Henry-
As you can see, it's a decision you and your son needs to make. You have been given advice from both sides of the aisle, some say there is absolutely nothing wrong transferring if it makes your son happy and it brings better opportunities for him, and others will call you a quitter and looking for the easy way out.
Regardless of the advice you receive on this board, ultimately it's your families decision and one that you have to live with. I'm sure if you decide to transfer, you will be just as much a man as the one who didn't transfer.
Good luck!
Yeah Henry, just like TR said above, many are looking for the easy way out because it's the easiest thing to do and the way of quitters. They should be taught to work through their difficulties and learn self-fortitude, dedication, loyalty, determination, hard work, will power, devotion, etc. To learn these traits at a young age will catapult him through harder times when he gets older.
Throw in all the advise you have read on here into a big ole pot, stir it up, and I'm sure you will make a sound decision.
Throw in all the advise you have read on here into a big ole pot, stir it up, and I'm sure you will make a sound decision.
quote:Originally posted by thats-a-balk!:
Henry-
As you can see, it's a decision you and your son needs to make. You have been given advice from both sides of the aisle, some say there is absolutely nothing wrong transferring if it makes your son happy and it brings better opportunities for him, and others will call you a quitter and looking for the easy way out.
Regardless of the advice you receive on this board, ultimately it's your families decision and one that you have to live with. I'm sure if you decide to transfer, you will be just as much a man as the one who didn't transfer.
Good luck!
TAB,
No one said he was a quitter. That's unfair. We don't know the whole stroy do we?
I used to feel the same way you did, once you have a player in college you might understand it's not an easy process and has to be thought out of very seriously and carefully. If the coach is one from h*ll that's a whole differnet issue, if that is really the way it is.
Henry, good luck to your player.
TPM-
This is the last I'm gonna comment on this subject and many others. I know you are well respected on this site and by me as well, but please, the insinuation here by some (not all) is exactly that.
If you cannot tough it out or suck it up and want to transfer well......read these quotes and spin'em any way you want!
kinda reminds me of a quote I to use just recently about this same issue: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. It sounds like your son decided to get going and not up and quit . I'm sure he's a better young man today for it.
Balk, if your son wants more playing time, encourage him to work harder, get to practice early/stay late, etc. etc. First sign of trouble or unhappiness and calls home you're ready to help junior quit .
Yeah Henry, just like TR said above, many are looking for the easy way out because it's the easiest thing to do and the way of quitters . They should be taught to work through their difficulties and learn self-fortitude, dedication, loyalty, determination, hard work, will power, devotion, etc. To learn these traits at a young age will catapult him through harder times when he gets older.
This is the last I'm gonna comment on this subject and many others. I know you are well respected on this site and by me as well, but please, the insinuation here by some (not all) is exactly that.
If you cannot tough it out or suck it up and want to transfer well......read these quotes and spin'em any way you want!
kinda reminds me of a quote I to use just recently about this same issue: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. It sounds like your son decided to get going and not up and quit . I'm sure he's a better young man today for it.
Balk, if your son wants more playing time, encourage him to work harder, get to practice early/stay late, etc. etc. First sign of trouble or unhappiness and calls home you're ready to help junior quit .
Yeah Henry, just like TR said above, many are looking for the easy way out because it's the easiest thing to do and the way of quitters . They should be taught to work through their difficulties and learn self-fortitude, dedication, loyalty, determination, hard work, will power, devotion, etc. To learn these traits at a young age will catapult him through harder times when he gets older.
I think there were opinions expressed but no one called his son a quitter.
Someonme who quits gives up the game, someone who transfers is not a quitter, but again needs to think thisgs through carefully.
JMO.
Someonme who quits gives up the game, someone who transfers is not a quitter, but again needs to think thisgs through carefully.
JMO.
Please ---someone tell me where I used the word quitter---Others do not put words in my mouth---I can speak for myself
Some of you of you are quite amazing in how you interpret things
Some of you of you are quite amazing in how you interpret things
You all are paddling up stream. We are a society of taking the easy way out. Divorce rate is at an all time high and climbing. Most folks change jobs every 5-7 years. Credit card debt is astronomical. Coaches leave their schools readily, sometimes before the ink on the contract is dry.
Why would we expect anything else from the kids out there. I'm not saying everybody or anybody on this thread fits in the shoes above.
However, how can you pass judgement on a kid that wants to transfer for WHATEVER reason. His life right? Don't meddle, let them figure it out on their own right? Then tell them they don't have what it takes, need to work harder, aren't focusing on the reason for being there.
Perhaps we should start a parenting forum and stop all this baseball talk. It is just a game right?
Lord knows raising kids right is hard enough. I thought baseball was a pleasant break...now I know I was wrong. Baseball is way more serious than life.
That ought to get this thread going....
)
Why would we expect anything else from the kids out there. I'm not saying everybody or anybody on this thread fits in the shoes above.
However, how can you pass judgement on a kid that wants to transfer for WHATEVER reason. His life right? Don't meddle, let them figure it out on their own right? Then tell them they don't have what it takes, need to work harder, aren't focusing on the reason for being there.
Perhaps we should start a parenting forum and stop all this baseball talk. It is just a game right?
Lord knows raising kids right is hard enough. I thought baseball was a pleasant break...now I know I was wrong. Baseball is way more serious than life.
That ought to get this thread going....
)quote:how can you pass judgement on a kid that wants to transfer for WHATEVER reason
People give their opinions ( which is interpreted by some as " passing judgement " ) when other people bring it up on an open forum and either ask for advice or say, " Hey,..whatta ya think about this? ".
Baseball, as well as with any other sport or extra curricular activity, is intertwined with our daily life experiences. How one deals with those experiences helps to shape and mold an individual for the future,....and that goes for all parties involved, not just the athlete him/herself.
The parents, the other team mates, the coach's, the umpire, the innocent bystander, etc. are all affected.
It's a blip of life experience that can be tucked under our belts and the knowledge gained from these experiences can be used for future situations that come up.
Lessons learned. The good the bad the ugly, its all part of it.
quote:Baseball is way more serious than life.
I like to think that if one applies the life lessons learned from baseball, it just may pave the way to make life ahead, a lil' easier.
quote:Originally posted by Henry:
I'd be interested in knowing what you all think of a situation like that.
I do beleive that someone asked for an opinion, so therefore you most likely are going to get it, not necessarily what you might like to hear, maybe a lot what you want to hear, but if asked, you are going to get it.
Now if you come on and tell us that son is transfering because he was unhappy, I would say congratulations and best of luck.
This is a perfect example of what happens here, opinions are given, based primarily on those of past experience. It's been that way since I came to the HSBBW and will always remain the same. You read and use what you want or don't want.
quote:Originally posted by Henry:
He HAS taken responsibility for his actions by saying to himself "I believed the **** this coach spewed at me during recruitment and I think I've made a mistake here." He doesn't blame anyone but himself for not being more probing, more curious. He acknowledges that his biggest mistake was not talking to more rank and file players before signing on. He only spoke to players hand picked by the coach to guide the recruit. So he has taken responsibility and I resent that you assume he hasn't. And I guess you mean me when you call me the "helicopter". Yes, I'm going to try and help him be happy again, so sue me. What kind of a parent would turn his back on his kid and say "Oh well, you picked the school, you deal with it." And I do have a rooting interest in this in that I'm paying the tuition here. There's no scholarship involved. So why don't you now try and answer the question as asked. Is this specific situation a legitimate case for transfer. There isn't anything my kid can do to change the situation and by the way, about 90% of his teammates feel the same helplessness.
Henry, I am not negative in the least about players transferring. My own son did it for very legitimate reasons and never regretted it. I've known many players to do so. I think my biggest concern is when a player transfers because mom and dad think he should. Mom and dad don't feel that superstar son is getting the time he should be, etc. I think it's up to us to support our kids and make sure they realize the pros and cons of any situation.
I had two kids (well, still have them!). One very athletic and sports skills came naturally to this one (oldest one). Then the younger one who never had any natural athletic ability. I can honestly say that the younger one feels she contributed as much to her teams as the older one. That is in large part I believe because of the lessons she saw with her older brother and that I always wanted him to know he was no different than the kid that cheered from the bench every game. I tried to teach them to do their best, to support all their team mates and to respect their coach. Those are things that the weakest player should be doing as well as the strongest. If a kid is truly a team player, he adjusts much better to whatever role he is given.
Obviously, there's always two sides to a player wanting to transfer. Kinda like a married couple that's getting a divorce. You hear each side of the fence and often the truth is sitting right in the middle. The only one that's responsible for a college player's future is himself. It's the first step in taking responsibility for their future. They are the ones that have to live with the decision one way or another. Hopefully regardless of what they choose, they'll learn lessons that will benefit them for the long term.
Some pretty passionate views from some on the transfer issue.
If I may, let me just add mine.
My wife and I have a wonderful son who we have raised for the better half of nineteen years. During those years part of parenting was to know when to let our son fail and when to prevent it from happening. The allowing it would make him a better and stronger person in the long run, and the preventing it would keep him from harm possibly physically and mentally in the short term.
Move forward a few years. When our son showed signs that he might have enough talent to play baseball beyond little league, I turned to this website for some advice. Not parenting advice, but baseball advice. There are hundreds of people here who can offer me outstanding advice on conditioning, on colleges and coaches, on recruiting and scholarships.
There are many who can pass along great advice about pitching and catching. A ton of this advice I have taken to heart, sent PM's asking for more in depth advice. All beneficial to my son.
The one thing that no one can do on this site is tell me what is best for my son. They cannot raise my son better than I can. Many on here can offer their experiences (which are greatly appreciated by the way) which can be very helpful.
Some here may feel that if you allow your son to transfer it shows a sign of weakness, or it's wrong because your not preparing him for future failures in life. You are allowing him to take the easy way out.
Those are all opinions and everyone is entitled to his own. But when you start labeling parents and or kids because they are making a decision based on their needs, wants, or any other reason is just simply wrong.
As I stated, we raised our son for the better part of nineteen years and feel we did a pretty darn good job at it (look at my profile). If I feel that my son transferring would be in his best interest, regardless of the reason, then that's what he will do. I have have enough confidence in my parenting ability to know that this will not keep him from learning the values of life.
Let me say this,
I can't promise you my son will ever be a hall of famer. I can't promise you that my son will ever be the president of the United States. But what I can promise you is regardless if my son transfers ten times or zero times. Regardless if my son plays every inning or zero innings, my son will never be considered a loser, quitter or weak. What he will be is a well educated, well respected, respectful outstanding contributor to society. As a parent, that's all I can ask of my son.
I hope I did not step on anyones toes, that was not my intent. Just remember, one size does not fit all.
From one former coach to the parents, read this site and absorb all the great baseball advice that is given.
From one parent to another, trust your parenting skills and do what you feel is right for you, your child and your family.
It is your decision and yours alone!
If I may, let me just add mine.
My wife and I have a wonderful son who we have raised for the better half of nineteen years. During those years part of parenting was to know when to let our son fail and when to prevent it from happening. The allowing it would make him a better and stronger person in the long run, and the preventing it would keep him from harm possibly physically and mentally in the short term.
Move forward a few years. When our son showed signs that he might have enough talent to play baseball beyond little league, I turned to this website for some advice. Not parenting advice, but baseball advice. There are hundreds of people here who can offer me outstanding advice on conditioning, on colleges and coaches, on recruiting and scholarships.
There are many who can pass along great advice about pitching and catching. A ton of this advice I have taken to heart, sent PM's asking for more in depth advice. All beneficial to my son.
The one thing that no one can do on this site is tell me what is best for my son. They cannot raise my son better than I can. Many on here can offer their experiences (which are greatly appreciated by the way) which can be very helpful.
Some here may feel that if you allow your son to transfer it shows a sign of weakness, or it's wrong because your not preparing him for future failures in life. You are allowing him to take the easy way out.
Those are all opinions and everyone is entitled to his own. But when you start labeling parents and or kids because they are making a decision based on their needs, wants, or any other reason is just simply wrong.
As I stated, we raised our son for the better part of nineteen years and feel we did a pretty darn good job at it (look at my profile). If I feel that my son transferring would be in his best interest, regardless of the reason, then that's what he will do. I have have enough confidence in my parenting ability to know that this will not keep him from learning the values of life.
Let me say this,
I can't promise you my son will ever be a hall of famer. I can't promise you that my son will ever be the president of the United States. But what I can promise you is regardless if my son transfers ten times or zero times. Regardless if my son plays every inning or zero innings, my son will never be considered a loser, quitter or weak. What he will be is a well educated, well respected, respectful outstanding contributor to society. As a parent, that's all I can ask of my son.
I hope I did not step on anyones toes, that was not my intent. Just remember, one size does not fit all.
From one former coach to the parents, read this site and absorb all the great baseball advice that is given.
From one parent to another, trust your parenting skills and do what you feel is right for you, your child and your family.
It is your decision and yours alone!
Great post!
Very good post.
tguf:
Nicely stated.
Nicely stated.
Well said! 
TGUF,
Nice post.
However, I don't see anyone telling anyone how to be a parent. Everyone approaches things differently. What I do see today, IMO, is a child telling their parents they are unhappy on the field and then there's the let's fix it quick attitude so you can be happy again. There's a LOT of importance placed on college baseball because most players want to go farther and reality is, it doesn't happen often.
Lots of stories. Here's one. Player is a ERA starter leader in his very small conference and transfers to a larger conference with big expectations as a closer and can't get it done, unhappy at school, he doesn't play much, parents are furious, where he was a star he is now on the bench. They want him to start, that was not in the agreement. Player is drafted but not as high as the parents liked, they are furious with the coaching staff. It's their fault. I am not sure how he is doing in pro ball. Did they not realize their player just didn't do his part? It was someone elses fault.
For many it works out well, but the above is only ONE example of countless stories where parents are at fault but the program or the coaches. May not be in this case, but this is why I do post what I do sometimes.
The object is to think carefully about each decision, from transfering while in HS so your son can play, from your college choice, to going pro after HS, to transfering in college, etc. It doesn't matter why as long as you accept responsibility in who gets the blame. I am not looking at that player as a quitter, but have heard too much, it's the coaches fault stuff over teh past few years.
Nice post.
However, I don't see anyone telling anyone how to be a parent. Everyone approaches things differently. What I do see today, IMO, is a child telling their parents they are unhappy on the field and then there's the let's fix it quick attitude so you can be happy again. There's a LOT of importance placed on college baseball because most players want to go farther and reality is, it doesn't happen often.
Lots of stories. Here's one. Player is a ERA starter leader in his very small conference and transfers to a larger conference with big expectations as a closer and can't get it done, unhappy at school, he doesn't play much, parents are furious, where he was a star he is now on the bench. They want him to start, that was not in the agreement. Player is drafted but not as high as the parents liked, they are furious with the coaching staff. It's their fault. I am not sure how he is doing in pro ball. Did they not realize their player just didn't do his part? It was someone elses fault.
For many it works out well, but the above is only ONE example of countless stories where parents are at fault but the program or the coaches. May not be in this case, but this is why I do post what I do sometimes.
The object is to think carefully about each decision, from transfering while in HS so your son can play, from your college choice, to going pro after HS, to transfering in college, etc. It doesn't matter why as long as you accept responsibility in who gets the blame. I am not looking at that player as a quitter, but have heard too much, it's the coaches fault stuff over teh past few years.
TPM,
We all read things differently and leave it up to interpretation. jmo
Thanks
We all read things differently and leave it up to interpretation. jmo
Thanks
Theygrowupfast commented:
I'm not sure who is labeling or where that happened. But I do know that if a person comes to an open forum and asks a question like:
Quote from Henry:
They leave themselves wide open for a vast amount of different opinions and when people give their opinions I dont happen to think they are wrong for doing so.
Theygrowupfast quote:
I'm guessing you probably wont need to ask the rest of us for our opinions before you and your son make that decison either, right?
Before we all get bees in our bonnets, ( That saying makes me sound like I'm 90! tee-hee ) it is my belief that this post originated by TPM was done so with the intention of helping others.
There has been an overload of parents who seem very discontented recently and she reached out to help.
As Quillgirl suggested earlier, perhaps many use this forum to vent and I for one, think its good that there is a place to do that.
We all need a spot where we can bounce our ideas, thoughts, and opinions off one another. Doesn't mean we all have to agree.
Thank goodness we all don't think we know everything, cause if we did, there would be little conversation, we'd all be boring as heck, and darn wrong for sure!
quote:But when you start labeling parents and or kids because they are making a decision based on their needs, wants, or any other reason is just simply wrong.
I'm not sure who is labeling or where that happened. But I do know that if a person comes to an open forum and asks a question like:
Quote from Henry:
quote:Playing time aside, are there any legitimate reasons any of can think of for a kid wanting to transfer? Some of you seem to think that there is no good reason and that it's the parent who's unhappy 100% of the time. Suppose a kid (and the parent if you must) are ok with the playing time that he's receiving but very unhappy about a coach's methods, philosophies, on and off field demeanor (closed minded, narrow-thinking, miserable, never smiling, never joking, never lightening up at all!), in-game decisions/coaching and overall baseball knowledge? What then? Should the kid not pursue another route? What if the kid comes to a parent out of the blue and explains these things and states to you "For the first time in my life, I'm not having fun playing baseball"? What then?
quote:I'd be interested in knowing what you all think of a situation like that.
They leave themselves wide open for a vast amount of different opinions and when people give their opinions I dont happen to think they are wrong for doing so.
Theygrowupfast quote:
quote:If I feel that my son transferring would be in his best interest, regardless of the reason, then that's what he will do.
I'm guessing you probably wont need to ask the rest of us for our opinions before you and your son make that decison either, right?
Before we all get bees in our bonnets, ( That saying makes me sound like I'm 90! tee-hee ) it is my belief that this post originated by TPM was done so with the intention of helping others.
There has been an overload of parents who seem very discontented recently and she reached out to help.
As Quillgirl suggested earlier, perhaps many use this forum to vent and I for one, think its good that there is a place to do that.
We all need a spot where we can bounce our ideas, thoughts, and opinions off one another. Doesn't mean we all have to agree.
Thank goodness we all don't think we know everything, cause if we did, there would be little conversation, we'd all be boring as heck, and darn wrong for sure!
quote:I'm not sure who is labeling or where that happened.
shortstopmom,
Let's just say you might say "Tomato" differently than I do.
Along with TPM, I think most posters post with the intentions of helping others. I'm not gonna get in a tit for tat like some others have on this board and thread, I posted what I felt needed to be posted and how I felt some were using some words I disagreed with in their advice. No doubt in my mind they meant well, but as I read some of it, yes labeling would be a word I would use to describe it. This is my opinion and mine alone.
Yes shortstopmom, I will continue to seek advice from this site because as I stated earlier, I have received a ton of advice that has been beneficial to my son. I will also continue to offer my opinions where I feel they need to be expressed, because like you, I would hate for this board to become so boring I remove it from my favorites folder!
quote:I will also continue to offer my opinions where I feel they need to be expressed,
.....I sincerely hope that you do.
I do think some people need to get thicker skins---this IS JUST a website and many of you are hiding behind profiles with no depth or info--
Hope that wasn't directed toward me TRhit. You can go directly to my profile and get any info about me you want, no hiding behind a profile here. I'm also comfortable enough to know that anything I post, whether it be appreciation for advice, giving advice, or even constructive criticism, it all has substance.