MN-Mom posted:CoachB25, that just put a smile on my face! 😊
Wow! What a handle! Thank you for the gift of HSBBW!
CoachB25 posted:RJM posted:I wonder how many posters here know who Bob Howdeshell is.
Chief cook and bottle washer! LOL
Mr MN-MOM
I’m going to throw my hat into the ring and ask a question, since I overtstepped my bounds last year by texting the coach questioning why my son doesn’t get to play. Granted, this was middle school baseball. Obviously, it was not recieved well, and I apologized profusely for it. In fact, I regretted it iinstantly but texts are permanent. Fast forward to this year, my son is trying out for JV, and is vying for a roster spot of 16, with 21 trying out. My son’s middle school coach was promoted to JV now (my luck). So my question is: what are my son’s chances of getting a fair and unbiased shot at making the team? If he makes it , great, if not, we will get over it. I just don’t want it to be based on something stupid that I did.
KTCOTB posted:I’m going to throw my hat into the ring and ask a question, since I overtstepped my bounds last year by texting the coach questioning why my son doesn’t get to play. Granted, this was middle school baseball. Obviously, it was not recieved well, and I apologized profusely for it. In fact, I regretted it iinstantly but texts are permanent. Fast forward to this year, my son is trying out for JV, and is vying for a roster spot of 16, with 21 trying out. My son’s middle school coach was promoted to JV now (my luck). So my question is: what are my son’s chances of getting a fair and unbiased shot at making the team? If he makes it , great, if not, we will get over it. I just don’t want it to be based on something stupid that I did.
You are screwed
KTCOTB posted:I’m going to throw my hat into the ring and ask a question, since I overtstepped my bounds last year by texting the coach questioning why my son doesn’t get to play. Granted, this was middle school baseball. Obviously, it was not recieved well, and I apologized profusely for it. In fact, I regretted it iinstantly but texts are permanent. Fast forward to this year, my son is trying out for JV, and is vying for a roster spot of 16, with 21 trying out. My son’s middle school coach was promoted to JV now (my luck). So my question is: what are my son’s chances of getting a fair and unbiased shot at making the team? If he makes it , great, if not, we will get over it. I just don’t want it to be based on something stupid that I did.
Chances are the word was passed about “the dad.” Unless your son is going to be a legitimate contributor and a future varsity prospect he might want to try lacrosse or track.
When my son played 7th grade baseball there seventeen players. There were three moms from hell of bench players. The 8th grade coach went with a roster of fourteen.
Theres a performance/pain in the arse quotient that exists from school sports all the way through a business career. The more a person contributes the more crap is tolerable. Taking crap with no return on investment isn’t worth the stress.
I'll be the wishy-washy contrarian here. Your son might be okay. Did playing time change after your text? How did the coach handle your apology? How has your son improved in the past year?
Our coach is remarkably patient with players' parents but that's his personality and he suffers a LOT of second-guessing in the stands and even to his face, especially about game strategy. My son had an exceedingly difficult situation occur last year that was not his fault, and only tangentially affected playing time. He almost quit the team. His mom and I vented with each other, privately, but never talked to the coach about it unless he brought it up, which he did repeatedly as the situation evolved. We respectfully answered his emails but kept deflecting him back to talking with my son. The ice slowly thawed between them, kind of like a river after an Alaska winter, and he ended up having a great year.
I will say the culture of our kids' school is strange. 30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands.
More to the point: You might be screwed, but maybe not.
As I said, it was a mistake, and I regretted it immediately. After I apologized multiple times (sincerely), I met with the coach to discuss my son. I know he should have asked the coach himself, but he is very shy and doesn’t talk about his frustrations. The coach seemed to take the apology well, and he told me he needs to work on his confidence. I don’t think he is a spiteful person- seems very easy going and nice. My son worked hard in the off season, bulked up, and has refined his swing, as well as his defensive skills. I promised the coach I would disappear: he wouldn’t hear or see me anymore. This was before I found out he was the JV coach. If he cuts my kid because he doesn’t think he is JV material, I will not dispute it or question it, but I want his assessment to be based on HIS ability, and not what I did.
I was thinking similar to Smoke... how did the "apologized profusely" go? And, probably more important, how much did your son improve since not getting much PT in middle school?
BTW, welcome to the site. And thanks for posting. Your story can help others.
Related story... I stepped down has HC of a HS program this past summer. I get occasional calls/texts from parents regarding the new staff. I try to either stay out of it or show support where I can. Last night, got a text from a disgruntled dad. I tried to defuse. He then told me he already wrote a letter to the principal. Went past the coach, past the AD. Ugghhh. Said he was "voted" by other parents to do so. Told him to get the h$!! away from those parents and never do that again.
His kid is probably screwed.
PS - looks like we were typing same time. Sounds like you did all you could and it is likely up to your son to earn it. Best to him!
To your point HSBAseballweb, I agree with what you said. This however was an isolated incident, I wasn’t that pain in the arse that constantly complained. I hope the JV and Varsity coach will see him as an asset/prospect, otherwise I don’t want him to be in the team and ride the bench the entire year. There is nothing worse than riding the bench (especially in the cold). I did that part of my Freshman year in college, and hated life.
Thanks Cabbage. I sent the email only to the coach, and did not discuss with parents, so it’s likely that he is the only one aware of it. At the very least, I hope it helps a parent on these forums. Wish i knew about this site last year- you guys could have talked be off the ledge. I just hope my son’s fate is in his hands and has not already been determined. That’s all I’m hoping for.
There's a WHOLE lot of talking off the ledge around here.
smokeminside posted:I will say the culture of our kids' school is strange. 30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands.
Wow, that's crazy....how many of those parents even have any idea what they are looking at 
Buckeye 2015 posted:smokeminside posted:I will say the culture of our kids' school is strange. 30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands.
Wow, that's crazy....how many of those parents even have any idea what they are looking at
Sounds like you have a bunch of parents that smokemoutside !
Buckeye 2015 posted:smokeminside posted:I will say the culture of our kids' school is strange. 30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands.
Wow, that's crazy....how many of those parents even have any idea what they are looking at
Though I have never done that I would imagine they know exactly what to look for. It's not rocket science.
2020dad posted:Buckeye 2015 posted:smokeminside posted:I will say the culture of our kids' school is strange. 30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands.
Wow, that's crazy....how many of those parents even have any idea what they are looking at
Though I have never done that I would imagine they know exactly what to look for. It's not rocket science.
Well, in my experience, that group and the ones that show up to watch the whole practice every day often have a heavier tint to their rose colored glasses and they also have tunnel vision. It may not be rocket science but in their world, the earth is flat.
They are analyzing from the perspective of "what can I find that rationalizes my kid should be ahead of the others" instead of "how do each of these players measure up in total with one another".
For those I have offended, there are exceptions 
"...30-40 parents routinely show up for tryouts at the 7th-grade level, many with notebooks and stopwatches in their hands." That's flat out wacky.
KTCOTB posted:To your point HSBAseballweb, I agree with what you said. This however was an isolated incident, I wasn’t that pain in the arse that constantly complained. I hope the JV and Varsity coach will see him as an asset/prospect, otherwise I don’t want him to be in the team and ride the bench the entire year. There is nothing worse than riding the bench (especially in the cold). I did that part of my Freshman year in college, and hated life.
Most of what you've said sounds good, but I'm not a big fan of lessening the value that can come from riding some pine. You can learn a lot about a kid from bench time, and he can learn as well:
- How bad does he want it?
- What kind of teammate is he?
- Could learn from watching/listening to his coaches/teammates?
Spending some time on the pine is not a total waste. There are life lessons that can be learned about rooting for your teammates success, finding out what you are made of, self evaluation of your true skills, etc.
Agreed. Problem is as I have posted previously, he had very limited playing time in middle school ball. In football, he rode the bench as an 10-11 year old. While he is a starter on the JV football team now, one can only take so much of riding the bench. It builds character and resilience, but it also wears you down over time, and you question why you are doing this to begin with.
KTCOTB posted:Agreed. Problem is as I have posted previously, he had very limited playing time in middle school ball. In football, he rode the bench as an 10-11 year old. While he is a starter on the JV football team now, one can only take so much of riding the bench. It builds character and resilience, but it also wears you down over time, and you question why you are doing this to begin with.
I actually do feel for you. Every time we have a cold football game I think about all those parents who show up all the time to watch and support the team even though their kid doesn't play. Not sure I would be good at that. It's really tough to say when to find other activities. I always told my players (and it's true) that 20 years from now when they sit with their old high school buddies nobody's gonna be talking about how they were the star of the team or whatever. It's always about funny stories or stuff that happened on the bus or when the coach had a meltdown etc. shared memories. I think there is value in being part of a team but times are changing. You have some tough decisions facing you. Good luck.
Thanks. It is hard to stay positive. You can’t help but build up resentment over time. That’s how and why that email was sent out to the coach. It was during a game where there were like 10 kids there. The coach was not there and gave instructions to the acting coach on where and when to play kids. My son still didn’t get to play. My view has always been that middle school, and the beginning of JV is the time to give everyone a chance, so you get a real picture of what talent you have. Everyone knows that during those years especially, kids are still developing physically as far as size, skill and emotional development. The kid from 7th grade may be totally different a few years from then. This coach never really gave my son a chance to prove himself in practice and especially not in games. At this point it is too late to change sports nor would he want to. He is better at football, and is a starter so that will not change. As far as baseball, if he gets cut he is still good enough to play summer ball. He plays up on a 15u team ( which is similar level to school ball).
Kid riding pine, not making the higher team, etc is very frustrating. Unfortunately, it rarely ends well if the parents intervene. As much as they're not ready, especially if in middle school, our job is to coach our kids address it themselves. One day, our intervention will be an absolute non-option, so let them get the practice now.
My son is a HS senior, who still doesn't like to solicit advice/tips, which frustrates me to no end. At the end of the day, he's the one most impacted, so it's on him.
I agree. I learned my lesson fast last year. He needs to fight his own battles, fall and pick himself up.
Mentally active bench players contribute at every level. There is no excuse to come off the bench and not know the plays, signs, inning, out, situation, and etc. Stay in the game mentally every pitch/play. Steal reps even if only mentally. Know what's going on and be ready to contribute when called. So many times I've watched players names get called that are NOT prepared to perform. Pretty much sealing the deal to stay regulated to the bench. Nope it's not easy BUT that will get you on the field!
real green posted:Mentally active bench players contribute at every level. There is no excuse to come off the bench and not know the plays, signs, inning, out, situation, and etc. Stay in the game mentally every pitch/play. Steal reps even if only mentally. Know what's going on and be ready to contribute when called. So many times I've watched players names get called that are NOT prepared to perform. Pretty much sealing the deal to stay regulated to the bench. Nope it's not easy BUT that will get you on the field!
Watch for missed bases.
KTCOTB, every coach knows that once in a while an email is going to come. I never liked them. However, I never held that against the player. Those are two different things. Most likely, the coach knows that the player, if the player knew, didn't want that email sent. Your son was in middle school. So what? He has gone through puberty and is still developing. Have you noticed that the starting center on most middle school basketball teams are not the starting centers in high school? Puberty happens. Your son will be just fine if he put forth the time. If not, he already knows it. He'll either make or break it on his own. Finally, I was cut my freshman and sophomore years. I was a "stud" and "star" my junior and senior years. Believe me, I'm not alone.
Thanks coachb25.
KTCOTB posted:I agree. I learned my lesson fast last year. He needs to fight his own battles, fall and pick himself up.
It can get tough with lack of playing time or getting cut. But if it happens, a quick non confrontational conversation with the coach can help move things in the right direction. Pull him aside before practice one day and just politely ask what you need to work on to get back in the lineup or things he needs to improve for next year. You will always almost get an honest answer and more importantly it is an unbiased opinion on why you're not where you want to be. I think your kid will be fine in terms of the relationship, just be friendly if you see him and avoid apologizing/bringing it up again.
2020dad posted:Ok, when did coaches grow so soft? When are we going to wake up and take the testosterone crisis seriously and realize all this is part of the pussification of America. Never ever ever in my coaching career did me or ANYONE I coached with bring up a kids dad when discussing who should play and where they should play. Are you kidding me???! You put the best 9 on the field. If the coach is so soft he has to 'get even' with the dad by sabotaging a teenager... not much of a man. So if there is really a coach out there who has ever actually done this I would love to hear them admit it and defend it. We may discover this to be mostly myth.
Not sure if this applies but my son's youth travel coach definitely did. In his first 2 years of coaching the travel team, he experienced first hand the disruption to the team that crazy parents (and grandparents) would cause. It inevitably affects the on field performance. After the first 2 years, he screens the parents as much as the kids. He has turned away studs bec the parents are known to bring drama with them. This is one reason we stayed with the coach (the reassurance that he is doing his best to avoid disruptive parents).
However, that is youth travel though and not HS ball. I would think that off field disruptions and drama caused by parents can still affect on field performance in HS, but maybe not as much as youth travel where parents have more influence.
You know what I would love to hear sometime is what these 'crazy' parents do? Cause my son has played travel ball, high school ball, AAU basketball, high school basketball and high school football and I have yet to encounter this mostly fictional 'crazy' parent. Sometimes I think it's just 'the other parent'. You know the one who dares to act not like ourself? I think we all set a standard in our head and then that's it. Anything outside our own standard and we label a person crazy. And what about the guy who sits silent 99% of the time but loses it a couple times a Season out of frustration? Is he a crazy dad (by the way the craziest thing I ever saw was a mom). Or does the almighty coach on high just get to label people at their whim? Who gets to determine this? I sometimes yell 'run the ball' at our football games. In three years of football I have never once called or e mailed or sat down with the coaches for complant purposes. And rarely even speak to them other than hello. But I will bet anything some would qualify that as a 'crazy' dad. In all seriousness - just how soft are you people??
By the way as a coach I was made aware of parents yelling stuff from the stands occasionally. After the game. Why after the game? I can honestly say my focus on the game was so intense I never hear anything from the stands. That's the truth. Now I did while coaching baseball have a dad meet me at home plate IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME cause I pinch hit for his kid. That's pretty crazy. But so what? I mean really who cares? Was the entire team destroyed cause of that? Did I melt and cry? Why do some of you people care so much how others comport themselves. How bout this - just do YPUR job. Be it as a parent or a coach. Conduct yourself as you see fit and don't worry about what Mr Smith is doing over there. If he wants to carry a clipboard and wear a stopwatch around his neck and a stalker in his other hand why do you care so much? My weakness I must confess is delusional parents. I let them get under my skin. But whose fault is that really? Mine for sure. I need to let it go. I get viewed as a negative cause I will be blunt about Johnnies capabilities. That's my cross to bear and I really need to get better at letting it go. We all need to get better at letting some things go.
2020, it's sort of like what George Carlin said about other drivers: "anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac"
W2020dad posted:You know what I would love to hear sometime is what these 'crazy' parents do? Cause my son has played travel ball, high school ball, AAU basketball, high school basketball and high school football and I have yet to encounter this mostly fictional 'crazy' parent. Sometimes I think it's just 'the other parent'. You know the one who dares to act not like ourself? I think we all set a standard in our head and then that's it. Anything outside our own standard and we label a person crazy. And what about the guy who sits silent 99% of the time but loses it a couple times a Season out of frustration? Is he a crazy dad (by the way the craziest thing I ever saw was a mom). Or does the almighty coach on high just get to label people at their whim? Who gets to determine this? I sometimes yell 'run the ball' at our football games. In three years of football I have never once called or e mailed or sat down with the coaches for complant purposes. And rarely even speak to them other than hello. But I will bet anything some would qualify that as a 'crazy' dad. In all seriousness - just how soft are you people??
By the way as a coach I was made aware of parents yelling stuff from the stands occasionally. After the game. Why after the game? I can honestly say my focus on the game was so intense I never hear anything from the stands. That's the truth. Now I did while coaching baseball have a dad meet me at home plate IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME cause I pinch hit for his kid. That's pretty crazy. But so what? I mean really who cares? Was the entire team destroyed cause of that? Did I melt and cry? Why do some of you people care so much how others comport themselves. How bout this - just do YPUR job. Be it as a parent or a coach. Conduct yourself as you see fit and don't worry about what Mr Smith is doing over there. If he wants to carry a clipboard and wear a stopwatch around his neck and a stalker in his other hand why do you care so much? My weakness I must confess is delusional parents. I let them get under my skin. But whose fault is that really? Mine for sure. I need to let it go. I get viewed as a negative cause I will be blunt about Johnnies capabilities. That's my cross to bear and I really need to get better at letting it go. We all need to get better at letting some things go.
- Mother comes into the dugout in the middle of the game screaming at me for never playing her son in center or short. After all, he played these positions in LL. He wasn’t fast or quick enough to play these positions on a full size field.
- Father comes into the dugout and gets in my face for benching his kid. I had previously warned the kid after the first offense the next time he didn’t run out a pop up he would be benched. When I benched the kid he told me to my face it was f’n bull shoot. I told the kid to take a walk outside the field to the flag pole. I told him by the time he got back to the dugout either decide he wants to follow team rules or keep going, grab his father and leave.
- Mother brings a full dinner for her kid into the dugout.
- This was a kid I learned a lesson. I shouldn’t have put him on the team in the first place. It was a political decision. By the time the season was over the parents and I weren’t talking. We weren’t friends anymore either. The dad took it out in my son in basketball.
I played the kid in left. He hit .170. But of course he was a LL all star shortstop when his dad coached. When we ran a defensive first and third drill an entire practice he was the one kid who couldn’t throw out the runner from second to home. The dad was there watching the entire practice. A week later the mother corners me and asks why her son doesn’t play infield. I referenced the drill. The next game the father is up in my face warning me never insult the their kid to the mother again.
- In 14u travel softball I had a player who thought signs and rules didn’t apply to her. She was very talented. She was also very difficult to coach. She was kicked off every team the next three years. One time she was on the phone in the dugout in the middle of the game. I was at “had enough.” I yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, “Next at bat take your phone to the plate and call me for signals. Right now you better be ordering pizza for the entire park or get off the phone NOW!” No, her mother wasn’t pleased with my reaction. She pulled her out of the dugout and off the team.
How many do you want? These were all 13u and 14u when some parents have trouble accepting their kid isn’t a ball player or has a bad attitude he’s now willing to share. I just glazed over and assumed the dazed deer position until the parent was done. Then I told them to get out of the dugout and never consider coming in again. The great thing about travel ball is it’s easy to replace problems the following year. I could go on and on going back to to preteen sports and I’ve coached sixty plus teams. But in the scope of things it was a minimal and I’d do it (coach) again.
The stuff I witnessed and heard about at high school games was the typical coach doesn’t know what he’s doing, can’t judge talent, screwing my kid, going behind the coach’s back to the AD stuff.
I can’t imagine what it’s like for weak teams. Between my two kids varsity baseball and softball won the conference six of seven years and a second place the seventh and parents bitched.
My two favorite high school stories I witnessed was the parent who threatened to sue if her son was benched for going on vacation for a week in the middle of the season and the dad who claimed his son was screwed after getting benched for going 0-8 with five strikeouts, three errors and misplaying two gappers to the fence in three games.
I wasn’t aware of how stupid coaches are and how many parents who coached LL could do better until I wasn’t in the dugout for high school games.
When my son made varsity the coach was in his third year. The two previous years the team had losing records. But he was turning around bad play, bad attitudes and bad parents. The previous coach was owned and manipulated by the parents. Go figure under his reign the high school had seventeen losing seasons in twenty years. Once the new coach turned it around the program won five conference titles in eight years before he couldn’t take it anymore and quit.
Being a coach is a job that I don’t envy- never had the courage to do it myself in spite of my college and semi pro experience. I’m sure they are damned if they do, and damned if they don’t. It’s easy to second guess when you are a spectator. I have resigned myself to the fact that what is meant to be will happen, and I don’t have control over it. Unless someone puts a hand in my kid, I will not get involved, regardless of whether or not politics, favoritism, or bias have anything to do with how decisions are made. Let’s face it, I think it is less than 4% of kids will make it to the next level (Divison 1, MLB). If your kid is on his way there, god bless. For the rest of us, we will just have to sit back and enjoy the ride for how ever long that is. That depends on our kid’s ability and willingness to continue to play. When that goes, all we have are the memories, and the videos. I want my son to be able to reflect on that time fondly. We don’t need the drama, and if it means no HS ball, so be it.
In my experience the delusional parents are just unaware of how competitive things get along the way. They haven't experienced it themselves or with an older kid. Most were either gone, or better educated by 14U. The real problem are the few parents who are familiar with the process and should know better, but still overrate Johnny.
2020DAD, here're just example of what I have experienced first hand.
- 7u all star season. Team wasn't doing well. Coach organized a fun kickball game with the 7u B team during one of our practice to get the kids to relax. Half of parents in the team wasn't happy. A couple of dad started cursing loudly in the bleachers. One of them even slammed/punched the bulletin board in the quad and broke the glass on the board. Another mom (whose son isn't a starter on the team) goes to the coach during the middle of the kickball game and told him in a loud voice for all the parents to hear: "clearly, my son needs more practice as he is not getting enough playing time so not sure why we are playing kickball".
- 8u all star season. Family who's been a close friend of the coach is not happy. The families are in the same neighborhood, played rec ball together since 4u Tball, kids hang out at each other's house, and mom has been team mom since 6u all star season. Their kid was struggling that year and went to bottom of lineup (but no loss of playing time). Parents and grandparents started grumbling a lot in the bleachers during games, loud enough for most people to hear. They second guess everything, and question decisions that the coach does. Several other families who are at the bottom of the lineup got influenced by them. The parents broke up in 2 groups in the bleacher towards the end (the rest of the parents just don't want to hear the negativity). Halfway through the season, the family ceased all relationship with the coach's family. Their son is not allowed to hang out with the coach's son anymore (they were best friends before this). They purposely avoid them when they see each other in the neighborhood pool. They started bad mouthing the coach at school. While there was an impact on the team, the biggest impact is with the coach's family's personal lives.
- 9u travel season. This happened to another team we are familiar with. One of the dad on that team was a rec ball all star coach from 6u to 8u. Cops had to be called at 7u and 8u in our games against them bec of how he was harassing the umpires. Coach was banned from the district and state tournaments. The stud kid tried out for our travel team at 9u. Knowing the parent's personality and history, coach didn't take the kid. Kid went to another team. Fast forward several months later, the team and our team is in the same end of season out of town tournament. During their game against another team (we were watching the game), parents in the same team started a brawl against each other and cops have to be called. Apparently, the antics of that family caused the parents to splinter in 2 factions during the season and animosity developed between the 2 factions. As an example, one of things the dad did was have spirit shirts printed just for their faction. Half of the families in that team left right after the brawl. The coach has to beg one of the family to drive back so that they can have enough kids to continue playing in the tournament.
Above are just some examples. I have a bunch more (some I personally experienced, some I heard first hand from other parents). One of them is a friend of mine outside of baseball whose child plays in a lower age group. Apparently, my friend becomes crazy during games and would barge into the dugout in the middle of games to curse out the coach and demanding why her son isn't playing more.
RJM posted:W2020dad posted:You know what I would love to hear sometime is what these 'crazy' parents do? Cause my son has played travel ball, high school ball, AAU basketball, high school basketball and high school football and I have yet to encounter this mostly fictional 'crazy' parent. Sometimes I think it's just 'the other parent'. You know the one who dares to act not like ourself? I think we all set a standard in our head and then that's it. Anything outside our own standard and we label a person crazy. And what about the guy who sits silent 99% of the time but loses it a couple times a Season out of frustration? Is he a crazy dad (by the way the craziest thing I ever saw was a mom). Or does the almighty coach on high just get to label people at their whim? Who gets to determine this? I sometimes yell 'run the ball' at our football games. In three years of football I have never once called or e mailed or sat down with the coaches for complant purposes. And rarely even speak to them other than hello. But I will bet anything some would qualify that as a 'crazy' dad. In all seriousness - just how soft are you people??
By the way as a coach I was made aware of parents yelling stuff from the stands occasionally. After the game. Why after the game? I can honestly say my focus on the game was so intense I never hear anything from the stands. That's the truth. Now I did while coaching baseball have a dad meet me at home plate IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME cause I pinch hit for his kid. That's pretty crazy. But so what? I mean really who cares? Was the entire team destroyed cause of that? Did I melt and cry? Why do some of you people care so much how others comport themselves. How bout this - just do YPUR job. Be it as a parent or a coach. Conduct yourself as you see fit and don't worry about what Mr Smith is doing over there. If he wants to carry a clipboard and wear a stopwatch around his neck and a stalker in his other hand why do you care so much? My weakness I must confess is delusional parents. I let them get under my skin. But whose fault is that really? Mine for sure. I need to let it go. I get viewed as a negative cause I will be blunt about Johnnies capabilities. That's my cross to bear and I really need to get better at letting it go. We all need to get better at letting some things go.
- Mother comes into the dugout in the middle of the game screaming at me for never playing her son in center or short. After all, he played these positions in LL. He want fast or quick enough to play these positions on a full size field.
- Father comes into the dugout and gets in my face for benching his kid. I had previously warned the kid after the first offense the next time he did t run out a pop up he would be benched. When I benched the kid he told me to my face it was f’n bull shoot. I told the kid to take a walk outside the field to the flag pole. I told him by the time he got back to the dugout either decide he wants to follow team rules or keep going, grab his father and leave.
- Mother brings a full dinner for her kid into the dugout.
- This was a kid I learned a lesson. I shouldn’t have put him on the team in the first place. It was a political decision. By the time the season was over the parents and I weren’t talking. We weren’t friends anymore either. The dad took it out in my son in basketball.
I played the kid in left. He hit .170. But of course he was a LL all star shortstop when his dad coached. When we ran a defensive first and third drill an entire practice he was the one kid who couldn’t throw out the runner from second to home. The dad was there watching the entire practice. A week later the mother corners me and asks why her son doesn’t play infield. I referenced the drill. The next game the father is up in my face warning me. Ever insult the their kid to the mother again.
How many do you want? These were all 13u and 14u when some parents have trouble accepting their kid isn’t a ball player or has a bad attitude he’s now willing to share. I just glazed over and assumed the dazed deer position until the parent was done. Then I told them to get out of the dugout and never consider coming in again.
The stuff I witnessed and heard about at high school games was the typical coach doesn’t know what he’s doing, can’t judge talent, screwing my kid, going behind the coach’s back to the AD stuff.
I can’t imagine what it’s like for weak teams. Between my two kids varsity baseball and softball won the conference six of seven years and a second place the seventh and parents bitched.
My two favorite high school stories I witnessed was the parent who threatened to sue if her son was benched for going on vacation for a week in the middle of the season and the dad who claimed his son was screwed aftes getting benched for going 0-8 with five strikeouts, three errors and misplaying two gappers to the fence in three games.
I wasn’t aware of how stupid coaches are and how many parents who coached LL could do better until I wasn’t in the dugout for high school games.
When my son made varsity the coach was in his third year. The two previous years the team had losing records. But he was turning around bad play, bad attitudes and bad parents. The previous coach was owned and manipulated by the parents. Go figure under his reign the high school had seventeen losing seasons in twenty years. Once the new coach turned it around the program won five conference titles in eight years before he couldn’t take it anymore and quit.
Over how many years? And are people allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven? And the lady with the full dinner... if she brought me one too and it was good I would play that kid every day!!
I rarely saw parents with the chutzpah to act crazy or challenge the coach in front of everyone else. Instead, I would hear later, usually after the season had ended, about parents who had emailed the coach berating him (or other players) or challenging his game-day decisions, and marvel at what the coach had endured unbeknownst to the rest of us. Kudos to those coaches for handling these crazy-parent interactions with discretion and professionalism.
That said, I also have a couple of crazy coach stories, but I'd rather not spill them here.
There are way more crazy coach stories than crazy parent stories for sure. I was a horrible coach when I was young. I won. I won at places others could not. But I was a lunatic. A screamer. I berated kids. I didn't see it as berating at the time. And I was a popular teacher. And totally different in baseball than I was in basketball. I was always an assistant in baseball because basketball was my main sport. Kids really liked me in baseball. In basketball I may not have been hated but I maybe should have been. I am ashamed looking back at some of my language I used with these kids. Locker room meltdowns. My teams won. But I was so bound and determined to be the next great D1 basketball coach... it was all about me. I finally had an epic meltdown - no need for details - and I went to the principal and AD and accepted the girls head coach spot. It got me away from all the guys I knew in the coaching circle. The guys I had rivalries with. In those days it was the kiss of death to coach girls. Being a men's D1 basketball coach was now an impossibility. I relaxed took a breath and just decided to coach some basketball. Took a program that hadn't won in twenty years and brought it to be ranked in the top 25 in the Chicago sun times and tribune. I was still intense for sure. Gave those girls all of my effort. Hours upon hours of scouting, crafting game plans, watching film Etc. still occasionally yelled in the locker room - but in a much different way. I had grown up. I had to. I couldn't burn that hot for much longer without destroying myself. I have been around a lot more ignorant, foul mouthed, egotistical, narcissistic, hard ass coaches than all of us put together have seen the same in parents. Truth is the coaching profession breeds these attitudes. It is changing for sure but unfortunately now we get decent people with no passion or knowledge for the game!! Maybe someday we will get it right.
I guess my question is why when an old time hard ass coach goes off on defenseless kids do we laugh it off or say it will 'toughen them up' or whatever. But the minute a parent does the exact same thing to a grown ass coach we are horrified and wanting to ostracize him and send him to Siberia?
2020dad posted:I guess my question is why when an old time hard ass coach goes off on defenseless kids do we laugh it off or say it will 'toughen them up' or whatever. But the minute a parent does the exact same thing to a grown ass coach we are horrified and wanting to ostracize him and send him to Siberia?
It's the coach's job to win games...at least it used to be....now it seems like more and more it's a HS coach's job to keep everyone happy....players, parents, administrators, etc. When I played in the early 80's our junior high football coach would put pads on and run over us in practice...the guy was nuts....but we just thought "hey, he's just making us better". Not one person ever complained. I ran into him a couple years ago and mentioned it while his wife was standing next to him. She obviously had never heard the story. We all got a good laugh out of it and he said "can you imagine if a coach did that today?". 6-7 years ago, a group of HS girls basketball parents essentially got a very good coach ran out of the program because they complained that "she yelled too much". Keep in mind, some of these parents were friends of mine and their daughters were friends with my kids. These parents were complaining about the HS coach when their daughters were in 6th grade....and just kept ramping up the pressure to the point that the coach was let go. My daughter played for that coach a couple years earlier. My daughter at the time was one of the quietest girls you'd ever meet. I flat out asked her...."Does Coach #### yell too much". She said "dad, no, she yells...but it's just how she is...it's not like she's really being mean". I lost a lost of respect for those friends...and also the administration at my kids' school when they let the parents get away with running the program.
2020dad posted:I guess my question is why when an old time hard ass coach goes off on defenseless kids do we laugh it off or say it will 'toughen them up' or whatever. But the minute a parent does the exact same thing to a grown ass coach we are horrified and wanting to ostracize him and send him to Siberia?
... and you also said...
"There are way more crazy coach stories than crazy parent stories for sure."
Well, having had several of my own kids (and close friends kids) having gone through multiple sports, having been involved with coordinating many large format national youth/teen tournament events (direct exposure to thousands of parents and coaches) and having been in the coaching circles for dozens of years, that has definitely not been my experience. Sure, there have been those coaches but there have been exponentially more crazy parent stories than crazy coach stories.
Look, the coach is in charge of the baseball program and the parent is in charge of the household. A coach can't allow a parent to come into his program and start dictating the way things should be just as a parent wouldn't allow a coach to come into his household and start dictating the way things should be. No one is sending a parent off to Siberia any more than a coach is held accountable for reasonable methods to his coaching. Each needs to know his place and his responsibility.
You mentioned a previous scenario where you had a parent come to home plate in the middle of a game because you pinch hit for his kid. This was right after you suggested that the notion of a crazy parent is fictional. That is a crazy parent. Not his place. No reason or excuse can make that remotely sane or OK. If a coach just "lets it go" with things like that (as you seem to suggest), he will quickly lose control of his household and ultimately, that becomes a crappy environment for the kids, which is the primary concern here. And, yes, a coach has to have enough confidence and enough structure to his environment that 40 or however many players (and their parents) will follow enough to be part of something positive and productive instead of a dramatic $hit show. That's what they are hired to do.