Drinking on Official Visits

1st overnight visit for 2013. Players assigned to Host Team Players. Attended School's Sporting Events, Supper, Brunch... But, 2013 "passed" on the extracurricular Welcoming Committee's night of attending various School Parties. His "Host" didn't, but 2013 did pass on the invitations, even though the other "Recruits" accepted & participated in the offers. 2013 chose to stay behind with another College student & his girlfriend, and played Video games instead.

It might have been the wiser choice for the Texas "Recruit" to have chosen for himself, rather than his choice having led him to ending up locked in a Dorm Room with a Team Player's girlfriend, after having one too many, and then having the Dorm Room door kicked open & escorting his naked self outside, with the door locked behind him. Ending up streaking back to his assigned Dorm for the night.

Funny, but none of the Coaching Staff seemed to notice the next day, that their strongly "recruited" Texas prospect, resembled a "Racoon"!

While every Player has to make their own decisions and live by the consequences of those choices... We weren't terribly surprised by 2013's own personal choices for himself. As, these are the same choices he makes for himself now, in his High School life. It isn't always the easiest choice to make, nor the more popular one. But, it is the one that he can live with. As, he is determined not to let anything stand in the way of his focus and longterm goals for himself.

When he has come to us, rarely, but has, with finding the right balance...during his journeys path to where he wants to get to... We just remind him that this timeline is a mere blip of time, that will soon pass. And while other Player's choices may eventually end or shorten their playing careers... just maybe, his will have helped to have extended his, as well as his future. And that the friendships in High School & College can prove to be short lived. And that it is wise to remember that one is often thought of, in respect to the company they keep.

Mind you, this is a pretty tough kid, and not a Saint, by any stretch. Just one that has obviously listened to his Coaches, older Brothers... and is trying to apply their words of wisdom, with the direction of his life.

We realize that the Jury is still out on this one, and that those temptations are just truly beginning for him. But, we as Parents, are privately proud of the choices that he seems to be making for himself, and hope that he continues to.

Let's just say...this past weekend was kind of an eye-opener for us, back in "Mayberry"!

I apologize if my previous post came off as sounding smug or superior. We had just returned home from the visit. I was still, a little floored.
It was an eye opener for me. I have read thru this entire thread, after its link was sent to me to read. I have found many good points as a parent just beginning this process. Some have made reference to it being a way of seeing whether a player meshes with future teammates. Others even questioned it being a test. As I mentioned in the previous post, our 16 - 2013 chose for himself to decline the invitation to party. Rules at his H.S., that even if not drinking at a party, if drinking is ongoing & you do not leave immediately...suspension from the Team, will be your consequences. That thought likely had an influence as well. But, regardless, he obviously meshed well enough with the Team, without partying / or passed some secret test by declining to party. Because the school is very interested in him playing for them.
Journey is just beginning, but we are learning!

I taught my two older sons to drink only good beer (Guiness Stout) so that if anyone at college offered that lite beer swill they would refuse because of the taste.

quote:

Originally posted by tradosaurus:
I taught my two older sons to drink only good beer (Guiness Stout) so that if anyone at college offered that lite beer swill they would refuse because of the taste.

Well, seeing that my husband was born & raised in the UK, he might just agree with you on that one!

I thought I would bump this topic since it is relevant right now.

Although my son has not gone on his official visit yet, every one of his friends that have made theirs, have been offered alcohol at parties. Some participated, some didn't. There haven’t been any negative consequences with teammates or coaches with making either decision.

I just hope my son makes his own decision and does not allow others to make it for him! I have always told my boys that I expect them to make many bad choices as they grow up, there is nothing as a parent that I can do to prevent all of them. Just make sure they are your decisions and be prepared to take responsibility for the choices you make!

this is the beginning of severing the chord-----thye boy 2will do what he feels is right for him----trust him

Certainly there is a lot of drinking in college, but not everyone drinks. Some who drink don't drink much - to them a beer is a beverage. Some drink a lot. Try to get drunk. Some make bad decisions while drinking and regret those decisions. I know I did.

I was raised by drinkers, "taught" to drink. It was a fact of life at home, and I adopted that life style for many years. When I gave it up I was surprised how many people don't drink, or drink very little. Honestly I thought everybody drank like I did.

Interested in breaking the cycle of alcohol abuse in our family, I became involved in a local group which works to prevent substance abuse, including underage drinking. I've learned a lot. I've learned how alcohol takes a toll on teenage brains. How the odds of developing alcohol issues latter in life are much greater the earlier a person starts drinking.

I also learned that the most influential factor in whether and how much a young person drinks is the drinking (or non drinking) of their parents. It isn't a perfect correlation, but it is a strong one. The odds of drinking issues are greatly increased if a young person has seen a parent drunk.

I'm not telling anyone how to live their lives or raise their kids. I just wish someone had told me when I was young that it was ok to NOT drink. Certainly my parents never told me that not drinking was an option. It was expected.

I've raised my son with the belief that he does not need alcohol to be happy. When he goes to college he will make his own choices. Maybe he will decide to drink. At least he knows that a person can have fun, make friends, and be successful without drinking.

My son also saw his dad's life (I'm the mom) be destroyed by alcohol. But that's another story, not mine to tell.

And, just so I make a comment on the topic of drinking on a visit, my son says that the seniors he stayed with on his overnight visit had beer in their suite, but put it away when he spent the night. No one offered him anything alcoholic to drink.

A coach came to my home and when offered a drink,drank alcohol. Turned me off as a recruit. Went on a trip to a school that was recruiting me and they put me with young team members to party etc. The next day we were to fitness test so I wanted no part of it. Spoke to the coach and the put me up with a few seniors in their apt the next night. This was football though. My 2 cents.

Report the offenders to the NCAA and demand action. Providing alcohol to minors is against the law.

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
Report the offenders to the NCAA and demand action. Providing alcohol to minors is against the law.

Do that and there won't be many players left playing. Plus, the NCAA would not be the sanctioning body. It would be the university and local law enforcement.

quote:

Originally posted by jemaz:

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
Report the offenders to the NCAA and demand action. Providing alcohol to minors is against the law.

Do that and there won't be many players left playing. Plus, the NCAA would not be the sanctioning body. It would be the university and local law enforcement.

Local law could but would not care. Ask Penn State if the NCAA can make life rough for law breakers. The Sandusky affair was much more serious but the NCAA took action as well as law enforcement. Will there be fewer players left if this behavior is reported? Good. It bis time for adults to act like adults and quit babying these prima donnas.

These threads sometimes surprise me with some of the responses. By the time your son goes to college I would hope this has been talked about.Honestly most of the time its the kids whose parents are very strict and black and white that go off the deep end with drinking.

The teams will have parties at most schools your sons will attend.Alcohol will be there as many team members are 21.It is up to your son to be smart enough and strong enough to make good decisions.

Responsible drinking should be taught to kids these days so that When they face it they can make good choices.

I know some parents are adamantly aginst their sons drinking before they are 21,all I am saying is most do.These Freshmen that pledge to fraternities??? They drink.

Its not prima donnas only that drink.

I think parents need to be careful not to be so over the top,as many times those kids lie and drink behind their parents back.Trsut me on that.

Have an open dialogue and as Thrit says Trust your sons.If you have done a good job of talking and listening(meaning not just your opinons shoved down their throats) let kids be open and honest.

Youll learn a lot that way.And your son then has someone to talk to when and if something uncomfortable comes up.

Thats just my opinion.

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
These threads sometimes surprise me with some of the responses. By the time your son goes to college I would hope this has been talked about.Honestly most of the time its the kids whose parents are very strict and black and white that go off the deep end with drinking.

The teams will have parties at most schools your sons will attend.Alcohol will be there as many team members are 21.It is up to your son to be smart enough and strong enough to make good decisions.

Responsible drinking should be taught to kids these days so that When they face it they can make good choices.

I know some parents are adamantly aginst their sons drinking before they are 21,all I am saying is most do.These Freshmen that pledge to fraternities??? They drink.

Its not prima donnas only that drink.

I think parents need to be careful not to be so over the top,as many times those kids lie and drink behind their parents back.Trsut me on that.

Have an open dialogue and as Thrit says Trust your sons.If you have done a good job of talking and listening(meaning not just your opinons shoved down their throats) let kids be open and honest.

Youll learn a lot that way.And your son then has someone to talk to when and if something uncomfortable comes up.

Thats just my opinion.

Lots of wisdom along with the voice of experience in this post.

Well there sure is a lot of winking at giving alcohol to minors on a recruiting trip.Such "wisdom" is mind boggling. Do you feel the same about a little cocaine and pot thrown in there. I am sure you could see this as " boys will be boys".

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
Well there sure is a lot of winking at giving alcohol to minors on a recruiting trip.Such "wisdom" is mind boggling. Do you feel the same about a little cocaine and pot thrown in there. I am sure you could see this as " boys will be boys".

What I think is that hard-line thinking tends not to produce results that are positive for anyone and that communication and understanding and experience accounts for more good than anything else.

quote:

Originally posted by jemaz:

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
Well there sure is a lot of winking at giving alcohol to minors on a recruiting trip.Such "wisdom" is mind boggling. Do you feel the same about a little cocaine and pot thrown in there. I am sure you could see this as " boys will be boys".

What I think is that hard-line thinking tends not to produce results that are positive for anyone and that communication and understanding and experience accounts for more good than anything else.

You must mean that "hard line thinking" called personal responsibility and obeying laws.

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:

quote:

Originally posted by jemaz:

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
Well there sure is a lot of winking at giving alcohol to minors on a recruiting trip.Such "wisdom" is mind boggling. Do you feel the same about a little cocaine and pot thrown in there. I am sure you could see this as " boys will be boys".

What I think is that hard-line thinking tends not to produce results that are positive for anyone and that communication and understanding and experience accounts for more good than anything else.

You must mean that "hard line thinking" called personal responsibility and obeying laws.

If only it were that simple.

No hardline thinking is not the same as personal responsibility and obeying laws.

I dont know what happened with your sons recruting trip.I am not winking at alcohol being offered to minors.What I am saying is it happens that many underage kids drink.I am not saying I agree with it or dont.

I am saying that your own son needs personal responsibility as well.And if he goes to a four year school at 18,he will most likely be exposed to drinking.Doesnt mean he has to drink.There are players that dont drink and the team doesnt care.

I think if that is a problem for your son,maybe look for a dry campus or strong Christian school that he will be surrounded by players with a conviction to not drink.

You are making it sound like these older players are forcing them to drink.I know my son as a senior really didnt hang out with frosh.The older guys kinda hung together.My son was friends with the younger guys but for one thing most frosh are in dorms without cars,and the older boys are off campus and many have their cars.

Look I told my son this.I dont want you to drink,it is against the law.But if you do,if you are stuck somewhere with no way home,call me.Take a cab,I will pay for it.Look I want my son alive and healthy.I dont want him to binge drink and be stupid.I am saying that if you can be open enough to have communication,maybe you or your son may avoid a tragedy for him or another boy.

At 22 my son and his friends are very responsible.Rules still apply.Call me,take a cab,have a designated driver.

The worse scenarios are the kids who lie to their parents and are the biggest and most stupid drinkers on the team.

Yes we want them to obey the laws,for God sakes were not stupid,careless parents.

BUT sometimes kids make mistakes,it is a unfortunante part of growing up.Just show grace when it happens so they will come to you.Maybe then tey dont get in a car,and drive,and hurt themselves or others.

Hardline is this is my way,there are no exceptions.Yes it is breaking the law to drink underage,BUT it happens.More than most of you want to believe.

If you take that as myself or Jemaz are condoning underage drinking and being suppotive of breaking the law then I guess we just agree to disagree.

quote:

If only it were that simple.

If only!!!

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:

quote:

If only it were that simple.

If only!!!

It may not be simple but it could be done ,at least to a better degree. However the administrators do not pursue the correct path because they do not want to turn away students.It is about money. What a shock! Someone suggested that I had a bad experience with my son. I did not. He turned pro out of high school. I am familiar with these issues because I lived on the edge of a college campus for 15 years and am well aware of what goes on.

if you as a parent are cofident in what you taught your player as he grew up there should be no problems

I didnt suggest you had a bad experience.I said I didnt know what type of experience you had.

I just think drinking is an aspect of most college campuses.

If your son is a recruit let the staff know ahead of time that he is to go no where that there may be a possibility of alcohol serves.Coaches can put players in situations for the weekend with specific players and let it be known that they will not be taken to any parties,frats, etc.Thats the best way to avoid it.

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
I didnt suggest you had a bad experience.I said I didnt know what type of experience you had.

I just think drinking is an aspect of most college campuses.

If your son is a recruit let the staff know ahead of time that he is to go no where that there may be a possibility of alcohol serves.Coaches can put players in situations for the weekend with specific players and let it be known that they will not be taken to any parties,frats, etc.Thats the best way to avoid it.

It is a relative, not my son. I have close contact and much influence with him. Your suggestion makes sense. Thanks!

Sure .

Best of luck to your son.

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
Sure .

Best of luck to your son.

I said it is a relative and it is. However anyone that makes excuses for law breakers would not recognize the truth.I will not tell how he is related because he is beginning the hideous recruiting process and I do not want to have anyone jeopardize that.
My son was heavily recruited back in the day when you did not have to spend thousands to "sell yourself".

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
if you as a parent are cofident in what you taught your player as he grew up there should be no problems

You really do live in a dream world, don't you?

Touche

This is one of life's little tests. There will be many. As parents, you've probably talked to your son before the OV as well as instilled values and judgement over the prior 16-17 years. You hope they choose wisely.

I shared my story on page 12 of this thread. My son has zero respect (to this day) for the program that put him in a very difficult situation. OV recruits were arrested, as well as baseball team members for underage drinking. In addition to the criminal charges, I'm sure the coach made sure there were some stadium stairs run during that month. Let's just say the head coach was not happy with his team leaders, and there were many apologies to the recruits and their families.

fan 21


you have an interesting thought process

quote:

I said it is a relative and it is. However anyone that makes excuses for law breakers would not recognize the truth

I am really confused.

I know it is a relative.I said sure in response to the Thanks you posted.

I said good luck because you said your son was drafted out of HS and the season is soon to start.

Are you inferring that I am an advocate for breaking the law????

If you are that is insulting,if you arent then I am misreading your posts.

Honestly I have been on these boards since my son was 14, he is now 22.Lately I am beginning to wonder if it is even worh while to try and post a perspective different that anyone elses.

You used to be able to come on here and have really good debate,conversations.I am not finding that to be true.

Maybe that is why so many great posters of the past no longer post.

Isn't the purpose of an OV to see if you will fit in at the college?

I went on 3 visits... all were on friday nights. Why would I want to be kept in a dorm room if that isn't what kids do on campus? I would rather see what it is actually like at the school. The fact is that in one short year, you will be attending one of these schools. You will be hanging out with guys on the team on friday/saturday nights.

Not sure why you would even visit a college if they are just going to hide what life is like there.

2013LHP,

IMHO there is a vast difference between "hanging out with the guys on the team on friday/saturday nights" and bringing high school recruits to an "off-campus full blown kegger" after the head coach specifically instructed you not to 5 minutes ago. The difference is discretion and judgement.

I get your point, and when I was in school (and underage) we were discrete. "Discrete" is one of those judgement things that you learn while you are in college or possibly as a young adult. I don't want my kids living in a bubble, and I certainly would want them to experience an OV as it should be. But, I would expect a little more discretion than what we experienced in one particular case that nearly involved the police. My son went on several OVs. Alcohol was involved in almost all of them, and discretion was used in almost all of them except one. He crossed that "one" off the list real quick.

quote:

Originally posted by fenwaysouth:
2013LHP,

IMHO there is a vast difference between "hanging out with the guys on the team on friday/saturday nights" and bringing high school recruits to an "off-campus full blown kegger" after the head coach specifically instructed you not to 5 minutes ago. The difference is discretion and judgement.

I get your point, and when I was in school (and underage) we were discrete. "Discrete" is one of those judgement things that you learn while you are in college or possibly as a young adult. I don't want my kids living in a bubble, and I certainly would want them to experience an OV as it should be. But, I would expect a little more discretion than what we experienced in one particular case that nearly involved the police. My son went on several OVs. Alcohol was involved in almost all of them, and discretion was used in almost all of them except one. He crossed that "one" off the list real quick.

Good post fenway. As a father of a 17 year old just starting the recruiting process, and an 18 year old at a good state college, I think that "discretion" is key. Go out and see what the team is like. Most likely some acohol will be involved, and they recruit may or may not participate. Are we really so naive as parents that we think out high-school kids are not faced with this possibility on a regular basis, (as well as other less legal options)? Most kids drink in college, so what. If the kids sip on a beer or two its not the end of the world, but putting yourself in a position to get hurt or get arrested is another problem altogether.

Some parents and kids are more strict on this issue, and that is ok. However, if your looking for the kid to play ball for a team that does not have drinkers, good luck. Your options are probably BYU and Oral Roberts. The rest have 18-22 year olds that are no longer under their parents thumbs and are free to experiment. Your only hope is that you raised them with the proper DISCRETION, (and the few times they forget--which will most likely occur--pray that nothing bad happens).

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:

quote:

I said it is a relative and it is. However anyone that makes excuses for law breakers would not recognize the truth

I am really confused.

I know it is a relative.I said sure in response to the Thanks you posted.

I said good luck because you said your son was drafted out of HS and the season is soon to start.

Are you inferring that I am an advocate for breaking the law????

If you are that is insulting,if you arent then I am misreading your posts.

Honestly I have been on these boards since my son was 14, he is now 22.Lately I am beginning to wonder if it is even worh while to try and post a perspective different that anyone elses.

You used to be able to come on here and have really good debate,conversations.I am not finding that to be true.

Maybe that is why so many great posters of the past no longer post.

Sorry fan, but when you said "sure' to me, I thought that you were mocking the fact that it is a relative that I am concerned about . My son, who was drafted, has been out of pro ball for quite a while.I do not want to be specific about how this relative is related because I am afraid that someone might identify him and make things difficult.

Thanks. I don't mock people that isn't my style. I totally understand your concerns and protecting your relative.My son graduated in May and he got through it no
Problems.hope the best for your relative. Have a good 2013.

quote:

Originally posted by fanofgame:
Thanks. I don't mock people that isn't my style. I totally understand your concerns and protecting your relative.My son graduated in May and he got through it no
Problems.hope the best for your relative. Have a good 2013.

Thanks, fanofgame, this clears up the situation.
One disadvantage about communicating this way is that you cannot always discern tone and sincerity.
My apologies again for jumping to conclusions.Hope you have a great 2013 and beyond!

I am done with the recruiting process now and Have experienced a lot with it. I had a powerhouse D3 coach (National Title a few years back) sit there and tell me on my first visit that he would have me come back closer to the spring. Sitting there at the table with my dad, he said I will be going to a party with the players and meeting a ton of people. He went on to tell me how there might be alcohol around, but that's college.

I have my reasons not to drink and will not discuss them. I have no problem, as an 18 year old young man, saying no to alcohol. The funny thing was, on the car ride home, me and my dad talked about it. He knows he raised me right and trusted me, but I was the one to decide that any college who wants to persuade me with a party hasn't done their job throughout the recruiting process and probably isn't the place for me.

Just my 2 cents

The number one drug problem in the U.S. is alcohol. It is no wonder when you read posters saying" kids will drink in college,so what".The biggest problem is not when a kid illegally drinks a beer. Many think that binge drinking is cool. Getting smashed is the goal.The road to alcoholism begins and the college administrators turn their backs because they do not want to lose students. These are the clowns that have been entrusted with the welfare of the students. They are failing the parents and kids involved. Of course, they cannot police every activity but the facts show that they do not even try. But hey, this is HIGHER education and they want that tuition money!

Some of us Jaggerz do not think drinking in moderation is a problem, even for college students. I respect your right to not drink and parent the way you wish, but your characterization of everyone that drinks in college as binge drinkers on their way to alcoholism is ridiculous. Thank God we live in America so we both have the right to live the way we like.

quote:

Originally posted by jaggerz:
The number one drug problem in the U.S. is alcohol. It is no wonder when you read posters saying" kids will drink in college,so what".The biggest problem is not when a kid illegally drinks a beer. Many think that binge drinking is cool. Getting smashed is the goal.The road to alcoholism begins and the college administrators turn their backs because they do not want to lose students. These are the clowns that have been entrusted with the welfare of the students. They are failing the parents and kids involved. Of course, they cannot police every activity but the facts show that they do not even try. But hey, this is HIGHER education and they want that tuition money!

You are probably right, alcohol destroys more lives most likely than any other substance.
No one disagrees, but to say that we do not care about it and most of us think it's not a problem on college campuses, you are wrong.

This is a great topic, it began in 2005. Since that time my son also has been through the college scene and drafted, and without a doubt problems exist both scenes. And since that time, recruits are still being subjected to something that they most likely should not be, but I don't think that is going to change.

This topic is about teaching your children personal responsibility, you do your best to raise them to understand that whatever they do in their lives, good or bad, will most likely have positive or negative results. You cannot control what they do once they leave you and at 17,18 have to learn to trust they will make the right decisions.

if u trust your parenting it is case closed