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Read this before you post about how unhappy your player is

TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
I have been amazed about the number of posts lately regarding parents posting about their players being (for whatever reason) unhappy. I am sometimes not sure whether it is the player or the parent themselves. Expectations have to be realistic.

Being through HS and college, I myself as well as son have found many times that things weren't always the way he or we liked them. The bottom line is that no matter how wonderful things appear, how good our players are, or we think they are, baseball is not an easy road. Whatever road you take, however far you go, there are always obstacles that one has to face and many times you find yourself questioning your decision. That's normal just like life you have to take each day, each game, each inning, each at bat, each year as it is your first and could be your last and do whatever you can to improve YOUR game, being a good team member and not worry about how the coach is screwing you, someone is better, you made a wrong choice, etc.

Some things I have found along the way that son dealt with on his own, with or without advice.

Will you always get the playing time you want?

Most likely no, in HS and in college. Every coach runs his team differently, in college it is big business. The coach makes decisions and sometimes they don't always seem fair, he has his reasons and that's it, just like your boss at work does what he wants and you have little or no say in the situation. The more you dwell on his decisions or develop and attitude, the less success you will have wherever you are. As we have stated over and over, coaches don't always play the best players, sometimes it's about loyalty, sometimes about experience, sometimes about winning, sometimes because you need to develop your game (even though you think you are the best at that position), sometimes you are not fully in his plan for another year or two. Sometimes you get lucky, a player gets hurt, gets drafted and as a freshman you get an early shot, it does happen often. Make sure that you have summer plans to improve and play as much as you can to improve and get noticed in HS and college. Don't rely solely on your HS coach or even your college coach or scouts at every game.

The coach lied to me.
Did the coach really make you false promises or is this your opinion. Where you so excited to get signed, you didn't realize there were more in front of you, you had to work harder to prove yourself, maybe you were just a backup guy for that program where in another you could have been a starter. Into half a season, how can you complain you haven't had enough playing time? Do that after seasons end. Things change rapidly the farther the season goes, starting pitchers are tired, position starters get banged up. You are now into 20+ games in a 56+ game season. Be patient. Even if you have done well a few at bats, a few innings, doesn't mean you are ready that moment. If a coach tells you that you will be a starter when he signs you as a senior in hS, remember things change, often. The only thing he should promise you as a scholarship player is a roster spot. The rest is up to you.

Did you make your decision on where to go to school on basebal only?

Bad choice, IMO.

Will you get drafted in college.

The truth is most likely not. Even if you are the best pitcher or best batter on your team, a very succesful college player doesn't always equate into a successful pro player or getting drafted. Lots of this depends on you as an individual player, where you play, who you play under, type of program, competition you face and whether a scout thinks you have pro potential. I always think it's better to concentrate on your degree than becoming a pro player, because in reality, that's what is most important. Everything else is icing on the cake, IMO. Remember, things change, a pro prospect in college can become a marginal player, and a marginal player can become a prospect. So much depends on your future potential, your growth and maturity. Because you are a college senior playing your best ever, does not mean you have a future in baseball. In fact, the older you are in college, the less likely you may be desired. You have to have GREAT stuff at 22,23,24 as you are "old" already.

Do I ask my parents to ever get involved.

Never, unless there are issues regarding overuse, and most likely that can only be while in HS. A situation that I know a parent pulled a college coach over to the side and complained about playing time and how unhappy his son was and how much better he was. The truth was the player was not unhappy and the player was not better than anyone else. When given his chance, he didn't perform and lost it to others, even younger than him. Do not speak to anyone else about your situation but your coach.

How will I know that this is the perfect "fit" for my choice as to where to go to school and playball.

Hardest question of all to answer. What appears to be the best choice may not be when you get there. Every program is run differently and you don't know that until you become a part of the team. What may have been a good year before, may not be the year you enter, and that causes lots of tension that may not have been there before you came. You have to learn to adjust to coaches and their demands, possible changes, their attitudes and their goals. If you can't do that, don't play college sports. You'll never be happy, no one is 100% happy, I can tell you that. Trying to get out of a situation because you find it not to your liking, may or may not mean the next place is better for YOU. Don't assume teh grass is greener. Yes, sometimes you have to get out, a good reason the coach is evil, period. Go with the flow, the more you do this the less likely you will be unhappy. Remember, coaches during recruiting are courting you, you don't find out who they are until you are with them 90% of your time and most likely you won't be happy 100% of the time. Are you all happy with your boss all of the time?

My post may have some familiarity, as I have taken some questions or situations posted here for my opinions.

Also, one may argue each situation is different, I don't agree with that. The situation your player is facing most likely has been faced by many before you. This is the norm, not the exception, usually.
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shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
Wow,..TPM, you beat me to it. I too was just making a post about what seems to be a wave of dicontented parents lately at the highschool level.

I had been wondering if it was just human nature or something else?
You have probably hit the nail on the head about the reason fitting under an umbrella of parental expectations.

What I have also observed is that the players themselves dont seem to be complaining, so that continues to restore my faith as to what is happening in the baseball worlds/communities across America.

Many recent parental complaints are of this nature:

- At tryouts, my son did not make the level that " I think " he should have.
- My player does not get enough playing time.
- Other players on the team aren't very good.
- Why is the coach playing player X over player Z?
- " I " contacted the coach and now he's giving my son an attitude.
- My son has been black listed.
......and the list goes on.


I watched a kid recently week, who hasn't got a hit in the last three years, go up to bat 4th in the line up. ( my inner head/voice said, " huh ? " )
This kid hit one,.... ( and it was a beauty I must say! ) over the CF fence with runners on base! Cha ching!!

( Me and my stupid-stupid, " Huh? " head! ) More proof, I know NOTHING. Why did I second guess the coach's decison??

There are lots of things we parents don't always understand or agree with, especially when it comes to certain decisions that the coach(s) makes. But the truth be told, bottom line, it is hands down, the Coach's team.
He makes the decisions. We as observers have to learn to live with them.
The players seem to already understand this.


I also watched a parent yell from centerfield to his son sitting on the bench. " Tell your coaches to get some brains and put you in. You're the best *&%@$! player/pitcher on the team!! ".
Player continued to sit.
7th inning,...same player gets off the bench & takes right field. His dad is standing at the fence livid. The player calmly looks over to his dad and says, " Dad, I came to the game late. You cant be late. I'm in the game now. That's what counts. "

I know that father didn't enjoy that game.
He stood steaming with his ears on fire about his son not playing.
Doubt he took much note of his son's team mate who hit one over the fence for the first time in his life that night, or the sophomore who's quick thinking turned a double play and ended a crucial inning for us.
The value of these kinds of awesome moments unfortunately gets lost on the parent who is so consumed with the idea that his/her own child is being " wronged ".

I hope this father asked his son after the game, " Why were you late to your game ? " and then talked to him about the importance of being on time, etc. I also hope he noticed that the team still won inspite of his son sitting the bench.
( Remember that kid who hit one over the fence? Well he was actually filling in for this father's son's usual batting spot. )
Hopefully that event alone triggered the idea to both father and son, that no one player is more important over another.
I truely hope he didnt spend the rest of the evening telling his son how stupid his coaches were for not playing him for most of the game,...... but I have a feeling that's probably what happened.
I also have a feeling the coach probably got a livid phone call/email from this parent.
I'd also be willing to bet the coach wasnt going to meet this parent with a giant happy grin on his face either,...but, that just my best hunch. Wink

Parents,...please enjoy these four years of ball. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Consider it your challenge to find a way to overcome adversity. Take the high road, teach your sons that good things dont always come easy and that this too is just a tiny blip on the map of their life.
How these players and how we as parents handle these situations will help mold our children into what they will be in the future.
Its sooo important.

Enjoy the game,...if your son isn't playing,.....watch, observe, and cheer on the team, just like he is.
Don't miss out on special team moments.
Enjoy the team, not just your own player,....but the team as a whole.

There is a whole lot of satifaction that comes from watching the new, green-still-wet-behind-the-ears-catcher make an amazing throw down to 2nd, or the pitcher who finds his zone after a few harsh innings, or the left fielder who slides through the wet grass on his belly with his glove up and the ball sitting pretty inside of it.

Your son is watching. He's learning. He's overcoming. Join him.

We as parents can learn alot from our kids.
Last edited by shortstopmom
averner3averner310+ posts
Once in high school or college player needs to develope rapport with coaches and address any issues he / she has.Parents need to let "little birdy" fly out of the nest.Without this chance to succeed or fail the parent becomes an enabler of parental dependancy.Give the kids a chance and most times they'll figure it out.Life is not always fair and sometimes knocks you down,The true test is what you do after that.

trojan-skippertrojan-skipper1,000+ posts
Good posts folks...
Here are a couple of more anecedotes that happened to us just this week.
1. Starter forgot pants... had to sit out. I wasn't going to ask another kid to give up his pants.
2. DH has shin splints bad.... mom e-mails my assistant coach, "can he play somewhere else where he wouldn't have to run much?" ... I mean folks, in the words of Larry the Cable Guy, that's funny I don't care who you are.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
Sometimes I wonder if the kids would be unhappy if this generation of parents didn't tell them they're supposed to be unhappy. I think it's the parent's ego getting bruised their kid isn't the star or a starter.

I never remember my father commenting on anything negative regarding teammates and coaches. I remember one year of college summer ball the coach promised twelve position players starting positions. When I complained to my dad he asked what I was going to do about it. He meant on the field, not complaining to the coach.
Last edited by RJM
ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
quote:
Parents,...please enjoy these four years of ball. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Consider it your challenge to find a way to overcome adversity. Take the high road, teach your sons that good things dont always come easy and that this too is just a tiny blip on the map of their life.
How these players and how we as parents handle these situations will help mold our children into what they will be in the future.
Its sooo important.

Enjoy the game,...if your son isn't playing,.....watch, observe, and cheer on the team, just like he is.
Don't miss out on special team moments.
Enjoy the team, not just your own player,....but the team as a whole.

There is a whole lot of satifaction that comes from watching the new, green-still-wet-behind-the-ears-catcher make an amazing throw down to 2nd, or the pitcher who finds his zone after a few harsh innings, or the left fielder who slides through the wet grass on his belly with his glove up and the ball sitting pretty inside of it.

Your son is watching. He's learning. He's overcoming. Join him.

We as parents can learn alot from our kids.

shortstopmom - these are very powerful words and stirred some emotions in me. If I am reading what you are saying correctly, I believe you are saying that there is tremendous honor in being on the team. I can even think in my own experiences, where you get caught up in what position someone is playing or where they may be hitting in the order or whether or not they are even playing for that matter. If that is the only focus, many of these team blessings for which you speak can be missed and I regret I missed some of them - moreso when I was a boy than in my son's experiences.

This also reminded me of a story and it demonstates how children can change or affect the lives of adults...

During my son's pre-hs years, I was always glad just to be the scorekeeper as it was something I enjoyed. For our 14 year old pony travel team however, I was asked to be an assistant coach. I agreed to coach first base and I would keep score at the same time Smile

On the day we held tryouts for this team, it was snowing on and off all day. Only 16 kids showed up for tryouts and we were going to keep 12 kids. One kid named Drew made the team by default. Another kid actually played better than Drew but he gave the vibe he was a trouble-maker so we kept Drew. We considered him to be the 12th man on our bench and didn't expect him to play that much. Were we ever mistaken about that!

As is the case with any baseball team at any level, not all 9 guys you play are going to perform well. With the slim pickings we had that year, that was almost assuredly the case. As time went on, Drew started to grow on us. He was a first-one-there and the last-one-to-leave types. Always had a smile on his face. Would give the shirt off his back type of player. I have never to this day met anyone as unselfish as him. In short, everyone loved that kid.

We started finding resaons to put him in the lineup. He started in the 9 hole and he played mostly first base. As time went on, he willed himself to become better and he did. We kept moving him up in the order and he started to pitch for us. At the end of the year, he clearly was one of our best players. Never forget him and it shows the power that a player actually possesses. Think about all the fun you can have looking out for the other guy and being on the team. I assure you someone will notice and they just might not ever forget.
Last edited by ClevelandDad
hokieonehokieone5,000+ posts
I have one son in his final year of college ball, one in his second.

The posts on here are truly dead-on, 100% correct. You can like 'em or dislike 'em, but print them off and save them, then come back to read them when your sons have been in college a couple years,and you'll see they were gospel correct.

One added bit of advice: if your spouse doesn't use the computer, and can't look up your college guys' stats on the internet, don't make the mistake of teaching them how. Roll Eyes
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
From truthorfiction.com ...

Bill Gates' High School Speech on The Eleven Rules of Life-Fiction!

Summary of the eRumor

Bill Gates spoke before a group of high school students and gave them his eleven rules of life.

The Truth

This is not from Bill Gates. It's an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes. It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school and directed at high school and college grads.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, thanks for the information. Either way I've never seen it before.
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
Stagedad,

How about the parents of kids who have watched them go from star of youth baseball - to toilet bowl - and then back again.

Do you think they might know a thing or two?


TPM - I thought that was really great insight - and I agree with what RJM posted about this generation of parents.

I think if you keep things as simple as you can - if you work really hard and play really hard whenever you get the chance - if you fight through the ups and downs with your head held up high - if you ignore the hype and the naysayers - and if you truly enjoy playing the game - you will have a good experience - regardless of the ultimate level you obtain or how others measure success.

I also think it helps alot if you can tactfully tell your parents to keep their mouths shut and act like adults and not like spoiled brats - if necessary.
C CaBB1,000+ posts
Excellent advice from all the experienced parents. I'm going to print it up and give it to my son. Most importantly, I will memorize the advice for his upcoming college years(for me). I too have noticed alot of complaining parents on the site recently. Hopefully they will read TPM's advice and take it to heart.
MN-MomMN-MomHSBaseballWeb Owner
Very good posts.

I think most of the time the parent is a lot more upset about the amount of playing time, or the batting order, or the stats, or whatever, than the player is. Often the player understands better WHY he is not playing, or is playing where he is. And the parent's first job should be to shut up and not make themselves and their son miserable. Second job is to watch the game, enjoy it, and applaud their son's team and teammates. Heck, go ahead and applaud a special play by the other team, too!

Just let your player play. It's the best game in the world.

Julie
Last edited by MN-Mom
quillgirlquillgirl100+ posts
I think (hope) that sometimes the complaints are contained to this board. Maybe some parents use this as a way to vent and voice frustrations, but they leave it here. In a way, this becomes a "therapy board" doesn't it?! For every upset parent on board, there are several who answer and say "I know what you are going through..." I think people just want to be heard and validated, even if they know they have to be quiet in real life and let the game play out.

A recent story from our family file:

We arrive at a game. Our sophomore son is usually the starting catcher (over a senior) but on this occasion senior is behind the plate and son is in left. This was also true of a previous game. My hubby's jaw gets a bit tight, and he mumbles to me "When did son lose the starting position?" (He'd never say this to son or coach, by the way.) I point out that son IS starting. Also that he understand the coach's dilemma: the last two teams are big hitters/slow runners, we have a young pitcher at the plate who will probably give up some deep hits to left, and the team's best option for left field control is our son. The senior behind the plate might give up a few more passed balls/bases, but a hole in left has cost us too many runs in previous games. Hubby immediately relaxes and says, "Oh! OK..." and sits down. Son comes in behind the plate after 4 innings (senior doesn't have endurance) in which we're holding at 1 run behind, and we fall back by 6 because of uncaught balls in left. <sigh> I actually wish son could have stayed in OF a little longer.

Sometimes the coach just has to figure out how to make the best of things.
Infield08Infield081,000+ posts
Even things that seem to work against our sons in the beginning usually end up helping them in the long run.

Case in point: one of my son's teammates, a senior, received an 8.5 PG rating and throws in the upper-80's. The coach never uses him to pitch; he just plays outfield. What originally began as a pretty significant source of frustration for him and his parents has turned out to be a huge blessing -- he was recently recruited as a pitcher by a top Texas JUCO, whose coach is absolutely thrilled that his new signee will have a fresh arm come August.

My own son, who was recruited by several colleges as a middle-infielder, is playing third base this year. The only thing we've been able to figure is that maybe he had the strongest arm in the infield and the coach needed him there. Our son has never played third base in his life and really loves the middle-infield. But we are choosing to look at things positively, realizing he's getting the chance to master a new position. And by doing so, he is increasing his chances to start somewhere in the infield when he gets to college.
Last edited by Infield08
H HenryMember
Playing time aside, are there any legitimate reasons any of can think of for a kid wanting to transfer? Some of you seem to think that there is no good reason and that it's the parent who's unhappy 100% of the time. Suppose a kid (and the parent if you must) are ok with the playing time that he's receiving but very unhappy about a coach's methods, philosophies, on and off field demeanor (closed minded, narrow-thinking, miserable, never smiling, never joking, never lightening up at all!), in-game decisions/coaching and overall baseball knowledge? What then? Should the kid not pursue another route? What if the kid comes to a parent out of the blue and explains these things and states to you "For the first time in my life, I'm not having fun playing baseball"? What then? And before all of you jump on the "well, if he's not enjoying it anymore maybe it's time to give it up" bandwagon, all I'll say is that that has been examined and is not the issue here. I'd be interested in knowing what you all think of a situation like that.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
quote:
What if the kid comes to a parent out of the blue and explains these things and states to you "For the first time in my life, I'm not having fun playing baseball"? What then? And before all of you jump on the "well, if he's not enjoying it anymore maybe it's time to give it up" bandwagon, all I'll say is that that has been examined and is not the issue here. I'd be interested in knowing what you all think of a situation like that.
There are some legitimate reasons to transfer. But do most kids take the time to really think through their situations and address the issues with the proper people?

I don't believe this generation of kids is as mentally tough as previous generations. Our generation doesn't even approach our parents. We didn't deal with depression and world war.

This generation of kids is more likely to look for a place to assign blame and move on. In many cases this generation of parents have been enablers. Some kids can't look inward, come to the realization some of the problem is their fault and take responsibility for their actions.

Then there's that ever present helicopter hovering overhead at the ready to swoop in for the rescue.
T thats-a-balk!100+ posts
Henry-

I offered the same question and this is some of what transpired.

by thats-a-balk
College is a business, period. They are there to make money just like any other business.
If you are unhappy at your business, not enough money, you look elsewhere. If you get tired of or don't like the line of work your in, you look elsewhere.
If a student does not like the education he is receiving or school he is attending, he changes schools or drops out. No different for an athlete. If he is disappointed in his lack of playing time, he has every right to transfer (with penalty). If a player is disappointed they cut his scholly money and it cost him more money to attend this business, he has every right to transfer (with penalty).

Each person including student and athlete is different, each situation is different. To use such a wide brush in painting athletes that transfer is just wrong and closed minded.

by YoungGunDad
I will say that I still don't agree even with college kids moving all over the place if they don't like their ___________ (fill in the blank(s). Seems to me that they should learn how to investigate things more in-depth before making a decision. A lot of headaches can be eliminated if this were taught better by parents and/or mentors. Yes, things change unexpectantly. Learn to suck it up and forge on..grow up.

by thats-a-balk!
Society is full suck it up people who were told to grow up and were afraid to make changes. Let the kid (in college) make his own decision on what he wants to do.

Alot of talking out of both sides of the mouth on this site. First it's keep Daddy out of it, let the kid handle his own issues from high school on. Then it's tell the kid to suck it up, grow up. You can mentor/educate but you can't have it both ways.

I will fill in the blanks-

I will support my son moving from one college to another if he doesn't feel he is getting the education he is paying for and deserves. Better than dropping out.
I will support my son moving from one college to another if he wants more playing time than he is receiving and still has that burning desire. Better than quiting all together.
I will support my son moving from one college to another if a coaching change occurs and he no longer feels comfortable with the new staff.

I have no son in college yet, but not one of these scenarios will ever cause me to tell my son to suck it up and grow up. If other opportunities are available and it will make my son a better student, athlete and person entering society, I'm all for it.

This is not an attack on you YoungGunDad, this is just my opinion and how I feel about these issues.

by YoungGunDad
The "fill in the blank" scenario's I speak of are these kinds:

I don't like my head coach. I wanna quit the team.

I don't like my teammates. They don't like me. I'm transferring.

I should be playing every day and not riding the pine. I'm going to the D3 school close to home next semester.

Balk, if your son wants more playing time, encourage him to work harder, get to practice early/stay late, etc. etc. First sign of trouble or unhappiness and calls home you're ready to help junior quit. Is this your advise for him from now on when things get tough? Quit? Whatever happened to the theory of out working someone to EARN the spot?

The 3rd one you mention is quite hilarious. Transfer because of a coaching change because he no longer "feels comfortable"? You're kidding, right? The only reason a kid would use this excuse is because the new coach(s) aren't playing him!

I was raised in an era when "The going gets tough, the tough get going." Not "throw in the towel because I haven't the fortitude" to stick it out.

Just as you mentioned when you finished, no attack on you Balk...but how I feel about these issues.

Nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree.


by thats-a-balk!
C'mon Young, get real.

What makes you think working harder, staying late, going early etc. etc. has not already been exercised?
You know, there are just some kids who are better than others and always will be. You make it sound as though transferring is the lowest form of shame and failure known to mankind! It happens everyday, are all these kids failures?

First sign of trouble? I didn't mention anything about trouble. Unhappiness? Sure, I hope my son and I have a close enough relationship where he seeks my advice when things are not going well. Please don't put words in my mouth or assume what I would tell my son. If you want to put a spin on it and use the word quit, go ahead.

I still use the theory of working hard and earn a spot, but at some point you have to make a common sense decision and decide if you would be better off elsewhere and admit the better man or athlete won. If not, you can waste four years, probably for most, your last four years not playing much. Again, it has nothing to do with not working hard or quiting, has to do with moving on to a better situation.

And last but not least, I don't see what you find so hilarious about a coaching change transfer.
I guess just a different sense of humor than me.
Most kids who make decisions on what schools they will attend have who the coach is pretty close to the top of their list. Why in the world would an athlete attend a University if they didn't feel comfortable with the coach. I don't think they would.
So again, don't assume or use such a broad brush when you say they only reason my son or any other kid would leave because of a coaching change is their not playing.

One last thing, your era is no different than mine, "The going gets tough, the tough get going".
The towels not being thrown in, the young man is still gonna "stick it out", same work ethic, same enthusiasm, same love for the game. The only thing that will change, is the scenery.

No quitter or failure in my eyes. Just a young man who wants to fulfill a dream and enhances his chances to do so!
H HenryMember
He HAS taken responsibility for his actions by saying to himself "I believed the **** this coach spewed at me during recruitment and I think I've made a mistake here." He doesn't blame anyone but himself for not being more probing, more curious. He acknowledges that his biggest mistake was not talking to more rank and file players before signing on. He only spoke to players hand picked by the coach to guide the recruit. So he has taken responsibility and I resent that you assume he hasn't. And I guess you mean me when you call me the "helicopter". Yes, I'm going to try and help him be happy again, so sue me. What kind of a parent would turn his back on his kid and say "Oh well, you picked the school, you deal with it." And I do have a rooting interest in this in that I'm paying the tuition here. There's no scholarship involved. So why don't you now try and answer the question as asked. Is this specific situation a legitimate case for transfer. There isn't anything my kid can do to change the situation and by the way, about 90% of his teammates feel the same helplessness.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
If there is a situation that is so intolerable, then transfer is in order.

But what is intolerable? In the years I have been posting here, I know of only 2 situations from websters where there was an intolerable situation, the rest was for more playing time, finances or homesick, or not doing well in class.

The advice I can give is DO YOU HOMEWORK when it comes to finding out about coaching presonalities. They've most likely done there homework on your son, do as much as you can on your end. We made phone calls to people that we knew regarding coaches before he committed. Friends, people who have know coaches for years, parents of players. You can get that info, just look in the media guide (most addresses and numbers listed) and make a random call to speak to parents. Have your sons do homework to find out if they know anyone who knows anyone from the team. Go to a game, a few games, watch the coach in a game and how he interacts with the other coaches, umpires, dugout. Body language is easy to figure out. Read up on the coach, where he was before, who played under him, how many years, winning or losing coach, etc. With the internet you can find out just by searching a bit.

All coaches just like each one of us have their quirks, strong points and weak points. If your son played in HS or a travel team where he was one of their favorites, that's not gonna happen in college. Coaches, IMO, no matter who they are or where your go, are not out to be your players best friend.
My son is very close with his former pitching coach and always will be, but they've had their moments, even so much as little conversation for days after son got his azz chewed several times over three years. The best part was every time that happened he improved so coach said "no problem I'll get on you for every little thing as long as you listen". I am not sure my son would be where he is if not for him. He may not have understood it at the time, but he did the day he was drafted. The funny part when he told us when he got his azz kicked, we agreed with the coach! Some other parent may have found him to be too hard on their player, but my son knows now that if a train came the coach would have stood in front of him. He lives his life for his players.

I saw a coach at a game once have a hissy and I said I would never let my son play for someone like that, yet I know players who adore him. He stands up for his players, may not be what we expect, but that's just the way he is, some like him, some don't.

Your sons will learn more lessons from the tougher coaches than the easy going ones, JMO.

Mine who had a great over all college experience called several times to tell us he didn't want to play anymore, it wasn't fun. We listened, never gave advice unless asked and in a few days it was over. This is normal. What many have to understand is that as they get older, the fun game now becomes hard work, dedication and in college or beyond a business. That's why I say have your sons play for the shear joy and pleasure as youngsters for as long as they can and give them no pressure about the game. Put away the guns, the video camara, that stuff can come later on. Some may say their sons love it, but they don't know better. As they get older plenty of radar guns will be pointing at them for more important reasons than, "how hard should my 12,13,14 year old be throwing".

I consider myself at times an enabler as a parent, most are. But there comes a time when you have to know when they truely need your help and when they can figure it out for themselves. The sooner you begin the process, the easier it is for your kids to grow up and make decsions on their own, without your help. You should only be there to listen, especially when they leave the nest.

I find it ironic that parents that don't like coaches attitudes towards sons (especially after a bad game whether it be individual or team) most likely read them the riot act when they were younger about a cr*ppy game. If your kids are still young, forget about it, go have some ice cream or a burger, because channces are they are gonna get it later on from someone when expectations and stakes are higher. Smile
Last edited by TPM
T thats-a-balk!100+ posts
quote:
Although I feel there are some very caring supportive people, they have their opinions.
Seems like a lot of the newer posters get very taken back when someone responds with something they might not want to hear.

fanofgame,

I agree with most of what you said, but there is a big difference between "something you might not want to hear" and being negative. When someone comes on here seeking advice (especially newbies) the last thing they are looking for is the negativism. Give advice, but don't make the poster regret visiting this site.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
quote:
Originally posted by Henry:

What kind of a parent would turn his back on his kid and say "Oh well, you picked the school, you deal with it." And I do have a rooting interest in this in that I'm paying the tuition here. There's no scholarship involved. So why don't you now try and answer the question as asked. Is this specific situation a legitimate case for transfer. There isn't anything my kid can do to change the situation and by the way, about 90% of his teammates feel the same helplessness.


I must be a bad parent, I would have told son, you made this decision now you make the most of it.

If you are paying the tuition YOU should have helped him.

It's not usuaul for most of the team to dislike the coach at times, especially if they are having a losing season. I know on son's team when coach wasn't happy, they banned together and PLAYED like animals to win, sometimes for coach to get off their backs. That meant extra time in the cages, better conditioning, asking more questions.

A winning coach (no you don't have to win every game) is a happy coach, remember that. The team shares much responsibility as to what goes on. It's up to the team to make sure that the coach stays happy. Big Grin
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
Henry,
I know you are new posting here. Ya gotta take the good info with the bad, the negative with the positive.
Sift through it & see what you can use, if
anything.

You asked:
quote:
So why don't you now try and answer the question as asked. Is this specific situation a legitimate case for transfer.


Go with your gut about your own personal situation and never let a message board make/break your decision. When you come to an open forum, you need to understand that you are going to get opinions from all across the spectrum & from multiple directions. Some might hit ya right between eyes, others will be far off.
Use what helps you.


~ Best of luck ~
Last edited by shortstopmom
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
quote:
Originally posted by thats-a-balk!:
quote:
Although I feel there are some very caring supportive people, they have their opinions.
Seems like a lot of the newer posters get very taken back when someone responds with something they might not want to hear.

fanofgame,

I agree with most of what you said, but there is a big difference between "something you might not want to hear" and being negative. When someone comes on here seeking advice (especially newbies) the last thing they are looking for is the negativism. Give advice, but don't make the poster regret visiting this site.


TAB,
There may be some who are negative, ignore it, listen to the advice, move on and let's not highjack the thread. Wink
Last edited by TPM
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
quote:
What kind of a parent would turn his back on his kid and say "Oh well, you picked the school, you deal with it."


Ummm,...well, gotta admit, I am that kind of parent. If son regrets his decison at the college level and cant work through it, then son needs to figure out what he wants to do.
For what its worth, if he comes to me I am going to tell him what I have always told him: You dont solve problems by going around them. You solve problems by going through them.

quote:
unhappy about a coach's methods, philosophies, on and off field demeanor (closed minded, narrow-thinking, miserable, never smiling, never joking, never lightening up at all!), in-game decisions/coaching and overall baseball knowledge


I'm curious as to why this wasn't noticed before your son committed? Has the coach's personality changed just recently? If so, there could be legit reasons for it.

I agree with TPM's words:
quote:
Your sons will learn more lessons from the tougher coaches than the easy going ones,


I'm not sure what age your son is or what level college ball he is playing, but I do wish him good luck with his future.
Last edited by shortstopmom
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
ssm,
Good post, sounds like mine, you wann get together and have a cup of coffee. Big Grin

ssm sets a great example, I never heard any whinig from her and her son's path hasn't been easy!

Henry,
Some good points made here, remember we are only hearing one half of the story and not all of the details.
FutureBack.MomFutureBack.Mom1,000+ posts
Henry ...

Welcome to the HSBBW. It seems like this might have been a tough thread to begin your first postings, as some of us oldtimers have pretty strong opinions about these issues ... especially if we have seen them or experienced them ourselves.

Hopefully personal feelings and/or preconceived notions don't cause those seeking advice to confuse 'something you don't want to hear' with negativism. I suspect that when we hear something we don't want to hear, we interpret it as negativism (quite often). If someone is expressing their opinion based on factors in their life (similar situation, years of experience, etc), and it differs from what you anticipated when you made your post, it is not necessarily negativism. It is (their) reality ... as they know it and have experienced it ... even if it isn't your reality. If you are treated respectfully when someone answers your question ... even if they don't agree with you or you don't like what they say ... I would hope that it should be enough and a simple "I don't happen to agree with you on this" is sufficient to get your point across.

As in many situations, IMHO, there is often a valid reason to change one's mind about a decision they have made. In this case, it is your son's decision to play baseball at a particular school, which he now regrets. It is a shame that he (and you) didn't see this in advance, but hopefully it can be remedied to everybody's satisfaction.

I agree with shortstopsmom on this (as I do on many of her very wise posts):
quote:
Go with your gut about your own personal situation and never let a message board make/break your decision. When you come to an open forum, you need to understand that you are going to get opinions from all across the spectrum & from multiple directions. Some might hit ya right between eyes, others will be far off.
Use what helps you.


PS ... TPM ... sorry if I pirated the thread further ... I will stop now

PPS ... While our son was in college, I learned that he made a special effort to get to know the coaches on a closer level ... he stopped by their offices AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK to just sit with them and chew the fat (old-timer term). They got to know him better as a person and he got to see them in a different light off the field. Some people considered it 'brown-nosing' but personally, I thought it was pretty clever. I have actually recommended this to other players and parents since then because I think it was beneficial to all ... it gave him a new perspective on the game as THEY saw it, and it gave them a new perspective on him ('cause they obviously didn't believe all the wonderful things I said about him LOL ).
Last edited by FutureBack.Mom
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
The problem is that today the kids do not want to "work thru" the difficulties. Ther majority are looking for the "easy" way out

I have always taught my kids to take care of business on your own, even at an early age--if it gets real "sticky" then come to me for help.

My son had both the recruiting coach and the Head Coach leave his school after three years for other positions--they, he and I are still in contact with each other and this is nearly ten years later---he made it all work, I didn't. All to his credit.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
FBM,
The hijack comment was to TAB, who was getting into "negative" stuff, something I don't see in this thread. Wink

I think all advice and comments have been great!

I liked your comment about seeing it from the coaches side, that's an important point! I am not sure if players know what stuff they have to deal with on a day to day basis.

I remember the first few weeks son was into his freshman season, team was young and NOT doing well. He called us to tell us that he was on a losing team in HS and didn't want to play on a losing team in college maybe he made a wrong choice.

I remind him of that sometimes, he smiles. Smile
Last edited by TPM
YoungGunDadYoungGunDadHSBaseballWeb member since 2005
quote:
Originally posted by TRhit:
The problem is that today the kids do not want to "work thru" the difficulties. Ther majority are looking for the "easy" way out

I have always taught my kids to take care of business on your own, even at an early age--if it gets real "sticky" then come to me for help.

My son had both the recruiting coach and the Head Coach leave his school after three years for other positions--they, he and I are still in contact with each other and this is nearly ten years later---he made it all work, I didn't. All to his credit.


Great post TR.

kinda reminds me of a quote I to use just recently about this same issue: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. It sounds like your son decided to get going and not up and quit. I'm sure he's a better young man today for it.
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