2014 Anxiety

Might be one of the best comments I have seen on this site.  Let members voice their opinions and feelings.  It is too often that someone posts something and they get swarmed for a couple words that they chose that are really not relevant to the topic as a whole. 

Also 2014

Also on a rollercoaster

Also going to East Cobb

Also help with email communications as needed

Also know my son can handle pressure and workload of baseball at a difficult school

Also hope a great choice is made soon

It's not my purpose to attack.  It's my purpose to help.  My point is that what he's doing almost certainly is not helping and could well be hindering his son's prospects. Therefore my advice is that he stop.

 

He didn't want to hear it.  I got that message loud and clear.  That doesn't change my message.  And to the extent someone expects me to say, "Well, if you feel that strongly, then I guess the rules of the road are going to be different for you," that's just not helpful at all. 

 

Even if he chooses not to listen, perhaps others will.  That's the point of a web board.

 

As to helping with e-mails, I do recommend that parents help their sons compose e-mails, especially early on, so that the player's note to the coach is written in a manner that projects the player as someone who could succeed at that school.  Also, quite often teenagers are simply not attuned to the fact that overly familiar correspondence or other means of communicating that are common among their peers can land with a thud when received by a middle aged coach.

 

That being said, we're talking about a parent helping a son compose quality correspondence to be sent by the player over the player's name.  This is a very different thing from mom or dad writing the coach on the player's behalf.  That should NEVER happen.  Someone can come on here and pretend it won't matter, but they would be dead wrong.  It does matter, it is never received positively, and it is often received negatively.

Concur with your points...as originally stated and now. Glad you took the time to share them.

Aleebaba,

 

You're not alone on the Anxiety Train with your 2014.  The majority of baseball family's are struggling with the same issues that you are.  My son graduated HS in 2011, and I remember the rollercoaster ride that we were on as a family prior to his commitment.

 

I agree with the majority of everyone else that your son SHOULD BE filling out all questionnaires himself.  If help is needed, of course, it's your responsibility as a parent to guide him.  My son filled out every questionnaire (college & professional). I made photocopies and kept them in a folder.  We kept all written correspondence (email copies & direct mail) in order with each school.  The order was based on the universities apparent interest in my son, and his top choices.  I helped him formulate a contact list with emails and phone numbers for area coaches/recruiters that had shown interest.  Prior to upcoming tournaments, I'd help him put together emails that went out to 15-20 coaches on his list.  I helped with the first, and it was his job to change the name(s) on each subsequent email that went out.  He answered each & every correspondence on his own.  Now, because he was 17-18 years old and didn't have a good grasp on his email account, I admittedly baby sat his email account for several months.

Everything changed on July 1st prior to his senior year of HS.  Obviously, that's the date that coaches can contact players by phone directly.  Teenagers are extremely comfortable with their cell/smart phones and 247son is no different.  Coaches were calling & texting him directly, and I was happy that he had no problem checking his texts, etc....  However, the next few months was sort of a Double Edged Sword, as he continued to receive calls/emails from several coaches, but nobody was pulling the trigger. In the meantime, his friends/teammates were committing to schools. Yes, we were very happy for everyone, but you do begin to wonder when/if your son will get an opportunity?  Plenty of Anxiety indeed.

The Good News for my son is that he had a tremendous showcase tourney in front of several decision makers three weeks prior to the early signing period.  A few of the coaches on his contact/wish list were in attendance, and the following week our family went on a few official recruiting trips.  247son committed about a week prior to the early signing period.

 

I'm not going to lie, it was stressful.  With that said, it was well worth the ride!  It's important that you take a deep breath and enjoy everything, because before you know it 2014 will graduate HS and be off to college....Time Flies!

Whatever happens, do not let your son settle because he feels there are no more options coming.

There are many players who do take offers just because of the program, that doesn't always work out, you would be surprised. 

You,He will understand who really wants your player and not just as a back up guy.

Following the WWBA 18U tourny on Game Changer today while lefthook pitched caused my anxiety to rise a little, since it will probabaly be his only outing there this week ....lol...but it eased after a good outing.....why do we do this to ourselves...hehe

That is bull midlo as you did not get message "loud and clear" and you continue to attack, (with attaboy from greenlight).   You essentially said that because I filled out a questionaire I was a "helicopter parent."  You now keep trying to defend that position, which continues the animosity.  You don't know me or my son, one way or the other.  I don't mind advice, but you generalized and went over the line.  You make good points, but please realize that some of your comments were based on limited information and are ridiculous.  If you are going to keep giving feedback, which you are more than welcome to do so as you are very knowledgeable, please refrain from making huge assumptions on limited information, especially when thread was not meant for you.     

Wow, Aleebaba.  You assert that Midlo Dad "did not get the message 'loud and clear'", and then go on to write a whole paragraph demonstrating that Midlo Dad heard it exactly right-- you don't want to hear his advice.

 

In fact his advice is sound.  It may not be appropriate for your style of parenting, but it is hardly "ridiculous", and doesn't cross any line that I can see.

 

I'm also bemused by the comment "especially when thread was not meant for you."  This is the Recruiting Questions section.  How could a thread not be meant for someone with the wealth of experience Midlo Dad has?  Or does your comment really mean please only respond if I (Aleebaba) will like the response?  The value of any thread lies primarily in informing readers other than the original poster.  If that weren't true, this board couldn't possibly survive.

IMO, a parent filling out a questionaire won't hurt his son's chances, but one sentence from the OP caught my eye: "I have sent emails to colleges."   I strongly believe, as does Midlo Dad, that this can do no good, and very likely will harm a player's standing with college coaches.  (Unless the parent has the resources to make a large donation of money or services to the program, I guess.)

Good Advice.

 I started thread to allow parents of 2014 players to express their anxiety about the process, but instead it got hijiacked by persons that want to express how my actions were hurting my son because I filled out a questionnaire.  Why would anyone express themselves like this in the future just to obtain this unsolicited criticism? . 

Because its sound advice. Sorry you don't like it, Aleebaba. Midlo- I'm behind you 100%.

If a player is getting recruited, a player should be the only one contacting coaches. End of story.

I'm in my 18th year of being a sports parent (two kids). I've never initiated a conversation with one of their coaches or potential coaches nor would I ever consider doing so other than for reasons of mental or physical abuse. I did coach my kids on how to deal with coaches and how to respond to college coaches.

I was once a college recruiter.  If there was a player I really wanted, I didn't care who sent me information. I would communicate with his grandmother if that is what it took to get that player. If I truly wanted to recruit a player, it was a big benefit to communicate with his parents. In fact sometimes I would get a much better feel of what the player was thinking from the parents than anything I could get out of the kid. Often high school kids can unintentionally mislead you. Parents know that you are an adult and their son is not.  

 

That said, it is always best when that recruiter actually wants to talk to you.  If he doesn't that should tell you something.  Filling out a questionnaire is no big deal IMO.  Chances are that dad or mom knows what their son would write.

 

On the other hand, I think what some have stated here is don't get to that stage where any recruiter would have a reason to believe you are one of those "Helicoptor Parents". They will try to avoid you like the plague and they will never tell you why. They might use you to help recruit your son, but they are not recruiting you.

Kevin O'Sullivan (UF) will not recruit a player without recruiting the parents as well.

We spoke to every coach that seriously recruited son.

We helped son fill out those questionaires.  Sometimes he didn't do what he was supposed to but he heard from them anyway.

He took all phone calls and emailed that was where we drew the line (unless it was directed to us which many were).

If a coach likes your son, as PG has stated, they couldn't care less about some of the things mentioned here.

 

I am pretty sure your actions did not hurt your son. 

JMO.

This whole thread reminds me of a thread I started many years ago...younger son came within one batter of throwing a PG in a 13/14 Pony game...I called/changed the pitch that got hit on the last batter...I started a thread as sort of...??...therapy for me...frustrated with myself.

 

I got hammered by half the posters for ever calling pitches...let alone changing a pitch on the last batter.  I felt even crappier after that...boy was I sorry I started that thread.  

 

Aleebaba - You're fine.  I feel the stress...the anxiety...the pain...the frustration.  You and your son have worked hard to attain a dream.  Good stuff!  One way or another, your son will never forget how hard "Dad" worked with him, was interested in him...helped him...and spent countless hours with him.

 

We all help our kids.  Ever helped with homework in grade school?  High school?  Of course...we all have.  To me, there's a wide canyon between what you have done filling out questionnaires (Shhh!  I did some of that too! ) and being a "helicopter parent."  I'd be seriously surprised if "Stotzy" thought I was a "helicopter parent" and I don't see that here at all either.

 

Hang in there.  There's sun over the horizon one way or another.  Don't be afraid to vent...or ask here again.  

I have an observation.

 

Some folks give advice, some people judge. Or maybe some people intend to give advice but aren't aware that when the tell someone else what they should or shouldn't do, it sounds more judgmental than helpful. 

 

Constructive advice is typically expressed in terms of what the poster has done or experienced first hand. This sharing of experiences is invaluable. What I have learned as I have acquired my gray hair is that taking my own experience and layering superlatives like "never" "always", or even "should" can be stepping on a slippery slope. 

 

Not that I haven't fallen into that trap myself...

 

My son is a 2015, and I filled out a few questionaires, but he fills them out now.  He has his own opinions, likes, wants, etc.   I have spoken to coaches on his behalf, most when he was younger.  Although, we were at a regional D-1's Christmas Camp, and I walked past the head coach as I was headed back from the restroom. He approached me to talk to me about my son. at the end of the camp, the assistant asked us to tour the campus with him and said he would like us to visit in the fall. Additionally, my son has been asked to call two D-1 Coaches weekly, and they have told my son that I can call them anytime I want.  So what I am trying to say is, I don't know as much as some because of their halving more experience than me, but I believe coaches are smart enough to know what parents are out of control and which ones are not. I personally will help my son, but I would rather he does the majority of the work. It will be a good learning experience, and the apron strings need to be cut at some point.  Basically, I don't believe you have done anything wrong either, but he should definitely begin to take the lead on his own. 

This thread is almost comical.  I have grown son that is very successful, married with 2 children.  To this day he still asks for my advise and help.  I only wish I had had more help and guidance when I was young.  If everyone would learn to help each other to reach their goals instead of worrying about getting involved, more kids would have a better chance. 

Ta ... Would you contact your son's boss on his behalf? Would you do your son's work for him? There's a difference between helping and doing the job for a recruit. These kids need to get to college very prepared with responsibility and time management skills as eighteen year olds. There's very little room to screw up once they're on their own. College baseball is a full time job in addition to attending class and doing homework.

RJM...I see your point as well.  I think everyone should be able to stand on their own two feet.  But at times its comforting to know you do have someone you can count on to be in your corner when you need them.

Ta...  You and Aleebaba need to learn that those who rule this site know everything. They are the great see-ers who have done it and coached in baseball since Jesus. Funny they can coach their sons, but would NEVER write an email on their behalf. What they say, is the only truth.  Without them, we would all be confused as to how to parent, watch baseball, and wipe ourselves. Going against many who have 500+ posts is like staring into the sun...not advised and very dangerous.

Ta...  You and Aleebaba need to learn that those who rule this site know everything. They are the great see-ers who have done it and coached in baseball since Jesus. Funny they can coach their sons, but would NEVER write an email on their behalf. What they say, is the only truth.  Without them, we would all be confused as to how to parent, watch baseball, and wipe ourselves. Going against many who have 500+ posts is like staring into the sun...not advised and very dangerous.

I don't think anyone is saying it is not comforting to know you have someone you can count on to be in your corner when you need them. That's like motherhood and apple pie, I think.

 

I think the issue is whether Daddy should be filling out college questionnaires for a rising senior because the rising senior is too tired to do it himself after a doubleheader, and whether Daddy should be sending emails to college coaches.

 

Some say that's cool. I disagree for reasons stated way back in the thread. Give a young man a fish, he can have a good meal. Teach him how to fish, he can feed himself forever.

Gappower...I didn't know I was going against any one.  I was stating my opinion.  Last time I checked there is no perfect way to parent.  And by all means, I need all the suggestions I can get.  I may not follow all of them, but I would rather learn from someone else's mistake.

Like it or not if the kid can play coaches dont care who sends what..If he cant it also wont matter

 

talent speaks...now how to get the coaches to see the talent is the hard part at times

Just for the record regarding parenting.  I don't go there! When I was young I was an expert, so I thought.  I now know that was not so then and not so now. My only suggestion is do the best you can.  

 

This thread is not about parenting IMO.  It is about recruiting and several people on this site have been through that experience.  The thing that gets lost sometimes in these discussions is the talent level of the player we are discussing.  I can say with all certainty that there are players out there that are so talented that many (not all) colleges will want them no matter what the parents do or say. Then there are players with enough talent to play at a given college, that are not worth the grief of dealing with a "helicopter parent".  If the player is border line, the parent can push him up or down in decision making for the recruiter.  Need to understand that most successful recruiters have dealt with many players and parents.  They actually do have a lot of experience with parents.  On the other hand, most parents do not have a much experience dealing with college recruiters or MLB scouts.  

 

Bottom line, you can look at people here as "knowitalls" or you can digest what is said and do as you please.  Guess I never understood this "old timer" feeling some think exists on this site. We all know there are people out there that are extremely knowledgable that have never posted here.  Their next post would be their first.  I don't think that someone who has posted 500 or even 1,000 posts is what is most important. What might be more important is that they have probably read at least 10 times that number of posts in that same time.  It's pretty hard to read that much and not learn something.  I know I have learned a lot from reading posts on this site.  Whether an "old timer" or first time poster, we can always learn something new from each other. If not... I guess "know-it-all" does fit.

There are x number of players who have so much talent other variables will be overlooked. My son was all this and all that in high school. But he was not all world. I knew it was going to be the presentation of the entire package that was going to separate him from a thousand other players with comparable talent. I knew any misstep I took had the potential to be viewed as a negative by a college coach. I never stepped forward until approached.

PG has a point. The number next to my name may reflect how many posts I've made. What it doesn't reflect without thought is the tens of thousands of posts I've read. When I post an opinion it's not always personal experience. Often it's the collective experiences of others I respect who have also been there and done it.

 

When it's all said and done posts are advice and opinions. No one is telling anyone it's what they have to do. The posts are experience and sometimes warnings of potential consequences if things are done differently. Unfortunately some of the know it alls learned the hard way by making mistakes. That's why they are the most emphatic regarding doing the right thing so someone else doesn't make the same mistakes.

 

Ive been through the recruiting experience twice. I wish I knew the first time what I knew the second time.

what is a helicoptor parent, maybe we could formulate a test for parents to take.

Bacdorslider,

good question, you might get a different definition depending on who you talked to.  Not sure I would describe the following a helicopter parent, but it sure spoke volumes.

We were doing an event and watched one of the top players enter the park with his parents.  He was a catcher and his dad was carrying one bag along with dragging a cooler.  His mom sort of struggling carrying a big bag with his catchers equipment.  The player was walking in front of them with his earphones on and carrying nothing. During the games and workout he would wiggle his finger to his parents and they would run down and give him something to drink.

he was one of the most talented kids at that event, but I would not have been interested in recruiting him based on watching him enter the park.  He did end up with a great scholarship in a national power program.  He only lasted one year there before we completely lost track of him.

Sounds like we might have a spin off thread to come up with a list of names for the different types of parents....hehe

 

Good point on your last post PG...I have tried to teach my son that he will be judged from the minute he steps foot out of the bus, car, dugout etc., and that he must carry himself accordingly.  It is not hard to spot the better players by the way they present themselves at all times, the way they walk, talk, interact with others....

 

I see a helicopter parent as the type that circles around their kid at all times, watching and waiting to interject themselves into the situation at anytime they see fit......maybe they should be called "hovercraft" parents instead

PG ... Your example appears to me to be one of a kid who is spoiled and pampered. 

 

There have been many articles written on helicopter parents. The term helicopter is about parents who hover over their kids lives. The parents manage most aspects of their kid's life. The kid doesn't learn to think and act for himself. The parents fight all his battles. The reason the term helicopter parent became such a big deal and garnered attention is the parents of college kids and kids in the working world whose affairs are still being managed by the parents. The parents are calling professors to fight for better grades. They're calling bosses of college graduates to argue for raises, promotions and to have discussions when junior doesn't feel he was treated well by the boss.

 

Back in 8th grade I asked my son how he did on a class project. He smiled and said he got the second best grade to Mrs. Smith. Even the kids knew Billy Smith wasn't doing his own projects. The work was too mature for a kid. The kid may get an A but it doesn't teach him how to be responsible. 

For the record, I agree with most everything being said here about parents letting their kids do for themselves, as it is there life and they need learn how to become more adult like given the challenges ahead.  The problems come when posters make generalizations on a few issues, and start criticizing.  If you ever met me, or my wife, you would never describe us as "helicopter parents"  In fact, my son has more freedom and independence than most of his peers, as he has earned it.  It is alright for us to disagree about a few parenting details, we just need to keep the judgments to a minimum as it creates unnecessary hostility. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

 

http://tweenparenting.about.co...elicopterparents.htm

Ah come on.  Silly post.  Silly stuff...and thats from someone (me) who has a lotta posts AND is quite empathetic with Aleebaba and Ta.

You're too kind (in first part of that)!

 

In my book you're doing fine.  Hang in there and do what you know you need to do as a good parent.  It'll all work out.  

You know it when you see it.  Aleebaba isn't one of them.

I think everyone ought to do things the way they see fit and there is no need to justify to other people.

 

This much I know about parenting.  The best parents are grandparents.  I am 100 times a better parent to my grandson than I was to my own kids.  Don't wig out about things anymore and take things MUCH, MUCH less seriously. 

 

I also know this.  The better the kid, the better the parent "appears" to be and the easier it is to be a parent frankly.  How do I know this?

 

I have three kids.  Two of them would get me elected as the national parent of the year and most likely put me in the parenting hall of fame.  The other one, my problem child is still a major problem to me at 28 years old.  He has never grown up.  If you were to judge me on him alone, you would swear I was the WORST parent of all time.

 

I am convinced kids are who they are when they are born.  I saw a documentary on twins the other day who have been separated and it highly confirms my suspicions here.  I refuse to take credit for my two highly accomplished ones but I will conversely not take all the blame for my problem child.  FWIW...