2014 Anxiety

Go back and read some of my post and you will see what I have been through in the last year.  Most of the regulars know that I have a 2013, 2014, 2016 and a 2018 .  I have done all that you have mentioned and more.

I have spent enough money to send a kid to school, I have obsessed and got angry, then sad , then mad, then glad again. Honestly, 4 years ago when I came to this site I knew very little about what really happens, matters and doesn't matter about college recruiting.

  I have a 2013 that signed at a very good JUCO.... during his recruiting we knew early on that he was a bit of a late bloomer and decided to take the JUCO route.  He had other offers from an NAIA that has won two titles, a D2 and a D3.  We figured after two years of JUCO , those other 4 years schools were still an option.

I have a 2014 that will likely be a D1 player. He has visited a few schools, had quality contact from 15-18 D1's and is ranked pretty high nationally.  I can tell you this, the recruiting at this level is different than the lower levels, but I cannot say it's always better.  I will say there's more to think about. In the last week he has gotten 6 calls from D2 schools, I beleive since they can call first.... He has talked to many D1 coaches, and they know what to say and how to say it.  It can sound very good.

I have a 2016 that just got back from PG in Atlanta, but has such a high ACT he will end up at an academic school and baseball could be over for him, or maybe he still plays, but school definately comes first for him

I have a 2018 that is better now then the other three were at the same 8th grade age. He has a gifted arm throwing 80 at 13......

The factors that we HAVE to stick to are

1.) do you like the school , if the coach leaves, if you get hurt, you have to stay in school.

2.) can you afford the school with out baseball money?

3.) go where you are going to get more opportunities to play.

We had a mid level D1 HC ask 2014 if he wanted to be on his mound pitching against Vandy, or in Vandy's bullpen watching the game and waiting to get a chance.

We have learned that while some schools and coaches will love your style, others will hate it... So in the end go where you can play, and be happy at that school and forget about the level.  I would rather be at a top NAIA program that has a winning tradition than a D1 that loses all the time. 

Also, don't take it personally, I have learned that most of the time, there are other factors that go into who they pick.  Money, scholerships, team needs, parents, lots of things you cannot control.

BTW , I'm no expert, still learning from the folks on the board that have been there and done that.

LOL...add me to the list.....still waiting for a solid contact.....maybe after East Cobb, since he will be playing in both 18 & 17U......just need that one outing in front of the right person

+1 I find myself glued to this board as our son goes through this process and we try to figure out what to expect next.  I think the hardest thing for us is deciding where our son will have to compromise on what he would ideally like in a college to continue to play baseball (i.e. academics, social atmosphere, size, location, cost...)

Mine are at East Cobb as well,  you will see morecoaches at the 17 tourney... 2014 just got back from Area Code tryout, kinda waiting to see how that shakes out...

In your opinion what is solid contact?  An offer? 

As suggested above, you have to focus on those things under your control and ignore the rest (or at least learn from the rest).  I attended a major tournament over the weekend watching about a dozen players I tutor, then covered a popular showcase event today (over 60 colleges represented) and will be on hand for another showcase opportunity this weekend (100+ college coaches expected).  Speaking to as many baseball insiders as I could, there are common themes a family can embrace---first and foremost, players and parents need to develop a realistic understanding of the student-athlete profile and, from a recruiting perspective, a player's talent will drive that profile.  As I indicated in another post, a one-on-one player evaluation from a qualified baseball source (perhaps several sources) can be critical.  That evaluation may be difficult to initially accept, some feedback can be hard to handle but it is absolutely necessary in order for a family to shape its decision-making in the months to come.  Talent, although the major element of the profile, is not the only factor of course; a family has to consider the eventual college choice from a variety of angles (academically, financially, socially, culturally, logistically, geographically, etc.).  This exercise isn't easy, and a player's profile emerges over time as talent develops (or doesn't), test scores are obtained, a family becomes better informed regarding the process itself, etc.  You need to be patient but very cognizant too.  Finally---as I was reminded of by college coaches over and over again this week---a player has to be proactive, a coach can't recruit you if he doesn't know who you are.  Yes, a special talent can attend a showcase or two and enjoy a meteoric rise to the top of the recruiting charts, it happens year after year, but, for most players, this journey will be a marathon, not a sprint, so buckle up for the ride (lots of bumps, twists, and turns).   

The baseball industry does a great job overall in providing development, competitive, and exposure opportunities but does a less-than-stellar job of educating families regarding the recruiting road ahead.  Poor choices, misinformation, and unrealistic expectations derail many college baseball dreams.  My mantra is simple---think education first, playing opportunity second.  Translation---get the best education you can consistent with your academic credentials and career interests, and attend a school where you can actually compete, go where you are truly wanted!

For current (2014) grads, this summer can bring opportunity, challenge, reward, and enormous disappointment.  A player I worked with several years back had an impressive performance at a tournament in late June, and a Division I school came calling; the player was a fringe Division I player and the planets had to all align---again and again.  The player and his parents were obviously ecstatic over the Division I interest but I cautioned them (based on the student-athlete profile) that the rest of summer would be similar to American Idol---the player had to perform in a major way weekend after weekend to solidify Division I interest.  That didn't happen, it was virtually impossible to expect that, and frustration, anger, etc. followed.  Then at the end of the summer, the player and family, to their credit, escaped their mental funk, turned their attention to schools that were a realistic match, and, almost immediately, a half dozen schools were at the player's doorstep, and the player committed to a Division III program about a month later.

If you have talent, there is a college out there for you, I honestly believe that---it may not be the ACC, SEC, etc., but baseball can be part of your college experience if you target your time, resources, and mindset towards options which offer legitimate opportunity.  Turn down the expectations and regroup.  But don't wait too long before shifting gears since many small colleges aren't sitting back as much as they once did waiting for the big schools to quench their thirst...times are changing, so get in front of that change and manage it to your advantage, or get out of the way. 

Alebaba,

Welcome to the most stressful 6-9 months you will go through. Just like everyone here who has/had a son playing in college you are experiencing what we all did.  

It was our experience that programs are after pitchers first and then specific needs of a program, so it is still early for position players. We found, for us at least, my son was getting contact during the summer to see where he was playing, and then it really heated up in the fall. The fall scout leagues in California is when the recruiting gets hot and heavy…..but it goes all of the way through HS season of their Sr year. My son had major D1 programs coming out to see him play during his Sr year, so frankly it is really early to get too worried.

I would be sure to make sure you broaden your horizons and check out some DIII programs if your son has good grades and can get some academic money. There are some excellent DIII schools in your vicinity from Texas into the South. Also be working on JUCO’s to see what opportunities may be available there.

Frankly my son did not commit until the last official date of May 1^st of his Sr year so you have plenty of time….to be worried.

The best advice I can give is to have a plan and keep working the plan. It will all work out.

Best of luck.

For me it will be a very good open dialog with a coach....for my kid it is an offer.  Son being a LHP has eased the anxiety a little...but not completely

sent you a PM

I will tell you one thing that I'll wager you won't like, but if you will take it to heart, I assure you it will help.

You are doing too much for your son.  Many of the tasks you describe yourself doing are his job.  The fact that you are doing any of the work for him identifies some key problems.

First, the fact that your son is tired and doesn't want to work on the paperwork so you do it for him:  If your son cannot handle this level of workload, he is not cut out to be a D1 player.  What your comments say to me is that he likes playing baseball but he does not have a full appreciation for what is involved in the event he actually reached his goal.  Players typically come home exhausted day after day, and then they open their books and they do what school requires of them.  Day after day for every day for four years. We are not talking about recreational baseball here.  We're talking about baseball as a job with school always imposing still more workload.

Conversely, if he thinks he is a D1 player, then the time has come for him to start proving that he has what it takes to manage his life and all the responsibilities that come with his choices all on his lonesome.

Second, to the extent that anyone sees you doing all this for your son, you are not helping him, you are hurting him.  Partly because college coaches see all they need to see of helicopter parents while recruiting, they would just as soon not have them around for the four years the son is playing.  But also partly because when it becomes clear to them that a kid does not fully appreciate what it is he's asking to be taken into, what will be expected of him, and a determination to meet his obligations all on his lonesome, that is a kid who has a higher than average likelihood of washing out in college.  And given the choice between two otherwise comparable players, your son will lose out.

I noticed that whenever you mentioned that you were doing things for your son, you prefaced your comments with an excuse for doing so.  What that tells me is, you've already heard this message before and you have decided that it really doesn't apply to you because things are really tough in your particular situation.  What I'll tell you is, you are wrong about that.

If you really want to help your son, show him this note and tell him that from now on, it's tough love, and he's on his own.

Aleebaba,

Sorry you are feeling down in the dumps right now, but there is joy at the end I assure you.  I agree with Midlo that your son could and should be doing more, if you are doing most or all of the work.  He needs more skin in the game for a few reasons.   He could be learning life skills such as learning how to find a job, which let's face it playing D1 baseball is a job.  My suggestion would be to show him everything you've been doing for him, demonstrate how to do it, and turn the keys of the kingdom over to him.   You will serve as a consultant.

If you don't have an offer by June 27 (get in line) that doesn't make your current & past efforts a failure.  You've learned where not to spend any more of your time and money, and that is valuable information.   There is still a lot of time and a lot of opportunities out there for your son.  From what you've shared with me privately, I know your son will have many upcoming options.   I'd revisit your targets, and exposure strategy to get in front of those targets then turn over the contact efforts to your son.  We tweaked our strategy a number of times until we finally figured it out.  I have every confidence that you will do the same.

Good luck!

This is all about you, which is fine, but I think some of us might have additional observations if it were more about the prospect.

Is he obsessing too much? Does he understand how important a decision college is for him? Is he in pain that he is looking to share?

Someone once gave me sage advice about youth sports. If the player doesn't have a problem, there is no problem.

Midlo,

I would agree with you if he was not working his butt off to get straight As in school and becoming a better ballplayer.   Filling out a few forms does not count as a "helicopter" parent, and I received advice from others that the recruiting process can be overwhelming, and not to have him focused on it every day.  I help with that part and inform him, and he makes decision on how to proceed based on my advice.  He makes 99% of all contacts with interested coaches.  Note:  I helped my daughter too in her college search, and somehow she survived.

I agree that you should not be doing everything, or most things, for them.  But our family is a team and this is a team effort to help him find the right college fit.  I receive(d) advice on this website and told him about it, and we agree on the best recruiting course of action, such as what camps to attend.  I take videos and download on to youtube for him to send links to coaches.  If that is too much, then so be it.  I will take that chance.

That is right, I am writing this from a parent's perspective.  He has a more laid back approach about it, which is perfect.  He just needs to focus on being a better ballplayer and student.  When the time comes to make a decision he can go through the heartache of making the right decision, but no reason for him to obsess over it.  17 year olds see life different than 50 year olds, which is great.  If you as a parent do not have anxiety that is fine, but I do not know any parents that fit in that category.

That's great. Glad to hear the player is taking things (relatively) calmly. In that case I have no comments or suggestions to offer him now.

As for Midlo's post....which I agree with.....I think you may have missed one of his points. When you say "I will take that chance", it's not about you accepting consequences for the chances you are taking, it's about the consequences for your son's recruiting experience.

"If that is too much, then so be it.  I will take that chance."

You've confirmed my suspicions.

You got me Midlo.  All your suspicions are confirmed.  I filled out a questionnaire so my son has no chance to make it from here on out. 

who has not sent an email or filled out a questionaire for a player,  I know my sons summer coach does it all the time. what's the difference?

Those emails or questionnaires were not directly addressed to your son. If they were, then he should've filled them out, not his summer coach.

+1 from me, Midlo. But, of course, hindsight is 20/20.

What has happened to this Board????

I haven't filled out a questionnaire in the name of a player or relative, and I haven't sent an email for a player or relative that was purportedly signed by them or addressed from them.

If my opinion was requested by questionnaire or email, I have filled them out and signed them in my name or sent them from my email address, but that is a separate subject.

I am not naive enough to think no parents fill out stuff for their little dahlings. But refer back to Midlo's post for what I think about this

my son got a questionaire from an SEC school, it had two parts, one for the player and one that specifically asked the HS or Summer coach to fill out and mail back.  My son and I sat at the table and he filled out his part, then he took the other part to his summer coach who is also a D1 coach and he filled out his part and sent both back to the school. He did what he was asked to do. I see nothing wrong with it. 

Son responds to his own emails, he sometimes askes me what he should say depending on what they are asking.  Again I see nothing wrong with that. 

Do you recommend that parents send emails to schools for or on behalf of their sons? Do you recommend that parents fill out college questionnaires for their sons who are too exhausted to do it themselves?

Those are the issues here. See the OP.

I don't think anyone has a problem with coaches filling out coaches' questionnaires, or parents fielding questions from their kids relating to questionnaires.

No I do not recommend parents send anything on a sons behalf.  I feel that if my son gets an email from a coach he needs to respond.   my 2013  is slacking on getting all his info into the school he is going to and has a meeting July 9th with the team to make ouf class schedules and the coach wants everything in place by then. might be a hard lesson learned if he does not get it all in on time

Can we lighten up a little bit?

A dad (an old timer on the site who as far as I remember hasn't caused any trouble here) comes on and offers a heartfelt post about the anxiety he's going through as a dad who is trying to figure things out as best he can, including what level of college is suitable for his son.  Seemed to me like a frank and honest attempt to identify with others in similar situations.

He did get some understanding replies, but mostly he got blasted for taking on some of the paperwork for his kid and for being too involved.  

The criticism he received seems to be of a sort we see too often here:  namely, readers key on a few words or pet peeve triggers to pigeonhole authors into categories they disapprove of.  Then they criticize the author with vigor for belonging to the suspect category, seldom tempering their critiques with any awareness they might not know enough to make such a broad denunciation.

The situation the OP describes seems very normal.  It is quite normal for parents to be more anxious about completing recruiting paperwork than ballplayers are, especially for schools the player doesn't have high on his list.  It is also normal for parents eventually to find an effective way to shift responsibility to their children.  Normal describes a broad range of timelines and tactics for accomplishing the shift.  Some kids want the responsibility early.  Others need prodding.  I had to ease my son into it, as did many of my friends with their sons.  That this particular player is not assuming responsibility for these particular tasks at a rate that pleases the members who have weighed in does not mean he cannot manage for himself at whatever level college he attends; neither does it mean the father is or will be a helicopter parent.  

It is also normal to worry when one begins to realize how many gifted and talented ballplayers are competing for a small number of college playing opportunities.  Aleebaba's reaction to this awareness also seems normal.

Best wishes.

Aleebaba,

I think that your son will do fine, but as someone said, keep in mind that for the most part pitchers and middle infieldders get first dibs.   I am assuming that he will be getting exposure this summer, and do not limit it to instate only. And yes, reality sets in that there are so very many talented players, and that does without a doubt set up anxiety.  It also gives one a sense of just how hard this journey really is and never take anything for granted.

I understand the anxiety, we all do, don't let anyone tell you different. In defense of those that have posted, we have been down the road, so take their advice in the spirit in which it is intended.  You will not understand that until the dust settles.  But understand that we do understand it can be a stressful time.  The day son made a verbal commitment to Clemson was like a weight lifted and I was so glae it was OVER.

Most importanly make sure that you have targeted the schools that are a good fit, not just because they are schools he and you feel he should attend.

Now may be a great time to step back and try to ENJOY this time.  Let your son take over things you have taken care of, as it is a great lesson in preparation for what is to come.  I found that letting son take over the process helped him to understand time management, and if he didn't get in those questionares that was his problem not ours, Yes, definetly a group effort, but it's time for him to take over, you can be  there to help guide him and give advice, but time to let him take ownership.

Best of luck, pm if you have any questions,

Agree 100%.

Glad folks can come here and hash things out!

Lots of great posts here.  I even think midlo makes good points, as he/she makes you think.  But these things go awry and become hostile when we generalize based on limited information.  I was hoping this post could be used to allow us to blow off some steam without judgment, but it kind of got sidetracked.  

Aleebaba,

I was reading on another thread that your son is headed to the Stanford and Headfirst camps?  I bet interest will be generated at those events.  My co-worker's nephew was noticed at Headfirst....by a  top academic school he had never considered.  Graduated this past spring and gainfully employed in NYC.  It really doesn't get much better than that!

Try to enjoy this summer.  I know I will miss it this time next year.

keewart

(also a parent of a 2014)

Aleebaba,

When reading through your origional post I could relate to your stress.  It is a very difficult process for the player and parents; I think having a place to go for information and support is important. 

I am right there with all those 2014 parents that are having anxiety. 2014 is laid back, way to much for me, and I know I am driving him crazy . He is having a great HS expeience, one I wish for everyone, Great success in both of his sports, very good student, the right GF so he can be himself and she can as well, a core group of great friends who make good decisions, and a wide range of other friends. He is the middle of 5 kids and so knows what it is like (from outside looking in) to leave the nest. He is way more anxious about that than where he will play baseball in college and is trying to prolong his HS experience as much as possible.

With that being said, in last month he has begun to take choosing a great fit for college both in academics and baseball. He has finally started to talk about what he wants (much to my relief). I still have to check that he has replied to requests from colleges and sometimes push that he does it timely, especially for those colleges he is not very interested in at moment. 

I find I scour this website multiple times a day now (versus once a day or so from when I joined a couple of years ago) for whatever advice I can glean.

I appreciate all those before me that give this advice as I would be lost. Sometimes I don't like the advice, sometimes I don't agree with it, most times I both like and agree with, BUT I do appreciate it ALL

Hi Aleebaba.  I am so glad that process is over. The ups and downs were amazing.  I have only a couple of comments now that my son has finished his freshman year in college as a recruited but non scholarship player at a very solid D1 program.  

IT'S HARD.  Next year, you will not be able to help at all and it will absolutely all be on him! Juggling school and baseball left me with new appreciation for my son.  He didn't do it successfully 100% of the time (two problems with classes both stemming from his lack of good communication, perhaps aided my my assistance over the years) but for the most part he did ok.  At good academic schools it's super hard to be an athlete and a ball player.  The thing that I have come away with is that if there was a mistake made in this process (Son very happy with baseball, school not the right fit except he loves the baseball so it works and academically a bit too challenging), it's to really think about your answer if you are considering a school he could not get into on his own merits.  It's a hard life and when everyone around you is focused on academics and you are trying to get to practice or stretching on time after having been in the gym at 5:00am and are falling asleep as you write a paper at 8:00pm and those other kids in your classes already have better habits or more direction academically, it makes everything more difficult.  Best advice I can give anyone is that if your child decides to attend a school known for it's academics, really consider how that classroom stress will affect his college life as opposed to competing in an environment filled with students of similar abilities.  Really, just like baseball....go where he fits in both places, not just baseball.  

Also, let go of as much as you can because you won't be able to help at all when he goes away and he needs to be prepared for that.  On the flip side, it made it a little easier for me to let go when I was no longer apart of the daily updates and grind, oddly I found it to be GREAT despite the fact I missed him very much, I didn't miss getting drawn into the drama and emotion!  It's gonna work out.  I've been where you are and it's gonna work out. Begin to let go and let the chips fall where they may.  You will both be happier.  Best of luck for an excellent summer filled with opportunities.

Hang in there. There's plenty of time left.

I think sometimes the kids don't get in to filling out the paperwork because they have self doubt. I saw my son struggle with it. It just felt like so much rejection.

Things have a way of working out.

I not only fill out forms for my son i actually put on his uniform and went up to bat for him..just kidding of course

I wish I could, but he exceeded my capabilities by age 12.  Maybe when he leaves for college I can go to an over 50 league.

excellent post!!!

calisportfan - excellent post.  You captured it all (for me) with the statement....ITS HARD.

aleebaba - if my post came across as harsh, it was not intended that way.  I'm speaking from the heart, and trying to share my previous experience the best way I can.  It is extremely difficult on families right now.  Some parental guidance and help is sometimes needed when they get off track or too busy chasing GPAs, AP classes, SAT scores, high school baseball, and college recruiting coaches.  Been there, done that and got the gray hair in my temples to prove it.  Good luck and let me know if I can help. 

Fenway, you are a great help to many of us on this website, and to me personally.  Keep speaking from the heart

Yet another in a long line of truisms from fenwaysouth!

ANOTHER excuse I can give my wife why I am gray!