change too as he gets older.

Son had a tough fall playing up facing and catching faster pitching on a very good team which we pushed him to join. It was just too good of an opportunity to pass by.  He was relucant to leave his old org but we felt that he would develop more by joining this team for the fall.

We felt it would be a great learning experience for him. It was. But it was for US as well. It was a great environment and coach that wasn't afraid to let the kids fail. Seeing him struggle with confidence not being one of the better players, needing to be bigger and stronger to throw harder was a great lesson for us.

Now I understand that you have to take to it day by day, month by month year by year and my son needs to be the one setting the pace. Also not to get upset if he seems like he lagging behind others because kids grow and develop at different rates. He's working very hard. The rest is out of our control.

We had the opportunity to go back to be on a lower level team with friends where he would be a starter at his primary position but choose to stay with the new team and coach where he will spend the winter competing for a spot. Even if he is assigned to a lesser team in the same org with quality coaching and training it's OK too. In the past it would have tore me up if he got moved down as he has frequently floated between A and B teams.

I am hoping after this year or  sophomore year it will clearer to him and us what his path and level with be with regards to his summer team and whether or not he still has the desire and ability to play in college. My expectations are more realistic that they were at 10,12 or even 13.

I am also looking forward to being more a cheerleader sitting on the sidelines as he continues to mature.

This is a great post.  I stepped back once my son turned 14 and started playing travel ball, talking to college coaches, etc.  I never went to any practices and at every game I didn't say a word to anyone.

He's 18 now in his last semester of high school.  Every workout / throwing session is all directed by him.  I don't remember the last time I asked him if he was going to work out or go throw.   I joke that all I do is drive the bus and pay the bills but since hes older I don't even drive the bus anymore.

The college he's signed to moves all pitchers in June 1, so I've been thinking about that a lot.  I'm trying to focus on "being where my feet are" and enjoying every moment.  Even if hes never home.

I see Franny has made good on his 2024 HSBBW posting resolutions . I too had a very similar experience with Franny with my 2022. I am still early in my "retirement" to miss anything, but I did help him hit a couple weeks ago and it was a drama free experience with a few laughs reminiscing some of our hitting philosophies disagreements...he acknowledged I was correct without any verbal admission. The knucklehead told me he was considering coaching a team over the summer instead of returning to his other summer job, of which I fully supported. I hope he will do to as I can't wait to hear his complaints about the players and running a team. I will try to record that hat in hand moment.

I never helped my son with actual baseball stuff - that was all decided by him, because we didn't know anything about it.  Sometimes I pushed him to ask coaches and instructors for advice.  I was the chief chauffeur, and I did miss it when he could drive and I no longer had/got to go to the baseball facility and chat with the other parents.  I was also the main researcher for travel teams, college recruiting, etc.

Since he got to college, I still research obsessively, but I mostly don't share stuff with him, or even tell him I'm doing it - unless he asks me to research something.  Which sometimes he does.  On the other hand, he is usually quite happy to talk about baseball stuff, and I think I am better about not offering opinions, but just enjoy listening to what he is thinking.

Thank goodness for HSBBW, where I can get what I need without bothering him!

Francis, I agree with your post. 

No funny comments, no sarcasm. 

I agree with all the posts here.

As they grow, we grow.  As they change, we change.

Exact same story here.....though I did still pitch to him on off days or weekends all thru HS....heck sometimes even after he had already had HS practice that same day and just wanted to hit some more.  I still remember the "last day".  His freshman year in college.  He was home for Easter break.  We were at my parents' house that is right by his old HS field.   It was nice out that day.  We finished eating and he said "dad, I have the ball bucket and my stuff in my car".  Of course I took that offer.  I have a picture somewhere of his equipment laying on the ground as he changed out of his cleats when we finished.  Man I miss those day.....kinda tearing up a little bit as I type this lol.

I was heavily involved with my kids playing before college. I coached my daughter (assistant) through 18u Gold softball. I coached my son (head coach) through 16u at age fifteen. It was then I sense resistance. I didn’t want to coach him the two years in 17u.

I did a lot of one on one work with them. But, I never pushed beyond asking if they were meeting their goals laying on the coach.

As each one went off to college I didn’t ask them about training when they were home unless it came up in conversation.

i was just with my kids for five days over Christmas. They live 320 miles away. They’re thirty-five (daughter) and thirty (son) now. Baseball never came up in conversation with my son. Softball only came up with my daughter as I asked her if she’s still friends with a certain travel teammate. She’s part of a legendary team story no one involved will ever forget (thought the porta potty urinal cake was soap and the urinal was a sink).

It will be interesting how the former college softball player versus former college lacrosse player (son-in-law) battle plays out with the kids. #1 was born two months ago. They’re both spring sports. It’s not my job to get in the middle. But, I can buy her first softball and put it in with the toys. Maybe a music playing softball to draw attention.

This is a great post.  I've got a HS senior headed to college next fall and a freshman who has the same goals.  I was involved with everything.  I'm going to miss it terribly.  I've already made plans to be involved in the local youth program.  Hopefully that fills the void a little.  Definitely won't be the same, but I loved a lot of the kids on my son's teams like my own.  It will be a different chapter for sure.  But I plan on enjoying my boys as long as possible.  It's tough not being a part of practice.  I've had to learn to trust. 

My husband coached basketball for my son up until HS and the girls up until their sophomore summer. Baseball was always between my son and his coaches. We provide morale support and helped with decisions...and my husband threw offseason BP up until this year. Now most of what we do is talk life with all three of them. One daughter (the environmental scientist) tends to come to me with work questions and the other two (basketball operations with the Spurs and MiLB) to Dad but we talk often on all kinds of topics. My son and I read books together so we can discuss. We just read "The Mental Game of Baseball" and now he wants me to read his favorite graphic novel/s. My middle daughter also has books she asks me to read  

Since my husband coached the girls and played basketball ball at a high level, he was with the girls for AAU season. I was baseball mom and miss the long car rides. This offseason, PTWoodson was with us until Tuesday, hitting and lifting here in MD. It was sad to see him head off to FL. It hit hard this year because he's truly grown into adulthood and it was great interacting with him (really all three of them) as such a mature and thoughtful version of himself.

I have loved every stage of their journeys. It is cool that 2 out the 3 are still "working" in their sport but just as cool that oldest sis is a valued member of her work team!

I absolutely treasure the car rides.  My best conversations with my son are during those car rides.  I know they won't last...

I am so blessed.  My daughter and I talk about hitting and softball a few times a week.  She is coaching both MS and HS and I do as well.  Her and her husband are going to build a house a block away and we are going to have the start of a baseball and softball team.  (Twins - Boy and Girl)  I don't think I could handle not talking sports with her.  This thread demonstrates the quality of people/parents we have on this site.  Thanks for the various posts. 

My kids stopped playing as they entered HS.  Their interest changed to golf and both (still) play competitively in the amateur and local open events.  Like most on this board I coached them from 4-5 thru 14.  We still reminice about the pranks played on eachother in the dugout or on longer car rides.  When they stopped playing, I stayed involved by becoming an umpire.   If you still have interest in the game, I suggest you explore that option.  You can watch the game and see some good baseball from the best seats in the house.

PT;

My experience with my son when he was 10 years old. The SF Giants GM my friend from the Summer League in Canada invited myself to pitch BP at Candlestick Park. Robert was allowed to "shag" baseballs in CF until 11 am.

When you pitch BP at 40 ft a radar gun is not needed to record 'bat speed". Your reaction to the batted ball is sufficient. "Duck" and throw again!!

There is a big difference in the talent level.

Bob

Same story for the most part with my 2023. A difference is I still get to help my son with pens. We live 30 minutes from his HS, so most of the catchers are a bit of a drive. So I copied the bullpen setup of a place where he trains and he throws them in the backyard (uses a target now instead of my shins and feet). I’ve enjoyed him being home the past few weeks and seeing the difference in how he throws his pens and the things he’s learned.

I’m looking forward to buying him some golf clubs and playing more when he’s home. Any club recommendations for a beginner would be appreciated!

Dicks sells their Top Flite brand full set with bag for under $300.

I was not a coach in any sense of the word, but I would take son to hitting facility and feed balls into the machine. I don't miss that because no matter how much net we put around me, he always got something through at least once.

He and I did most of the travel together, whether it was the five-minute trip to the HS until he got his license or the six hour trip to colleges and beyond. We had a lot of serious conversations, and lots of meaningless listening to music, talking about school, etc. I think it helped form a terrific lifetime relationship.

We still have a great time talking baseball and other sports now, but it's the same great time I have hearing my daughter's stories of her work as a dietitian. Raising a kid is an amazing gift, it just evolves as time goes by.

I ran the gauntlet of dad positions. LL travel coach / Early teen super dad and taxi service, late teen quiet supporter and emergency soft tosser to college years of general guidance and advice giver for first real adult interactions...was a great ride, few if any regrets.

Now that a full season plus has passed my most special memory in the spring of 21 the first back after covid with all the insane precautions going around and son roommates get covid the week before the games start. He had previously had covid over Christmas. He should have been cleared to play but the school only honored a 60 window for immunity and he was at 68 or there about. He was banned from practice, lifting, the indoor and outdoor facilities and classes...but he didn't live on campus so they couldn't control his activities.

I jumped into old coach mode. called an indoor facility I know open the doors. full use of the gym but nobody would be there. for the next 7 days he would drive 30 minutes from direction and i would drive 30 from the other...meet you in the middle.

I had 2.5 hours a day over 7 days to listen, to spot him, hit ground balls (he was not happy with my rusty fungo skills but they came back pretty quick) and flip the soft toss. I hadn't flipped for him a couple years, i couldn't believe how much harder the ball came off at 21 compared to 19...he didn't miss a beat when he came back and had great season.

As parents we often don't know "the last time" until after the fact. Fortunately for me I knew this was it. I drank in every toss, every spot and swing and offered no advice unless i was asked a question. Of all the great times....those days I treasure.

I’ve always been very involved. I always took kids to practices, usually stayed. Drove to tournaments and lessons. Researched everything from training tools, to doctors, to recovery.  My kids played opposite seasons so I really got to do it with both ( and now my third hates sports). I would watch the games live and then go back and listen to the commentary from the audio streams the next day. I loved every single minute. I got more than my share of “that’s my kid” moments and many, many hours in cars, planes and hotels and I regret none of it. There is a profound sadness when it’s over, and a sense of dread when you know it may be coming.  When they go to college it really becomes completely their journey. That doesn’t mean that mama bear hasn’t been fighting to come out, but I know I can’t. I too still research everything and know stats for players I have no reason to know. I read every article, check rosters.  I’m told a lot that I’m not a “normal mom”…probably most moms on here aren’t.  This year will be it for my son, unless it’s not. I’ve come to some peace with it, knowing so much is out of our hands and even out of his. That said, I will log a lot of hours this spring. I don’t want to miss anything, even if it’s just the hug when he comes out of the locker room. This game has been a gift to us, even with all the pain and frustrations. If I could do it again, I’d  change some things but I’d still take the journey.